


pretty scars.

by porcelainsimplicity



Category: Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (2016), Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Coffee Shops & Cafés, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Computer nerds, F/M, Human K-2SO, Inside Livejournal jokes, Inside Twitter jokes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-21
Updated: 2018-07-12
Packaged: 2018-09-10 18:50:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 29
Words: 106,898
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8928916
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/porcelainsimplicity/pseuds/porcelainsimplicity
Summary: Her hair was dark, darker than Cassian ever remembered it being, and long, nearly to her shoulders.  She was dressed impeccably, as she always was, light gray skirt and a thin black sweater worn over a white button-down shirt.  A pair of oversized sunglasses rested on the bridge of her nose until a delicate hand reached up and pulled them off.“Hello, Cassian.”Her voice was soft, tone apprehensive yet still friendly, as though she wasn't sure she'd be welcomed.  Cassian understood that without much thought.  It had, after all, been ten years since the last time they'd stood face to face.Cassian knew he could easily shut the door, make it very clear that he wanted nothing to do with her.  But one look into the eyes he knew so well had him stepping back and motioning for her to come inside.“Hello, Jyn.”





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> hello again. i cannot get these two out of my mind, so i'm back with another story. i write AUs way better than i write canon stuff, so here's another one. i hope you like it, and if you do, let me know! this one is going to be long, so be prepared for that.

“Hey, computer geek? You want another cup of coffee or something?”

Cassian let out an annoyed noise, not taking his gaze away from his laptop. “I have a name, Bodhi. But yes, another cup of coffee would be nice.”

“Coming right up then.”

Cassian barely heard the sounds of the various coffee machines, his eyes focused on the code in front of him. He was so close to a breakthrough on this particular script that he wasn't going to stop until he got it to work.

“Here,” Bodhi said as he set the cup and saucer down on the small table Cassian was working at. “I put an espresso shot in it for you too.”

“I didn't order an espresso shot,” Cassian said, tearing his eyes away from the screen and looking up at his friend.

“You look like you're about to drop, Cas. You need it. Don't worry, it's on the house.” Bodhi began to walk back towards the coffee shop's small counter, glancing up at the clock on the wall as he passed by. “You mind if I turn the television on? Rumor on the internet is that Jyn Erso was released from rehab at midnight, so that means the whole Jedha scandal is going to heat up again.”

Cassian took in the silence of the coffee shop as he brought his cup to his lips, frowning after taking a sip. “Are we the only ones in here? What happened to those college kids?”

“It's almost four o'clock in the morning,” Bodhi said, leaning against the counter. “Of course we're the only ones in here. As for the college kids, they left hours ago so they could get back to the dorms before curfew locked them out. You didn't notice because you were like in a trace with that laptop of yours. And for asking such stupid questions, I am turning the television on.”

Cassian blinked rapidly as Bodhi reached for the remote, realizing that it was far later than he had imagined as the television that was mounted on the wall across the room came to life. He took a longer sip of his coffee as Bodhi flipped through the channels, groaning inwardly when he stopped on some news show. “Don't you have something better to do than watch that?”

“Hey, just because you're in love with your laptop doesn't mean that the rest of us are. I watch the news for information. So that I can make small talk. In a bar. Over drinks. Hopefully with someone gorgeous. You should try it some time.”

A flash of pain ripped through Cassian's chest, and he closed his eyes and took a few deep breaths until it faded away. “How many times must I tell you? I'm never having a relationship ever again. Stop.”

“I'm not talking about a relationship,” Bodhi pointed out. “I'm talking about a date. Or maybe not even a date. Just someone you meet in a bar and go home with for the night.”

“That doesn't interest me,” Cassian said, bringing his cup back to his lips.

“Oh, come on, Cassian. How long as it been since you had sex?”

Cassian nearly choked on his coffee. “That is none of your business, Rook.”

“Well, it certainly hasn't been since I've known you. And considering that you started coming in here every night about two months after I started working here, and I've been working here for nearly seven years......”

“For the record,” Cassian said, as seriously as he could, “I am not in here on the weekends, though you would not know that seeing as you don't work the weekends.”

“Whatever, it doesn't change the fact that you've gone at least seven years without sex. My God, how can you stand it? I don't think I could make it seven days!”

“Fuck off, Bodhi.” Cassian was grateful that the shop door swung open then, distracting Bodhi from their conversation and allowing him to get back to his code. The script was almost perfect, just one or two more algorithms to change, and then he thought it should work. He was just about to begin typing when someone sat down across from him, reaching out and closing the lid on his laptop. “Kay, that was ridiculously childish.”

“No, it wasn't,” Kaytoo said, snatching up the laptop and setting it in front of himself. “Cassian, you've been in this coffee shop every single night for the past seven years, and it's really time that you got a life.”

Cassian sighed heavily and leaned back in his chair, staring at his friend with the strange name. “You two obviously do not understand. I have a life. It involves that laptop, several other computers, a couple of servers, and a ton of coding work. And neither of you really wants me to stop working at the pace that I do, either. For fuck's sake, I'm working on a change that you yourself suggested last week, Kay.”

Kaytoo's eyes widened slightly and then a big smile crossed his face. “You mean the tagging thing? Wow, Cas, I totally just said that. I didn't think you'd actually incorporate it!”

"Why wouldn't I?" Cassian asked, reaching for his coffee. "It's a great idea. The ability to add your own tags to posts made by other people in order to make searching through your favorited posts easier. I'm mad that I didn't come up with it myself. I'm totally crediting you with the idea when I send out the notice with the new release." 

“Kay, that's great and all, but,” Bodhi said, clearing his throat and drawing the attention of both men towards him, “can we get back to the plan?”

“Plan?” Cassian asked, glancing between the two of them. “You planned to ambush me about whatever the fuck it is this is about?”

“We just think you'd be a lot happier if you had someone in your life,” Kaytoo said softly. “You're on the wrong side of thirty now, and you know that we totally love the website and all, but we're also your friends, Cassian, and we think that you need to get out and live a little. I've barely seen you without a computer in front of your face in the last four years.”

“At the very least, go out and get laid,” Bodhi added. “I have absolutely no idea how you have gone so long without sex.”

Cassian shook his head and pushed his chair back, reaching for his messenger bag and taking the laptop back from Kaytoo's grasp. “I do not have to listen to this.”

“We're not trying to upset you, Cas,” Kaytoo said quickly. “We just want you to be happy. And you can't lie to us. You're not happy.”

Cassian finished stuffing all of his equipment into his bag and slung it over his shoulder. "I am perfectly happy," he said, fishing his wallet from his pocket and tossing a couple of bills down onto the table. "I don't know what I have to do to make you two realize that. You don't have to be with someone to be happy. Being alone? That makes me happy. Fucking deal with it." 

Kaytoo sighed as Cassian stalked out of the coffee shop, looking over at Bodhi as he heard the door open and close. “We tried?”

“Yeah, we tried,” Bodhi said, shaking his head. “We need to push Chirrut for information again, even though he claims he knows nothing about that last relationship Cassian keeps talking about.”

“He's known Cassian since Cassian was in university! He should know this!”

"I know," Bodhi said, turning his gaze to the television. "But Chirrut says he doesn't remember Cassian ever being in a relationship during university, even though Cas's told both you and me on multiple occasions that his last relationship was during university." 

“We've got to work this out,” Kaytoo said, standing up. “I feel like we're going to have to know what happened before we can ever get him to work through it.”

“I agree,” Bodhi said, reaching for the remote. “Now be quiet so I can hear this. They just said they've got an exclusive on Jyn Erso coming up. That's got to be official confirmation that she's out of rehab.”

*****

_And in other news, Jedha founder and CEO Jyn Erso was released from a private rehabilitation center today, nearly three months after checking in following drug and alcohol abuse allegations were made by a former boyfriend. During his exclusive interview with our network in April, the former boyfriend, who wished to remain anonymous, also made further allegations of sexual relationships between Erso and several of her employees._

_According to a statement released by Jedha three hours ago, Erso remains on a voluntary leave of absence while internal investigations of her conduct continue. Sources within the company have told us that she will likely step aside as CEO as soon as Friday. Erso is through to be currently hiding out at the home of her adoptive father Saw Gerrera. Coming up later this hour, an exclusive interview with Orson Krennic, the reporter at Imperial magazine who first broke this story._

Cassian reached for the remote and turned off the television, not wanting to hear another word about that particular scandal. He turned back to his computer screen where rows of source code stared back at him, daring him to find the problem with the script he'd just implemented. He was about to start changing another algorithm when he was interrupted by the sound of his doorbell. After glancing at the clock in confusion, he took a moment to make sure his progress had been successfully saved before standing up and heading towards his door, wondering who would be there at just past seven o'clock in the morning. The doorbell rang again as he reached for the lock, and as he pulled the door open, a woman came into view.

Her hair was dark, darker than Cassian ever remembered it being, and long, nearly to her shoulders. She was dressed impeccably, as she always was, light gray skirt and a thin black sweater worn over a white button-down shirt. A pair of oversized sunglasses rested on the bridge of her nose until a delicate hand reached up and pulled them off.

"Hello, Cassian." 

Her voice was soft, tone apprehensive yet still friendly, as though she wasn't sure she'd be welcomed. Cassian understood that without much thought. It had, after all, been ten years since the last time they'd stood face to face.

Cassian knew he could easily shut the door, make it very clear that he wanted nothing to do with her. But one look into the eyes he knew so well had him stepping back and motioning for her to come inside.

"Hello, Jyn." 

He stood aside as Jyn crossed through the doorway, then took a deep breath as he closed the door, making sure to re-lock it before turning around. Jyn's back was to him and Cassian leaned against the door, taking in the sight of her. “It's good to see you.”

Jyn glanced back over her shoulder, laughing slightly. “No, it's not. You don't have to lie to me.”

“I wasn't,” Cassian said truthfully, pushing away from the door and walking towards the apartment's small kitchen. “Television keeps saying you're at Saw's.”

“Good,” Jyn said, following Cassian. “That's what I want them to think.”

Cassian sighed as he reached the counter, shaking his head briefly. “You don't want anybody to know where you are, and so that's why you came here. I always was your hideout.”

Jyn leaned up against the doorway, watching as Cassian pulled a couple of coffee cups from a cupboard. “You were a lot more than that.”

“If I was a lot more than that, you never would have stolen my idea and disappeared,” Cassian said, surprising himself with the calm in his voice. “Coffee? It's not that fancy, designer coffee I imagine you still drink, but it's all I've got.”

“That's fine,” Jyn said softly, watching as Cassian filled up both cups. “You look good.”

“I already let you in here,” Cassian said, taking the cups and walking over to his small table. “You don't have to flatter me.”

Jyn wanted to protest but thought better of it, instead walking over to the table and joining Cassian, smiling when a couple of sugar packets were tossed in her direction. "Thanks, Cassian." 

“You're welcome,” Cassian said, twirling his cup around in his hands as Jyn stirred the sugar into her coffee. “You didn't even try to deny it.”

Jyn glanced up at him. “You expected me to?”

Cassian nodded honestly. “Yes.”

Jyn shook her head lightly. “What's there to deny? Jedha is based entirely off of an idea of yours, an idea that I watched you work on practically every night for three years, knowing that it was better than any idea I'd ever be able to come up with. And so when it was time for me to head out into the real work and make something of myself, instead of figuring out how to do that on my own, I broke into your dorm room and stole every single thing you'd ever written or planned out about it, right down to the laptop that I knew had the initial coding on it.”

Cassian stared at her as Jyn sipped at her cup, unable to keep from rolling his eyes at the look of distaste that crossed Jyn's face. “I didn't even know that you were the one who did it until I first started hearing about Jedha, and even then I was still so ridiculously and stupidly in love with you that I didn't want to believe it. I was that way the whole fucking time, truthfully, because you had to have been the one who did it. No one else knew about the idea but you.”

“I kept waiting for you to sue us,” Jyn said after a moment, “but you never did.”

“How could I?” Cassian asked, sighing heavily. “I had no money and you took every single piece of evidence that existed that would have proven that it was my idea.”

“You have money now,” Jyn said. “The Alliance is worth at least thirty to thirty-five million dollars.”

“I think you're crazy if you think the stupid website that I run is worth that much money,” Cassian said, laughing. “And even if it was worth that kind of money, that doesn't mean that I have that kind of money. I still need at least another fifteen people to either sign up or renew paid accounts this month or I might get evicted for not being able to pay my rent.”

Jyn set her cup down and reached for her purse, pulling out her billfold. She looked through it for a moment before pulling out five brand new hundred dollar bills. She let her fingertips run over the crisp paper before tossing them across the table and putting her billfold back in her purse. “There. That should help.”

Cassian stared at the bills lying in front of him before taking another sip of his coffee. “I can't take your money.”

“Let's just call it the beginning of me paying you back for the unauthorized use of your idea for the past decade, okay? Take it.”

Cassian sighed and drained the rest of his coffee from the cup, standing up and walking towards the sink. “I don't have a guest room, but there's a sofa in there with the television,” he said, pointing towards the room where all his equipment was set up. “You can sleep there.”

Jyn glanced over at him, watching as Cassian rinsed out his cup and set it upside down on a towel next to the sink. “Sleep?”

“Yeah, you know, that thing that happens when you lay down and close your eyes,” Cassian said sarcastically, walking towards the refrigerator and flipping the light switch on the wall, plunging the apartment into darkness. “I go to bed at seven. I usually wake up around one-thirty. Whether you're here or not when I do, I really don't care. Just don't steal anything if you decide to disappear again, alright?”

Cassian didn't wait for a response, walking out of the kitchen and towards his bedroom. He shut the door behind himself and stripped off his t-shirt, stretching for a moment before sliding his jeans off and kicking them towards the closet. He stared at the old t-shirt that was lying on the bed for a moment before picking it up. The blue had faded almost entirely from the cotton, and it had been worn so much that it was thin and practically falling apart. He glanced at his bedroom door, then walked back to it and locked it before sliding the old t-shirt over his head, as tight of a fit as it ever had been. He climbed into his bed and pulled the sheets up to his chest, closing his eyes and letting his hands run over the worn cotton shirt.

To anyone else, he was sure it looked like something that should be thrown into the trash, but to Cassian, it was his most prized possession. The only thing he had left of Jyn; the only reminder he had of the fact that long ago, he felt he had been loved. Jyn had stolen the information that Cassian had been planning to make his living off of, and Cassian had stolen a lousy t-shirt. 

The quiet was broken a few moments later, the sound of the chair Jyn had been sitting in sliding backward echoing through the small apartment. Cassian listened to her footsteps, heard them come close to his bedroom door then change and head in the direction of the apartment's door. Cassian squeezed his eyes shut even further at the sound of the door opening, then snapped them open as the sound of a conversation drifted into the room. It took his sleepy mind a moment to realize that Jyn must have had some sort of security waiting for her in the hall, and he shook his head at the insanity of the situation. The conversation ended abruptly and then the door shut, and Cassian listened for footsteps, getting angry with himself for feeling disappointed when he heard none. He rolled onto his side and slammed his hand into the mattress, readjusting the pillow beneath his head before trying to allow himself to settle into sleep. 

And then the footsteps started again, heading from the apartment's door and into the small room where the sofa was wedged in between servers. The telltale sound of a suitcase being set down on the hardwood floor made its way to Cassian's ears and he let out a breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding. 

He eventually drifted off to sleep with a single thought on his mind.

Jyn was staying.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wow, thanks for the great response this has gotten so far!

Cassian glanced over at the sofa when he heard Jyn groan, flicking his gaze back to the computer screen as soon as Jyn's barely clothed chest came into view. He ran his hands through his hair as he reminded himself that Jyn was not his to look at any longer, then brought his fingers back to the keyboard and began to type. The program update was done, the new scripts all worked perfectly, and all that was left was the upload the changes to the server and post the changelog on the official staff account. He took a deep breath as he finished typing in the command, then hit the enter key and prayed everything would upload correctly. 

“Why is there a gigantic purple circle on your ceiling?”

“Because it was there when I moved in and I've never been able to afford to repaint it,” Cassian said, tilting his head to the right until the sofa and the woman lying on it came into view. “Bodhi thinks I should keep it. He's always going on and on about how it gives the apartment some character.”

Jyn propped herself up on her elbows, still blinking the sleep from her eyes. “Bodhi. Same Bodhi you're always going on about in your blog posts?”

Cassian's eyes widened slightly at that. “I always refer to Bodhi by his screen name whenever he needs to be mentioned in a staff post.”

“Right. He's Rook04, yeah? I wasn't talking about your staff posts though.”

Cassian suddenly felt extremely vulnerable. “My private posts are locked to friends only.”

“I know,” Jyn said softly, looking directly at him.

“How?” Cassian uttered after a minute.

“I knew just enough to say to make you think I had been in your Computer Architecture class. I was convinced you would have figured me out though. Especially after I was stupid enough to use voleur as a screen name.”

Cassian closed his eyes and thought about what Jyn had just said, the meaning coming to him fairly quickly. “Thief,” he murmured. “Voleur is French for thief. Why did you do that?”

Jyn watched as Cassian sunk further into his chair, his head tilting back to rest on the top of the chair's back. “It was the only way I could find out what was going on with you,” she said quietly. “You crossed my mind a lot more than I think you would ever realize.”

Cassian decided he was going to ignore the admission Jyn had just made. “I didn't even realize that you knew about The Alliance. Or that you knew I was behind it.”

“I heard about The Alliance from Saw, actually,” Jyn said, laying back down. “I came back from some business trip and he just started going on about it and how cool it was. So I looked into it, initially because we had something similar in development and I wanted to check out the competition, but once I figured out that you were the one running it, I paid a lot more attention to it than I probably would otherwise. So, where's the girlfriend?”

Cassian couldn't stop the laugh that escaped at the thought of there being a girlfriend. “There isn't one.”

“There's no lucky girl that gets to have you?”

“No, there isn't,” Cassian said softly, making himself look back at his computer screen. 

He breathed a sigh of relief when he noticed the message proclaiming the update had been successful and reached towards the keyboard to begin typing up the staff post. He heard Jyn moving around in the room but forced himself to ignore the sounds, searching through his brain to make sure he typed every change into the post and making sure he credited Kaytoo for the tagging idea.

Once he was finished, he scanned through the post one last time before publishing it, then promptly signed out of the staff account and into his personal one. He clicked through a couple of screens before he got to his friends' list, switching it so the list was alphabetized then scrolling down to find the account Jyn had been referring to. He paused once he saw it, moving his mouse so the pointer was hovering over the option to unfriend the account, before shaking his head and signing out of his personal account. 

Voleur was sleeping on his sofa. Unfriending her wouldn't really make a difference at this point.

He stood up and started to walk towards the kitchen, freezing when he noticed Jyn leaning against the doorway. Cassian let his eyes trail down Jyn's body despite himself, sucking in a quick breath when he realized Jyn was wearing nothing but her bra and panties. “I see your sleeping habits haven't changed,” he forced himself to say, drawing his eyes back up to Jyn's face. “Now can you move so I can get into the kitchen?”

Jyn pushed away from the wall and walked towards Cassian reaching out and pulling him flush against her. “If you're going to look at me like that, you better be prepared to back it up.”

“Excuse me?” Cassian choked out, trying not to let on how much being that close to Jyn was affecting him.

Jyn darted forward and captured Cassian's lips with her own, tightening her arms around his waist when Cassian went slack against her. Her tongue slid passed Cassian's lips and began to explore, each twist and tangle with Cassian's tongue reminding her of all the knowledge she possessed when it came to the subject of pleasing a certain computer genius named Cassian Andor. Her hands slid up underneath the t-shirt that Cassian was wearing, fingertips dancing across his lower back until Cassian growled.

Jyn broke the kiss and rested her forehead on Cassian's, taking a moment to catch her breath. “Bedroom?”

The voice in Cassian's head that he always associated with logic started screaming at him, telling him all the reasons why taking Jyn to his bedroom was a terrible, terrible idea. But his body was pulsing with need, a feeling he hadn't experienced in years, and he wanted nothing more than to satiate it. He grabbed a hold of Jyn's hips and started walking backward. "This way." 

Jyn kicked the door shut once they were inside the room, then they were tumbling onto the bed together. Cassian took a deep breath as Jyn tore his clothes off, then let his eyes drift closed as familiar hands began tracing familiar paths along his skin. He lost himself in the moment, in the haze of passion that surrounded them. There was the immense pleasure, and Cassian relaxed into it, letting Jyn play his body as though it were an instrument. 

It was over far too quickly for his liking.

They were lying next to one another when Cassian felt like he'd fully rejoined reality. He wanted to look over at Jyn, wanted to say nine hundred different things, wanted Jyn to say something to break the silence that had descended upon them, but instead, he just laid there, listening to them as their breathing somehow synchronized just the way they used to. He closed his eyes and his memory took him back to a tiny room on the fourteenth floor of one of the university's largest dormitories, lying on a bed just as he was now, lying next to the same woman he was now. 

He opened his eyes when he felt someone staring at him, turning his head to see Jyn watching him. "What?" 

“I was just thinking,” Jyn said softly, “of how many times over the last ten years that I've laid in bed next to someone and wished it was you.”

Cassian turned his gaze back to the ceiling, letting Jyn's words sink in. They were words he'd longed to hear, words he'd dreamed of hearing on cold, lonely nights, but now that he was actually hearing them, Cassian felt overwhelmed with a myriad of different emotions. Love, lust, confusion, anger, want, despair – they echoed through his head and made him feel as though the room was spinning. After a few minutes of lying there in that state, he decided that what he needed to do was remove himself from the situation so he could attempt to think clearly about it.

He got up and got in the shower without saying a word. Jyn was still lying naked on his bed when he came back into the bedroom, and Cassian could see the question written across her face. But still, he said nothing, silently getting dressed and walking out of the bedroom. He stopped by his computer and shut it off, reaching for his laptop and sticking it in his messenger bag. 

Jyn was standing in the bedroom's doorway when he walked past, and even though Cassian heard her call out his name, he stepped out of the apartment and into the cool early evening air. He took a deep breath as he locked the door and then headed towards the elevator, nothing with every step that Jyn had not attempted to follow him.

He wasn't sure if that was a good thing or a bad thing.

*****

The moment Cassian entered the coffee shop, Bodhi knew something was wrong. He watched him as closely as he could while dealing with all the customers, knowing that it would be a few hours before things calmed down enough that he could go talk to Cassian. The coffee shop was extremely busy for a Wednesday night and Bodhi grew more frustrated by the second, wanting nothing more than for every single one of the annoying college kids to disappear.

Finally, at around ten o'clock, Bodhi felt things had calmed down enough that he could leave the new trainee to handle things on her own so he could take a break. He walked around the counter and headed directly for Cassian's table, deliberately choosing to sit in the chair next to him instead of across the table from him as usual. He glanced at the laptop screen, noting that Cassian was angrily replying to comments that had been left about the new changes to the website. "What's wrong?" 

“Nothing.”

“Cassian,” Bodhi said seriously, “you look like shit, and you're getting angry with your users. You never do that. Tell me what's wrong.”

Cassian sighed heavily and stopped typing, looking over at Bodhi and taking in the concern on his friend's face. “Bodhi I love you, but I can't tell you.”

“Of course you can!” Bodhi exclaimed, wrapping an arm around Cassian's shoulders. “Come on, Cas. You know the deal between the five of us. We tell each other the truth. No secrets.”

Cassian sighed and slid down in the chair, letting his head come to rest on Bodhi's shoulder. “I really can't tell you, Bodhi. It's...it's far too complicated.”

“You'll tell me soon enough.” Bodhi squeezed Cassian's shoulder and leaned his head closer, lowering his voice to a whisper. “Can I at least make an observation?”

“If you must.”

“You had sex.”

Cassian sat straight up and stared at Bodhi for a moment before groaned and resting his head against the table. “How did you...nevermind.”

“Well, you can at least tell me about that, right?” Bodhi asked, a hint of excitement in his voice. “It's been a couple of weeks since I've gotten some. I need something to think about.”

Cassian sat back up and ran his hands over his face. “There are far too many people in here for me to even begin to be comfortable talking to you about that, okay?”

Bodhi grinned at him. “Then I will be back once everyone else fucks off.”

Cassian groaned as Bodhi stood up, shaking his head. “I'm not telling you.”

“Oh, you're totally telling me,” Bodhi said, messing up Cassian's hair. “It's not even up for discussion.”

Bodhi heard Cassian sigh as he walked back behind the counter, and he stepped back into his position at the cash register. A few more hours passed before the last of the college kids walked out of the shop, the new trainee right behind them because her shift was over, and Bodhi wiped down the counter quickly before heading for Cassian's table. He was nearly there when the shop door opened again, his head snapping in that direction angrily before realizing who it was. “Chirrut! Baze! Perfect timing!”

Cassian looked up from his laptop and groaned when he saw Chirrut walking towards his table, Baze a few steps behind him as always, Bodhi saying something in the background about getting them all some coffee. Chirrut went to sit across from Cassian, but Cassian told him to sit next to him, so Chirrut walked around the table and sat there.

“Thanks,” Cassian said softly. “I didn't want Bodhi sitting next to me.”

Chirrut nodded while Baze took in Cassian's appearance. “You look terrible.”

“I feel terrible,” Cassian admitted, shaking his head lightly. “I'm an idiot. A complete, total, motherfucking idiot.”

Chirrut nodded in recognition as Bodhi approached the table with a tray full of coffee cups. “I take it the reason for that is why we have perfect timing?”

“He had sex!” Bodhi exclaimed as he set the tray on the table. “And now he's going to tell us all about it.”

“No, I'm not,” Cassian said, reaching for one of the coffee cups as Bodhi sat down. “I already told you, Bodhi. It's too complicated to even begin to explain.”

“Do we have to discuss the rules again, Cas?” Bodhi asked, handing a cup to Chirrut. “No secrets. You have to tell, especially now that they're here.”

Chirrut took the cup from Bodhi as Baze gave Cassian an incredulous look. “You had sex? With who?”

“Someone,” Cassian said defensively. “And that is all that I am saying about it.”

"Well, it was a woman, right?" Chirrut asked. "Or have you secretly turned gay on us?" 

Cassian rolled his eyes as Baze and Bodhi laughed. “Chirrut!”

“Oh, I know, I know. I'm just trying to get you to say something.”

“Yes, it was with a woman,” Cassian muttered, taking a long sip from his coffee. “I'm not saying anything else about it.”

“Not even her name?” Bodhi asked, his voice taking on a pleading tone. “Come on, Cas, this is a big moment!”

“Shut up about this being some big moment. And I can't tell you her name because then you'll know who it was,” Cassian said without thinking, his eyes widening when he realized what he said. “Fuck, I shouldn't have said that.”

“It's someone we know?” Bodhi was practically bouncing from excitement. “Oh, now you definitely have to spill. All the details. All of them.”

Chirrut took a long sip from his cup. "It's someone from the university, isn't it?" he asked, a few wild thoughts flying through his mind.

Cassian groaned and it took Bodhi a moment, but then he suddenly realized what Chirrut meant. “It's her, isn't it? The girl from your last relationship.”

Cassian sighed heavily, flicking his gaze between the three of them. “Yes,” he mumbled. “Now leave me alone.”

“You can't just admit that and leave it there,” Bodhi said. “Come on, you've got to explain.”

Cassian shook his head and stood up, reaching for his messenger bag. “No, Bodhi, I really don't.”

Baze reached out and grabbed Cassian's wrist as he reached for the laptop, making Cassian look at him. “I just have one question. It's not Leia, is it?”

“Leia Organa?” Cassian exclaimed, shaking his wrist out of Baze's grasp and picking up the laptop. “No, it was not Leia. If it was Leia, you'd know about it.”

“But you said it was somebody we know, and she's the only girl we know that you went to university with,” Bodhi said.

"She's the only girl we know that we know went to university with Cassian," Chirrut said. "That does not mean that another girl we know didn't go to university with Cassian, have a relationship with him there and that they have an agreement not to discuss the fact that they know each other from that time." 

Cassian finished zipping up his bag and slung it across his shoulder. "Look, Chirrut, I wanted you to know. Believe me, I wanted it. But she wasn't ready for her family to know about her being a serious relationship. Her father's kind of scary, and I wasn't about to do anything that led to him finding out about it, so she made me swear that I wouldn't tell anyone until she was ready. She was never ready. She's paying for that now in a lot of different ways. And that's all I can say. Goodnight." 

Bodhi watched as Cassian walked out of the shop, then turned to Chirrut. “So, did any of that make you realize who it was?”

Chirrut took a sip of his coffee. “Perhaps.”

“Tell me!”

“He's never going to tell you,” Baze said, looking over at Bodhi. “He's going to wait until Cassian tells us himself.”

“I certainly wouldn't be telling you unless I knew for sure, and I don't know for sure,” Chirrut said. “Now, tell me about this date that Kay's on right now. He was mumbling something about a foreign exchange student when he called me earlier.”

*****

The apartment was dark when Cassian returned, but it wasn't quiet like he'd anticipated. The soft hum of classical music was drifting out from his stereo, and he knew instantly that Jyn was still there. He made his way to his desk and set his messenger bag in the chair, then walked further into the room and turned the floor lamp on.

Jyn was lying in the middle of the floor, again wearing nothing but her bra and panties, a half-empty bottle of whiskey sitting next to her. Cassian could tell that she was awake, but she made no attempt to acknowledge Cassian's presence. Cassian looked around the room for a moment before walking over and laying down next to her. "So, what is this?" 

“Beethoven's piano sonata number eight,” Jyn said after a moment. “It is called Pathétique. Pathetic. Seems fitting right now.”

“You are not pathetic,” Cassian said softly, looking over at her. “It's beautiful.”

“That is is. I've played it for you before.”

“You've played me a lot of classical music. You can't expect me to remember every single one,” Cassian said, running his hands over his face. “Look, I'm sorry I just walked out earlier. I should have at least said something to you before I left.”

“It's alright,” Jyn said. “I took advantage of you, got you to do something that you obviously didn't want to do, and for that, I'm sorry. I suppose it was fitting that you walked out this time. It made me realize that I still don't know what it's like to wake up beside you. Wait, forget I said that. That was inappropriate.”

Cassian reached over and turned Jyn's face towards him, looking into her eyes. “You only don't know what it's like to wake up beside me because you were the one who always left as soon as I was asleep.”

“I know,” Jyn said softly. “I hope that you realize I only did that because I was scared. It was never because of you.”

"I did," Cassian whispered, "after a while." 

Jyn turned her gaze back to the ceiling. “I meant what I said earlier. I've been wishing you were next to me for a decade. I've always known that it was my own fault that you weren't, but I couldn't change that.”

“I,” Cassian started before drifting off, making sure that he really wanted to say what he was about to before continuing. “I was going to ask you to go in on the business with me.”

Jyn slowly turned her head back towards Cassian. “You were?” she choked out.

“Yes,” Cassian said, avoiding Jyn's gaze. “I remember telling you several times that I could write all the software, but I was going to be pathetic at the business side of it. You figured all of that out, remember? Initial production costs, licensing, graphic design for the logos and boxes, all of that. So when I started to seriously think about dropping out and starting the company, I realized that I was going to need your help. And then you disappeared, all of my work disappeared, and I was left with nothing. Not even a note. Just a disconnected phone number, an empty apartment, and one of your t-shirts.”

Jyn rolled onto her side and reached for Cassian's hand, squeezing it gently. “I'm never going to be able to forgive myself for what it is I did to you. You shouldn't forgive me either.”

“I already forgave you,” Cassian murmured. “And you're crazy if you think I didn't want what happened this afternoon.”

Jyn watched as Cassian reached out and pushed the hair out of his eyes. "You've always been too good for me. Far more than I ever have or will ever deserve. A horrible, wretched person like myself deserves someone equally as awful." 

“No,” Cassian said softly. “You're not a bad person, Jyn.”

Jyn just shook her head. “Of course I am! How can you say that after everything that I've done?”

Cassian moved closer to Jyn, pushing her down on her back and looking down at her. “You have begun to believe the facade that you put up for people. The one that Saw taught you. But I know the person underneath. I got to know her all those years ago.”

“That person doesn't exist anymore,” Jyn said, tangling her fingers together with Cassian's. “She stopped existing the moment she decided to fuck over the only person she's ever loved. And she's never coming back.”

“She wants to come back. You wouldn't be here otherwise.” Cassian pressed a kiss to Jyn's shoulder and moved away, standing up and picking up the bottle of whiskey. “You hardly drank any of this, if my memory of how I left it is correct.”

“One shot,” Jyn said, watching as Cassian walked towards the kitchen. “Then everything that was drilled into my head over the last three months came back to me and I lost my taste for it.”

“Good” Cassian called out, walking into the kitchen and putting the bottle back in the refrigerator. “Did you find something to eat for dinner? I know I hardly have any food, but I don't exactly eat here much.”

“I had my assistant bring me something,” Jyn said, watching as Cassian walked back into the room.

“I don't want my name in the papers,” Cassian said firmly. “And I don't want the parking lot crawling with paparazzi waiting for you to venture outside the apartment.”

“She's the only person who knows where I am, besides you. I trust her not to tell anyone. Hell, I pay her not to tell anyone,” Jyn said, standing up. “She won't say a thing. She doesn't know who lives here anyway. All I've told her is that you are an old friend, not even your name.”

“Good,” Cassian said, reaching towards the floor lamp and turning it off, plunging the room into darkness. “I don't usually go to bed until seven, but I think I'm going to go earlier tonight.”

Jyn nodded even though she knew Cassian couldn't see her and turned towards the sofa, reaching for the blanket. The music suddenly stopped, and she jumped when she felt Cassian latch onto her hand, following when Cassian tugged at her arm. “What are you doing?”

“Going to bed, just like I told you.”

“Right,” Jyn said, confusion in her voice. “So where am I going?”

“To bed,” Cassian said pushing open the door to his bedroom and pulling Jyn inside. “I never said anything about going to sleep, you know.”

Jyn grinned as she was pushed onto the bed, reaching up to thread her hands through Cassian's hair as he climbed onto the bed and hovered over her. “You sure about this?”

“This afternoon was the first time I've had sex since the last time we had sex,” Cassian said softly. “I want more.”

Jyn froze from the shock, then quickly shook herself out of it. She knew she should say something, but then Cassian's lips were on hers and his fingers were stroking her through her panties and all coherent thought flew out of her head.


	3. Chapter 3

Cassian was alone when he woke up the next morning, but he could hear Jyn somewhere else in the apartment, having a one-sided conversation. Cassian blinked a few times as the realization that Jyn was on the phone hit him, and then he listened as the anger built in her voice.

“I honestly do not motherfucking care what it is he thinks he deserves. I have absolutely no legal obligation to give him a damn thing.”

Silence.

“Then continue to make it extremely clear to his lawyer that he was never my husband, and therefore I am not entitled to give him alimony, and there is absolutely no motherfucking way I'm giving him anything. It was his motherfucking interview with that asshole Krennic that has destroyed my professional career and public life.”

More silence.

“Get someone from media to start pressuring the papers to stop printing this bullshit. The company is one hundred percent not for sale. If some of the investors want out, then negotiate buyouts with them.”

A foot tapping against the hardwood floor.

“Of course the boys are going to see this as an opportunity. Everyone is going to see this as an opportunity. How many lawsuits am I looking at?”

A sharp intake of breath.

“Fuck. Any chance of out of court settlements with any of them?”

Footsteps, then the sound of a glass being set in the sink.

“I'll pay whatever I have to pay to stay out of court. As for Jedha, I haven't completely worked that out yet. I'm not going to be forced out of my own company. Even if I step aside as CEO, I'm going to put someone in there who will do what it is I want. And I am choosing my replacement, not the investors. If any of them don't like that, then offer them ten percent less than what their percentage is worth to buy them out.”

Cupboard door opening then closing.

“Alright, let me know. And let me know as soon as possible. Television and the papers are convinced I'm stepping aside by the end of the day tomorrow.”

Cassian sat up as something hit the wall, then watched as Jyn walked into the room and climbed onto the bed next to him. “Lawyer?”

“Something like that. Did you hear most of that?” Jyn asked, wrapping her arms around Cassian's waist and pulling him back down to the mattress. “Not that it fucking matters or anything. My future is apparently going to be decided by attorneys and judges, and then criticized and scrutinized on television and in the newspapers.”

Cassian reached out and tucked a lock of hair behind Jyn's ear. “Your future is up to you, not what some judge thinks.”

“I wish I could believe that,” Jyn said, sliding closer to Cassian. “You should sue the company. Sue me.”

“What for?”

“To get what you deserve,” Jyn said softly. “I'm not just talking about money. I'm talking about credit. You deserve credit for all the work you did.”

Cassian shook his head lightly. “I'm not going to sue you, Jyn.”

“Why didn't you just slam the door in my face?” Jyn asked suddenly, staring into Cassian's eyes. “I would have deserved it.”

Cassian sighed heavily and shifted onto his back. “You aren't the only one who has been wishing the other was around for the last decade.”

“Is that why there's no girlfriend at the moment?”

Cassian let out a bitter laugh. “There hasn't ever been a girlfriend. I kept telling myself that one day I'd reach a point where I'd be interested in finding someone that wasn't you, even just for a night, but that has never come.”

“So you were serious when you said you hadn't had sex since......”

“Yes,” Cassian said, running his hands over his face. “I'm that pathetic.”

Jyn put her head on Cassian's shoulder and slung an arm over his waist. "You turned yourself celibate, and I had sex with anyone and everyone I could find." 

“Everyone has different ways of dealing with things,” Cassian said after a moment. “I'm not really surprised that our methods were different.”

“It was all one night stands at first,” Jyn said softly. “I was trying to convince myself that you had been an anomaly and that I really wasn't one for relationships. Then Jedha took off and I was getting invitations to all these exclusive parties and premieres, and I met that asshole at one of them and I fell for his charm. Everything was perfect, except for the fact that it really wasn't. How could it be after everything I did? And that's when it really started to all fall apart, and I got myself into the gigantic mess that I'm in now. And that's without anyone knowing the worst of it.”

“That Jedha was my idea.”

"Yeah," Jyn said. "It wasn't like I stole all that from you and then forgot about it. As Jedha got bigger and bigger, the guilt got worse and worse until it was eating me up inside. Every moment that I spent feeling guilty made me think about you, and I really couldn't handle thinking about you, to be honest. So I drank to forget you and forget the guilt and that didn't work, so I got into the drugs, but that only worked for a little while. The asshole was starting to drive me fucking crazy, spending my money on whatever he felt like without even asking me, and hinting at marriage every chance he got, and by that point, I knew marriage was never going to happen, not with him. 

“And then I was at work and I found myself alone in the design department with this intern. The kid was blatantly flirting with me, and he worked out that I was interested, and a few minutes later he was fucking me up against the wall. Right there in the design department, with the door unlocked and the design team due back from lunch at any moment. I should have been thinking about how we were going to get caught or how wrong it was that I was fucking one of my employees, but I wasn't.”

Cassian waited for Jyn to continue, prompting her only when she didn't. “What were you thinking about?”

“How if I kept the kid's face turned away from me, I could almost pretend it was you. How much I wished it was you. How much I still loved you, even though I hadn't seen you for almost seven years. And that's why I did it again and again with that intern, and eventually with someone from legal and someone from shipping and someone from the mail room and on and on. I couldn't stop myself. But somehow, it all stayed quiet and discreet.”

“Until the asshole found out?”

“Until the asshole found out,” Jyn repeated, sighing heavily. “He came to the office to surprise me, which was something he never did. Walked in to find me bent over my desk with some intern balls deep in me. I don't think I've ever seen someone so angry in my life. Yelling, screaming, yelling some more when I told him the intern wasn't the only one, then storming out. I'm sure he expected me to follow him, but I just finished fucking the intern instead.”

Cassian tried not to laugh but failed miserably, which drew a smile from Jyn. “I didn't much fucking care at that moment. I was pretty high then. The intern had brought some really good stuff with him when he came up to the office that day. Anyway, the asshole was gone when I got home that night. All his stuff was gone too. I knew that wasn't the end of it though. Three weeks later, there was that fucking prick Orson Krennic, all over television talking about his Imperial magazine cover story. When I fuck things up, I do it in spectacular style, don't I? And the worst part of it all is the fact that I feel worse about what it is I did to you than I do about what it is I did to him. He never deserved any of that. Not that I'm trying to say you did, but......I'm just a tremendously horrible person.”

“I know what you mean,” Cassian said, turning his head and pressing a kiss to Jyn's forehead. “But none of that makes you a tremendously horrible person. You made some really, really awful decisions over the last ten years, but making bad decisions doesn't make you a bad person.”

“How can you just lay here and tell me that?” Jyn asked, looking up at him. “After everything that I've done, and everything that I did to you, I honestly don't understand why you haven't kicked me out.”

“I was too tired to deal with you when you first showed up,” Cassian said truthfully. “I didn't think you would stay. But you did. Then I watched you sleep later that day and...you leaving every time I fell asleep meant that I never got to watch you sleep. I was sort of fascinated. Then you were practically naked in my doorway and I hadn't had sex in forever and you initiated it and I needed it so it happened. Then I left and I thought you'd be gone when I got back but you weren't, and well, I've wanted you back for so goddamn long that I'm not going to kick you out. I have no doubt that once you get whatever it is you want out of this encounter you'll be gone again, but even that thought can't get me to kick you out.”

Jyn pushed herself up, looking down at Cassian. “You think I'm going to leave again.”

“Yes,” Cassian murmured. “If I wasn't enough to keep you around the first time, I'm certainly not going to be enough to keep you around this time. Chirrut claims I've regressed since university, that I'm nowhere near as much fun as I used to be. He's probably right. I used to go out to bars or be interested in going out to watch the game. The only thing I do now is work on the website. So I'm just going to make the most of each moment I get with you. I suppose I could be really furious with you and yell and scream and all that, but that's not how I want to spend the little bit of time I've got with you.”

Jyn bent and pressed a kiss to Cassian's lips, reaching down to shove the bedsheet out of the way before straddling his hips. Cassian let his eyes drift closed as Jyn's hands moved across his body, settling in for something that he was quickly becoming re-addicted to.

But he had noticed that Jyn didn't say she was going to stay. She didn't say she was going to leave, but she didn't say she was going to stay either.

He didn't enjoy it that time, because he had always found it was difficult to enjoy something that was equal parts amazing and heartbreaking.

*****

Chirrut was sitting at a table in the coffee shop when Cassian walked in, so he headed straight for that table, sliding into the seat next to him and giving him a soft nudge in the shoulder. “Evening, Chirrut.”

“Evening,” Chirrut said distractedly, and Cassian started looking around the room.

He smiled when he saw Kaytoo holding hands with the girl seated across from him. “So that's the foreign exchange student, huh? And you're listening in?”

“Just picking up tidbits,” Chirrut said, a large smile on his face. “They're very cute together. But enough about them. How are things with you?”

“It's...” Cassian started, then sighed heavily. “It's been an interesting couple of days.”

“So she's still around then?”

“For the moment,” Cassian said, turning his attention to his laptop and deliberately changing the subject. “They've started a campaign on the website to get me to change it so they can customize the look of their personal pages. They have absolutely no idea how much work that would be.”

“You've thought about doing that before, haven't you?” Chirrut asked, picking up his coffee cup and waving it, knowing that Bodhi would see it and bring him some more coffee. “So why don't you want to write all that coding then? You used to love the chance to write any kind of code.”

"I figure it would take me probably six months to write all of the codings, figure out how to implement it without it being so technical that people who aren't computer programmers can use it, come up with various designs and ways that people could customize their pages – and that's the part that would be the most difficult because I'm a programmer, not a designer – and then upload the update and have to listen to people complain because it's not what they wanted. That's happening more and more with each update and I'm getting really sick of it. I'm doing everything I can to make them all happy." 

Chirrut sighed as Bodhi approached the table with a coffee pot in hand. “You can't make everyone happy, Cas. It's your website. Do what you want with it.”

“Are they still commenting about customized pages?” Bodhi asked, pouring more coffee into Chirrut's cup. “There you go, Chirrut. They organized a well-run spam campaign.”

“It's not spam, it's feedback,” Cassian said, sighing heavily. “I have no problem with the idea. I just don't know if I have the time to do it.”

“What else are you going to be doing?” Bodhi asked, laughing. “All you do is work on the website.”

“Things might change,” Cassian said softly, shaking his head as soon as he said it. “No. Stop thinking that, idiot. She's going to leave again.”

“So she's a flight risk then?” Bodhi waited until Cassian nodded before continuing. “Well, knowing what little I know, I think you're better off without her, Cas. Try to remember that.”

Cassian waited until Bodhi was walking away to turn towards Chirrut. “She's walked out of my life once, Chirrut. I'm not sure I can handle it if she does it again.”

Chirrut moved his arm from the back of the chair to wrap around Cassian's shoulders, pulling him close. “You really love this girl, don't you?”

Cassian stayed quiet, so Chirrut took that as a cue to continue. “Tell me about her. Tell me about back at school.”

“I don't know where to start.”

“The beginning, obviously,” Chirrut said, letting go of Cassian and reaching for his coffee. “How did you meet her?”

Cassian took a deep breath and let his mind drift back to that day, a smile crossing his face. "We met on campus, the first semester of my second year. I had an hour free between classes and when the weather was nice, I used to sit underneath this big tree outside the building that my statistics class was in. She came and sat down next to me one day in late September and we started talking. She was in her first year in the same degree path, though with a different emphasis, so we had a lot in common. And then she was just there, every single day at that time, and we talked and talked and talked until I finally worked up the courage to ask her out. I was fully expecting to be turned down. I mean, computer nerds like me don't get girls that gorgeous. But she said yes to dinner, and that went well, and then she suggested a movie, and that went well, and we just fell into a pattern of doing something together one or two nights a week. It was nice. And it spiraled out of control from there. It was the greatest time of my life if I'm being honest." 

"A year younger than you, a computer science major at your university, someone I'd know if you told me her name," Chirrut murmured. "That fits the profile of a certain CEO going through a pretty major scandal right now. But you already knew that I knew who you're talking about, didn't you?" 

Cassian sighed heavily, then dropped his voice to a whisper. “I thought you might. Don't tell the others, especially Bodhi. You know how addicted he's been to the whole Jedha scandal. He'd be knocking my door down if he knew Jyn Erso was in my apartment.”

“I won't say a word about it to anyone,” Chirrut said seriously. “I promise.”

"Thank you," Cassian said, turning back to his laptop. "Where's Baze tonight? Usually, you two are inseparable." 

“Baze is painting the kitchen tonight,” Chirrut said, shaking his head. “I told him to leave it until tomorrow when there would be actual sunlight instead of artificial light, but no, he had to do it tonight. So Bodhi picked me up on his way to work and I will be here until Baze comes to get me. But you cannot change the subject so easily, Cassian.”

“What more is there to discuss?”

“She went to you after all of this? Why?”

Cassian sighed heavily. "Apparently I'm not the only one who's been thinking about the other for the past decade." 

“Good.”

“You think?”

“Cassian, it is obvious from the way that you speak about her, even when it was months ago and you were speaking about her in the past tense, that you love her. What did not become clear until she came back into your life was the fact that you're still in love with her.”

“Chirrut...”

“Do not attempt to deny it, Cassian. I can hear it in your voice when you speak about her.”

Cassian ran his hands over his face. “Fine, I'm still in love with her. Are you happy now?”

“I will only be happy when you are, my friend. And I feel that day is coming soon.” Chirrut picked up his cup and took a sip of his coffee. “In the meantime, I will quit torturing you and go back to listening in on Kaytoo.”

Cassian chuckled. “I would appreciate that. And share the good bits.”

“As I always do.”

*****

The apartment was bathed in the soft glow of candlelight when Cassian walked in, smiling when he heard classical music drifting from his stereo once more. He headed towards his desk and set his messenger bag down, looking around for Jyn and frowning when he didn't see her anywhere.

"Jyn?" he called out, taking a step backward and jumping when he bumped into something. A soft laughed echoed through the room, and he turned around and slapped at Jyn's shoulder. "Don't sneak up on me like that." 

“Sorry,” Jyn said, taking Cassian by the hand and leading him around the desk and further into the room. “You're home earlier than you said you'd be.”

“I felt like getting out of there,” Cassian said, unable to keep the smile from his lips as Jyn wrapped her arms around his waist. “Candlelight and classical music. I have several memories of coming back to my dorm room after big exams to find something similar.”

Jyn pulled Cassian closer, kissing him gently. “I hope those are good memories.”

“They are,” Cassian whispered, letting his eyes drift closed as Jyn's hands slid underneath the back of his shirt. “So what are we listening to now?”

“Beethoven's piano sonata number fourteen,” Jyn murmured, slowly inching Cassian's shirt up and over his head. “Do you recognize it?”

Cassian listened as Jyn's hands gently traveled across his exposed skin, the notes slowly drawing the right memory from the depths of his brain. “The Moonlight Sonata. It was the first piece of classical music you ever played for me,” he murmured, opening his eyes to look at Jyn. “Why are you playing this tonight?”

“Because I'm being nostalgic,” Jyn said softly, smiling when Cassian began to unbutton the shirt she was wearing. “I thought maybe you would want to be nostalgic with me.”

Cassian finished with the last button and pushed the shirt off Jyn's shoulders, watching as Jyn pulled her hands away from his waist and let the shirt slide off his arms. “Why are you being nostalgic?”

“Because tomorrow, I'm letting go of Jedha,” Jyn mumbled, immediately putting her hands back on Cassian. “Not completely, of course. I'm still the majority owner, and my majority sounds like it's going to be increasing because some of the investors want to bail and I'm going to have to buy them out, but as far as a day to day job, it's over.”

Cassian pulled Jyn close, leaning in to capture her lips gently. “You're really going to resign?”

“I have to,” Jyn said, trailing kisses down Cassian's neck. “I abused my position. No one would take me seriously if I tried to go back. But they'll listen to Mon. Everybody has a lot of respect for Mon.”

Cassian gasped as Jyn nipped at the base of his throat, letting out a soft moan. “Mon as in Mothma? Our old professor? I didn't know she worked for you.”

“Hired her as soon as the company started to grow,” Jyn mumbled into Cassian's skin. “She's practically been running the company for three years anyway. She covered my ass so many times. She totally deserves this promotion.”

“I haven't seen Mon Mothma since I graduated,” Cassian said, letting his fingertips slide underneath the top of Jyn's jeans.

“I wouldn't have thought you would.” Jyn pulled back and brought her hands to Cassian's face, threading her fingers through his hair and drawing him close. “Dance with me.”

“Dance?” Cassian asked, laughing. “We usually saved that for after we were drunk.”

Jyn leaned in and kissed Cassian softly. “No more getting drunk for me. Kind of defeats the purpose of the rehab stay. Dance with me, Cassian.”

Cassian sighed and gave in, putting his right hand on Jyn's waist and nodding. “Alright.”

Jyn grinned at him and positioned his hands properly, grasping Cassian's left hand with her right as they started to sway to the music. Soon they had fallen into the same pattern they had used all those years ago in Cassian's dorm room, dancing around the tiny space between the sofa and the table that housed the television and the stereo. Jyn laughed as Cassian suddenly dipped her down, smacking him on the shoulder when Cassian pulled her upright again.

“You're the most beautiful person I've ever seen,” Jyn whispered, pressing a kiss to Cassian's temple. “I have no idea how I ever was lucky enough to have someone like you.”

Cassian shook his head. “I was the lucky one. Computer nerds like me don't get guys like you.”

“I love how you said that as though I wasn't a computer nerd too,” Jyn said.

“I've never thought of you that way,” Cassian said softly, letting his arms come up to wrap around Jyn's neck. “You always seemed more like a businessman than a computer nerd to me.”

Jyn laughed. “I used to spend hours making that stupid ASCII art for you. If that doesn't scream computer nerd, I don't know what does.”

“I loved those. They're all in a folder in one of my filing cabinets.”

Jyn stopped their movement, pulling back to look in Cassian's eyes. “You kept them?”

“Of course I did,” Cassian said softly. “Some of them were among my favorite gifts that you ever gave me. Why wouldn't I?”

Jyn let go of Cassian and walked over to the sofa, collapsing down onto it. “You...” she said before stopping and running her hands over her face. “Everything I did to you, and you kept some stupid ASCII art that I made for you?”

“You keep referencing everything you did to me as though you know what it was you did do,” Cassian said softly. “Would you like to know what it is you really did to me?”

Jyn looked over at Cassian as he sat down next to her on the sofa, sighing when Cassian reached out and linked their fingers together. “Yes.”

Cassian took a moment to decide how to phrase things, then took a deep breath. “You made me think about a lot of things, things that I probably never would have thought about if you hadn't broken my heart. And all that thinking made me realize a lot of stuff about myself. That I was capable of loving someone. That I was capable of letting someone love me. That I don't have to make the same mistakes my parents made. I don't have to turn into my father. Or my mother either, for that matter.”

“Are they still...”

Cassian sighed heavily. “They're back together again, but God only knows how long it's going to last. Probably until the next affair, knowing them. Their last split was more than a little acrimonious, and then magically, they reconciled. I don't know who they think they're fooling. I know damn well what's going on.”

“I'm sorry,” Jyn said, squeezing Cassian's fingers.

“Don't be,” Cassian said, shaking his head. “Their problems have nothing to do with me or with you. You leaving finally helped me realize that. I used to take my frustrations with them out on you, and you always tried to tell me I was doing that, but I never believed you. Not until after you left. I wish I could go back to the start of our relationship, knowing what I know now, and do it all over again. I'd be such a better boyfriend. And maybe that would be enough to make you stay.”

“You didn't drive me away, Cas,” Jyn said firmly. “My leaving had nothing to do with you.”

Cassian swallowed hard and tried to contain his emotions. “Then why did you leave?”

Jyn let herself absorb the pain in Cassian's voice and let herself think about the fact that she was the reason that pain was there. “I was scared.”

“Scared of what?”

“Scared of everything, really, but mostly I was just scared of you.”

Cassian let out a strangled noise and pulled his hand away from Jyn's grasp. “You were scared of me? That's all I'm going to get out of you?”

“Do you realize that I had never thought of a man in any sort of sexual way until the day I saw you sitting underneath that tree?” Jyn asked softly. “Saw raised me like one of the boys and that meant you didn't go around wanting to kiss boys. But I saw you and all I could think of was how utterly gorgeous you are. That thought scared me. It scared me a lot. But I walked over and sat down next to you anyway. Then we talked, and you were charming and funny and super, super smart and my attraction to you grew by the second. I went home that night and wondered what the fuck it was I was doing because I couldn't get you off my mind. That's why I came back the next day, and the day after that, and the day after that. I had to figure out what it was about you that made me think things I'd never thought before.”

"You've never told me that," Cassian said after a moment. "You've never told me any of that." 

"I didn't know how to," Jyn said plainly. "I wasn't anywhere close to figuring out what was going on with me when you asked if I wanted to have dinner sometime. I knew you meant it as a date because that's what normal people who understood their sexuality did, and I was still so curious about you that I said yes. And that night we went to dinner was amazing. It's still the best date I've ever had in my life. So I kept things going because I needed to figure out why I was feeling the way I was. And then came the night that I walked you home, and we had that awkward moment outside the door to your building, remember? I didn't know what to do, and I was just about to say goodnight and walk away when you shoved me up against the building and kissed me." 

“I had to,” Cassian mumbled. “It was obvious you weren't going to initiate it.”

"I'd never felt anything like that before. It just felt so right, and so did every kiss that followed it. And the night that we made love for the first time, it changed my life, Cassian. You became my whole world, my whole life. After a while, I started to think of the future in terms of us, us as an entity, not separate ones. But I still didn't have any clue what it was I was doing, and every time I stopped to think about it, I got so terrified that my hands would shake. And I didn't think Saw would approve. He'd spent so long trying to teach the girl out of me that I didn't think he'd like that I was acting like a girl. I didn't think your parents would like me either. I was utterly terrified of anyone knowing what it was we did together. But at the same time, I hated making you hide. You knew who you were. I envied that so much, that freedom and how comfortable you were with yourself. You have no idea how much." 

“I never pushed you into something you weren't ready for. Every time you said it was too much, I backed off.”

“I know,” Jyn said, sighing heavily. “I loved you even more every time you did that. But my love for you wasn't enough to balance out the weight of us. I wasn't ready for the weight of us. So I took the coward's way out and just disappeared. No, I more than disappeared, I stole away your livelihood. And I will never, ever, forgive myself for doing that to you. Ever. But I thought just disappearing would make things easier for both of us. I know now that was one of the stupidest ideas I've ever had.

“I've just spent the last three months trying to put my life back into some sort of order, and with every layer that the therapists helped to peel away, more and more of what it is I truly want has become exposed. I suppose that I've known the truth of it all since the first time I let myself realize that I was in love with you, but I didn't realize how deep it ran, and not just how much I wanted it, but how much I needed it too. It's you, but it's so much more than just you.”

Cassian took a deep breath, fully aware that they were inching into dangerous territory. “Tell me.”

"I want to wake up every morning and have your face be the first thing I see. I want to know that you're legally required to be there every morning, that you belong to me. I want to belong to you. I want a house somewhere in the city, with a swing set in the back, and I want a couple of kids running around playing on it. I want to curl up next to you on a porch swing when I'm nearing seventy and the kids have left to start families of their own. I want to spend every moment of the rest of my life with you because being with you is the only thing that has ever really made me feel alive." Jyn sighed and leaned back into the cushions, running her hands over her face. "That's what I want. And I don't know why I was ever stupid enough to think that maybe you would want the same things. Not after what I did. I don't even understand how it is you can look at me." 

Cassian sat silently as Jyn stood up, bending down to pick her shirt up off the floor and walking towards her suitcase. Cassian watched as Jyn slowly started to place the things she had set around the room back into the suitcase, it took his mind a few minutes to realize that Jyn was packing to leave. Cassian was off to the sofa and at Jyn's side before he could blink, pulling the clothes from Jyn's hands and tossing them in the opposite direction of the suitcase. 

“Cassian, what are yo—”

Cassian cut Jyn off with a searing kiss, pulling her away from the suitcase. Jyn responded to the kiss tentatively, unsure of what Cassian's actions meant, but Cassian was having none of it. He forced himself to pull away, breathing hard as he walked over to blow out the candles, plunging the room into darkness. The music went away a few moments later, and Jyn still didn't know what was happening when she felt Cassian's hands on her again, pulling her out of the room and into the bedroom she was fast becoming acquainted with.

“Do you know how much I used to want all that?” Cassian said softly, pushing Jyn onto the bed. “Oh God, did I want all of that.”

Jyn felt her breath catch in her throat as Cassian climbed onto the bed, pulling him close. “Really?”

Cassian answered her with a long kiss. “Oh God, Jyn, I can't let you say those things and just walk out of my life. I just can't.”

“What does that mean then?” Jyn asked, her voice tight.

“It means you have already destroyed my life once,” Cassian said, running his fingers through Jyn's hair. “And as much as I hate to admit it, if you left again, even though it's only been a few days, that would kill me again. But things aren't as simple as you saying all that and me just forgetting the past ten years happened.”

"I know," Jyn murmured, rolling onto her back and pulling Cassian on top of her. "I know that it won't be that easy. But I'm determined to make things right between us." 

Cassian moaned as Jyn kissed him, her hands gliding down the soft skin of his back. “You could start by continuing this,” he murmured as Jyn started kissing down his neck.

Jyn sighed into Cassian's skin, moving her hands to the button of Cassian's jeans. “I can do that,” she whispered. “I can definitely do that.”


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks so much for the fantastic response this is getting. you've made me smile so much. also, this will be the last update until after christmas. i hope you all have a happy holiday!

_Jedha founder Jyn Erso stepped down as the company's chief executive officer today, ending months of speculation about her future. Chief operating officer Mon Mothma has been chosen to take Erso's place, a decision that the company has confirmed was made by Erso herself. Erso also announced she has bought out the percentages held by four key investors, increasing her majority shareholding to nearly eighty percent. Coming up after the break, our business analyst Wilhuff Tarkin explains how although Erso has stepped away from the company, she's actually strengthened her control of it._

“They've been saying the same thing for nearly five hours now,” Cassian said, looking around his monitor to where Jyn was laying on the sofa. “Is there a reason you continue to watch?”

“You can't allow me to wallow in some self-inflicted torture for awhile?” Jyn moaned.

Cassian shook his head and turned his attention back to the screen in front of him. “You can wallow all you want if you turn that off.”

“What do you have against the news anyway?” Jyn asked, searching for where she'd set the remote control. “You get annoyed every time I put it on.”

Cassian moved his hand to the mouse and clicked through a couple of screens before beginning to type again. “I listen to the news twice a day. First, for fifteen minutes when I wake up, and second, for fifteen minutes before I go to bed. Anything beyond that makes me a combination of depressed, angry, and scared out of my mind. There's never any good news. It's always bad news. And to be perfectly honest, I am beyond sick of listening to them go on and on about you and Jedha.”

Jyn spotted the remote on the floor and picked it up, muting the television. “I don't blame you. I'm rather sick of hearing about that myself.”

“Yet you've laid there for the past five hours and listened to them talk about it over and over and over,” Cassian said.

“I told you, I'm wallowing in self-inflicted torture.”

Cassian stopped typing when the beep alerting him to a new email sounded, bringing up his email program and opening the new message. His eyes scanned the message quickly, and he sighed heavily as he read the last sentence. “Ah, fuck.”

“What?” Jyn asked, sitting up and looking in Cassian's direction.

Cassian ran his hands over his face and groaned. “My friends and I, we all get together for dinner on the third Saturday of every month at Chirrut and Baze's place. I don't even know why we do it. It's not like we never see each other. Anyway, Kay just emailed about the one that's coming up tomorrow night, and the last sentence of the email is 'And you should bring that girl you're hiding too. I can't wait to yell at her about you.' Which means that most likely Bodhi has filled him in on your reappearance in my life, which I should have expected but for some reason didn't, and that I'm now going to be constantly harassed by them until they get to meet you. So, yeah. Fuck.”

“Your friends know about me?”

“They know about you in general terms,” Cassian explained. “Well, except for Chirrut. Chirrut figured out that it was you, but he won't say anything to the others. Trust me, the last thing in the world I want is for Bodhi and Kay to know that Jyn Erso is sleeping on my sofa.”

Jyn let out a soft sigh. “I'm not sleeping on your sofa.”

“No, you're not,” Cassian said, minimizing the email and going back to his code. “I don't want them to know that either. They already know that we had sex, but I'd prefer for them to think it was just the once.”

“You want to keep me hidden, just like I used to keep you hidden,” Jyn murmured, laying back down. “I suppose I deserve that.”

Cassian shook his head and searched the screen for where he left off. “It's not about keeping you hidden. It's about the fact that Bodhi and Kay can't keep a secret to save their lives, and if they knew that the girl they know about was Jyn Erso, they would never be able to shut up about it. The coffee shop is a busy, busy place, packed full of college kids. All it would take is one of them who needs some money to overhear Bodhi or Kay saying something about you and me, and we'd be all over the newspapers. And that is something that I think we can both agree that we don't want to have happen.”

Jyn stayed silent for several minutes, then sighed heavily. “You do know that once I get everything between us straightened out, I'm not planning on keeping my relationship with you a secret, right?”

Cassian closed his eyes and took a few deep breaths, trying to remain calm and composed instead of allowing Jyn to discover how much hearing her say they were going to work things out was affecting him. “You are presuming an awful lot there.”

“I meant what I said last night,” Jyn said seriously. “For the first time in my life, I know who I am and what I need. And you are a major, major part of that,”

“What were you going to do if I slammed the door in your face?” Cassian asked softly.

“Honestly?” Jyn said after a moment. “I was going to have my driver take me to the office, then go to the roof and jump.”

Cassian let the meaning of Jyn's words sink in. “What?”

“There are two sealed envelopes in my suitcase,” Jyn said softly. “One for Saw and one for you. I would have given my assistant instructions to deliver the letters, Saw first, then you, and then she would have been under your command.”

Cassian swallowed hard. “Why would she have been under my command?”

"I had a lawyer come to visit while I was in the rehab center. Had him change my will," Jyn said, her voice so low that Cassian could barely hear her. "All of the money I made would go to Saw. My percentage of Jedha would go to you, along with an already written statement to be released to the media explaining how Jedha wasn't my idea, it was yours, and that giving you the company was the only way I could think of to begin to make up for the fact that I stole your idea. I debated about whether or not to put something about you being the love of my life, but I decided that was better left to the letter." 

Cassian moved his shaking hands away from the keyboard and wrung them together, trying to get some sort of grip on his emotions. “Jyn...I don't even know what to say.”

“Don't say anything,” Jyn murmured, climbing off the sofa and walking towards Cassian. “You didn't slam the door in my face. And therefore it didn't happen.”

Cassian glanced up as Jyn came to a stop next to him, letting his eyes drift closed as Jyn bent and kissed him softly. “I'm going to take a shower. My assistant is coming after you leave tonight to pick me up and take me to Jedha. I need to sneak in and sign a bunch of paperwork. I'll be back by the time that you get home.”

Cassian watched as Jyn walked out of the room and down the hall, swallowing hard when he heard the door to the bathroom close. He sat there for several minutes before he shook himself out of his stupor, reaching for his phone. He scrolled through his contacts until he found the number he was looking for, pressed the correct button, and brought the phone up to his ear.

It rang a few times before the call was answered, and Chirrut could only get half of his greeting out before Cassian was cutting him off. “I need to talk to you. Now.”

“We have some customers here,” Chirrut said. “Can I call you back?”

Cassian groaned in frustration and glanced at the clock. “You close in half an hour right? I'll be there then.”

“Alright, see you when you get here.”

Cassian stood as he heard Chirrut hang up, sliding his phone into his pocket and reaching for his messenger bag. He put the laptop and a couple of extra batteries in it and slung it over his shoulder as he reached for his keys. He stared at them for a moment, then spun around and walked into his bedroom, lifting up a corner of the mattress and grabbing his spare key. He walked back to his desk and grabbed a scrap of paper and a pen, scribbling out a quick note. He took the note and put it on the sofa, then made sure he had his keys before walking out of the apartment. 

When Jyn got out of the shower, she wasn't surprised to find Cassian gone. She was, however, surprised by the note on the sofa, a key to the apartment sitting on top of it, but mostly by the three sentences in the note that weren't explaining what the key was. 

_Please don't jump. I need you. I need you so much._

*****

“Well, Cassian, it seems you've got yourself in quite the situation,” Chirrut said. “She was going to kill herself.”

Cassian took a long sip from his beer. “So she says.”

“Do you believe her?”

Cassian sighed as he set his beer back on the table. “Knowing everything that I know about her? Yeah, I do. But I have absolutely no idea how to process this information. How am I supposed to react to this?”

“Carefully,” Chirrut said as Baze approached. “Very carefully.”

“Fettuccine Alfredo,” Baze announced, setting plates down in front of both men. “And with that, I will be off to the Organas.”

“Be sure to say hello to Bail and Breha for me,” Chirrut said as Baze started walking away. “The Organas are thinking of remodeling their house. It would be a big project for Baze, but it would also be a big paycheck that he can't turn down. We need the money to keep the store running.”

"You run the most popular antique store in the city, Chirrut," Cassian pointed out. "People pay shitloads of money for the stuff you sell." 

“Yes, and Baze pays shitloads of money for the stuff he buys for the store. He's not the best businessman in the world. I try to tell him to leave the haggling over the price to me, but he never does.” Chirrut reached for his fork and started cutting into the pasta. “That's enough about me and Baze. Back to you.”

Cassian sighed as he started to cut into the pasta in front of him. “I just don't know what to do. She wants me back.”

Chirrut laughed. “No offense, Cas, but that was pretty obvious. The question is do you want her back?”

Cassian poked at the pasta with his fork. “She told me all this stuff she'd realized while she was in rehab. That she wanted me, but more than just me. A house, kids, spending the rest of our lives together. She almost left right after telling me that, because she thought there was no way I'd ever want the same things.”

“But you do,” Chirrut said, and Cassian knew it was a statement, not a question.

“There was once a part of me that did.”

“And that part of you has never died.”

“No,” Cassian said after a moment. “I guess it hasn't.”

“Then that's good news, isn't it?”

Cassian ate a bite of the fettuccine. “It's not that simple.”

“Why not?”

Cassian took a deep breath as he debated whether or not to tell Chirrut the truth. “When she left all those years ago, she stole something from me,” he said after a minute. “And I'm not talking about something minor like the t-shirt I took from her. Something big.”

“If the next words out of your mouth are about your innocence, I'm telling you now that I will not be able to control my laughter,” Chirrut said, teasing in his voice. “That's too ridiculous even for us.”

Cassian chuckled. “It's not my innocence, Chirrut. For fuck's sake, that was gone long before I ever met her.”

“So what did she steal from you that was so big that I never even noticed that anything was missing?”

“Do you remember how I kept telling you about my big idea?” Cassian asked in between bites. “The times when I'd use way too much computer programming language in our conversations and you had to remind me that you had no idea what I was talking about?”

“Of course,” Chirrut said. “The beginnings of The Alliance. I may not have always understood what you were talking about, but I did always tell you that it was going to be a huge success. And I was one hundred percent right about that.”

“The stuff I talked to you about wasn't the beginnings of The Alliance,” Cassian said, pausing to take a long sip of his beer. “It was the beginnings of Jedha.”

Chirrut paused, then nearly dropped his fork as what Cassian had said swept over him. “Jedha?”

“The day she left me, she broke into my dorm room while I was at class,” Cassian said softly, relieved to finally be able to talk to someone about it. “She was the only one I had ever told all the specifics to, the only one I had ever worked on the project in front of. She knew every single notebook to take, every disc. She even took my laptop because she knew it had a lot of coding work already done on it.”

Chirrut frowned. “You told me that you dropped your laptop down the stairs and had to get a new one because it was so busted. I loaned you money for that laptop.”

"I lied," Cassian said plainly. "It's so obvious in hindsight, but when it happened, I didn't connect the two. It wasn't until I started hearing about Jedha that I realized she was the one who'd robbed me. Of course, it was her. It had to have been. No one else knew the stuff that she knew. She knew absolutely everything, right down to the company name and the reasons behind it." 

“You've never said a thing,” Chirrut said incredulously. “She has made millions upon millions of dollars and you've never said a thing.”

“One of the first things she said to me when she came back was that she was surprised I'd never sued them,” Cassian said. “I had to remind her that not only did I not have money for a lawyer, but she had taken every single piece of evidence that the idea was mine. I'd have no way to prove it, and I highly doubt Jedha's legal department would have given me whatever it was I wanted.”

Chirrut set his fork down and leaned back in his chair, the shock apparent on his face. “She did that to you, and you still let her in the door? Wow, Cassian. I think I would have slammed the door in her face.”

“If I had slammed the door in her face, then she'd be dead and I'd be the majority owner of Jedha right now.”

“Well, you would have what's rightfully yours,” Chirrut pointed out after a moment.

Cassian shook his head. “I'd have the company, but I'd also have her death on my conscience for the rest of my life. If that had happened, I never would have been able to forgive myself. Ever.”

They ate in silence for several minutes before Chirrut reached out and grasped the hand Cassian wasn't eating with. “Be honest with me, Cassian. You've never stopped loving her, have you?”

Cassian sighed heavily. “No. Even knowing what happened at the end, knowing what she did, I still look back on my time with her as the best years of my life. She made me happy, Chirrut. You know how difficult it is for me to be happy. For fuck's sake, she's only been back in my life for a few days and I'm already happier than I've been in years.”

“Then the question is can you forgive her? After all of that?”

“Yes,” Cassian said without hesitation. “I already did, years ago.”

“So what are you going to do then?”

Cassian set his fork down and reached for his beer. "This is where I run into the problem because I have no idea. I know I'm going to let her stay for as long as she wants. She's going to want to go back to that penthouse of hers at some point, I'm sure. It's much better than sleeping on my sofa. Once she does, I'm going to sit alone in my apartment for a few days and figure out what it is I want. She's dead set on making things right between us, and while there's a very large part of me that wants to let that happen, there's still something holding me back. I think I'm just afraid that it's all going to blow up in my face again." 

“I can understand the problem,” Chirrut said, letting go of Cassian's hand and reaching for his fork. “But I think in the end you will make the choice that is for the best. You are not one to make foolish choices, Cassian.”

Cassian laughed. “Now that's the funniest thing I think you've ever said, Chirrut.”

Chirrut laughed as well. “Your early university days aside, that is.”

“Oh, those were some really foolish decisions,” Cassian said, shaking his head. “I definitely don't want to make another decision like that again.”

“Well here's one for a start. I think you should let Bodhi and Kay meet her,” Chirrut said after a moment. “Let them yell at her.”

“I guarantee you, the moment they discover that she is who she is, they will lose their desire to yell at her.”

“I don't know about that, Cas. You are far more important to them than their fascination with Jyn Erso.”

"And to think, I was starting to believe that you'd met Bodhi and Kay before," Cassian said teasingly. "I don't know what I'm going to do about them yet. You will be the first one to meet her because you have some restraint. But that's not going to happen for awhile." 

“I will meet her whenever you are ready for me to,” Chirrut said, smiling softly. “And I promise not to kill her for what it is she did.”

“Thank you,” Cassian said, picking his fork back up. “Now talk to me about something else.”

“Leia Organa was in the shop again yesterday, except this time she was there with Han Solo.”

“Leia and Han?” Cassian said questioningly. “Really?”

“According to Baze they seemed quite close,” Chirrut said. “Apparently she met him through Luke Skywalker.”

“I wonder what Bail and Breha think of that,” Cassian said. “Sorry about interrupting you when you were with customers earlier, by the way. It never even occurred to me that you would be with some.”

“It's alright,” Chirrut said. “They didn't end up buying anything anyway.”

"One of these days, you really are going to have to explain to me why someone who spent years studying to be a lawyer is happier selling antiques because I do not understand it. Not at all. The money would be no problem if you were a lawyer." 

“Those years I spent studying law made me hate the idea of being a lawyer,” Chirrut said. “We have had this discussion before.”

“I know, but I just don't understand,” Cassian said in between bites. “But then again studying computer engineering only made me love computers more, so I suppose that's why I can't comprehend it.”

“We need to finish dinner,” Chirrut said. “If we don't get to the coffee shop soon, Bodhi is going to wonder where the hell we are.”

Cassian shrugged. “We spend half our lives in that coffee shop just to keep him company. Let him wonder where we are for once.”

“That's not why I go there,” Chirrut said, surprised. “Is that the only reason you go there?”

“I started going there because the people I lived next to had a baby that would scream all night and I could never concentrate on my work. After I moved to where I live now, that was no longer an issue, but we had this friendship going and I knew how bored he got during the middle of the night, so I kept going to the shop so he wouldn't be alone.”

“You moved into your apartment almost six years ago.”

“I know.”

Chirrut shook his head and laughed slightly. “Something tells me I've underestimated how much all of us mean to you.”

“You four are basically the only people I ever talk to, except for my parents on the rare occasion. I've sort of lived vicariously through all of you for the last seven years,” Cassian said, a smile crossing his face. “But if everything works out in a certain way, I won't have to do that anymore. I'll have her back.”

“I hope it does,” Chirrut said softly, “even if I cannot understand how you could possibly ever forgive her.”

“I'm not sure anyone will ever understand why I forgave her,” Cassian said seriously. “Not ever her. But I do, and that's all that matters.”

Chirrut took the last bite of his pasta. “Alright, if we're not going to the coffee shop, what are we doing then?”

Cassian thought about that while he finished off his food, then smiled. “There's that bottle of whiskey that Baze never lets you touch.”

Chirrut laughed. “You want to get drunk like we used to?”

“Why not?” Cassian asked. “We haven't done that in forever.”

“Alright,” Chirrut said. “Go get the bottle before I change my mind.”

Cassian stood up and collected their plates. “I'm not letting you change your mind.”

*****

Jyn took one look at Cassian as he stumbled into the apartment and determined that he had not gone to the coffee shop. “You're drunk.”

Cassian glanced up at the sound of Jyn's voice, letting his messenger bag drop to the floor before pushing himself away from the wall and approaching her. “You're a motherfucking bitch, you know that?”

Jyn's eyes widened at the anger in Cassian's voice, backing up against Cassian's desk. “Cassian, you're drunk.”

“Did you ever stop to think about how I would feel?” Cassian yelled. “Did it ever cross your fucking mind?”

Jyn quickly dropped down to the floor when she felt Cassian was too close. “No,” she said honestly, even though she wasn't entirely certain what Cassian was talking about. “I fully admit to being a selfish, narcissistic bitch. I want to change that though, and I want you to help me.”

Cassian took a step forward and tripped over Jyn's feet, falling and groaning when his head hit the floor. “Fuck, that hurt.”

“Are you alright?” Jyn asked, shifting closer to him and reaching towards Cassian's head.

Cassian grabbed at her arm a couple of times before he got a hold of Jyn's wrist, pulling at her. “I fucking hate you, you know. But I fucking love you too. You said all this stuff to me, but you never ever stopped to think about how I'd feel. You never have.”

Jyn moved so she was hovering over Cassian, sliding a hand underneath his head to make sure he wasn't bleeding. “I'm sorry. I'm so motherfucking sorry. I don't know what else to say, Cas. If I could go back to that moment ten years ago and do it again, I'd do it differently. I'd talk to you. I'd tell you how scared I was. I wouldn't fuck you over the way I did.”

“Not talking about that,” Cassian mumbled drunkenly. “You were going to leave me.”

Jyn stared at him for a few minutes, waiting for Cassian to elaborate, but he never did. “I was going to leave you?”

“Forever,” Cassian said bitterly. “You were going to leave me forever.”

Jyn took a deep breath as the meaning behind Cassian's words finally hit her. “Life isn't worth living without you in it,” she said softly. “I just didn't want to live without you anymore.”

Cassian let go of Jyn's arm as he felt tears gather behind his eyes. “I don't want to be the reason you're dead. I don't want you to be dead,” he rambled. “You're an asshole and you fucked me over and you broke my heart into ten million little pieces and you turned me into this shell of a person that's just been existing for the last ten years, but I'm a motherfucking moron that is motherfucking in love with you and I don't want you to be dead. If you're dead then that means you can never come back, and I've always, always wanted you to come back. I want you back. But you can't come back if you're dead.”

“Shh,” Jyn murmured, pulling Cassian up into her arms and leaning back against the desk. “I'm not dead, Cassian. You're the reason I'm not dead.”

Cassian let out a strangled sob and buried his head in Jyn's neck, shuddering as Jyn tightened her arms around him. “Could have been the other way,” he mumbled. “Could have happened.”

“But it's not the other way,” Jyn said, rubbing Cassian's back soothingly. “It didn't happen.”

“Jyn,” Cassian said brokenly, pawing at Jyn's shirt until Jyn grasped his hand and held it tight. “Don't jump. Don't leave me.”

Jyn let her eyes drift closed as Cassian's tears soaked the skin of her neck. “I'm not going to jump. I'm here, baby. I'm here and I'm not going anywhere.”

“Promise?”

“Promise,” she whispered, holding Cassian closer. “You're right. I didn't think about how telling you about that would affect you. I just...I wanted to let you know how serious I am about you being a permanent part of my life. Instead, all I've done is hurt you. Again. Made you cry. Again. Maybe that's the only thing I'm good at. Maybe you are better off without me.”

“No,” Cassian mumbled into Jyn's neck. “I need you. I need you so much. Told you earlier.”

“I know, I found the note. It made me so happy to read that,” Jyn said softly. “And then you came home drunk and angry. I don't blame you for that though. I deserve it.”

Cassian burrowed closer into Jyn's embrace, moaning appreciatively as Jyn started rubbing his back again. “Don't feel good.”

“That's because you drank too much,” Jyn murmured, moving Cassian so he was leaning up against the desk and then standing up. “Come on, let's go to bed.”

Cassian didn't move until Jyn bent down and helped to pull him up, and then he leaned against her as Jyn walked them to the bedroom. He leaned up against the wall as he struggled to kick his shoes off, then played around with the button of his jeans until he finally got them loose enough to slide off. He stumbled as he tried to pull his shirt over his head, murmuring thanks when Jyn's hands steadied him. He wobbled over to the bed once he was wearing nothing but his boxers, pausing and looking around the room before walking over to the chair by the closet door and picking up the old, faded blue t-shirt. He slid it over his head, working his arms through the appropriate holes as he stumbled back to the bed and collapsed onto it.

Jyn waited until Cassian was lying down to take off her clothes, smiling when Cassian flipped onto his back and the details on the front of the blue t-shirt came into view. She turned off the lights and shut the bedroom door, then laid down next to Cassian and pressed a gentle kiss to his lips. “I've been looking for that t-shirt for forever, you know.”

She was met with near silence, the only sound echoing through the room that of Cassian's soft breathing. Jyn kissed him one more time before wrapping an arm around Cassian's waist and letting her eyes drift closed.


	5. Chapter 5

When Cassian woke up, he barely got his eyes open before the searing pain went through his head, causing him to groan loudly and squeeze his eyes shut. He reached for his pillow and buried his head underneath it, then tried to figure out what was wrong with him. His limbs felt heavy and, when he wasn't moving his head, it felt like it was full of cotton wool, and those were his usual symptoms of a hangover. 

Why did he have a hangover?

He forced himself to focus on the night before, and dinner with Chirrut popped into his head, but he quickly decided that wasn't it because he'd only had the one beer with dinner. So he tried to think a little harder, and then glimpses of a bottle of whiskey and clinking glasses with Chirrut came to mind.

Well, that explained the hangover. Whiskey always gave him a hangover.

He slowly moved his arms up and down the bed around him, feeling the crisp sheets that were on the mattress, then brushing against the soft cotton of the old t-shirt. So he was home. That was good. He moved his right arm further out and felt the other side of the bed, noting it was empty. Chirrut must have either gone home or had already woken up and was nursing a cup of coffee in the kitchen with Baze. He thought about getting up and joining them, but a tiny movement of his head made him change his mind.

Bed. He was just going to stay in bed for awhile. And sleep. Sleep off the hangover. Yes, that was a good plan. He stopped thinking and was asleep again in seconds.

When Cassian woke up the second time, he managed to get his eyes fully open without the searing pain, but his head still felt like it was full of cotton wool. He managed to flip himself onto his back before pulling the pillow off of his head, glancing at the bedside table to check the time. He smiled when he saw the glass of water sitting there, a couple of pills on a napkin beside it.

Baze always did take good care of him whenever he decided to get drunk with Chirrut.

He rolled onto his side and reached for the pills, putting them in his mouth before taking a large drink from the glass of water and swallowing them down. The small action wiped out all of the energy he had, so he shifted onto his stomach and buried his head underneath the pillow again. 

More sleep was needed, and he was asleep again in minutes.

When Cassian woke up for the third time, he knew someone was in bed with him before he ever opened his eyes. They were pressed up against his side, one arm wrapped protectively around his waist, legs tangled together with his. He wondered why Chirrut was curled up with him like that, but then he heard a soft whisper of his name, and his eyes flew open.

That was definitely not Chirrut.

“Are you awake yet?” Jyn asked, sliding her hand up Cassian's chest gently. “You've been asleep all day.”

Flashes of the previous night were coming to Cassian at lightspeed. The yelling. The anger. The crying against Jyn's shoulder after he had said all sorts of things that he never, ever wanted to actually say to Jyn. Jyn making it obvious that she had heard Cassian loud and clear.

Fuck. Motherfucking fuck.

“I can tell you're awake, you know.”

Cassian stayed still, refusing to acknowledge that he was actually awake. He felt Jyn give up after a few minutes, her presence against Cassian disappearing. He listened to the footsteps as they left the room, let himself breathe once he heard the bedroom door shut. He laid there for another few minutes before moving the pillow off of his head, blinking rapidly as the light in the room hit him.

He tossed the pillow towards the end of the bed and looked over at where Jyn had been laying, frowning when he noticed an envelope sitting on the bedsheets, his name written across it in Jyn's distinctive handwriting. He picked it up and brought it closer to his face, examining the envelope as though it would give him some sort of clue as to what was inside it. 

After he realized what it was, it took him nearly half an hour to decide not to open it.

He stared at it for another five minutes before sitting up and swinging his legs off the bed, standing up on still shaky legs. He needed food, he needed coffee, and he needed to talk to Jyn. 

He was only prepared for two out of those three things.

*****

It had been nearly an hour since Jyn had left Cassian alone in the bedroom with the letter, and she had been listening to Cassian's phone go off for nearly the same amount of time. First came the string of beeps that she had decided were associated with the arrival of text messages, then the ringtone of what Jyn thought was probably the newest Biggs Darklighter song, because Cassian always had a Biggs Darklighter ringtone, followed by a different string of beeps that must have been the indicator for a message left on his voicemail. It had annoyed her at first, but ever since she heard the telltale sounds of Cassian moving around in the bedroom, she had welcomed the distraction of the annoying sounds.

She'd hurt him again.

Of course, she had. There was no way that Cassian would have ever been able to read that letter and not be hurt by it, whether Jyn was sitting in the kitchen sipping at a glass of whiskey or if she'd been lying dead in the back of hearse that was halfway to a cemetery. Once she'd come clean about her planned suicide, she knew that a time would come when Cassian would ask to read the letter, but after the things that Cassian had said earlier that morning, she'd decided that it was best just to let Cassian read the letter now. So, she had to hurt him. It was the only way. 

The phone in front of her began to vibrate again, the ringtone starting up a few seconds later, and unlike the previous times, Jyn reached for it. She looked at the screen and saw that the call was coming from Chirrut, and she remembered Cassian saying that Chirrut was the one of his friends who knew about her, so she took a deep breath and pressed what she thought was the right button. “Hel—” 

“Where are you?” was said in a concerned voice, cutting off Jyn's greeting. “We've been waiting for you for almost an hour.”

Jyn took another deep breath. “Is this Chirrut that I am speaking to?”

“Yes,” the voice replied after a moment. “And this is?”

“Jyn,” she replied, Cassian's words from the day before echoing through her head. “But I would appreciate it if on your end of the conversation you referred to me by a different name. For Cassian's sake.”

“Of course, Sabine,” Chirrut said, and Jyn heard a few voices ask who Sabine was in unison. “May I speak to Cassian please?”

Jyn glanced back at the bedroom door. “I'm sorry, Chirrut, but Cassian is unable to come to the phone right now.”

“And why is that?”

“Cassian returned to the apartment this morning very, very drunk,” Jyn said. “He's been sleeping off his hangover all day and is still in bed. I believe that he's probably completely forgotten about your planned dinner.”

Chirrut sighed heavily. “Ah, I knew us getting drunk last night was a bad idea. Are you taking care of him?”

“Of course I am,” Jyn said defensively, turning her gaze towards the bedroom when she heard the door open. “I will have Cassian call you once he is awake and feeling better. Enjoy your dinner.”

Cassian poked his head around the door frame and gave Jyn a confused look, sighing heavily when Jyn pointed to the phone. He walked out of the bedroom as Jyn found the right button to end the call, Chirrut's voice echoing out of the speaker for a few seconds before disappearing. “You answered my phone.”

“It's been ringing for nearly an hour,” Jyn said, setting the phone on the table and standing up. “When I noticed it was Chirrut, I decided to put your friends out of their misery.”

Cassian nodded and walked over to his desk. “Thanks,” he said softly, moving his mouse so the screensaver went away and then pulling up his email program. “They're going to be so mad at me. No one has ever missed one of our dinners.”

“They'll understand,” Jyn said, standing in the doorway and watching as Cassian scrolled through his email. “How are you feeling?”

“Better,” Cassian muttered, seeing a few emails that needed his attention but deciding to leave them for later. “Physically better at least. I don't really know about the rest of me at the moment.”

Jyn watched as Cassian minimized the program and walked over to the sofa, following him moments later. Cassian sat down and curled up on one end, his knees tucked underneath his chin, so Jyn sat down on the other end of the sofa and waited for Cassian to start talking. 

“I didn't read it.”

Jyn looked over at him in shock. “You didn't?”

“I don't think I can,” Cassian said honestly. “It's going to hurt too much.”

“I left it there for you to read,” Jyn said. “I think it needs to happen or we're never going to get past this, even though it means hurting you again.”

“I don't need to read it to get past this,” Cassian said, tilting his head to the side. “Just, listen to what I have to say, alright?”

Jyn nodded and Cassian stayed silent for a few minutes before talking. “The night before I launched The Alliance, I went to my parents' house and just sat on the back porch with a beer. My father came out and joined me after a little while. We just sat there not saying a thing for I don't even know how long, and then out of nowhere, he tells me not to make the same mistakes he did. Said he knew that I'd been in a relationship and that he could tell it had been serious by the way that I had acted once it was over. I was sort of speechless, really. I had never said anything to my parents about you or even that I was dating someone, and I never thought that he paid enough attention to me to notice something like that. And then he told me that if I still loved you, and he was pretty sure I did, that I should go to you and talk it out. Work it out. 'Don't let go of something or someone that you love just because you think that is what is best,' I remember him saying.

“By that point, you had started Jedha. I knew where to find you. The company was small enough that I could have walked into your office and talked your secretary into letting me see you. Tell her I was an old friend from university that was in town or something like that. And I really thought about doing that. Thought about it a lot. I even worked up the courage to do it a couple of times, and I'd get as far as the parking lot outside the office before I'd chicken out and leave. I wasn't ever sure of what it was I'd say to you if I actually went inside the building, and so it just never happened.

“But my father was right. We should have talked. If we had talked, whether it was when you were thinking of leaving or on one of those days when I was standing in the parking lot, we wouldn't be in this position right now. When I was staring at that envelope, all I could think about was that it was going to take death for you to finally be able to say those things to me. Death. We used to sit in my dorm room and say that we could tell each other everything, but we were both lying. We couldn't tell each other anything. But that can't happen anymore. We need to talk to each other, Jyn. Say whatever it is that needs to be said and have no regrets about doing it. That's the only way this is ever going to work.”

Jyn watched as Cassian uncurled himself and moved across the sofa, sitting next to her. “I swear to you, Cassian, I will talk to you about everything from now on. Absolutely everything. Even if it is the most difficult thing I've ever had to say.”

Cassian nodded and put his head on Jyn's shoulder, sighing when Jyn worked her arm around his waist. “Say it,” he murmured. “I know that it's probably in the letter, but I want to hear you say it.”

“I love you,” Jyn whispered, knowing exactly what Cassian wanted to hear. “I always have.”

“I love you too,” Cassian whispered back, shifting around until he was looking at Jyn. “Always have and always will.”

Jyn took in the serious look on Cassian's face. “I don't deserve your love. I never have.”

“I don't deserve yours either,” Cassian said softly, wrapping an arm around Jyn's shoulders. “And yet, we have it.”

“You deserve everything in the world,” Jyn murmured as Cassian pulled her into his lap. “And I'm planning on giving it to you.”

Cassian brought their lips together gently, sighing into the kiss. They kissed lazily, taking their time in exploring each other until Cassian's stomach grumbled. They broke apart, both of them laughing. 

“You haven't eaten anything today,” Jyn said, still chuckling.

Cassian nodded. “I probably don't have anything to eat. I usually do the grocery shopping on Saturday afternoons, and I clearly missed that today.”

“Shall I call my assistant and have her bring us some dinner then?” Jyn asked.

Cassian pressed a kiss to Jyn's neck before she stood up. “Sounds like a good idea,” he said, standing up and stretching. “I'm going to go take a shower.”

“Food will be here by the time you're done,” Jyn promised, reaching for her phone as Cassian walked out of the room. 

“I'll believe that when I see it,” Cassian called out. “You remember how quickly I take a shower, don't you?”

“Oh, I remember.” Jyn brought up a new message and quickly typed out the order to bring dinner for two to the apartment in an hour then sent the text. She heard the shower turn on and smiled to herself, tossing the phone to the side and heading towards the bathroom. 

Cassian may shower quickly on his own, but Jyn was going to make sure that they took their time.

*****

“Alright, I want to know what is going on and I want to know now,” Bodhi demanded, looking across the table at Cassian. “You skip out on dinner Saturday night, you refuse to answer your phone or reply to your email all day yesterday, and I log into The Alliance this morning to a post from you that just says 'I'm happy.' Explain yourself.”

Cassian laughed and kept typing. “I think the post is fairly self-explanatory, Bodhi. Today, I am happy.”

“So things have turned around with this Sabine girl then?”

Cassian glanced at Kaytoo with a confused look on his face. “Sabine?”

“Oh for fuck's sake, Cas, Chirrut talked to the girl on the phone the other night. You can stop with this mystery bullshit,” Bodhi said firmly. “And I am seriously confused as to what you meant when you said that we'd know who she was if you told us her name, because the only Sabine I know is Sabine Wren, and she most certainly did not go to university with you.”

Cassian figured out what Bodhi was talking about and smiled. “So she told Chirrut that her name was Sabine then. Hmm, interesting.”

Kaytoo stared at him for a minute. “So her name is not Sabine?”

“No, it is not,” Cassian said, turning his attention back to the code he was working on. “But you can continue to refer to her as Sabine. That's fine with me.”

Bodhi groaned and banged his hand against the table a couple of times. “Why can't you just tell us the truth about this girl?”

“Seriously, Cas, you're breaking rule number one of our friendship. No secrets,” Kaytoo said.

“Please, like you're not keeping a ton of secrets from us about this foreign exchange student,” Cassian said, shaking his head. “You won't even tell us her name.”

“Well, it doesn't matter anymore because we have decided not to go on any more dates,” Kaytoo said, sighing heavily. “She's pretty, don't get me wrong, but she's too weird for me.”

“If you say so,” Cassian said, looking up at Bodhi. “What about you? Are you done fighting with Chirrut yet?”

“I'm not fighting with Chirrut,” Bodhi mumbled. “We just got into a bit of an argument over the fact that he knows about this Sabine girl and he won't tell me about it. And that's all the more reason that you should just tell us.”

Cassian sighed and stopped typing. “I don't want you two arguing over me.”

“Then tell me about her,” Bodhi whined.

Cassian reached for his coffee and took a long sip, sighing as he set the cup back down. “Look, I know that you two want to know the whole story about the two of us, but I'm just not ready for that. And neither is she. You're going to find out someday, but that's all I can promise you right now.”

“I don't understand why it is you can't talk to us about this girl. So we'd know who she is. So what?” Kaytoo shook his head. “So you're fucking one of our friends. So what? I don't understand why it has to be this big secret.”

Cassian turned back to his laptop and stared at the code for a moment before saving his place and then closing the window. The code needed his absolute attention, and it was not going to get that with the way the conversation was going. “I am not fucking one of our friends,” he said. “In fact, I'm one hundred percent certain that you've never met her.”

“Then how would I know who it is?” Bodhi exclaimed, leaning back in his chair. “That makes absolutely no sense.”

Cassian took a deep breath and thought about how he wanted to phrase things. “You don't have to have met someone to know who they are,” he finally said, looking over at Bodhi and Kaytoo to see if they understood what he was trying to say.

Kaytoo stared at him for a few moments, then his eyes widened as realization dawned on him. “She's some sort of celebrity?”

“I think calling her a celebrity is a bit much, but if I told you her name, you'd know who she was,” Cassian said, reaching for his coffee again. “And this is why I am not going to tell you who she is and until both she and I are ready.”

“Is she an actress?” Bodhi asked curiously. “Or maybe a musician? Hm, you met her at university, so that means she'd had to have been in some sort of course there.”

“Bodhi, please stop,” Cassian said quickly. “Can't you please just accept what I've told you and be fucking patient for once?”

“I bet she's some sort of computer nerd like you,” Kaytoo murmured. “Someone like......”

Cassian watched Kaytoo's face as he trailed off, and he decided that he needed to get out of there before they actually figured it out. He stood up and reached for his messenger bag, then closed his laptop and slid it inside. “Sometimes I wonder why it is I talk to you two, you know that?”

“No, it can't be,” Kaytoo said, shock slowly creeping into his voice. “It cannot be.”

“It can't be who?” Bodhi practically yelled.

Cassian closed up his messenger bag and slung it over his shoulder, walking around the table and stopping to mess up Bodhi's hair. “Go wash the dishes before Dodonna gets here,” he said teasingly, walking towards the door. “I know you've forgotten to do it!”

Kaytoo reached into his pocket as Cassian walked out of the coffee shop and he pulled out his phone. He scrolled through the contacts until he found the right one, then pressed the button to make the call. It rang a couple of times, and Chirrut barely got his sleepy salutation out before Kaytoo was practically screaming.

“Jyn Erso? Sabine is Jyn Erso?”

Bodhi shrieked as Chirrut groaned on the other side of the phone, and Kaytoo could hear the sounds of him moving around in his bed. “How did you figure it out, Kay?”

“Because Cassian just gave me enough clues to figure it out!” Kaytoo exclaimed. “Jyn Erso? Really?”

“Yes,” Chirrut said, resigned to the fact that he was going to have to tell Kaytoo everything he knew. “Bring me breakfast and I will tell you what you want to know.”

“I'm so there and I'm bringing Bodhi with me. You working today?”

“Yes,” Chirrut said sleepily. “So we will be having this discussion in the shop. Don't bring anything sticky for breakfast.”

“Got it. See you soon.”

“With breakfast,” Chirrut reminded.

Kaytoo laughed. “With breakfast, I promise.”


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter was halfway written when i heard the terrible news of carrie fisher's death, and then the second half of the chapter became really difficult to write because i was so so sad. so if the second half of the chapter doesn't seem as well written as the first, that's why. rest in peace, carrie. the force will always be with you.

Cassian blinked the sweat out of his eyes as Jyn crawled back up his body, sighing happily when he felt her press kisses along his neck. “That was fucking amazing.”

“It was a blowjob,” Jyn mumbled.

“It was a fucking amazing blowjob,” Cassian stated, smiling when Jyn's lips brushed against his own. “I think you killed me.”

Jyn laughed at the spaced-out tone of Cassian's voice, running her hand up his side. "You wouldn't be talking if I'd killed you," she teased, shifting off of Cassian and collapsing onto the bed next to him. "I remembered you enjoying them, so..." 

“So you nearly killed me with one. God, it was better than it used to be too,” Cassian said, turning to look at Jyn and smiling. “You're fucking amazing.”

Jyn laughed again. “A lot of things seem to be fucking amazing at the moment.”

Cassian groaned and leaned over, kissing Jyn soundly. “Don't make fun of me.”

“I'm not,” Jyn said, pulling Cassian close. “I love making you so out of it that you sound like an idiot.”

Cassian slapped at her shoulder playfully before settling along her side, putting his head on her shoulder. “Give me a few minutes and I'll return the favor.”

“Mmm, appreciated but not required,” Jyn murmured, tangling her fingers with Cassian's on her chest. “Right now is all about you.”

They laid in silence, Cassian biting back a laugh when he noticed that they were breathing in sync again. He could hear his phone ringing in the kitchen, could tell it was Chirrut by which Biggs Darklighter song it was playing, and he just instinctively knew that Bodhi and Kaytoo had figured it out and Chirrut had probably told them everything he knew about Jyn. Chirrut was calling to warn him, which meant that Bodhi and Kaytoo were probably on their way to the apartment to bang on the door until Cassian let them in.

He knew he should care, but he found that he didn't. Bodhi and Kaytoo could bang on the door all they wanted; Cassian was not moving off of the bed anytime in the foreseeable future.

“Jyn?”

“Hm?”

“You've learned a lot.”

“I've learned a lot about what?”

“Sex,” Cassian mumbled. “I mean, I can tell that you're a lot more experienced now.”

“Oh,” Jyn said after a moment. “Does that bother you?”

“No, not really,” Cassian said honestly. “I just noticed it this time. I didn't really notice it during the past few days.”

Jyn sighed and tightened her hold on Cassian. “We took our time today,” she said softly. “The last few days, we've sort of been in a hurry to fuck. Today we weren't.”

“It was more like it used to be,” Cassian murmured, turning his head to kiss Jyn's shoulder. “Felt right.”

Jyn smiled and tilted Cassian's head up, pressing a gentle kiss to his lips. “Yeah, it did, didn't it?”

“Those boys taught you well,” Cassian said, ducking his head back down. “It's kind of weird to think about that.”

Jyn tensed for a brief moment, then relaxed back into the mattress, taking a deep breath. “You can ask about them if you want.”

Cassian chuckled. "I'm more interested in hearing about the asshole, to be honest." 

“Of course you are,” Jyn groaned. “I still can't believe I was with him for as long as I was.”

“How long was it?”

“About six years,” Jyn murmured. “I guess I wanted another experience, just like I had an experience with you.”

Cassian pulled himself up onto his elbow, looking down at Jyn. “You were with me for an experience?”

“No,” Jyn said firmly. “I was with you because I wanted to be. Really, really wanted to be. But it was also something that I'd never experienced before, and when it was first starting, I did tell myself that if I didn't like it, I didn't have to do it again.”

“But you liked it.”

“I loved it,” Jyn corrected, pulling Cassian back down onto the bed. “I was always going to love it though. I was in love with you. How could I not love being able to show you how much I loved you, how much I enjoyed being with you?”

“I thought it took you months before you realized you were in love with me.”

Jyn kissed him softly. “It took me months to be able to tell you I loved you. It took me days to actually fall in love with you, even though I tried to deny it for quite some time.”

“Days?”

Jyn nodded. “I can't pinpoint the exact moment or what it was about you. I was halfway through my statistics homework on the evening of the third day I knew you, and you crossed my mind like you did practically every five minutes, and I just found myself thinking about how I loved you. I tried to tell myself that was impossible, and that set off weeks of trying to deny it, but deep down, I always knew. It was the best and scariest feeling that I've ever had in my life.”

“But you're not scared anymore?” Cassian asked meekly, avoiding Jyn's gaze.

Jyn grasped Cassian's chin lightly, forcing him to look at her. “I'm not scared anymore, Cassian.”

Cassian searched Jyn's eyes for some sign that she was lying, breaking into a wide smile when he found none. “That is one of the best things you've ever said to me.”

“I should have said it to you years ago,” Jyn said softly, running her fingers through Cassian's hair.

Cassian turned into the touch, letting his eyes drift closed. “I think we should have a rule.”

“Rule?” Jyn asked, amused. “We need rules now?”

Cassian opened his eyes again and shot Jyn a quick glare. “Only this one.”

“Okay.”

Cassian let his eyes close again, practically purring as Jyn stroked her fingers through his hair. “The rule is that we no longer refer to the last ten years. I'm sick of hearing and thinking about how different everything would be if you or I had done something differently all those years ago. We didn't, and we can't change the fact that we didn't, so we need to just accept it and move on. No more living in the past.”

“I think that will be extremely difficult,” Jyn said, “but I am willing to try.”

“Good. That's all I can ask of you anyway.” Cassian moved to kiss her, groaning when he heard the pounding on his front door. “Bodhi and Kay are here.”

“Bodhi and Kay?” Jyn asked, confusion on her face. “You didn't tell me you were expecting anybody.”

Cassian sighed and rolled onto his back. "I wasn't. But I said too much to them at the coffee shop last night, and they have figured out that you are you. Chirrut's been calling for a while, and I know it's because he's told them everything he knows about us, and so now they are here." 

Jyn watched as Cassian ran his hands over his face, seeing the frustration in his movement. “I'm not really ready to meet your friends.”

“I know. I'm not asking you to.” Cassian groaned again when the pounding got louder, swinging his legs around and sitting up. “Stay here. I'll get rid of them.”

Jyn watched as Cassian grabbed the bedsheet off the floor and wrapped it around his waist before walking out of the room. She listened as Cassian padded towards the door, smiling when she heard him yell for Bodhi and Kaytoo to go the fuck away. She expected Cassian to return to the bedroom but instead heard the sound of the door opening and then muffled conversation. 

Eventually, the door shut and Cassian came back to the bedroom, letting the bedsheet drop to the ground and climbing back onto the bed, hovering over Jyn. "They're gone." 

“Good,” Jyn said, smiling up at him. “What should we do now?”

“I know you said it wasn't required, but I think it's time for me to reciprocate,” Cassian said, bending down to kiss her. “Lay back and close your eyes.”

“Yes, sir,” Jyn laughed.

*****

Two days after Bodhi and Kaytoo showed up at his apartment, Cassian returned to the coffee shop for the first time. As soon as he walked in, he heard Bodhi yell that he was taking a break, and Cassian took a deep breath as he walked over to the table where Kaytoo was sitting with Chirrut and Baze. “Good evening, gentlemen.”

“You're an asshole and I want to punch you,” Kaytoo said, bitterness in his voice.

“Kay, there is no need for violence,” Chirrut said as Cassian sat down. “I'm sure Cassian is already aware of our anger.”

“Anger? We're furious,” Bodhi said, grabbing a chair and pulling it up to the table. “I've got fifteen minutes so make this quick.”

“For the record, I am not furious,” Baze said, looking over at Cassian as he pulled his laptop from his messenger bag. “I am more intrigued by the story than anything else. But if you say you can forgive her for what she did, as Chirrut tells me you can, then I trust your judgment.”

“Thank you, Baze,” Cassian said, setting his laptop on the table and opening it, quickly logging in. “I have one request before we begin this discussion. Please don't use her name. I don't want anyone overhearing us and running to the papers.”

“I think we can all agree to that,” Chirrut said before anyone could say anything else. “So how is she?”

“She is well,” Cassian said, keeping his eyes trained on his laptop. “She's still dealing with everything that has gone down in the past few months, but she is doing well.”

“Good,” Chirrut said. “And how are you?”

Cassian sighed as he began to type. "I am...I don't really know what I am, to be honest. I'm a lot of things at the moment." 

“How can you even look at her?” Kaytoo asked. “She stole your livelihood.”

“I can look at her because I know who she really is,” Cassian said. “She is not the public persona that you know of, and even though it has been ten years since the last time we saw each other, she really hasn't changed that much.”

“Ten years? It'd been a decade since you'd had sex?” Bodhi exclaimed. “Holy shit, Cas. I severely underestimated your monkdom.”

“I was not a monk,” Cassian snapped. “You've said on multiple occasions that you've never been in love, Bodhi. That's why I can say this with certainty. You wouldn't understand.”

“She's made millions!” Kaytoo exclaimed. “That could have been you! That should have been you!”

"Yes, it could have been me, but there is no guarantee that the company would have been as successful if I was behind it. But it's not me. And I came to terms with that a long time ago. If it had been me, I never would have come into this coffee shop and met either of you, I would never have brought Chirrut and Baze here, we would never have formed this friendship we have, and I love our friendship. I love this coffee shop too. And I never would have founded The Alliance. And I love The Alliance." 

“But millions!” Kaytoo said again. “Millions of dollars, Cassian. You can't tell me that you're okay with the fact that she's made millions of dollars off of your idea.”

“I don't know if I'm okay with it,” Cassian said honestly. “I don't know if I'll ever be okay with it. But in the long run, for me, that's not enough for me to shut her out of my life. I have missed her every second of every day since the last time I saw her. To have her back in my life in any capacity is a blessing, not a curse.”

“I think you've lost your mind,” Bodhi said, shaking his head. “She walked back into your life and you lost touch with reality.”

“No, I don't think that's correct,” Chirrut said, reaching for his coffee. “I think Cassian has been reminded of emotions that he has not felt in many years. Emotions that I think he thought he would never feel again. And that is a good thing. Emotions are always a good thing.”

“As you always say, Chirrut,” Baze said.

“Look, I understand that you are feeling as though I have lied to you for a very long time,” Cassian said, looking up from his laptop. “Especially with our unwritten rule of no secrets. But I need you to understand that nobody knew. No one but me and her. Not until I told Chirrut at dinner a few days ago. And if I had it my way, no one but Chirrut, her, and I would know.”

“You knew that I would not lie to them,” Chirrut pointed out. “You knew that when you told me.”

"Yes, I did," Cassian said. "But I did not think they would figure out who she is so quick." 

“That's your own damn fault,” Kaytoo said. “You gave us enough clues to figure it out.”

“Yes, that's my fault,” Cassian said, turning his attention back to his laptop. “I fully acknowledge that. What I need from all of you now is to keep everything a secret. No one else can know about this.”

“Oh you've got to be kidding me,” Bodhi exclaimed. “Tell me you are at least going to sue her to get some of what should rightfully be yours.”

“No, I am not.”

“Cassian, don't be an idiot.”

“I'm not being an idiot, Bodhi. I would rather have her in my life than millions of dollars in my bank account and Sabine nowhere to be found.”

“You really are an idiot,” Bodhi muttered. “So, when do we get to meet her?”

“Not anytime soon,” Cassian said, shaking his head when Bodhi and Kaytoo started to protest. “I don't care what you two have to say about it. She is not ready to meet you and I will not force you upon her before she is ready.”

“And what if she's never ready?” Chirrut asked, drawing Cassian's attention to him. “You told me before that she was never ready for people to know about your relationship. What if she is never ready now?”

“Things are different now,” Cassian said. “And Sabine and I don't have a relationship. We have an understanding that might at some point in time turn into a relationship.”

“Cassian, I know that you think things are different, but how can you be sure?” Chirrut asked.

“Did you tell them everything?” Cassian asked, knowing Chirrut would understand what he meant by it.

“No, I did not tell them about that.”

“That is how I know things are different. That's how far she was willing to go if I slammed the door in her face,” Cassian said, holding up a hand when Bodhi started to protest again. “No, Bodhi. I'm not telling you about that.”

“How come Chirrut gets to know and we don't?” Kaytoo asked.

“Because Chirrut can keep a secret,” Cassian said, looking over at him. “I'm surprised you two haven't talked about it so much that it's been leaked to the news, Kay.”

“Oh come on, Cassian, we know better than that!”

“Sometimes I wonder,” Cassian said, taking a deep breath. “Look, I know that you all are confused by how I can be around her, but at the end of the day, it's my decision whether or not I want her around, and I happen to view my life in a much better context when she's in it as opposed to when she is not. And you are just going to have to accept that.”

The table fell silent for a moment, and Cassian resumed his typing until Baze spoke. “She makes you happy, doesn't she?”

Cassian looked up at him and nodded. "If there is one thing that she has always done, more than anything else, it makes me happy. That is one of the many reasons I am not pushing her away. I deserve some happiness, and you all know how difficult it is for me to be happy." 

“That is all I needed to hear,” Baze said, smiling at him. “I look forward to meeting her in the future, Cassian. Whenever you both are ready for that to happen.”

“Thank you, Baze,” Cassian said. “Does anyone else have anything to say or can I get back to my work?”

“You already know my thoughts on the subject,” Chirrut said. “They have not changed.” 

“I understand. Kay? Bodhi?”

“I hope you know that when I meet her, I'm going to yell at her,” Kaytoo said. “Someone has to be angry with her for what she did.”

“I never said I wasn't angry with her,” Cassian said. “I just know that being angry with her is pointless.”

“Well, pointless or not, I'm going to be yelling right alongside Kay,” Bodhi said, standing up. “Be sure to tell Sabine that.”

“Oh I will,” Cassian said, shaking his head. “Someone has to prepare her to meet you nutjobs.”

“Hey!” Bodhi exclaimed. “You're the one with a screw loose. That's obvious now.”

“No, Bodhi,” Cassian said. “I am just a man resigned to what has happened to his life and willing to move on. That doesn't make me crazy.”

“Could have fooled me,” Bodhi said. “I've got to get back to work.”

“I'm leaving too,” Kaytoo said, standing up. “I've got better things to do than sit here and listen to this bullshit.”

Cassian sighed as they both walked away. “Well, that went better than I expected it to.”

“That was better than you expected it to be?” Baze asked.

“Oh come on, Baze. You know how obsessed with her they've been. How they've been hanging on my every word about this girl that came back into my life. I was expecting much rougher questioning than that.”

“Cassian is right, that went better than expected,” Chirrut said. “Of course, it will get worse once they meet her.”

“Which is why they aren't meeting her for a long time,” Cassian said. “I don't think she'll be ready to meet anyone anytime soon, but when she is, you two are meeting her first. You will be capable of actual conversation instead of ridiculous yelling about something they have no business being angry about.”

“They are angry on your behalf, Cassian.”

"I know that Chirrut," Cassian said. "But it is not their place to take out that anger on her. If they want to take that anger out on someone, they can take it out on me." 

“I somehow doubt that will happen,” Baze said. “Though I think they are going to be angry with you for some time.”

Cassian shook his head. “I don't even understand what they're angry about. The five of us do not know every single little thing there is to know about each other. We have secrets and I am entitled to mine.”

“I agree,” Baze said, making Chirrut sigh.

“There are secrets, Cassian, and then there are _secrets_. But to young men like Bodhi and Kay, there is only one type of secret.”

“Yes, well, this was one of those _secrets_ , and they're just going to have to learn to deal with it.”

“Chirrut, he's right. They're going to have to come to terms with this.”

“Preferably before they meet her,” Cassian added. “Or they may not meet her.”

Chirrut sighed. “Leave that to me. You just concentrate on doing what you need to do to make the right decision on what is best for you when it comes to her. I trust you not to make a foolish decision.”

“My days of making foolish decisions are over, Chirrut. To be perfectly honest, they ended when I met her.”

“I had a feeling you were going to say that.”

*****

“How did it go?” Jyn asked as soon as Cassian walked in the door.

“Bodhi and Kay are furious, though I cannot tell whether it's entirely at you, entirely at me, or a combination of the both of us. I'm guessing the both of us.” Cassian set his messenger bag down by his desk and looked further into the room, seeing Jyn curled up on the sofa with a blanket. “What have you been up to?”

“Answering emails on my phone,” Jyn said, sighing heavily. “I talked to Saw.”

“And how did that go?” 

Jyn just shook her head. “I don't think Saw and I understand each other anymore.”

"You have never told me that much about him," Cassian said softly. "Just that he's your scary adoptive father. I don't even know the story of how that came to be." 

“You want to hear it?” Jyn asked as Cassian came and sat down next to her, reaching out to cover himself in the blanket too. “Because I'll tell you if you do.”

“I think if we want to have any sort of relationship, I should probably know about your family,” Cassian said, leaning up against Jyn and smiling when her arm went around his shoulders. “You know all about mine.”

Jyn sat quietly for a few minutes before taking a deep breath. “My biological parents are Galen and Lyra Erso. I was born in Vallt but didn't live there for long. Where I really grew up was Lah'mu. I lived there with my parents until I was eight. That's when my mother died. My father, I don't really know what happened to him. We came here and I was left with Saw and never saw him again.”

“How did your mother die?” Cassian asked.

“She was shot,” Jyn said. “Someone was trying to rob my father and she was trying to get them to stop and they just shot her. Right in front of me.”

Cassian turned and wrapped his arms around Jyn's waist, pulling her to him. “Oh, Jyn, I'm so sorry.”

“It's okay,” Jyn said, her voice sad but strong. “I made peace with it a long time ago. The thing I haven't made peace with is my father. Saw never has told me what happened to him. I think it's to protect me from the truth. I wouldn't be surprised to learn something awful happened to be honest. But I know that Saw knows what happened to him.”

“And he really won't tell you?”

"I gave up asking when I was seventeen. If my father is still out there somewhere, then that means he abandoned me completely, and I refuse to believe my father would do that, which is why it's easier to think that something awful happened and he's dead. But because I don't know that for sure, I can't make peace with it. And Saw won't' give me that peace of mind. It's one of the many things about him that drives me fucking insane." 

Cassian pressed a kiss to Jyn's temple. “Tell me about Saw?”

Jyn sighed heavily. “Saw lives in Onderon, and he's a very prominent businessman there. He owns a ton of different businesses and properties and so I was trained on how to run a company at a very early age. That's why I was able to help you figure out all the business stuff for Jedha. That's why I have such a business brain. I've been learning how to run a successful business since I was eight.”

“We said no more mentions of the past,” Cassian murmured.

“Well, that one was just necessary,” Jyn said. “Anyway, he gave me a project for my thirteenth birthday – a hair salon. I had to figure out everything about it, from location to its name to hiring stylists, the whole deal. It's still there in Onderon, still makes money every month. That's why I never had to work when we were at school. I had this successful business of mine raking in the cash every month.”

“That's quite the present for a thirteen-year-old.”

"Well, Saw isn't exactly a normal person," Jyn said. "He's extraordinarily quirky. If you don't do things his way, you might as well be dead for all you're worth to him. So I grew up in that environment, where all you did was work, where love was something you didn't need, and you certainly didn't need anyone else. Saw would have been perfectly happy if I'd been as asexual as he was because he certainly never showed any interest in loving anything other money. Never had a girlfriend, there never was a wife. Just money, money, and more money. Sex? What was sex? I never learned about sex. I learned about it from internet searches and short, free video clips on porn websites." 

Cassian cracked up laughing. “You did not!”

“I did!” Jyn exclaimed, laughing too. “Seriously, it was that bad. I didn't even know how to kiss until you kissed me, and then I was convinced you were going to pull back and tell me I'd done it all wrong!”

Cassian couldn't contain his giggles, burying his head in the nape of Jyn's neck. "You didn't even know how to kiss until I kissed you? Oh, Jyn. I cannot imagine growing up like that." 

“It wasn't fun,” Jyn said, her laughter slowing down. “I mean, I didn't think that anything was wrong until I met you. I didn't really have friends. Still don't, actually. I mean, I know a lot of people. But would I call any of them friends? No. The person who knows me best is my assistant, and I can't call my assistant my friend.”

Cassian pulled back and looked Jyn in the eyes. “I'm your friend, Jyn.”

“Are you really?” Jyn asked, her voice small. “Or are you just entertaining me because I told you I was going to kill myself?”

Cassian darted forward and captured Jyn's lips in a deep kiss. “I've been your friend since hanging out underneath that tree became our daily routine. And no matter what happens now, I still want to be your friend, Jyn. I think we both do better when we're in each other's lives in some capacity.”

“I don't know if I can be just your friend, Cassian.”

Cassian chuckled. “I don't know if I can be just your friend either, Jyn. But I think friends is a good place to start.”

Jyn stared at him for a moment before nodding slightly. “So we're friends then.”

“Friends,” Cassian said with a smile. “Friends with some benefits.”

“Oh yeah?” Jyn asked playfully. “And what are these benefits?”

“Well, if you'd like to come to the bedroom, I'll gladly demonstrate,” Cassian said, pulling away from her and standing up. “Or you can sleep out here tonight.”

Jyn shook her head and stood up, allowing Cassian to wrap his arms around her. “I think I'll take the demonstration.”

“As you wish,” Cassian said, bending down and picking Jyn up, making her shriek with laughter as he started walking towards the bedroom.

“Cassian! I didn't mean carry me!”


	7. Chapter 7

Days turned into weeks, and Cassian was typing away at some new coding one afternoon when the news that Jyn had put on before she'd fallen asleep interrupted his train of thought. Saving his work quickly, he stood up and walked over to stand in front of the television, eyes widening when he realized he had heard right, the news was talking about Saw Gerrera.

 _The prominent local businessman was arrested in the early morning hours at his home in Onderon after a lengthy police investigation into claims of fraud and money laundering that were made by a former business associate. Gerrera, who professed his innocence to the media waiting outside his home, is awaiting a hearing sometime early next week. Gerrera's daughter, scandalized former Jedha CEO Jyn Erso, has yet to make any statement regarding her father's arrest, and we will, of course, bring that to you as soon as it happens._

“They talking about me again?” came Jyn's sleepy voice, and Cassian turned around to see her blinking rapidly as she stretched.

“Not focused on you but on Saw,” Cassian said, knowing there was no other way to put it except to just say it. “They arrested him this morning.”

Jyn's eyes flew open wide at that and she sat up straight, reaching for her phone. “No one's called me. Why didn't anyone call me?”

“I don't know,” Cassian said, only for Jyn to groan as soon as she looked at her phone.

“They have been calling. I've got the stupid thing on silent,” Jyn said, angrily tapping at it. “You mind if I use your bedroom to make some calls?”

“Not at all,” Cassian said. “Is there anything I can do?”

“At the moment? No. I'll tell you as soon as that changes.”

Cassian watched Jyn walk out of the room and went to sit down at his desk, resuming his typing. He worked for forty minutes before he saw Jyn again, and when he did, there were tear stains running down her cheeks. "Oh, Jyn." 

“I think Saw's in big trouble,” Jyn said, walking to Cassian when he stood up and letting him embrace her. “I need to go bail him out. No one else has the money to.”

“Okay,” Cassian said, bringing his hands up to cup her face. “Is there anything I can do now?”

“Come with me,” Jyn practically whispered. “I don't want to do this alone.”

Cassian nodded, bending down to kiss her softly. “Okay.”

Jyn smiled at him as best she could. “Thank you.”

Twenty minutes later, they were walking out the door and taking the elevator down to where Jyn's assistant was waiting for them with the car. Cassian had been expecting an older woman than the one who was waiting for them, and he certainly hadn't been expecting the green hair. 

“Jyn,” the woman said as they approached. “I'm so sorry to hear about Saw.”

“It'll be alright,” Jyn said, turning towards Cassian. “Cassian Andor, meet Hera Syndulla. Hera, this is Cassian. He's an old friend.”

“It's lovely to meet you, Hera,” Cassian said, reaching out to shake her hand. 

“Same to you, Mr. Andor,” Hera said, making Cassian laugh.

“Just Cassian, please.”

“As you wish.” Hera turned to Jyn. “Ready?”

“Yes,” Jyn said, and Hera opened up the backseat door for her. 

Jyn got in while Cassian walked around the car and got into the backseat on the other side. Cassian shifted around in the car's backseat to prepare for the rather long drive to the suburb of Onderon, and he watched Jyn look out the window. She'd barely said a thing since asking him to go with her, and Cassian was worried. He knew Jyn had an interesting relationship with Saw, one where she hated him as much as she loved him, and Cassian had no idea how to anticipate the way things were going to go. It could be ugly or it could be family unity. It remained to be seen.

Hera had been driving for nearly half an hour when Jyn finally turned her attention away from the window and reached for Cassian's hand. “Tell me it's going to be okay.”

“It's going to be okay,” Cassian said, sliding closer to Jyn and wrapping his arm around her. “No matter what, it's going to be okay.”

Jyn swallowed hard and curled into Cassian's embrace, burying her head in his neck. “Saw,” she whispered, just loud enough for Cassian to hear it. “He'll profess his innocence until the end of time, but I know he's guilty as sin. He's always had shady business dealings, and that's why I never let him in on Jedha. I told him it was because I wanted to start my own company, have my own piece of the puzzle as he'd put it, and he respected that. But it was because I didn't want the company to be in any trouble the day this happened. Because it was always going to happen.”

Cassian tightened his embrace and rested his head against Jyn's. “So what are we walking into then? Because you have told me in the past that sometimes things between you and Saw are great and sometimes it's a bomb waiting to go off.”

“He's still furious with me about the scandal,” Jyn said softly. “But I'm going to make it clear to him that I'll let his ass rot in jail if he wants to take this opportunity to lecture me. I have no problems doing that. And I won't let him say a thing about you either. No fucking way.”

“I didn't know I was going to be meeting Saw,” Cassian said quietly. “I thought I was just going to sit in the car and wait for you.”

Jyn shook her head. “I need you by my side, Cassian. I don't think I can make it through this if you aren't.”

“Then that is where I'll be,” Cassian said without a moment's thought.

Jyn stayed in Cassian's embrace for the rest of the drive, Cassian catching Hera looking at them in the rearview mirror a few times. He trusted the assistant because Jyn had told him to, but they were about to arrive at a police station where there would be plenty of people around that they wouldn't be able to trust.

He figured it was three to four hours before they made it onto the news websites, and that they'd be all over the papers in the morning. He could even write the headlines in his head. _Jyn Erso's Mystery Man – Who Is He?_ He hoped that no one would figure out his identity in that span of time, but it wasn't hope with a lot of confidence. Too many people would be capable of seeing his picture and knowing who he was. He was sure his friends would keep quiet, but some of the users on The Alliance...they'd be all too happy to help ruin his life, the ungrateful bitches.

He glanced out the window as Hera drove into the station's parking lot, noticing the flash from cameras going off to the right of the car, and he sighed as he realized that the media that had been on the lookout for Jyn at Saw's house had obviously been alerted to expect her appearance at this specific police station. Hera brought the car to a stop outside the front door and looked at Cassian in the mirror, and Cassian bit back a groan as he realized Hera was leaving getting Jyn out of the car and into the building up to him.

“Jyn,” he said gently. “We're at the station.”

Jyn slowly lifted her head from Cassian's shoulder, glancing around the car before sighing. “Photographers?”

“Unfortunately. You ready to get out of the car?”

“I'm sorry, Cassian. You should stay in the car.”

Cassian knew that he really should take the out she was giving him, but he had already said he would be by her side, so that was where he would be. “No, it's fine. Shall we make it quick?”

Cassian slid across the seat towards the door that was facing the entrance, and Jyn moved across the seat with him. “As quick as possible. Hera, drive around until I call and tell you to come back.”

“Yes, ma'am,” Hera said from the front seat. 

“Thank you,” Jyn said, then nodded at Cassian. “Alright, let's go.”

Cassian opened the door and climbed out, making sure not to look in the direction of the photographers. He reached for Jyn's hand and helped her climb out of the car, slamming the door shut as soon as he was out. He tried to pull his hand away as they walked towards the door, but Jyn had a vice-like grip on it and wouldn't let him. He heard Hera start to drive away as they approached the door, and they went inside, ignoring the flashes and the calls of Jyn's name that were coming from behind them.

Jyn approached the desk and found out where to go, and so Cassian followed alongside her, their hands still locked together. As they walked, Cassian began to notice the stares and the double takes from the people they passed, a soft murmur starting up behind them, and in his mind, he shortened the length of time before they ended up on the news websites to one to two hours.

He wasn't going to mention it to Jyn, not even if he started getting texts indicating that it had happened. Worrying about headlines was the last thing she needed.

They came around a corner and found a row of chairs along a wall, an elderly man hunched over a briefcase sitting in one of them. When Jyn saw him, she let go of Cassian's hand and quickened her pace. “Obi-Wan.”

The man looked up at the sound of his name and stood as Jyn approached him. “Jyn. Oh, I'm so glad you're here. Saw is just being awful about this whole thing.”

“Where is he?” Jyn asked quickly, and Obi-Wan motioned for Jyn to follow him, leading her into a room. 

Cassian heard the door close behind them and walked to the chair Obi-Wan had been sitting in, dropping down into it and pulling his phone from his pocket. He clicked buttons until the appropriate screen came up and started typing out a message to Bodhi. 

_At a police station w/Jyn. No, I didn't get myself arrested, it's about Saw Gerrera. Sure you'll hear all about it & me soon. Call everyone & ask them not to talk to anyone that comes looking for info please._

He sent the message and then switched the volume on his phone off, not wanting to disturb anyone. He felt the phone vibrate in his hand less than a minute later, saw the worried but affirmative response, then shoved it back into his pocket and leaned back in the chair. 

Cassian was just going to sit there until Jyn needed him.

*****

There was silence in the back of the car, and it was uncomfortable. Saw Gerrera was sitting on one side of the backseat, Cassian the other, with Jyn in the middle. The only sound in the car came from the radio that Hera had softly playing. Cassian wanted to laugh thinking that this was the definition of an awkward silence, but he didn't. He just wanted to drop Saw off at his house and then go home so he could start to calculate the damage that had been done. 

The texts had started rolling in about forty-five minutes ago, asking Cassian if that really was him on the news, and so far all he'd done was keep his phone on silent and ignore the messages. Well, ignore wasn't the right word. He'd read every one of them, used the phone's web browser to verify the sources they were quoting, determined that he absolutely had to get a haircut based on the photographic evidence, and started wondering how long it would be until someone figured out where it was he lived and one of his neighbors sold him out.

He suspected it wouldn't be long.

“So, who's the guy?” Saw finally said, and Jyn's hands involuntarily clenched. 

Cassian reached over and laid his hand on top of hers, and Jyn took a deep breath and turned to look at Saw. “Cassian is an old friend.”

"Yeah, he's a friend alright," Saw said, shaking his head. "I thought we had a discussion about you not being in contact with any of those boys anymore." 

“We did,” Jyn said, sighing heavily. “I've known Cassian since university.”

Saw's head whipped around and he stared at her for a moment. “How long has this been going on, Jyn? I thought you knew how to behave.”

“How to behave? You mean how to live like a sexless monk,” Jyn snapped. “You had to know that at some point I was going to meet someone who was going to make me feel like a woman, Saw.”

“And this is the someone?” Saw glanced over at Cassian before rolling his eyes. “I'm overjoyed, Jyn. Overjoyed, I tell you.”

“I didn't expect you to be happy,” Jyn said sharply. “Just because you never were interested in love doesn't mean that I'm going to be the same. You did it with Steela and you tried to do it with me too. Well, I'm sorry, but I'm not living like that.”

“Leave Steela out of this,” Saw said, his voice menacing. “My sister has nothing to do with the way I raised you.”

“Of course she does,” Jyn said. “If she hadn't died, there is a damn good chance you wouldn't have raised me the way you did.”

Cassian had never heard of Steela before, but he immediately knew that she had been important.

“I told you to leave Steela out of this,” Saw said, his hands tightening into fists. “I'd like you to just drop me off at the house and be on your way.”

"Oh, sure, no problem. No thank you for bailing you out, which cost me a shit ton of money, by the way, no thank you for calling Obi-Wan, no thank you for beginning to coordinate the media response. Just a 'drop me off at the house and be on your way.' Sure thing, Saw. Asshole." 

"What would you like me to do, Jyn? Sit down for a ten-course meal with you and whoever he is so we can talk about things? You know I don't do things that way, sweetie." 

“Yeah, and I also know that you're guilty as sin and that I should have let you rot in that jail cell,” Jyn muttered angrily. “But I didn't.”

“I am not guilty,” Saw said through clenched teeth. “I am one hundred percent innocent and this entire thing is ridiculous.”

“Sure,” Jyn said sarcastically. “I believe you.”

Saw glared at her for a moment before turning his gaze to the window. “Miss Syndulla? You can pull up here. I can walk the rest of the way to the house.”

Jyn just rolled her eyes. "It's ten blocks from here and you're going to be inundated with media the second you get close to the house." 

“I'm a big boy, Jyn,” Saw said as Hera pulled the car over to the side of the road. “I can handle myself.”

Jyn watched as Saw climbed out of the car and slammed the door shut, and as soon as he started walking down the sidewalk, she told Hera to start driving again. “God, I hate him.”

“You love him too,” Cassian said softly, the first words he'd said since they'd left the police station. 

Jyn looked over at him and chuckled. “I know. That's what makes dealing with him so damn difficult.”

Cassian's phone vibrated in his pocket and he fished it out to find a photo sent from Bodhi on his way to the coffee shop. It was of Cassian's apartment complex, the parking lot full of television trucks and a bunch of photographers. “Fuck. The media has figured out where I live.”

"I was wondering if the media was on to us." Jyn put her head on his shoulder. "We'll go to the penthouse then. Security will at least be able to keep them from trying to get into the building, while at your apartment, there wouldn't be any security." 

“I can't just go to your place, Jyn. All of my stuff is in my apartment,” Cassian said quickly. “Everything that runs The Alliance is in my apartment. I have to go back to my apartment.”

“I'll have Hera hire someone to move all of it to the penthouse,” Jyn said, her eyes drifting closed.

“No,” Cassian said firmly. “No. This is too fast, Jyn. It's way too fast and it's not going to work.”

Jyn looked up at him. “I agree that it's not ideal, Cas, but the situation is what the situation is and we have to deal with it accordingly.”

“And dealing with it accordingly means moving in together?” Cassian exclaimed. “You've barely been back in my life for a month, Jyn!”

“I know,” Jyn said calmly. “I also know what it's like to deal with the media. You don't. You cannot stay there, Cassian. They will never leave you alone. It will drive your neighbors crazy, and it will probably get you evicted by your landlord in the end, because they will create such commotion that it will disrupt the entire building.”

“I'm not moving in with you, Jyn.”

Jyn bit back a groan at the stubbornness in Cassian's voice. “I'm trying to protect you.”

“And I'm trying to make sure that we don't do something stupid and ruin this before it even starts again,” Cassian countered back. “It's too soon, Jyn. I know it and you know it.”

Silence descended upon the car as both left the other to their thoughts, Jyn finally breaking it minutes later. “If you won't move into the penthouse, would you at least agree to stay there while we find somewhere else for you to move to?”

“Won't me staying at your apartment just cause more headlines?”

“I really don't give a fuck about headlines,” Jyn said. “More bullshit has been written about me in the past few months, hell, even in the years prior to that, so much bullshit that I've just stopped caring. Everyone has an opinion about me, and I don't give a fuck if anyone likes me or not unless the person in question is you. What I care about is protecting you from having to go through all of this bullshit too. And I'm probably going to fail miserably, because it seems like no matter what, the media will somehow win, but I'm going to do everything I can to try and protect you.”

Cassian sighed. “I'm sorry, Jyn. I'm just not ready for this. My entire life has changed over the last few hours. I don't know what to make of it yet.”

“That's why you have to let me help you,” Jyn said softly, reaching out and linking their fingers together. “Things are going to be crazy for awhile. It's going to be a long time until you're used to it, and the truth is that you will probably never be completely used to it. Something is always going to be said or implied that you weren't expecting, and you're going to feel angry and shaky and like you want to hide in bed and never come back out. But I'm going to be there, right next to you, for all of it, and I can only hope that that will make up for part of it.”

“It's been a long time since I've allowed myself to depend on someone else,” Cassian said quietly. “And even though I wish there wasn't, there is a large part of me that is terrified of depending on you again, because the last time I did, you hurt me more than anyone else ever has.”

“I deserve that,” Jyn said, sitting up and looking at him. “But I promise you, I'm never going to hurt you again.”

Cassian shook his head immediately. “You can't promise me that. You cannot promise me something like that. You have no idea what the future holds.”

“You're right,” Jyn said softly. “I can't promise you that I'll never hurt you again. But I'm going to do everything I can to make sure that I never hurt you again. I love you, Cassian. I don't want to cause you any more pain.”

Cassian took her in for a moment. “I'm going to stay with friends until I find a new place to live. And I'm going to start looking for a new place tomorrow morning. But I will stay with you at the penthouse tonight.”

“Fine,” Jyn said. “I'm still having someone move all your stuff into the penthouse in the meantime. You'll go crazy if you can't work on the website. I've noticed how twitchy you've been all day without your laptop around.”

Cassian laughed. “Sometimes, I am really astounded by how well it is you still know me.”

“I never forget the details of things that are important to me,” Jyn said, smiling at him. “And you are the most important of all things.”

“I cannot let you move my stuff into the penthouse though. Not all of it. I'll let you move the servers there. I know they'll be safe there. But my computers are going with me to my friends.”

Jyn sighed. “Your servers and the rest of your furniture to the penthouse, your computers with you to your friends. Deal?”

“Deal.”

“Then I'll start to arrange things. Hera! Take us to the penthouse please.”

*****

Finding a new apartment was not as easy as Cassian thought it would be. To him, the main concern was the price of the rent and whether or not he could afford it. But every time he brought up a potential place, Jyn would bring up the building's security arrangements. Everywhere that Cassian could afford to live was too lax in security for Jyn's liking, and everywhere that Jyn thought was safe enough was too expensive for Cassian to be able to afford.

Much arguing ensued. Cassian threatened to just go back to the apartment that was still his. Jyn threatened to order security not to let him out of the building. Cassian tried to explain how he couldn't afford to live the sort of life that Jyn did, which just made Jyn offer to take care of all the expenses. Cassian refused, saying he wasn't going to be some kept man. Jyn tried to explain that it wouldn't be like that, but Cassian wouldn't listen to any of it. At the end of every argument, Jyn asked Cassian to just move into the penthouse with her.

Cassian couldn't deny that it was a tempting proposition. It had been easy in the car that day to say that things would be moving too fast if they were living together, but they had been living together. They had been living together ever since Jyn showed up at his door. Cassian knew that if he moved somewhere else, Jyn would just spend all her time with him at the new apartment. And seeing his servers in the room that Jyn had gifted to them at the penthouse, mixed in among Jyn's stuff? Well, there was something that just felt right about it.

In the end, Chirrut and Baze solved Cassian's problem in the form of a three-bedroom house that they'd bought and Baze had fixed up. They'd been planning on renting it out anyway, and who better to rent it to than Cassian. They agreed on a rent that Cassian could afford, and the house was only three miles away from Jyn's penthouse. Cassian wouldn't have to worry about making his rent payment every month, and Jyn wouldn't have to worry about the lax of security in an apartment building and the possibility of reporters, photographers, or others getting to Cassian. 

Cassian was confused by what Jyn meant by others, so Jyn took her phone, called Jedha's security department, and then handed the phone to Cassian and told him to ask about the others. He did, and Jyn had eventually pried the phone out of his hand and ended the call because Cassian was in too much shock to say a thing, let alone move.

Death threats. He'd known that Jyn had received some because she'd mentioned it before, but he'd never thought there would be any directed at him. He barely said anything for the rest of the evening, just stayed wrapped up in Jyn's embrace and listened to her assure him that nothing was ever going to happen.

Cassian stopped going to the coffee shop after that phone call, even though Jyn had reassured him that the shop was safe and no one was going to harm him. He hadn't felt comfortable there ever since his name had made it into the public lexicon, found himself hating the stares and the whispers from far more college kids than had ever inhabited the coffee shop before. Bodhi had joked that Draven wanted to thank him for driving up the amount of business the shop got, but Cassian hadn't found it funny. 

None of this was funny.

For the past several days, he had been getting texts practically every half an hour from either Bodhi or Kaytoo, and he knew they were getting extremely annoyed with the fact that he wouldn't respond. Baze and Chirrut obviously knew where to find him but they had left Cassian alone, knowing that Cassian would come back when he was ready. Cassian's tendency to hide away had always ended up the subject of many jokes after he'd end his one or two day exile from the rest of the world, but once it had reached a month since he'd last come to the coffee shop, Cassian's isolation wasn't so amusing and they were letting him know it. 

His self-imposed exile from his friends ended at four p.m. on a Saturday afternoon when the doorbell rang and he heard both Bodhi and Kaytoo yell out that they weren't leaving till Cassian let them in. Cassian stopped typing and glared in the general direction of his front door as though it were responsible for the sounds coming from it. “Fuck.”

“I'm going back to the penthouse,” Jyn said, standing up and walking to where Cassian was sitting, kissing him softly. “I'm not ready to do the meet the friends thing yet.”

“I'm not ready to meet my friends either. Can I come with you?” Cassian tried to joke, sighing heavily when he knew he failed. “How are you leaving?”

“I'll go out the back door, wait at the side gate until I see you let them in, then go and get in my car,” Jyn said, kissing Cassian one more time. “It'll be alright, Cassian. They are your friends for a reason.”

“Yeah, and they're still furious with me over you.” Cassian turned back to his computer and saved his progress before standing up, walking as slowly as he could to the door in order to prolong the inevitable. He took a deep breath as he approached the door, then calmly opened it. 

“Well, you're alive at least,” Bodhi said before Cassian could say a thing, walking into the house and pulling Kaytoo along behind him. “If it wasn't for the updates on The Alliance, I would have thought otherwise.”

Cassian just watched as Chirrut and Baze walked into the house as well, then shut the door and leaned up against it. “You guys didn't have to come here.”

“Yes, we did,” Kaytoo said pointedly, walking up to Cassian and throwing his arms around him. “We missed you, Cas. We've been worried as fuck. If it wasn't for Chirrut's updates, we would have gone insane.”

Cassian put his hands on Kaytoo's shoulders and pushed him back, giving him a confused look. “Chirrut's updates?”

“I've been talking to Jyn,” Chirrut said, a smile on his face. “It became necessary once it became obvious your isolation was going to last longer than usual.”

“You've been talking to Jyn,” Cassian said, sighing when he saw Chirrut nod. “Well, I'll have to talk to her about that. Alright, whatever, just get all your yelling and screaming over with so I can get back to work.”

“We're not here to yell at you, Cas. We're here to help,” Bodhi said.

"And how exactly can you help?" Cassian asked, his voice betraying him and letting everyone know how vulnerable he felt. "Someone wants me dead. Others want to know every motherfucking thing there is to know about me so they can print it in the newspapers for everyone else to read. According to Jyn, Jedha's media relations director thinks a photograph of us kissing is worth almost a hundred thousand dollars to the first photographer who gets it. My parents are furious with me for not telling them anything about Jyn and letting them find out about it by watching the news. So, Bodhi, do tell me how you can help with any of that because unless you can, you're sort of useless to me at the moment." 

The four of them stared at Cassian for a moment before he pushed himself away from the door and walked towards his kitchen. “God, I need a drink.”

“We brought vodka,” Baze said, following him. “Some of that really good stuff that the guy who runs the liquor store gets in every once and awhile.”

Cassian looked back at him, noticing the bag he was holding on to for the first time. “He let you buy some of that? He never lets anyone buy that.”

“He asked what I wanted it for, and I said to talk some sense into you, and he sold it to me half price. He said to tell you that he and his wife have been thinking about you too,” Baze said, setting the bag down on the counter. “I'll fix us all a drink. You do have your glasses unpacked, right?”

“Yes,” Cassian said, opening up a cupboard. “Took me forever to find everything since I didn't pack up my apartment, the people Jyn hired did. But I think I've got everything where I want it now.”

“Good,” Baze said, smiling when Cassian pulled down five glasses. “Do the rest of you want a drink or not?”

Cassian laughed as Bodhi and Kaytoo quickly made their way to the kitchen, Chirrut following behind. Baze poured them each a drink, and after putting one into Chirrut's hand, he reached for one himself. “To Cassian's new place.”

Everyone clinked their glasses together and then with Chirrut's before taking a drink, and Cassian enjoyed the slow burn of the vodka as it made its way down his throat. He looked around at his four friends before sighing. 

“Alright. You all win. I suck for ignoring you. I'll text you back next time.”

Everyone laughed and soon conversation was flowing as usual, and Cassian quickly realized how much he had missed his friends. It wasn't until they were deep into the bottle of vodka that Chirrut interrupted the casual conversation with something more serious.

“I hope you do not mind my conversations with Jyn. I only did it because we were very worried about you.”

“I don't mind what you did,” Cassian mumbled, downing the rest of the contents of his glass in one go. “I mind that Jyn didn't say anything to me about it. Make me another, will you?”

“She didn't say anything because I asked her not to,” Chirrut said as Baze took Cassian's glass. “She was very apologetic to all of us.”

“Apologetic about what?” Cassian asked, taking his glass back.

“It hasn't exactly been easy for us,” Bodhi said, watching as Cassian drained his glass again. “Between the reporters bugging everyone at the coffee shop about you and us not having a clue what was going on with you, it's been more than a little stressful lately. Jyn knows it's all her fault, and so she was very apologetic about the disruption to our normal lives. Or at least that's what Chirrut tells us.”

Cassian stood there silently for a few moments, listening to the sounds of the others taking sips of their drinks, then growled in frustration and threw his empty glass at the wall to his left. Everyone gasped as it shattered into tiny pieces, and Cassian slumped forward onto the counter and buried his face in his hands. “This isn't how this was supposed to be,” he moaned. “This is not how any of this was supposed to be, and now everything's going to get ruined before it really even starts again, and I'm going to be more broken than I was before.”

Chirrut inched closer to him and wrapped an arm around Cassian's shoulders. “She loves you, Cassian.”

“She loved me then too, but that didn't stop her from fucking me over,” Cassian mumbled.

Chirrut sighed. “She was scared, Cassian. She's not scared anymore.”

“How do you know that?” Cassian asked, turning his head to look at Chirrut.

“Because she told me,” Chirrut said simply. “I was angry about everything that was going on and I was expressing that to her, and also about everything she'd already put you through over the past ten years, and she just interrupted me and said it. And I believe her. I believe her because you told me that you did.”

Cassian sighed and dropped his head down to the counter for a moment before standing up straight. “Sorry,” he murmured. “I just...”

“You just nothing,” Kaytoo said, setting his drink on the counter. “This is what we're here for. I'll clean up the glass. You pester Bodhi about his newest girlfriend.”

“I do not have a girlfriend!” Bodhi exclaimed. “A few hookups does not make a relationship!”

“But there have been hookups?” Cassian asked, smiling at him. “Now you must tell. And I know you better than anyone, Bodhi. I'll know if you're leaving something out.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so if you don't know, hera syndulla is a character from the animated series star wars rebels, and she is referenced in rogue one by you hearing the loudspeaker asking general syndulla to report somewhere in the background of a scene. she is a green twi'lek, hence the green hair in this story.


	8. Chapter 8

Jyn climbed out of the car, nodding at Hera as she shut the door behind her. “That will be all, Hera. I'm staying in for the rest of the day.”

“You and Cassian aren't going out?” Hera asked, surprised.

Jyn bit back a groan and shook her head politely. “No, Hera, we are not. Enjoy your evening.”

“Yes, ma'am,” Hera said as Jyn started to walk towards the building. “Happy birthday Jyn.”

Jyn ignored her and gave a brief smile to the security team that was stationed at the side door as she walked into the building. She stopped by the row of mailboxes and opened hers, pulling out what was inside. She flipped through the various envelopes as she walked towards the elevator, a soft smile crossing her face when she noticed the card-shaped envelope with Saw's handwriting on it. She tucked the rest of the mail under her arm as she stepped into the elevator, putting in the code for the penthouse before leaning against the wall and opening the envelope.

She read the outside of the card and laughed, Saw's tradition of sending her amusing cards instead of sappy ones continuing. She opened up the card and read the rest of its text, but her laughter died off when she saw the handwritten note at the end of the card.

_I still don't know what it is you're doing with your life, Jynnie, but I hope in time you figure it out._

Jyn was still staring at it by the time the elevator opened and she stepped into the penthouse. She tossed the mail onto a small table in the entryway, then shrugged off her jacket and hung it up in the closet. She reached for the light switch to illuminate the rest of the apartment, and that's when she first heard the music. 

Beethoven, she thought after a moment. Definitely Beethoven.

She listened for a few more moments, reaching up to loosen her scarf and grinning as she realized exactly which Beethoven piece was playing. She walked further into the apartment and glanced around, trying to find where Cassian was. She got her answer when Cassian came walking out of the sitting room wearing nothing but a pair of jeans. “You look fantastic.”

“You look exhausted,” Cassian replied, walking over to her and kissing her softly. “How did it go?”

Jyn sighed as Cassian slowly pulled the scarf from around her neck. “Sixteen lawsuits. Some of them from employees I've never even heard of, obviously just wanting to see if they can get some money out of me. I'm willing to negotiate with the boys, but the rest of them can fuck right off. We're fighting those.”

“And you think you'll be successful with those?” Cassian asked, tossing the scarf to the side and reaching for the buttons of Jyn's shirt. 

“Obi-Wan is optimistic,” Jyn murmured, moaning softly as Cassian began to kiss at her neck. “He wants to meet you properly. He said he's never seen someone in so much legal trouble so happy.”

Cassian laughed into Jyn's neck as he pulled the shirt out from her skirt so he could continue unbuttoning it. “Well, you never have been one to do things the conventional way.”

“The conventional way is boring,” Jyn said, reaching up to tangle her fingers in Cassian's hair and pull him into a deep kiss. “The conventional way would have never gotten me you.”

"We would have found each other somehow, I think," Cassian said, pulling Jyn's arms down so he could slide her shirt off of her, his hands sliding over the silk of her camisole. "Things that are meant-to-be always find a way to happen." 

Jyn let the shirt drop to the floor then wrapped her arms around Cassian's waist. “We were meant to be, hm?”

"I think so," Cassian whispered, walking backward and pulling Jyn along with him. "You wouldn't have come back to me like this if we weren't." 

Jyn let Cassian lead her into the sitting room, smiling when she saw the soft glow of candlelight. “Candlelight and classical music.”

“It's a good combination,” Cassian murmured. “You have always seemed to like it.”

Jyn kissed him gently, letting out a soft groan as Cassian pulled her flush against him. “I think it's romantic.”

“It is,” Cassian said softly. “Happy birthday, Jyn.”

Jyn just shook her head. “I don't want to celebrate my birthday. I'm ancient.”

“You're thirty-two,” Cassian said seriously. “That's nowhere even close to ancient.”

Jyn laughed. “So says someone who told me thirty-three was ancient.”

“Stop being silly,” Cassian said, wrapping his arms around her waist. “Dance with me.”

Jyn nodded and they began to move to the music, laughing when they brushed up against the sofa and nearly fell over. Cassian straightened them up and they started to dance again, taking a few steps away from the sofa before naturally falling into the pattern they had come up with long ago in his tiny dorm room. Jyn pulled Cassian's arms around from her waist and positioned his hands correctly, making Cassian laugh as she laid her head on Cassian's shoulder.

“Relax,” Cassian said softly. “You are far too tense.”

Jyn took a deep breath and melted further into Cassian's embrace. “I can't help it. That meeting was intense.”

“You never should have scheduled it for your birthday.”

“I scheduled it on my birthday on purpose. I told you, I don't want to celebrate.”

Cassian groaned slightly, tightening his hold on her. “You're alive and here with me. If those aren't good enough reasons to celebrate your birthday, then I don't know what are.”

“It's just...” Jyn trailed off and sighed heavily. “The last birthday I celebrated with you was my twenty-first. This is my thirty-second. It feels weird.”

“Stop thinking about that,” Cassian said. “No more references to the past. We agreed. Our rule.”

“It's hard not to think about, Cassian,” Jyn said honestly. “All the birthdays that I spent with the asshole but wished I was spending with you have been coming to mind all day. That's made me more depressed than my meeting with Obi-Wan did.”

Cassian bent down and kissed Jyn softly. “I had a feeling that you were dwelling on the past. That's why I decided to go with a little bit of nostalgia tonight.”

“The music,” Jyn murmured, sighing happily when Cassian kissed her again. “I'm surprised that you remembered which one it was. You always complain that you can't tell them apart.”

“Most of the time I can't,” Cassian said, sliding his fingers underneath the waistband of Jyn's skirt. “But because of the memory that this is associated with, I am likely to never forget Appassionata.”

“Piano sonata number twenty-three,” Jyn corrected. “Beethoven never named it Appassionata. Some publisher did that some thirty odd years later.”

Cassian just shook his head. “You can be technical about it. I prefer calling it Appassionata. The name goes along with the memory.”

Jyn lifted her head up and stared at Cassian for a moment, taking in the happiness on his face. “It's a good memory.”

“A very good memory,” Cassian murmured. “First birthday we spent together.”

“Your birthday,” Jyn laughed. “Not mine.”

“It was still a birthday,” Cassian pointed out.

“It was the night we made love for the first time,” Jyn said softly. “The night that changed my life.”

Cassian leaned in and kissed Jyn deeply, sliding his hands underneath the waistband of her skirt. “That's why I thought we should recreate it. I know this is a lot different to my tiny dorm room, but...”

“But we're a lot different too,” Jyn said, pulling away from Cassian and taking him by the hand. “Come on.”

Cassian let Jyn lead him out of the room and down a long hallway, smiling when they walked into the bedroom. “At least we won't be falling out of this bed.”

Jyn laughed as she pulled Cassian towards the king-size bed, shaking her head slightly. “I'd forgotten about that.”

“How could you forget about that?” Cassian asked, laughing as Jyn pulled him close. “I love you, Jyn. I wanted to say that to you that night, but I was afraid it would scare you off.”

“It probably would have,” Jyn said, reaching towards the buttons at the front of Cassian's jeans. “But it doesn't scare me anymore, and it's never going to scare me again. I love you too, Cassian.”

Cassian snatched a quick kiss from Jyn before reaching around to unzip her skirt. “You were scared that night. Your hands were shaking.”

“I wasn't sure I'd be able to go through with it,” Jyn said, shoving Cassian's jeans and underwear down. “But then you put your hands on me, started kissing me, and everything that followed just felt right.”

Cassian kicked his clothes to the side as Jyn finished taking off her own, then laughed as she pushed him onto the bed. “That's because it was right. We were right.”

“No, Cassian,” Jyn whispered, straddling Cassian's hips. “We _are_ right.”

*****

“That woman has been staring at you ever since we came in here,” Kaytoo whispered, nudging Cassian in the side.

Cassian shook his head and kept looking through the rack of clothes in front of him. “She probably recognizes me. That happens a lot now, even though the frenzy has died down a bit.”

Kaytoo looked back over at the woman as Cassian pulled a shirt off the rack, holding it up to himself before putting it back. “I know that, but there's something different about the way that she's looking at you.”

Cassian sighed and glanced over his shoulder, seeing the woman browsing through a rack of clothes across the room, her gaze ducking away from him as soon as he met it. “Stop worrying about her,” he said as he turned back around. “She's harmless.”

Kaytoo stared at her for another minute before walking around to the other side of the rack of clothes. "Am I allowed to mention how odd it is that you're shopping in this store? Because you would never have shopped in this store two months ago."

“Two months ago, I could get away with looking like a broke college kid all the time,” Cassian murmured. “She's always dressed impeccably when she leaves the apartment. I have to look like I belong with her.”

“I highly doubt that Jyn cares about what you're wearing,” Kaytoo pointed out. “Otherwise, she would have made you cut that hair of yours.”

Cassian rolled his eyes at the hair comment. “And how would you know what Jyn thinks?”

“We talk on the phone a lot,” Kaytoo said softly.

Cassian locked eyes with Kaytoo. “You talk on the phone a lot?”

“Oh, come on,” Kaytoo said. “Once we got that number from Chirrut, you had to have known that we were going to continue to use it.”

“No,” Cassian said sharply. “I thought once you realized I was still alive that there was no reason for you to use it any longer.”

Kaytoo laughed slightly, frowning when he noticed the woman was still staring at them. “She's still looking at us.”

“Stop worrying about her,” Cassian said again, “and stopping calling Jyn and yelling at her.”

Kaytoo pulled a shirt off the rack and tossed it in Cassian's direction. “Try that one. And how did you know that we were yelling at her?”

“Because you and Bodhi are you and Bodhi,” Cassian said, holding the shirt up to his chest. It was the perfect shade of emerald green, and Cassian could tell without trying it on that it would hug his upper body quite nicely. “This is a great one, Kay. Thanks.”

“No problem. That's what you brought me along for, no?” Kaytoo moved to a different rack and started looking through it. “And for the record, we do more than just yell at her. We ask her how you're doing too.”

“Oh, so that's supposed to make it okay?”

Kaytoo huffed and pulled a pair of jeans from the rack, handing them to Cassian. “Those with the green shirt. Look, I know that you just let her walk back into your life and forgave her without all the yelling and screaming you should have done, but for fuck's sake, Cas, she basically stole Jedha away from you. Everything she started out with was yours. She deserves to be yelled at for that.”

Cassian glanced back over his shoulder at the woman, noting that she was no longer staring at him. “Don't ever fucking say that in public again,” he hissed, grabbing Kaytoo by the arm to make sure he was looking at him. “That is something that no one else ever needs to know.”

“Fine, I'm sorry,” Kaytoo said softly, pulling his arm from Cassian's grasp. “But I'm still right. She deserves to be yelled at.”

“And you wonder why it is she's never ready to meet you? Why would she want to meet you if all you were going to do is yell at her?”

Kaytoo just shook his head. “We have an agreement. We'll get all the yelling out over the phone, and then when we think we can see her and be civil with one another, she will agree to meet us.”

Cassian sighed softly. “Really?”

“Yes,” Kaytoo said, moving to another rack. “She knows she deserves this. She said she expected it, and she said that in a weird way, it makes her happy because it lets her know that you've been surrounded by friends that really love you. So we all take turns calling her and we yell at her, and she apologizes over and over and over, and it works for everybody. Well, everybody except Baze. He never yells at her and once Jyn found out that he knew Mon Mothma, she invited him over to Jedha to see her. They talk more about Mon and antiques than anything else. In fact, Baze went and looked at Jyn's antiques collection, said she's got a good one. Drives us all crazy that he's met her and we haven't.”

“I had no idea that Baze had met Jyn,” Cassian said. “Jyn's never said a thing about it.”

“That's because she wants you to be able to properly introduce us to her,” Kaytoo said, the tone of his voice letting Cassian know that he should have already known that. “It's a big deal to be introduced to someone you love's family and friends for the first time. She doesn't want to ruin that moment for either of you.”

Cassian stood there for a moment as Kaytoo made his way across the store, then followed him through the racks of clothes. “I've never thought about that,” he said honestly. “But then again, there's never really been anyone special enough to want to do that. Only her.”

“You didn't want to do it when you were first together?” Kaytoo asked, stopping by a table stacked high with t-shirts. “Ooh, some of these are awesome.”

Cassian walked up to his side and shifted the clothes he was holding to his other arm. “She was very, very scared when we were first together. Even if I had wanted to introduce her to my family and friends, she wouldn't have gone for it. And I wasn't entirely certain I was ready for that, to be honest. I never really realized how much I loved her and how serious I'd been about her until she'd been gone for almost six months. That's when Chirrut figured out that I'd had my heart broken majorly and started drilling me about it.”

Kaytoo dropped the shirts he'd picked up back onto the table and turned to Cassian with shock on his face. “He knew there had been a girl? Bodhi and I tried for ages and ages and ages to get him to spill about your last relationship and he kept telling us he didn't even know you'd had one! Lousy motherfucker. He's gonna get yelled at for that.”

“He didn't know there had been a girl,” Cassian said softly, reaching out and picking up one of the shirts Kaytoo had just dropped. “I passed it off to him as being the result of something my parents had done. It was a completely believable excuse. He didn't know about Jyn until the night that I told him and Bodhi that she was back.”

Kaytoo shook his head as Cassian held the t-shirt up to his chest. “No, no, no. Orange is not your color.”

“You picked it out,” Cassian said, tossing it back in Kaytoo's direction.

“No, I picked it up so I could get to the shirts that were underneath it,” Kaytoo said, snatching the orange shirt up and tossing it towards the other end of the table. “It was on top of these, and this would look amazing with the black jacket that is on the mannequin over there and those jeans I gave you earlier. Dressy casual at its finest.”

Cassian looked from the clothes he was holding to the royal blue t-shirt in Kaytoo's hands to the black jacket across the room and sighed. “I'm going to have absolutely no money by the time we're done today, aren't I?”

“You're not paying for any of it,” Kaytoo said, taking the clothes from Cassian's hands and walking towards the jacket. “It's all taken care of.”

Cassian stayed at the table, watching Kaytoo as he approached the mannequin and looked around until he found the rack they were on. “Jyn?” he said, resignation in his voice.

“Her assistant emailed me a list of stores that she has accounts at,” Kaytoo said, searching the jackets for the right size. “And she said you're not allowed to argue about it.”

“Of course I'm not.” Cassian walked over to Kaytoo and took the clothes back from him. “I'm going to try these on.”

Kaytoo laughed. “You're going to go in the dressing room and call Jyn and argue.”

Cassian glanced over towards the woman and found her looking in their direction again. “And you're coming with me,” he said, grabbing Kaytoo's arm and pulling him towards the dressing room. “You are drawing far too much attention to us.”

“I thought you said she was harmless.”

“Harmless or not, she doesn't need to be hearing all of this, so shut the fuck up already.”

Kaytoo glanced towards the woman as Cassian pulled him into the dressing room, shaking his arm from Cassian's grasp once they were inside. “She's just messing around with her phone. Probably tweeting that she's in the same store as Cassian Andor.”

Cassian groaned and glanced at his watch. “That probably means the store will be crawling with people in a few minutes. Let's just buy this stuff and get out of here.”

“I thought you wanted to try it on,” Kaytoo said as Cassian turned around and walked out of the dressing room.

“If it doesn't fit or I don't like it, I'll just return it,” Cassian said, glancing over at the woman again. “Come on, Kay. Find me a salesman and get us out of here.”

*****

“You're in the paper,” Jyn said casually.

Cassian nearly dropped the glass in his hand. “I'm sorry, what?”

“You are in the newspaper,” Jyn said, folding the pages and holding it out to Cassian. “With one of your friends.”

Cassian snatched the paper out of her hands and looked at it, instantly recognizing the inside of the store that he'd been in with Kaytoo the day before. There were a couple of photographs, first one of them standing next to the table full of t-shirts, then a few more of Cassian holding on to Kaytoo's hand, pulling him towards the dressing room. He went to hand the paper back to Jyn when the headline caught his eye, making him stop and groan. “Fuck.”

Jyn took a sip of her coffee as Cassian continued to mutter curse words, making eye contact as she set her cup back down. “For the record, I know that unlike the implications the newspaper is making, you are not cheating on me with whichever one of your friends that is. Kaytoo, right? Or am I getting him and Bodhi mixed up?”

”I couldn't possibly be cheating on you because we're not in a relationship.” Cassian tossed the paper onto the table and ran his hands through his hair. “And yes, that's Kay. I only brought him with me because he's a stylist and would have a far better idea of what I should buy than I would. I'm sure he's having a laugh about this as we speak.”

“From my interactions with Kay, I would think he's laughing as well.”

“Kay? So you're on a nickname basis now?” Cassian said pointedly. “Why don't you tell me what else you know about my friends because I know that you've been talking to them.”

“I do very little talking,” Jyn said, pushing her chair back and standing up. “I usually just put the speakerphone on and let them ramble away until they reach a point where I may interject with apologies. Did you notice anyone taking pictures of you in the store? Or do I need to have someone come over for a little training on what to look for?”

Cassian watched as Jyn picked up their empty plates and walked into the kitchen, noticing that she was changing the subject yet again. “I didn't notice anyone taking pictures,” he called out, leaning back in his chair. “There was a woman in there, and Kay kept saying she was staring at us, but she didn't have a camera or anything.”

“Did she have a phone?” Jyn asked, leaning against the kitchen doorway as Cassian nodded. “Do you not realize that practically all phones now have a camera in them?”

“You think she took pictures of us with her phone?”

“I know she took pictures of you with her phone,” Jyn said, walking towards him. “Cassian, you said yourself that she didn't have a camera, she had a phone. She took the pictures, sold them to the newspaper, and some so-called journalist made up the story to go along with them. That's how these things work. I really do need to bring someone in to talk to you if you can't even figure that out.”

Cassian reached out and caught Jyn's wrist as she went by, pressing a soft kiss to the inside of it. “I don't want to have to figure this stuff out. I don't want it to happen, period.”

Jyn sighed and bent down to kiss Cassian. “I don't want it to happen either, but it's going to.”

“You own a successful software company. I don't understand why that means that the press needs to report on practically every little thing you do.”

Jyn caressed Cassian's cheek lightly, then straightened herself up and started walking towards Cassian's office. "Because I started getting invited to public events and started to enjoy the spotlight and all of that nonsense, then I shacked up with someone for almost seven years and ended up being a lousy motherfucking bastard to him, and he ran and told the press all about it, and I suddenly became far more interesting than I had been before. I'm going to call Jedha and see if someone can come over this afternoon."

Cassian stood up after a few moments and walked through the house to his office, leaning against the doorway as he listened to the end of Jyn's conversation with someone at Jedha. “I don't want to talk to someone else. I want to talk to you. But you never want to talk about what I want to talk about.”

Jyn sighed as she hung up the phone, looking towards Cassian. “I take it this is about yesterday's shopping trip.”

“It's about a lot more than that,” Cassian said firmly. “It's about stuff like going to renew The Alliance's domain and discovering it's already been renewed for ten years, or new hardware for the servers that I told you I couldn't afford yet that's suddenly showing up in the mail. I go to the grocery and try to pay for my stuff only to be told it's already paid for and some maid service has been showing up once every two weeks to clean the house.”

“Cassian,” Jyn said softly, “I told you, I want to give you everything in the world. That's what I'm trying to do.”

“Well what you are doing is trying to run my life!” Cassian exclaimed. “I survived for ten years without you, Jyn. I learned how to live without you. And while I fully admit that I enjoy my life far more when you are in it, that doesn't mean that I don't want to be able to support myself. I know that this is part of that whole thing about you making stuff up to me, but I don't want your motherfucking money, Jyn. Stop trying to buy my affection. And stop fucking talking to my friends on the phone. You want to talk to them, then fucking meet them. Get out of my house.”

Jyn said nothing as Cassian stalked out of the room, slamming the door to his bedroom behind him to further his point. Cassian stood there for a few moments until he heard the door open behind him, and he knew Jyn was there before he heard her speak. 

“Cassian.”

“Leave.”

“Cassian.”

“I said leave.”

“Don't ask me that. Please.”

“I am not asking you, I'm telling you,” Cassian said, turning around to face her. “Fucking leave.”

Jyn shook her head. "I'm not leaving, Cas."

“Why the fuck not?” Cassian asked angrily. “You know all about leaving. It's what you do best.”

Jyn took a deep breath and dropped her gaze to the ground as Cassian stumbled backward until he was leaning against the wall. "Fuck. Fuck! I didn't mean that."

“Yes you did,” Jyn said softly. “You meant it and I deserve it.”

Cassian slid down the wall until he was sitting on the floor. “I don't know what's happening to me, Jyn.”

Jyn sat down next to him, wrapping her arm around Cassian's shoulders when Cassian leaned against her. “What do you mean?”

“I mean I just......” Cassian trailed off and closed his eyes, dropping his voice to a whisper. “I just feel so angry when it comes to you.”

“About time,” Jyn said.

“What?”

“It's about time,” Jyn murmured, holding Cassian closer. “You should have been angry with me from the moment I showed up at your door. But you held back and held back and it built up to something that you could no longer contain, and so now you're angry with me.”

“Have you,” Cassian paused for a moment, “have you been doing this stuff that I've been getting angry about to make me angry on purpose?”

“No, I've been doing these things because I want to do them for you,” Jyn said softly. “I want to take care of you, Cassian. There's no reason for you to struggle to buy hardware that you need for the servers or to empty your bank account to buy clothes, clothes that I know that you only went and bought because of me. There's no reason for any of that, not when I have millions of dollars just sitting in various bank accounts.”

“There's a difference between taking care of me and keeping me, Jyn,” Cassian said firmly. “I'm not going to be your kept man. I will not let that happen.”

“I don't want that,” Jyn replied. “But I feel like all this money really belongs to you. It's rightfully yours, and so it should be spent on you.”

“It's not mine. The idea was mine, but the implementation and eventual success of the idea? That's all yours. Every cent you've made from that company you've deserved, and you deserved it because you worked hard for it,” Cassian said, tilting his head so he could look at her. “We've got to figure this out before it destroys us, Jyn. It's going to destroy us before we even begin again.”

Jyn leaned her head back against the wall, letting her eyes close. “I never thought you'd fight me so much on this,” she said after a minute. “And something tells me you won't appreciate my ideas for how to fix this either.”

“Do I even want to ask?”

"Probably not," Jyn said softly. "I suspect they'd just make you even angrier."

They sat in silence for a few minutes before Cassian sighed heavily. “Tell me.”

“You sure?”

“Yes.”

Jyn took a deep breath. "The first option would be for me, through Jedha, to offer you what you would probably consider an obscene amount of money for The Alliance."

“Not a fucking chance in hell.”

“I somehow knew that would be your response,” Jyn murmured. “I honestly think things would be better off if I didn't mention the other one.”

Cassian shook his head. “No, we need to get everything out into the open. Tell me.”

Silenced descended upon them again, and to Cassian, it felt like an hour had passed before Jyn finally spoke.

“Marry me.”

“Oh.” Cassian swallowed hard and pulled away from Jyn. “ _Oh._ ”

“Like I said, I shouldn't have mentioned it.”

“I don't see how that would actually fix anything, to be honest.”

Jyn turned her head towards Cassian, noting that he looked as freaked out as she thought he'd be. “What's mine would be legally yours.”

“I don't want your motherfucking money. And I don't want to marry you for your motherfucking money either.”

"So you said earlier," Jyn said, reaching out and grasping Cassian's hand lightly. "And I would never marry you just to fix some disagreement about money. I'd marry you because I love you, and because you are the only person I plan on ever loving, and because I like the idea of us legally belonging to one another. It was just a stupid idea and I should never have said anything."

“Jyn,” Cassian said after a moment. “We're not even in a relationship. And I can't even start to think about marrying you when I'm angry with you for trying to run my life.”

“I'm not trying to run your life. I'm trying to help make your life easier. After all, I'm the reason that these things have happened. I'm the reason you had to move. I'm the reason you felt you needed those new clothes. I'm the reason why you're in the newspaper today. So I just feel like I should be the reason that other things might be a little less difficult than they would have been otherwise.”

Cassian sighed and leaned up against Jyn again. “Here's the deal. You either take it and we move on, or you leave it and we end things now.”

“Alright.”

“The cleaning ladies and whoever does that stuff with the food stops. I can clean for myself and pay for my own groceries.”

“Okay.”

“I'm paying you back for the server hardware, the clothes I bought yesterday, and the renewal of The Alliance's domain.”

“Completely unnecessary.”

“To you, yes. To me, no, and therefore, it's going to happen.”

Jyn huffed for a moment but gave in. “Fine.”

“Okay then,” Cassian said, squeezing Jyn's fingers. “We have a deal.”

“Can I just add one little thing to that deal before it's agreed upon?” Jyn asked. “I really do want you to sit down with someone from Jedha and let them teach you some things about being out in public and noticing who is around you. Our conversation earlier made me realize that you don't know what to look for, and I'm not just talking about some nosy woman with a camera phone that wants to make a few bucks. I'm talking about the people who sent us those threats. I don't want you to get hurt because you didn't realize that you were in a potentially dangerous situation.”

“And that will make you more comfortable?”

“Yes.”

“Okay. Then we have a deal?”

“We have a deal.”

They sat in silence for a few minutes before Jyn decided something else needed to be discussed. “Cassian?”

“Hm?”

“Can we talk about the relationship thing?”

“What about it?”

“You don't think we've reached a point where we can say we've restarted our relationship?” Jyn asked quietly. “Because I've been thinking that we're there for awhile now.”

Cassian sighed heavily. “I'm scared, Jyn.”

“Scared of what?”

“Scared it's going to end up the same way again,” Cassian murmured. “And I can't let it happen again, Jyn. I can't let you destroy me again.”

Jyn pulled Cassian closer to her. “I deserve your lack of trust. But I also think I've done a lot to earn that trust back. At some point in time, Cassian, you're going to have to start trusting me again, or this really is never going to work.”

“I know,” Cassian said. “I'm just scared of doing that.”

“Well, I just want you to know that I'm here, and I'm ready, and I'm willing to do whatever it takes to make this work,” Jyn said, pressing a kiss to the top of Cassian's head. “I'll wait forever for you if that's what I have to do, Cassian.”

Cassian shook his head gently. “I'm not going to make you wait forever. I just need a little more time.”

“Then I will give you more time,” Jyn said softly. “And I'm sorry for trying to run your life. I really just wanted to make things easier on you.”

“You're here,” Cassian said. “That makes things easier on me. Come on, let's go to the office. I've got a ton of work to get done today.”


	9. Chapter 9

Cassian pulled his hat down lower as he walked into the coffee shop, spotting Kaytoo sitting at a table and walking straight towards it as he heard the murmurings of the shop's patrons get louder. It had been such a long time since he'd been to the shop, and he really needed some time with his friends. 

Kaytoo looked up as Cassian got closer, a huge smile spreading across his face when he realized who the man in the hat was. “Cas!”

"Hi Kay," Cassian said, pulling out a chair and sitting down. "How're things?" 

“Who cares about that? You're here!” Kaytoo exclaimed. “You're back in the coffee shop!”

“I decided that I couldn't hide in my house forever,” Cassian said, opening up his messenger bag and pulling out his laptop. “Besides, I'm trying to make a big decision and I need some advice.”

“Is this about Jyn?” Kaytoo asked, sighing when Cassian shook his head no. “Then what on earth could you possibly be trying to decide about?”

“I'll tell you when Bodhi gets over here,” Cassian said, turning to look at the counter as he took his hat off. 

The noise in the shop increased as more people started to recognize him, and the anxiety that Cassian was feeling began to grow, so he took a couple of deep breaths and made himself focus on Bodhi. Bodhi's eyes met his after a minute, and Cassian waved, Bodhi nodding to signify that he understood what Cassian wanted. A few minutes later, Bodhi was at the table and setting a cup and saucer down in front of Cassian before clapping him on the shoulder.

“It is so good to see you in here, Cassian.”

“I can't say it's feeling good to be in here, Bodhi, but I'm trying,” Cassian said, reaching for his coffee. “When's your break? I need some advice.”

“Not until this place clears,” Bodhi said. “A couple people didn't show up tonight so we're shorthanded. I'll be over as soon as I can though, okay?”

Cassian nodded as Bodhi walked away, and he turned towards Kaytoo. “So, how did you like your turn in the newspaper?”

Kaytoo burst out laughing. “I forgot that we haven't seen each other since that was published. God, I've just been so busy, Cassian. Oh, that was the funniest thing ever. Everyone at the photoshoot I was styling was having a huge laugh about it. Of course, they all wanted to know about you and Jyn, but I didn't tell them anything.”

Cassian fixed his gaze on Kaytoo and after a moment the other man crumbled. “Okay, I didn't tell them that much. Nothing that hasn't been in the papers, and only the true stuff, I swear.”

Cassian sighed heavily as he opened up his laptop, quickly signing in. “It's alright, Kay. I'm slowly getting used to the fact that people know a lot about me and Jyn, though I still find it funny that people automatically assume that we're in a relationship.”

“Cassian, you spend nearly twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week with one another, and you're fucking on top of that. If that's not a relationship, I don't know what one is.”

Cassian sighed again. “Relationships are built upon trust. And I do not trust her, not completely. And so we're not in a relationship.”

“I still don't see how you'll ever be able to trust her again,” Kaytoo said. “No matter how much she apologizes for everything that's happened.”

“She spends more time apologizing to all of you than she does to me,” Cassian pointed out. “But I don't need to hear her say the words I'm sorry. It's more about building that trust back up than it is about apologies at this point.”

“Whatever,” Kaytoo said. “I clearly do not understand and I probably never will. Just let me know when your relationship actually starts so I'll know when the day you've officially lost your mind is.”

“I'll be sure to do that,” Cassian laughed. “Now will you tell me how things are? What was this photoshoot for?”

Cassian and Kaytoo talked about the photo shoot and other various subjects for a couple of hours until the coffee shop was virtually empty and Bodhi came to join them. "Alright, boys, what's the subject for the evening?" 

“I don't know,” Kaytoo said. “We've been waiting for you. Cassian?”

Cassian paused in his typing and saved his place before looking up at his friends. “Just so you know, I still have to talk to Chirrut and Baze about this, so no final decision will be made tonight. But, I think you two will really be able to help me.”

“Please tell me you're not proposing to Jyn,” Bodhi said quickly. “Because I may have to really punch you if that's what you're about to say.”

“No,” Cassian laughed. “This is not about Jyn.”

Bodhi sighed in relief. “Good. I'm not ready for that.”

Cassian laughed some more. “Jyn and I aren't even in a relationship. There is certainly no talk of marriage.”

“So what's the decision about then?” Kaytoo said. “You only ask for advice on really big things, so this must be important.”

Cassian sat back in his chair and reached for his coffee. “When my friendship with Jyn fi—”

“Friendship?” Bodhi laughed hysterically. “You're seriously calling what you and Jyn do as a friendship?” 

“Well it's certainly not a relationship,” Cassian said. “Anyway, when that first became public knowledge, and my connection to The Alliance was unearthed, interest in the website skyrocketed. It went from having around fifteen hundred new accounts per month to fifteen thousand new accounts per month.”

“Holy shit,” Bodhi said, his eyes wide. “That's awesome, Cas.”

“It is,” Cassian said, “and it's not. All the new accounts are putting extreme stress on the servers I have, and I'm running out of space. I've been buying new hardware to upgrade them as best I can, but what I really need is more servers to run the website off of. But that requires money.”

“You're getting a ton of new accounts but not a ton of new paid accounts,” Kaytoo said, making Cassian nod. “So you need to expand but don't have the money to.”

“Exactly. So I was thinking of ways that I could raise money, and I think I've come up with an idea, but I need to know what you guys think about it.”

“So what is it?” Bodhi asked.

"Do you remember the well-run campaign to get personalized pages a few months ago?" Cassian said, continuing when they both nodded. "I was thinking of implementing it into the site, but for paid accounts only." 

“That's a great idea,” Kaytoo said immediately. “I bet tons of people would sign up for a paid account if that meant they could personalize their page.”

“That's what I'm hoping for,” Cassian said. “The problem is the amount of time it's going to take to write all of that code and make it simple enough for my users to actually be able to understand. And that's where part two of my decision comes in. I think I need to hire people to work with me.”

Bodhi's jaw dropped. “Cassian, you have always been adamant that you didn't need a staff.”

“Yeah, well, when it was a small website, I didn't. But The Alliance is quickly turning into one of the biggest social media platforms in the country, and I need help.”

“So you need money now, but your idea is something that requires help to write all the coding that needs to be implemented in order to raise money through the site. Hiring people is going to cost money, and it's going to be awhile before you can write all the code, which delays when you can raise money,” Kaytoo said, shaking his head. “I can see where you're coming from, and I think you should do both things, but Cassian, if you need money now, you're going to have to find somewhere to get it.”

“And I know you probably don't want to do it, but your safest bet for an investor is probably the woman who shares your bed every night,” Bodhi said.

“I know that I could get the money from Jyn if I asked her, but I really don't want to ask her for money. That's the last thing I want to do.” Cassian ran his hands through his hair. “Money is a big enough problem with us. I don't want to complicate things even more.”

“So go to a bank and get a loan,” Kaytoo said before cringing. “But Chirrut and Baze would probably kill you before they'd let you do that.”

“I think their past experiences with banks has made it so that they'll kill anybody they know who even thinks about getting a loan from a bank,” Cassian murmured. “I know that Chirrut would loan me money for the site, he's done it before, but I'm talking about an amount of money that I know he doesn't have.”

Kaytoo sighed. “Cassian, I really do hate it, but Jyn's your safest bet. She has the money, can give it to you now, doesn't need it returned immediately, and I'm sure would work with you on how you're going to pay it back.”

“If she lets me pay it back,” Cassian muttered.

Bodhi took a deep breath. "I can't believe I'm even going to say this but would having Jyn as an investor into the company that is the website be that bad of a thing? You guys are headed down an inevitable path, no matter how much you keep trying to deny that you're in a relationship." 

Cassian looked over at him. “And what inevitable path is this?”

“Oh come on, Cassian, you can't do that,” Bodhi said. “You know you think about a future with her. Not just in the past, but now, in the present. You know you want her in your life for the rest of your days. I can see it in your eyes whenever you talk about her. And whatever has to happen for that to take place is going to happen, because if it wasn't, you would have ended whatever it is you two are doing by now.”

Cassian reached for his coffee and took a long sip, letting Bodhi's words sink in. “I can't help it,” he finally said, a soft smile crossing his face. “I've been in love with her for almost eleven years now. She's the only one I've ever wanted any of that with.”

“I know,” Bodhi said. “But I don't get it. I'm sure that once I meet Jyn and start getting to know her properly that I will begin to realize all the things about her that bring that smile to your face. I don't know that I'll ever totally understand what it is about her that can make you overlook things that I never could, but as you always say to me, I've never been in love so it's entirely possible that until I have been I just won't understand. But if you're going to be thinking of Jyn as your partner in all things, then would her being an investor in the company really be that bad? It'll still be completely yours, Cassian. She'll just be helping out monetarily.”

“Bodhi's right,” Kaytoo said. “He's right about all of it.”

Bodhi smiled. "Thanks, Kay." 

“Hey, it doesn't happen often, so when it does, I have to acknowledge it.”

Bodhi reached over and playfully shoved Kaytoo's shoulder, and Cassian chuckled. "I'll think about it. I'll think about all of it. Thanks, guys." 

“No problem,” Bodhi said, standing up and grabbing both Cassian and Kaytoo's coffee cups. “You two need some refills. I'll be right back.”

Cassian looked over at Kaytoo once Bodhi was gone. “You really think he's right about Jyn? You weren't just saying that?”

“It pains me to say it, but yes,” Kaytoo said. “And I really hope one day I understand too.”

Cassian just nodded and turned back to his laptop. He had a lot to think about.

*****

Cassian got back to his house around noon after spending the morning speaking to Chirrut and Baze about the dilemma about the website. Their advice had ended up being about the same as Kaytoo and Bodhi's had been, and that left Cassian with a major decision.

Did he really want Jyn to be an investor in The Alliance? 

Part of him said yes, and part of him said no. 

From a purely financial point of view, Jyn would be a great investor. She had the money to invest, wouldn't need to pull the money out of the company any time soon for any reason, and could always invest further should the need be required. 

From a purely emotional point of view, The Alliance was Cassian's baby, the thing he'd poured his heart and soul into over the last decade, and if Jyn decided to run again, he didn't want his baby to be destroyed along with his heart.

So, essentially, it came down to a question of trust, and that was Cassian's biggest issue with Jyn. Trust.

He dropped his messenger bag by his desk and made his way to his bedroom, stripping his shirt and jeans off and collapsing onto his bed. Jyn was supposed to be showing up at some point in the next hour, and Cassian really needed some sleep before she arrived. But he also really needed to figure out what he was going to do about The Alliance, and that thought kept him awake. If he didn't get some new equipment to handle the bandwidth load of the site soon, the whole thing was going to start crashing on a daily, if not hourly, basis. 

Cassian was still awake when Jyn walked into his room a little more than an hour later, and Jyn took one look at him and knew he hadn't slept at all. “Cassian? Is everything alright? You look terrible.”

“I'm trying to decide if I can trust you,” Cassian said, staring up at the ceiling. “And I'm no closer to figuring out the answer to my dilemma than I was when I went to the coffee shop last night.”

Jyn kicked off her heels and crawled onto the bed next to him, letting her head come to rest on Cassian's shoulder. “Are you going to tell me what this dilemma is now? You've been refusing to.”

“I don't know,” Cassian said, sighing. “I mean, yes. I'll tell you.”

“You don't have to.”

“Yes, I do,” Cassian said. “Ever since our connection to one another was revealed in the papers, and my connection to The Alliance was uncovered, the site has been growing at a rate that is becoming unsustainable. I need money for things and I have ideas on how to go about raising that money, but I need the money now and the ideas get me the money later. I talked to my friends and they all agree that I should ask you to invest in the site until I'm capable of paying you back. But doing that means that I have to trust you, and it means that I have to trust you with my baby, and I don't know if I can do that.”

Jyn laid there for a minute. “I don't know what I can say to make you trust me, Cassian.”

“You don't have to say anything.”

“And yet I think that's what you're waiting for,” Jyn said. “I think you're waiting for me to say just the right thing for you to realize that you can trust me, that I'm not going anywhere.”

“Maybe I am. I'm waiting for something that's never going to come.”

“I'm willing to buy you whatever you need for the site, Cassian.”

“I don't want you to just buy me stuff.”

“Then what would you want me to do?” Cassian stayed silent, and Jyn sighed. “I'm willing to give you whatever you need for the website.”

“Do you want to know what I need? What I really need?”

“Yes.”

"I need new servers. Ones to replace the ones I have and more to add on. I need to hire a staff. Not just someone to help me with the coding but I need people available for customer service and I need a billing department and I need a graphics designer for the personalized pages that I'm going to be rolling out once all the coding work is done. I need an actual office somewhere in the city to set up this stuff in and I need to start being an actual businessman and keep legitimate business hours instead of staying up all night. And I need you with me while I do it because I am scared shitless of doing everything I just said. I don't have a business brain, Jyn. I'm a programmer. I'm terrified that I'm going to expand and then everything's going to fall apart." 

Jyn propped herself up on one elbow and looked down at Cassian. “What do you need from me?”

Cassian ran his hands over his face. “I need an investment of a certain amount of money that I haven't determined yet. I need help finding an office space, I need help turning it into an actual office for The Alliance, I need help structuring a business, and I need help hiring people. I need you to help run it, Jyn. And all of that is where I need to trust you, really truly trust you again, and I just don't know if I can do it.”

“What's going to happen to the site if you don't do these things?”

“The load on the servers is going to get to be too much, the site's going to start crashing on a daily and eventually hourly basis, and it's all going to spiral out of control faster than I can stop it.”

Jyn reached out and brushed the hair out of Cassian's eyes. "I told you a couple of weeks ago that you are going to have to start trusting me again at some point, Cassian. It's entirely up to you when that point is, but maybe now would be a nice time to start." 

“You know what else this would do?” Cassian said. “This would give you something to do during the day that's more than just laying around and moping about the fact that you don't work anymore.”

“I do not do that.”

“Yes, you do.”

“I do plenty of things during the day. I have meetings.”

"On the phone, while lying on the sofa in my office, usually involving you covering the mouthpiece and complaining that you're bored." 

“I listen to music.”

“While lying on the sofa and complaining that you're bored.”

“I watch you work.”

“While lying on the sofa, making suggestions for The Alliance, and complaining that you're bored.”

Jyn was quiet for a moment. “I do that that much?”

“Yes.”

“Then something to do during the day would probably be good for me.”

“Definitely. This idea would hopefully also stop the ridiculous thinking you do when it comes to me and Jedha.”

“It's your company.”

“It was my idea. It's your company.”

“Which should be yours.”

“I'm not going through this with you again.”

“Because you know I'm right.”

“No, because I know that you're just feeling guilty about what you did and you think calling it my company is the answer. It's not.” Cassian sighed heavily and rolled onto his side. “The Alliance barely breaks even, Jyn. That's why I'm terrified of doing this.”

“Between your computer brilliance and my business brain, you will be doing much better than barely breaking even after only a couple of months,” Jyn said. 

Cassian flicked his gaze over to hers, swallowing hard. “Promise me you're not going to run away again. Please.”

Jyn bent down and kissed him softly. “There is no place I want to be more than by your side, Cassian Andor. I'm never running away again. I promise. Trust me. All I want to do is help.”

Cassian stared into Jyn's eyes for a long time before nodding. “Okay. I...okay. I'm...I'm going to trust that you can help me do this.”

Jyn broke out into a huge smile. "Then we'll get to work after you get some sleep because you look like you desperately need some.”

“Jyn?”

“What?”

“Don't make me regret this.”

“I won't, Cassian. I promise.”

*****

Cassian walked into the antique shop as Baze was dealing with a customer, and Baze smiled at him. "Chirrut's upstairs." 

“Thanks, Baze,” Cassian said, heading to the back of the store and the stairway that led up to the apartment that Chirrut and Baze shared. 

Cassian jogged up the stairs and let himself in, finding Chirrut sitting at the kitchen table. “Good evening, Chirrut.”

“Cassian, my friend,” Chirrut said, turning his head in Cassian's direction. “It is rare that you come over twice in one day.”

“Well, I had to bring my rent over. I forgot it this morning,” Cassian said, pulling an envelope out of his messenger bag and setting it on the kitchen counter. “It's on the counter.”

“I will tell Baze,” Chirrut said, motioning towards the table. “Join me.”

Cassian walked over to the table and sat down opposite him. “I made my decision.”

“Cassian, you made your decision before you ever approached any of us for advice,” Chirrut proclaimed. “And you cannot deny it either.”

Cassian sighed heavily. “I'm terrified, Chirrut.”

“As you should be. I would be worried about you if you weren't.”

“Tell me I am doing the right thing?”

"I cannot tell you that," Chirrut said, reaching for his glass. "But I will tell you that I don't think you've made a foolish decision. Jyn Erso is a good businesswoman. She will make a good investor in The Alliance. Did you tell Bodhi and Kay the depth of her involvement in your expansion of the site? Because something tells me you didn't." 

“Bodhi threatened to punch me over her at the beginning of the conversation. I didn't want him to actually do it.”

“You know they're going to find out.”

“Of course they are. And I'm not going to hide it from them. I just didn't feel the need to tell them last night,” Cassian said, standing up and walking into the kitchen. “Do you want some more water?”

“No, I'm quite alright,” Chirrut said. “How did Jyn react when you told her what you wanted from her?”

“Exactly like I expected her to,” Cassian said, getting a glass from a cupboard. “She was willing to do whatever I needed her to do. We've already started talking about potential locations to look at for the office.”

“I am surprised that you are not still with her then. I know how eager you are to get this off the ground.”

“She is having dinner with Saw tonight,” Cassian said, filling his glass with water. “They are trying to come to some sort of truce with each other. I personally don't think that's going to happen, and I think she doesn't either, but she really wants to try.”

“Saw Gerrera is an interesting man,” Chirrut said as Cassian sat back down. “When Baze and I lived in Onderon, we had a few interactions with him. He's...he's not someone that I would trust.”

“I know Jyn doesn't trust him. She hates him, but she loves him at the same time. At the end of the day, he's the closest thing to family that she's got, and she doesn't want to lose that, even if Saw drives her insane.”

“Her relationship with Saw sounds not that different than your relationship with your parents. How are they treating you lately?”

Cassian sighed heavily. “My mother is refusing to speak to me and my father asks about the whore. So, it's going well.”

“Oh, how the sarcasm just drips off your tongue,” Chirrut said, laughing. “Have you considered that now might be the time to finally cut all ties with them? I know you've contemplated it for a long time.”

Cassian sighed again. “I've been thinking about it. There's a huge part of me that just wants to let go of them, and there's a part of me that keeps saying no, they're your parents, how can you abandon them.”

“They abandoned you a long time ago, Cassian.”

“I know,” Cassian said, pausing to take a drink. “I pretty much raised myself from the age of six. They were either together and fighting all the time or apart and my mother was drinking my father away. They never paid any attention to me. I could have died and they wouldn't have noticed.”

“I don't know if it would have gone that far,” Chirrut murmured. “Your parents do care for you.”

“Not in the way that parents should,” Cassian replied. “You've been more of a father to me than my father has been, and you're nowhere near old enough to be my father.”

Chirrut smiled. “Well, at least you acknowledge that I'm not old.”

“You know what I mean, Chirrut.”

“Yes, I do, and that is why I brought up cutting all ties with them. If you do not wish to do it, then don't. I just know what it is I would do.”

“But I'm not you and I have to do what is best for me. I know, Chirrut, I know.”

“So we will go back to Jyn,” Chirrut said. “How does she feel about working with you?”

“She seems really excited about it,” Cassian said, a smile crossing his face. “I know she's been bored out of her mind since she had to quit working at Jedha, so the fact that she's getting to do something again is probably great for her.”

“I want you to know that I'm starting to understand what it is that you see in her,” Chirrut said softly. “Our telephone conversations no longer are entirely about me being angry with her.”

Cassian shook his head. “I wish you all would stop talking to her.”

“We will when we meet her.”

“And she's not ready for that yet,” Cassian mumbled. “I'm starting to wonder if she ever will be.”

“You should bring the subject up again. I think you might find her more receptive to the idea than you think.” Chirrut smiled at the sound of footsteps on the stairs. “Ah, here comes Baze.”

Cassian looked up as the door to the apartment opened and Baze walked in, counting money. “Chirrut, we had a good day.”

“How good of a day?”

Baze finished counting and placed the money on the table in front of Chirrut. “Almost three thousand once we count in the credit card sales.”

A huge grin crossed Chirrut's face. “Three thousand? Baze, what on earth did you sell?”

“That gigantic hutch that's been in the back of the store went for eighteen hundred, and someone else bought that entire set of porcelain that you told me I shouldn't have bought for seven hundred.”

Chirrut just shook his head and reached out to feel the stack of money. “And what are you going to ask me if you can buy now?”

“I'm not going to ask you for anything,” Baze said, putting a hand on Chirrut's shoulder. “I am just going to put the money away.”

“Put Cassian's rent away as well,” Chirrut said. “It's in an envelope on the counter.”

“Got it,” Baze said, picking up the stack of money and walking towards the counter. “I'll be back in a minute.”

Cassian watched Baze walk away before turning towards Chirrut. “Do you not even put the money in a bank?”

"Banks rob you of your hard-earned money," Chirrut said firmly. "Baze and I have a safe place here that no one could get into should someone break in. It's perfectly fine." 

Cassian wasn't convinced. “Are you sure about that?”

“It's a custom ordered safe, Cassian. Only Baze's fingerprint or mine can open it. I'm positive.”

“Alright, Chirrut,” Cassian said, shaking his head. “Do you want to go to the coffee shop tonight? I think I'll tolerate it better if I have friends around, and I know Kay isn't going to be there tonight.”

“I think that sounds good,” Chirrut said. “Where is Kay?”

“Kay is in Eadu working with some rich woman who needs a new wardrobe or something like that,” Cassian said, looking up as Baze walked back into the room. “Baze. Coffee shop alright?”

“Fine with me,” Baze said. “I'll get my keys and bring the car around. You help Chirrut downstairs.”

“I am perfectly capable of getting up and down the stairs, Baze.”

“Which is why you nearly fell down them yesterday when you missed a step.”

"I wouldn't have if you'd fixed the handrail." 

"The handrail doesn't control your feet, Chirrut." 

“I'll help,” Cassian interjected. “It'll be fine.”

Chirrut sighed. “I'm blind. I'm not helpless.”

"No one said you were," Baze said. "I just don't want you to fall down the stairs. I'll fix the handrail this weekend. Until then, accept the help." 

“Oh all right.”


	10. Chapter 10

To Cassian, it seemed like he had an office space before he could blink. Jyn had taken him around to several different places and talked him through the pros and cons of each one, and then they'd gone back to the penthouse and made a decision over a dinner of Chinese takeout. The space was a small standalone building in Coruscant Plaza, and Cassian was terrified of deciding upon it because the space wasn't for rent, it was for sale. 

Jyn had reached across the table, put her hand on Cassian's, and explained all the reasons why owning the building would be a good thing, not a bad thing. Cassian brought up the sale price, and Jyn told him not to worry because he wouldn't be paying that much for it. 

And when he sat down in the office to sign the paperwork that would make him officially the owner of the building, Cassian realized for the first time that Jyn had been right. He was paying a significantly lower price for the building than the asking price had been. When he asked her about it later, Jyn had just smiled and told him that Ahsoka Tano was the best real estate agent in the city, and she always got Jyn good deals on real estate.

Cassian and Jyn went to the building as soon as the closing was over, and Jyn had to take the keys and open the door because Cassian's hands were shaking too much to do it. Cassian walked into the building, took one look around the clean, empty space, and promptly collapsed onto the floor, eyes wide and his whole body shaking. 

“I can't do this, Jyn.”

Jyn walked over to him and sat down next to him, wrapping an arm around his shoulders and pressing a kiss to his temple. “Cassian, everything is fine.”

“I just spent money I don't have on a building I don't know what to do with,” Cassian said, his voice trembling. “Maybe I should have just taken you up on your offer to buy The Alliance. I can't do this.”

Jyn reached up and turned his head towards her, looking him in the eyes. “Cassian, you can do this. And I'm going to be right here by your side for every step of it.”

Cassian swallowed hard. “Jyn, I'm terrified.”

Jyn smiled softly. “I was terrified when I first expanded Jedha too. I would think it strange if you weren't. But you said you were going to trust me, Cassian. This is part of that.”

Cassian stared at her for a moment before nodding. “I'm trying, Jyn. I'm trying to trust you.”

“Then do you want to hear my idea for how the office should be set up?” Jyn asked, standing up when Cassian nodded. “You stay right there, okay?”

Cassian watched as Jyn stood up. The inside of the building was nothing more than one huge room, and Jyn walked to the middle of it. “First, we're going to paint the walls. This horrible shade of light brown has got to go.”

“Definitely,” Cassian said, bringing a smile to Jyn's face. 

“We could build a reception area, so put up some walls and enclose the front door into an entry, large enough to have a front desk and a receptionist out there. Whoever the receptionist is can field calls and deal with people who come in.”

“Do you really think that's going to happen?” Cassian asked.

“It happened at Jedha,” Jyn said. “And with this being your company, and you being a somewhat public figure now because of me, I think it's likely that it will happen again.”

Cassian nodded. “Alright. What else?”

“I like the idea of keeping the open floor plan,” Jyn said, “so we could make the center of the room into a meeting space, maybe enclose it in glass walls, and then have workstations around it. Each one would have a brand new computer and monitors, places for the workers to decorate to their liking. And then in the back would be a much bigger workstation. Several monitors, brand new computers, television for when there's breaking news. I could be on one side of it and you could be on the other.”

Cassian listened in awe of Jyn's ideas. If it were up to him, he'd have had a desk with a computer on it and not much else. “What about upstairs?”

“Upstairs would be the break room slash lunch room and a private office for either you or me to use, plus the room for the servers.”

Cassian thought about it as Jyn walked back to him and sat down. “That sounds amazing, Jyn. It also sounds expensive.”

“It's just ideas, Cassian. We can change anything. And whatever we do to the inside of this space is going to cost money.”

“I don't have this kind of money, Jyn.”

“I know, but I do,” Jyn said. “And when The Alliance starts making money, you can start paying me back.”

“Are you really going to let me do that?” Cassian asked, turning to look at her.

Jyn sighed. “I think it's completely unnecessary, but I know that you do not, so yes, I will let you pay me back.”

Cassian reached out and curled a hand around Jyn's neck, pulling her to him. Their lips met gently, but it wasn't long before Cassian was deepening the kiss, Jyn's arms coming up to wrap around his neck. They kissed until they were breathless, and when they broke apart for air, Jyn pushed Cassian down to the floor and climbed on top of him. 

“Want to christen the building?”

Cassian laughed. “Is that really a good idea?”

“Sounds like one to me,” Jyn said, shrugging off her suit jacket and starting to unbutton her shirt. “The door's locked, and no one else is going to come in here.”

“I don't have anything with me, Jyn,” Cassian whispered as Jyn bent down for another kiss. 

“It's alright,” Jyn murmured. “I think we can risk it once.”

Cassian stared up at her as Jyn got her shirt unbuttoned, quickly divesting herself of it and tossing it away. His hands came up to dance across the silk of her camisole before grabbing onto it and pulling it free from her skirt. “Once,” he said. “Only once.”

Jyn grinned and helped get the camisole over her head. “Once per floor?”

Cassian laughed. “Jyn!”

“What?” Jyn asked innocently.

Cassian's hands went around her back and fumbled with her bra, finally getting it unhooked and helping to slide it down Jyn's arms. “Maybe,” he murmured. “Let's just christen this floor first.”

Jyn bent down and hovered over him for a moment, brushing the hair from Cassian's eyes. “I love you, Cassian.”

Cassian quickly rolled them so he was hovering over Jyn, bending down and kissing her breathless. “I love you too. Now help me take off these clothes.”

*****

Bodhi took one look at the picture and his eyes widened. “Holy shit, Cassian. You own a building in Coruscant Plaza?”

“As of two weeks ago,” Cassian said, taking a deep breath. “Well, technically Jyn owns it because it was her money, but it's my name on all the paperwork.”

“Then technically you own it,” Bodhi said, shaking his head. “This is awesome.”

“You think?” Cassian took back the paper with the real estate information on it and studied it. “I'm fucking terrified.”

“No shit, it's obvious. Your hands are shaking,” Bodhi said, smiling. “Seriously, Cas, this is great. You are going all in on this expansion of the business and I think it's fantastic. So Jyn was totally cool with investing?”

"Yeah, Jyn's been great about the whole thing," Cassian said, leaning back into the sofa cushions and propping his feet up on the coffee table. "She's got her assistant getting me books full of office supplies that can be ordered so I can decide what I want inside of the building, and she's at the building right now with a contractor talking about the structural things we want to be done to the inside." 

Bodhi paused as he reached for his beer. “We?”

Cassian sighed. “I can't do this without her, Bodhi. I need her help. She's got the business brain. She always has.”

“Cassian, what the fuck are you thinking?” Bodhi exclaimed. “You went from not wanting her to invest to her now being heavily involved in the whole thing! That's a serious change!”

Cassian took a long sip from his beer. “I always planned on her being heavily involved. I just didn't tell you and Kay about it.”

“You're a lousy son of a bitch, you know that,” Bodhi muttered, picking up his beer and downing half of it. “You've lost your fucking mind, Cassian.”

“I was going to ask her to go in on the business with me,” Cassian said plainly. “All those years ago, before she stole everything and disappeared. So this doesn't feel wrong to me. It feels like the way it should have been since the beginning.”

“Fuck,” Bodhi exclaimed, polishing off his beer and standing up, heading to the kitchen to get another. “What kind of spell does this girl have over you?”

“She doesn't have a spell over me,” Cassian said, rolling his eyes. “It's called love, Bodhi.”

“If this is what love is, then I never want it,” Bodhi called out. “You want another beer?”

“Yes,” Cassian said, and Bodhi walked back into the room with two beers a few moments later. “Thanks.”

Bodhi collapsed onto the sofa and handed Cassian one of the beers. “Seriously, I never want to fall in love if this is what it's like.”

Cassian just shook his head. “You'll change your mind the moment you meet the right girl. And I wouldn't call what Jyn and I have a normal example of love. It's a very fucked up example of love.”

“At least you acknowledge that,” Bodhi said, twisting the top off of his bottle and bringing it to his lips. “You are seriously making me question my whole idea of wanting a girlfriend.”

“I don't have a girlfriend.”

“Yeah, about that,” Bodhi said. “I can't believe I'm about to say this, but I think you should fucking man up and admit that you're in a relationship already. I think that's one of the reasons Jyn doesn't want to meet us yet. Because she doesn't know where she stands with you.”

Cassian looked over at him. “You think that or you know that?”

“Okay, so it may have been a big discussion among all of us after Chirrut had a conversation with her about when she thought she'd be ready to meet us,” Bodhi said, sighing. “Look, I think I can meet her and be civil to her now. And I'm pretty sure Kay is in the same place. But she doesn't know if she'd be meeting us as a friend or as a girlfriend or what, and I think you need to straighten that out and soon.”

Cassian polished off his beer and set the empty bottle on the table, reaching for the new one Bodhi had brought him. “I don't know if I can trust her, Bodhi.”

"You're trusting the hell out of her, Cassian. She's making decisions on The Alliance now if she's at the building with a contractor right now. If you can let her do that, then you're trusting her to do what she thinks is right for your baby. And you are so protective of The Alliance, Cas. That's why you've never hired anyone to help even though you really needed help about five years ago. You're trusting her. " 

Cassian took a long sip from his beer and then let his head fall back against the cushions. “I'm afraid she's going to leave again.”

“Well, I don't know her the way you do, but if she was going to leave, I think she would have done it by now,”   
Bodhi said. “It's been three months, Cassian. She's been by your side practically every second of that three months. She doesn't want to leave.”

“Not even to go home,” Cassian murmured. “She spends more time here than she does at her penthouse.”

“Exactly,” Bodhi said. “I think it's insanity that you've let her stay a part of your life, but you have, and she wants to be here. You've said it yourself, she's a runner. If she was going to run, she would have already.”

Cassian took a deep breath. “I want to believe you, Bodhi. I really do.”

“But?”

“But I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop. For the thing to happen that will make her leave. I wasn't enough to make her stay before. Why would I be enough now?”

"Because she realized she should have stayed," Bodhi said, taking a long sip of his beer. "And that's not me saying that that's her. She's said it to me on multiple occasions. She knows that leaving you was the biggest mistake she's ever made, and she wants nothing more than to atone for that." 

Cassian turned his head to look at Bodhi. “She said that?”

“Yes,” Bodhi said, tipping his bottle back for another sip. “And that's why I can't hate her, no matter how much I want to. She knows she fucked up and she wants to make things right, and by making things right that means making you realize that she's sincere about everything and that she still loves you. And you've been miserable for so long over this girl that I knew nothing about except for the fact that she'd shattered your heart, and to hear Jyn talk about how much she regrets it...I just can't hate her. I'm not sure I'll ever forgive her for what she did to you, but I can't hate her.”

“It's not your place to be angry with her.”

“Well, too bad because I am.”

Cassian set his beer down on the table and ran his hands over his face. “Bodhi, you really think she's ready for me to say we're in a relationship?”

“I think it's not about whether or not she's ready. I think it's about whether or not you're ready,” Bodhi said, looking over at Cassian. “And I think you know that you're ready for it.”

Cassian sighed. “I'm scared to death of restarting what we had. Fucking terrified.”

“I'm not surprised. But if you don't ever accept her back into your life in that way, then she probably is going to run,” Bodhi said. “She's not going to wait forever.”

“She told me she would.”

“Do you actually believe that?”

Cassian reached for his beer. “No, I don't.”

“Then you know what you have to do,” Bodhi said, sighing. “You'll make the right decision, Cassian. I know you will.”

Cassian took a long sip of his beer. “Thanks, Bodhi. Now talk to me about something else.”

*****

“Shall we listen to some music while we wait for the food to get here?” Jyn asked.

“Alright,” Cassian said, following along as Jyn walked towards the sitting room. “But not Beethoven. You've played too much Beethoven lately.”

“I thought you couldn't tell the difference between composers.”

“I can't,” Cassian said plainly, letting go of Jyn's hand to drop down onto the sofa. “But you always tell me what it is we're listening to, and ever since you showed up at my apartment, it's been Beethoven.”

“Alright then. Something different.” Jyn walked across the room to a bookshelf, looking through the rows of CDs before reaching out and selecting one. “How about a little Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart? Jeunehomme?”

Cassian laughed as Jyn walked over to the stereo. “I love how you say that as though it means something to me.”

“One of these days, you might actually attempt to learn something about classical music, you know,” Jyn said, pulling the CD out of its case and putting it into the stereo. “Jeunehomme is Mozart's piano concerto number nine, and it is very highly regarded.”

“I'm sure it is,” Cassian said as Jyn walked towards him. “Everything you play me seems to be highly regarded.”

Jyn rolled her eyes as she sat down next to Cassian, tucking her legs up on the sofa and leaning against him. “Just shut up, relax, and listen to it. You'll like it.”

“Okay,” Cassian murmured, pulling Jyn closer as the music began. “Don't go anywhere.”

“Wasn't planning on it.”

They stayed silent through the first listening and were halfway through the first repeat when Cassian leaned his head against Jyn's and sighed. “Jyn?”

“What?”

“Can we talk about our relationship?”

“Of course.”

Cassian took a moment to think about how he wanted to phrase things before speaking. “You know why I'm scared to say we've restarted it, right?”

“You think I'm going to leave again,” Jyn said softly. “And I deserve that distrust. I earned that distrust.”

Cassian swallowed hard. “You do and you have. But I'm not sure that's not a good enough reason anymore.”

Jyn shifted around so she could look at him. “Cassian, what are you trying to say?”

“I'm trying to say that I still don't trust you that much. I still am afraid that you're going to run and destroy me and the site in the process. But I want you to belong to me again. I want that house in the city with a swing set in the back with a couple of kids running around playing on it. I want that porch swing when we're seventy. I want you around for every second of the rest of my life.” Cassian turned to look at her. “I didn't realize how dead I'd been inside until you came back into my life. You made me feel alive again, Jyn.”

Jyn blinked as her eyes began to fill with tears. “Cassian.”

“I'd say we should start from the beginning but we're so far past that that we can't. We just have to start from where we are and go from here,” Cassian said. “But yet I'm sitting here and I'm saying all of this to you and I'm still not ready to say we're in a relationship, Jyn. I'm not ready to put myself on the line like that. But I'm getting closer."

“I understand,” Jyn murmured, leaning in and kissing him deeply. “Are you serious about everything you just said? Please tell me you're being serious.”

“I'm being completely serious, Jyn,” Cassian said, wrapping his arms around her waist and pulling her into his lap. “I love you. And we'll get there someday.”

“I love you too, Cassian. So, so much,” Jyn whispered, a tear escaping down her cheek.

Cassian reached up and wiped away the tear, smiling at her. “Don't cry.”

“I can't help it,” Jyn said, sniffling. “I thought I'd fucked it up forever. Even with what's been going on between us, I thought I'd never ever get that. Hell, I thought I'd never get this.”

Cassian pulled Jyn into another kiss, letting his hand come up to tangle in her hair. “When you first showed up at my apartment, I never thought I'd get this again either. I didn't know what you wanted and I was sure you'd leave as soon as you got it.”

“I never planned on leaving,” Jyn said softly. “I was going to stay as long as you'd let me.”

“Well, I never want you to leave, so I guess it's a good thing that you don't want to,” Cassian said, kissing her again.

Jyn pulled back when a Biggs Darklighter song suddenly interrupted the Mozart, rolling her eyes as Cassian reached into his pocket. “I thought you were going to turn that off.”

“I forgot,” Cassian murmured, quickly answering it. “What do you need, Chirrut?”

"Cassian? Oh, thank God you're alright. Is Jyn with you?" 

“Baze?” Cassian said, suddenly concerned. “Why are you calling me from Chirrut's phone? What's wrong?”

“Chirrut is speaking with the police on my phone. Cassian, we were so worried you were in the house when it happened. Please tell me Jyn's safe.”

“Jyn's right here. You were worried we were in the house when what happened?” Cassian said, the concern he felt rising. “Baze, what is going on?”

“Cassian,” Baze said, his voice as soft as he could make it. “There was an explosion at your house. The police contacted us because we're the property owners. We were terrified that you'd been inside when it happened.”

Cassian felt his stomach drop. “An explosion? There was an explosion at my house?”

Jyn's eyes widened and she climbed off of Cassian's lap, reaching for the television remote and turning on the twenty-four-hour news channel that she knew was obsessed with her and Cassian. 

“Yes,” Baze said, and then Cassian could hear him talking to Chirrut in the background. “Chirrut is relieved to know that you two are safe. So am I. Cassian, we were so worried. You've barely left that house since we rented it to you.”

“Cassian,” Jyn said, drawing his attention to the television. There, on the screen, was a live shot from a helicopter of what was left of his house burning while firetrucks on the scene attempted to put the fire out.

“Holy fuck,” Cassian murmured. “My house.”

Jyn reached over and took Cassian's hand in hers, squeezing it for a moment until her phone started to ring. “Shit. Excuse me. My phone's in my office.”

Cassian watched the television as Jyn left the room to grab her phone, Baze still talking to him on his phone.

“Cassian, Chirrut and I are heading over to the house in a few minutes. He'd like you to meet us over there.”

“What?” Cassian mumbled, making himself focus on Baze again. “Yeah, yeah. Sorry. Of course. We'll be there soon.”

“Thank you,” Baze said. “And Cassian? Try to stay calm.”

“That's going to be difficult, Baze.”

“Chirrut would still like you to try.”

“Alright.”

Jyn came walking back into the room as Cassian stood up. “Hera will be here in five minutes to pick us up and take us over there.”

“Good, because Chirrut and Baze want us to meet them over there,” Cassian said, sounding like he was in a daze.

Jyn walked over to him and wrapped her arms around Cassian's waist. “It's going to be okay, Cassian.”

“My whole life was in that house, Jyn. We hadn't even moved the servers yet.”

Jyn reached out and made Cassian look at her, waiting until his eyes focused on hers to speak. “Cassian, we will figure this out and we will figure it out together, okay?”

Cassian nodded shakily and Jyn kissed him softly.

“Okay. Now let's go get ready so we can be downstairs when Hera gets here. We need to get over there as quickly as possible.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry about the (kinda?) cliffhanger.


	11. Chapter 11

Cassian was sitting down on the edge of the sidewalk, staring at what was left of his house across the street. Baze and Jyn were talking to police officers and firefighters, Chirrut to some of the neighbors, but Cassian couldn't say anything. 

His life. 

His entire life. 

It all was gone.

There wasn't much of the house left standing. The burnt remnants of a few walls of the ground level, some bits of the floor. The second floor was completely gone. And the area where his server room was was completely gone, which meant that the servers were most likely completely gone. 

He was sure his Twitter mentions were flooded with people wondering why The Alliance was down. He didn't have any idea of how to explain this to them. The only thing that was keeping him from not totally losing it was the laptop in Jyn's penthouse, the one with all the coding and all the account information on it. He might not be able to restore everything everyone had on their pages, but he could restore their accounts.

Not that the website was important at the moment. No, the website was just a distraction from what he'd been told. 

It hadn't been just Hera picking them up from the penthouse, but also Kes Dameron, head of Jedha's security department. Kes had sat in the backseat with the two of them and explained that the bomb threat to Cassian's house had come in about ten minutes before they'd been alerted to the fact that there'd been an explosion.

Cassian had managed to ask how they'd been alerted to an explosion at his house when he hadn't. Jyn had admitted that the feed from the security cameras Cassian had installed on the house had been patched through to the security department and monitored at all times. She'd asked for his forgiveness immediately, and Cassian did nothing but nod.

He wasn't angry with her. He knew she'd meant well, and if this was what she was trying to protect him from, well, he couldn't be angry about that. 

Kes had been speaking to the police ever since the explosion happened, and he had someone in the security department scanning the security cameras' footage for anything that could aid the police in their investigation. 

But Cassian didn't want to think about the fact that someone had purposefully bombed his house, so he pulled out his phone and started answering texts, first to Bodhi, then to Kaytoo. They were simple messages – he was fine, Jyn was fine, he'll talk to them when he could actually speak – but they received elaborate responses that he ignored. There were texts from his parents as well, but Cassian didn't have the energy to deal with either of them. Instead, he opened Twitter and signed into the site's account, posting a quick update on the site's status.

_The site will be down for an unknown amount of time due to an unforeseen situation. Updates to follow as I know them._

The mentions were already blowing up, and he scrolled through them for a few minutes before he got disgusted with his users' lack of concern for anything but their precious pages and signed out of that account. He logged into his personal one, posted a status that was the same simple message as he'd sent Bodhi and Kaytoo, then scrolled through his mentions there as well. People he knew and people he didn't were all expressing concern over what happened, and for the first time since Cassian had become this public figure, he actually appreciated the comments from the people he didn't know. It was nice to know that someone cared that he wasn't dead. 

Jyn came walking up then, and she sat down on the sidewalk and pulled Cassian into her arms. “How are you doing?”

“Someone tried to kill me,” Cassian got out, his throat tight with all of the emotion and vulnerability he was feeling. “I'm fucking great.”

“It's going to be alright,” Jyn murmured, brushing her lips along Cassian's temple. “Nothing's going to happen to you. I'm going to make sure of that.”

“Don't say that,” Cassian said. “You can't say that. You don't know what's going to happen.”

“No, I don't know what's going to happen, but I do know that I'm going to do everything I can to make sure something like this doesn't happen again.”

“Why is this happening?” Cassian whispered, his voice barely legible. “Jyn, what have I done to deserve this?”

“Nothing,” Jyn said firmly. “You did nothing to deserve this, and whoever it is that did it is a psychopath.”

“Jyn,” came Kes's voice, and they both looked up to see the man walking towards them. “I need to talk to you for a moment.”

Jyn nodded and pressed another kiss to Cassian's cheek before standing up. Cassian watched as they walked away from him, immediately becoming concerned when he saw the color drain from Jyn's face. He scrambled up from the sidewalk and headed towards them, reaching Jyn just as she turned towards him. She grabbed onto him and buried her face into his neck, and Cassian looked over at Kes. 

“What did you tell her?”

“Mr. Dameron?” came the voice of one of the officers, and Kes shook his head as he started to walk away.

“She'll have to tell you.”

Cassian turned his attention back to Jyn and she lifted her head up, searching his face with her eyes. “I know who bombed the house.”

Cassian swallowed hard. “They found someone on the footage?”

“Yes,” Jyn said, her eyes filling with tears. “And I know who they are. I know who is behind it.”

Cassian reached out when tears started to fall, wiping them away with his thumbs. “Tell me.”

“His name is Beezer Fortuna,” Jyn said softly. “He's got a reputation for doing things that are severely questionable, but he's never gone this far before, not to my knowledge anyway.”

“How do you know him?” Cassian asked after a moment. 

“Because he works for Saw,” Jyn mumbled, burying her face in Cassian's neck and letting the tears fall. 

Cassian held her close and let her soak his shirt with her tears, unsure of what to say, unsure of what to do. They stood there by themselves for awhile until Chirrut and Baze approached them, and Cassian sighed heavily when Baze put his hand on Cassian's other shoulder.

“Cassian, the police said we could go home now,” Baze said, squeezing his shoulder. “You and Jyn should go home and get some rest,”

“We can't,” Jyn murmured, pulling back and shaking her head. “He knows where the penthouse is. Who knows what he'll do.”

Baze got a concerned look on his face as Chirrut spoke. “Jyn, what are you talking about?”

Cassian swallowed hard as Jyn's implication hit home. “Chirrut, you don't mind me and Jyn staying with you tonight, do you?”

“No, Cassian, that's fine,” Chirrut said. “Are we going to get an explanation?”

“Yes,” Jyn mumbled. “But not here.”

“Alright then, we'll meet you at the store,” Baze said. “Come in the back door.”

“Got it,” Cassian said, pulling Jyn close as Chirrut and Baze walked away. “We have to go to the penthouse. I need my laptop. All that's left of the site is on that laptop.”

Jyn nodded. “Just to grab a few things. We're not staying there long.”

“Jyn,” Cassian whispered. “Why would Saw be doing this?”

“I don't know,” Jyn whispered back. “But I'm going to find out.”

*****

Much to Cassian's embarrassment, Chirrut was regaling Jyn with stories of Cassian's university days from before he'd met her. Baze had no sooner set plates of eggs and bacon in front of everyone the next morning than the doorbell was ringing, and Cassian just shook his head. “Bodhi and Kay?”

“Most likely,” Chirrut said. “Baze, will you go see?”

“I'm letting them in if it is them,” Baze said, heading for the stairs. “So you're forewarned.”

Cassian sighed and looked over at Jyn, who was reaching for her fork and looking nothing like someone who was about to meet all of his friends for the first time. “Are you ready for this?”

“No,” Jyn said, shaking her head as she cut into her eggs. “But I don't have a choice. It'll be alright. I highly suspect they're going to accost me in this situation.”

“They better not,” Cassian said firmly.

“They won't,” Chirrut said. “I think the two of them are over their obsessive need to yell at you, Jyn.”

“I hope so,” Jyn said. “The last few conversations we've had have been a lot more civil.”

The door opened behind them and Bodhi, Kay, and Baze came into the apartment, Bodhi, and Kay loudly talking back and forth. The moment they saw Jyn, however, they fell silent, and Cassian knew that they hadn't expected her to be there. He got up from his seat and made his way to them, shaking his head when Bodhi just pointed at Jyn. 

“Yes, Jyn is here. Yes, you're going to meet her. Yes, I'm going to kill you if you yell at her.”

“I'm not going to yell at her,” Kaytoo said. “Not with this situation going down.”

“Me either,” Bodhi said. “Besides, I think I might have gotten all of my yelling out.”

“Good,” Cassian said as Baze walked past him and towards the table.

“Do you two want breakfast?” Baze asked. “Because I'm only offering once.”

“I had some donuts at the coffee shop,” Bodhi said.

“I ate already too,” Kaytoo said.

“Good,” Baze said, walking to the table and sitting down next to Chirrut. “That means I can eat my food because it's stone cold.”

“I should do the same,” Cassian said, turning back towards the table. “Alright, guys, it's time.”

Bodhi and Kaytoo followed along behind Cassian, and when he reached Jyn, he put a gentle hand on her shoulder. “Jyn.”

Jyn set down her fork and stood up, turning to Cassian and kissing him softly. “This is okay, Cassian. It was bound to happen sooner or later.”

Cassian nodded, pointing at Bodhi. “This is Bodhi and that's Kaytoo. Guys, this is Jyn.”

Jyn smiled and held out her hand to Bodhi. “It's nice to finally meet you, Bodhi.”

“Same,” Bodhi said, shaking her hand before grabbing Kaytoo by the elbow and pulling him closer. “Kay, shake her hand.”

Jyn turned to Kaytoo and offered her hand, and Kaytoo stared at it for a moment. “You're the reason all of this has happened, you know that right?”

Cassian groaned. “Kay, stop.”

“It's alright,” Jyn said, nodding. “I know I am. I wish I wasn't, I wish none of this was happening, but I know I am the reason they are not.”

Kaytoo stood there for a few more moments before taking her hand and shaking it carefully. “You're still on probation with me,” he said. “You're still the thing that's causing him pain.”

“Kay,” Cassian said firmly. “Stop.”

“He's right, Cassian,” Jyn said. “It's okay.”

Jyn turned back to the table and sat down, and Cassian glared at Kaytoo for a moment before doing the same. Bodhi and Kaytoo took seats at the table and watched as everyone else ate their breakfast, and there was silence until Chirrut cleared his throat.

“You still haven't explained why you couldn't stay at Jyn's last night.”

Cassian stopped with his fork midway to his mouth and glanced over at Jyn, watching as she set her fork down and looked around the table. 

"We couldn't stay at my place last night because the person responsible for the bombing knows where I live," Jyn said, her voice remarkably calm. "The security cameras that Cassian had installed on the property were patched through to the security department at Jedha. Someone there went through the footage that existed from before the explosion and found a person that I happen to know on the property. This man is known to do some very shady things, but I would never have thought he'd go this far. But Saw Gerrera is a terrifying man when you get on his bad side, so I suppose I shouldn't be that surprised that he'd turn on me like this." 

Bodhi stared at Jyn with wide eyes while Kaytoo's jaw dropped. Chirrut sat silently and Baze continued to eat. But Cassian put his fork down and reached for Jyn, wrapping an arm around her shoulders and pulling her close. 

“You don't know that Saw told him to do this,” Cassian said softly.

“Yes,” Jyn murmured. “I do. There's no way Beezer would have done this on his own.”

“Beezer?” Baze asked. “Beezer Fortuna?”

Jyn looked over at him. “You know him?”

"We had a few run-ins with Saw Gerrera when we lived in Onderon. He sent Beezer after us a couple of times," Baze said. "That man is no good. You can tell by just looking at him." 

Jyn just shook her head. “I'm not surprised to hear that. Beezer is Saw's main muscle. If he needs something done, he sends Beezer to do it. And Beezer never disappoints.”

“You really should tell the police all of this,” Chirrut said.

“I plan on it,” Jyn replied. “I'm sure Kes has set up some time for us to be interviewed for the investigation today.”

Jyn worked her way out of Cassian's embrace and picked her fork back up, cutting into her eggs again. Cassian watched her for a moment before picking his fork back up and eating the bite that he'd been about to, and he thought that silence was going to descend once more until Bodhi started to talk.

“Saw Gerrera is a businessman. Like, a guy who does the fraud and money laundering that they've accused him of, but not this other stuff, right? I know the stories that Chirrut and Baze have told but, seriously? He'd send someone to bomb Cassian's house?”

“Saw is many things,” Jyn said, taking a bite of her eggs. “A shady thug who does whatever he needs to do to achieve what he wants is one of them. He taught me everything I know about business, and I know to do this stuff because it is the exact opposite of what he taught me. The fact that they only got him for fraud and money laundering is amazing.

“But, he's also someone who believes that he knows what's best when it comes to me. And to him, what's best for me is to never be involved with a man ever, never to fall in love. I hid the asshole that I dated for all those years from him, and he didn't know that I'd ever been in a relationship with a man until the whole scandal broke out. He despises what it is I did, and he absolutely hates the idea of Cassian. He doesn't even want to attempt to know Cassian. He just wants him gone. And I don't want Cassian gone. So Saw has decided to take matters into his own hands and remove Cassian from my life permanently. That's what I think, and until someone can prove to me otherwise, that's what I will continue to think.”

Cassian took a deep breath and reached over to clasp his hand around Jyn's, squeezing it softly. She turned and gave him a thankful look, and Cassian knew immediately that it was time to change the subject. 

"Alright, how about we tell Jyn some more stories from before I met her?" Cassian said, looking over at Chirrut. "What about the cross-dressing one, Chirrut? I'm sure Jyn will love to hear about that." 

Jyn chuckled and looked over at him. "Cross-dressing?" 

“I lost a bet!” Cassian exclaimed. “Never make bets with Chirrut. Ever.”

“Alright,” Jyn asked, a small smile on her face. “Let's hear this story, Chirrut.”

“Oh, Jyn, it was one of the few times in my life when I've wished I wasn't blind. Baze's description of Cassian in his dress was amazing, but I do wish I'd been able to actually see it.”

*****

Jyn found Cassian down in the antique shop, looking around in a room full of vases and decorative mirrors. "We should pick something out for the house." 

Cassian glanced behind him to see her standing there. “The house?”

“Well, when it's rebuilt of course,” Jyn said, walking into the room and letting her fingertips dance across the top of a vase. “We are going to rebuild that house, aren't we?”

“That's entirely up to Chirrut and Baze,” Cassian said, turning back to the mirror. “It's not my property.”

“I want to buy it from them,” Jyn said, making Cassian turn around quickly. “The lot that what's left of the house is on. I want to buy it from them and then rebuild the house.”

“Jyn, that's insane.”

“No, it really isn't,” Jyn murmured, walking up to him. “Cassian, I've been in that house and thought about children chasing each other through the halls, and a Christmas tree up in the sitting room with presents underneath it, and cooking pancakes in that kitchen on weekend mornings. That's the house, Cassian. And I want to rebuild it.”

Cassian wrapped his arms around Jyn and pulled her close. “It didn't have a porch to have a swing on.”

“Then we'll build a porch into the new house,” Jyn said, letting her head rest on Cassian's shoulder. “It's our home, Cassian. I know it and I think deep down you know it too.”

“I don't know if I can really think about this right now,” Cassian said, sighing. “All I can think about is that my life is gone.”

“Your life isn't gone,” Jyn said. “I can still hear your heartbeat. You're still alive, Cassian. Yeah, you lost a lot of material things that you can't replace. But you're still here. You're still here.”

“I keep thinking of really silly things, things that I shouldn't even care about,” Cassian murmured. “Stuff that is inconsequential in the long run. I should be thinking about the servers and the website or how the only clothes I own are now the ones I'm currently wearing. I should be thinking about the thousands of dollars of equipment that I just lost. But I'm not. I'm thinking about the ASCII art you made me that's gone now. Stuff like that. “

“Thinking about anything you lost is not silly,” Jyn said seriously. “Even the little things. But Cassian, we're going to rebuild the website and later today we'll go to a store and buy you some new clothes. We're not going to let your life as you knew it just end. We're going to rebuild it.”

“We are, huh?” Cassian said, leaning his head on Jyn's shoulders. “You're going to help?”

“I'm going to be by your side for every second of this,” Jyn promised. “And when it's done, I'll stay by your side for every second after that too.”

“You're asking me to trust you a lot,” Cassian breathed out. “And you know my biggest issue with you is trust.”

“I know,” Jyn said. “But I'm looking at this as a scenario where I can start to rebuild that trust. That I can show you that you can trust me. This is far from the ideal situation for this, I know. But it's what we've been presented with and I think that it's our opportunity. My opportunity.”

They stood there for a few minutes before Cassian took a deep breath. “Alright.”

Jyn pulled back and looked at him. “Alright?”

“Alright,” Cassian said, nodding. “I'm going to give you this opportunity to earn my trust back. You are going to help me rebuild my life and I am going to trust that you are not going to destroy it in the process.”

"I'm not going to destroy anything, Cassian," Jyn murmured, leaning up for a soft kiss. "I mean, I know that it's my fault that it's been destroyed, to begin with, but I'm not going to destroy you. I promise." 

“It's not your fault, Jyn,” Cassian said, letting a hand drift up to tangle in her hair. “I made my choice the moment I let you into my apartment, and I made my choice again the moment I walked into that police station with you holding your hand. I made my choices to be with you. It's not your fault. If anything, it's mine.”

“No, no,” Jyn said, shaking her head. “None of this is your fault. Absolutely not.”

Cassian sighed. “I'll compromise. Our fault. It's our fault.”

“No, I won't agree to that either,” Jyn said firmly. “If this is anyone's fault, it's Saw's. He's the one who did this to you.”

Cassian chuckled. “Now that I will agree to.”

“Alright, it's Saw's fault.”

“Saw's fault,” Cassian echoed.

Jyn gave him a soft smile. “Do you want to go talk to Chirrut and Baze about the property with me?”

“You really are serious about that?”

“I'll write them a check today if that's what they want,” Jyn said. “I'm that serious about it.”

Cassian swallowed hard before nodding. “Okay. I don't know if they'll agree to it or not, but I'll sit there while you talk to them.”

“That's all I'm asking for,” Jyn said, pulling back and reaching for Cassian's hand. “Come on, Bodhi and Kay are about to leave and I'm sure they want to say goodbye.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm just pulling all of these character names from wookieepedia and trying to keep them from the same era as the rogue one crew. beezer fortuna is one of the members of saw gerrera's partisans so he's the one i chose.


	12. Chapter 12

“Tell Ahsoka to stop trying to haggle the price. I've already agreed upon it with them and they're friends. I'm not undercutting them just to get a better deal,” Jyn said, looking up when Cassian walked into the building. “I'll talk to you later, Hera.”

Jyn hung up her phone and stood up, walking over to him. “I am so sorry that I couldn't be there with you. I was not expecting an emergency meeting of the board.”

“Jyn, it's fine,” Cassian said, his voice shaky. “There's nothing left. Well, not nothing, they found a couple of things, but nothing of any consequence. It's all gone.”

Jyn reached for Cassian's hands and squeezed them gently. “Well, you were prepared to hear that.”

“I know, but prepared for hearing it and actually hearing it are two different things,” Cassian said, walking around Jyn and sitting down in one of the two chairs that existed in the otherwise empty room. “How did your meeting go?”

“Good,” Jyn said, walking over and sitting down in the other chair. “I won't bore you with specifics, but some problems were resolved.”

“Good,” Cassian mumbled, looking around the room. “So I think we should go ahead with the plans to open up the office. I can get the people I hire to work on recreating The Alliance, and we can implement new features as part of the relaunch.”

“Are you sure you want to do that?”

“I need something to think about that isn't the fact that Saw tried to kill me,” Cassian said, his voice as firm as he could make it. “And yeah, I've got the coding for the website, but I was thinking that with the site down, it might be a good time to add in a bunch of new features that I've always thought about but never had the time to actually do because it would require taking the site offline and my users would have kicked my ass if I did that.”

Jyn reached out and brushed hair out of Cassian's eyes, letting her fingers caress the side of his face. “If that's what you want to do, then that's what we'll do.”

“I've been looking through that book Hera got for me, the one with all the office supplies in it,” Cassian said. “I left it in the car, but I picked out some stuff.”

“Okay,” Jyn said. “That's a good start.”

“I decided I liked your idea about the glass walls enclosing the meeting area in the middle of the room, so I want to have that done.”

Jyn took her phone and started taking notes. “Alright, glass walls. Got it.”

“We'll need to go down to Ackbar's and place an order for the new servers and the custom computers we'll need. I also want to talk to Luke Skywalker while we're there.”

“Okay,” Jyn said, typing away at her phone. “What are we talking to Luke Skywalker about?”

“Luke's one of the technicians there, but he also runs a small website out of his apartment. It's more of a blog than a social media site, but I've always envied some of the website's features and I want to try to talk him into selling the website to me and then coming on board as staff to help with The Alliance. He'll be able to implement his features into my coding a hell of a lot better than I would be.”

Jyn looked up and smiled. “How long have you thought about expanding the website? Seriously.”

Cassian sighed. "At least seven years. It's been too much for me to handle for a while, but I have such serious trust issues that I didn't think I could handle anyone touching my baby. So I never hired anyone.”

Jyn's smiled faltered. “Yet another way I affected your life in a negative fashion. I'm so sorry, Cassian.”

“My trust issues are not entirely from you, you know,” Cassian said. “My parents destroyed any trust I had in them when I was six and it's been a disaster ever since.”

“Have you called them yet?”

“No,” Cassian said, shaking his head. “And I don't think I'm going to either. The news reported we weren't in the house at the time of the explosion. They can get their information from that.”

“You sure about that?”

“Yes,” Cassian breathed out. “I'm done with their bullshit.”

“Okay then,” Jyn said. “So we're ordering office furniture, talking to the contractor, going to Ackbar's, and talking to Luke Skywalker. What else?”

“Luke might know of some other people to look into hiring. He went to university and studied computer engineering. I know he has some buddies that could be useful.”

“Alright.”

“And I don't want to put a sign up out front,” Cassian said. “At least not yet. The last thing I need is Saw destroying this place too.”

“No sign. Got it.”

“Also I need to come up with a title for you within the company,” Cassian said. “The name of your position.”

Jyn laughed. “Investor isn't enough?”

“You'll be doing a lot more than just being an investor and you know it,” Cassian murmured. “I'm President and CEO, so what could you possibly be? I don't really know a lot of positions within companies.”

“Well,” Jyn said, thinking about it for a moment. “How about COO? Chief Operating Officer. A chief operating officer is usually responsible for the daily operation of the company, and that's sort of what we talked about me doing.”

“That's perfect,” Cassian said, smiling at her. “Congratulations Jyn, you're hired.”

Jyn laughed. “I'm honored.”

They sat in silence for a few moments before Jyn sighed. “This is what it would have been like before, isn't it? When you said you wanted me to come in on the business with you.”

Cassian reached out and took her hand. “Maybe, but that doesn't matter. What does matter is that we're here now and we're doing this together. I couldn't do this without you, Jyn. There's no way.”

“Well, you're not going to have to find out how to do it without me, because I'm not going anywhere,” Jyn said, leaning forward to kiss him. “So, what order do you want to do all of this in?”

“Let's call the contractor first, make an appointment for him to come out and talk to us about it. Then we'll head to Ackbar's and I'll show you what I picked out on the way.”

Jyn nodded and saved her notes, clicking through screens to get to her contacts. “I will call the contractor now then.”

*****

Jyn looked up as they walked towards the corner shop, smiling. “This looks like a nice place.”

“Yeah, well, it's crawling with college kids and we're going to be all over the papers tomorrow,” Cassian mumbled, pulling his hat down lower on his head. “I can't believe you want to do this.”

“I want to see the coffee shop you adore so much,” Jyn said as they approached the door. “Besides, I think being here with your friends will be good for you.”

“Alright,” Cassian said, pulling open the door and holding it so Jyn could walk inside.

As soon as they were both in the door, a hush fell over the shop. Cassian stood there shaking his head, knowing beyond a shadow of a doubt that this was a terrible idea, but then he heard Bodhi yell out from behind the counter.

“What's wrong with you people? It's like you've never seen a woman before! Get back to your studying!”

And then, miraculously, everyone in the shop went back to what they were doing.

Cassian took Jyn by the hand and headed towards the counter, getting into line. Jyn squeezed his hand gently as they waited, and when they got to the counter, Bodhi gave them a big smile. 

“Fancy seeing you two in here.”

“She wanted to see the shop,” Cassian said, sticking his hands in his pockets. “You kn0w what I want. Jyn?”

Jyn studied the menu for a moment more before turning to Bodhi. “I'm going to try a cup of the Snowcap Mocha. It sounds interesting.”

Bodhi nodded. “Got it. Go sit down. I'll get these out to you in a few.”

Cassian nodded and took Jyn by the hand, leading her across the shop to where Chirrut, Baze, and Kaytoo were sitting at their customary table. Baze looked up as they approached and he smiled. “Well, well, look at who is braving the coffee shop.”

“Good evening, Cassian,” Chirrut said automatically, and Baze chuckled.

“Say hello to Jyn as well.”

Surprise crossed Chirrut's face. “Jyn is here?”

“Yes, I am,” she said, sitting down next to him. “It's nice to see you all again under better circumstances.”

“Are the circumstances really that much better?” Kaytoo asked. “Both Fortuna and Saw are on the run.”

“They'll catch them soon,” Jyn said, smiling softly. “I have faith in that.”

“Enough about that,” Cassian said. “Talk about something else.”

"I got asked to work a personal photo shoot for the Pamlos," Kaytoo said, excited. "Tynnra Pamlo personally selected me. Can you believe it? It's not every day that someone of her stature asks someone as pathetic as I am to do something like this." 

“You are not pathetic,” Cassian and Chirrut said at the same time.

"Oh come on, both of you have to admit that there's no way I'm on the level of being someone Tynnra Pamlo would think about first when it comes to styling her family for a photo shoot." Kaytoo sighed and reached for his cup. "I wish I knew how I got this commission, but I'm never going to, so I can just daydream about it." 

Jyn chuckled. “You don't know your own reputation, do you?”

Kaytoo looked over at her. “What do you mean?”

“I mean I'd heard of you long before I ever came back into Cassian's life,” Jyn said. “Small talk at parties that I used to love to go to. 'Who styled you for the night? Oh, it was this up and coming man named Kaytoo Essoh. He's amazing, you should check him out.' I heard about you a lot, even from Tynnra.”

Kaytoo nearly dropped his cup. “Are you serious?”

“Why wouldn't I be? I have no reason to lie to you,” Jyn said as Kaytoo carefully set his cup down. 

“Holy shit,” Kaytoo said, his eyes wide. “I had no idea.”

“I've always told you that you underestimate your talents,” Chirrut said, making Baze laugh.

“Chirrut, you say that about everyone.”

“It is the truth though,” Chirrut said. “Everyone I know underestimates how good they are at what they do. Cassian doesn't think he's good enough to run his company. Kaytoo doesn't think he's good enough to style someone like the Pamlos. Bodhi doesn't think he's good enough to do anything other than work here. And you don't think you're good enough to fix up houses for a living.”

“That's because I'm not,” Baze said seriously. “I'm too old to be doing that, Chirrut.”

“And yet you jump at the chance to do it,” Chirrut said. “You underestimate your talent.”

"Fine, I underestimate myself," Baze said, shaking his head. "Will this get you to stop going on about the handrail?" 

“You were supposed to have fixed it already,” Chirrut pointed out. “And you're the one worried about me falling down the stairs.”

“Yes, yes, I'll do it tomorrow,” Baze said, reaching for his coffee. “I promise.”

“I've heard that before.”

Cassian laughed. “Baze, do you want some help with it? I don't have anything to do so I can come over.”

“You do too have things to do,” Jyn said seriously. “You're having lunch with Luke Skywalker to discuss finalizing the transaction and his position with The Alliance.”

“You're hiring Luke Skywalker?” Kaytoo asked, a smile spreading across his face when Cassian nodded. “That's a great idea, Cassian. He's done such a good job with Tatooine.”

“Yes, well, Tatooine will be shutting down,” Cassian said. “Most of the features from Tatooine are going to be incorporated into the new version of The Alliance.”

“That's an even better idea,” Kaytoo said. “Luke's done some cool things with that site.”

“I know,” Cassian said. “That's why I'm hiring him.”

Bodhi approached the table then, setting cups and saucers in front of Cassian and Jyn. “Jyn, you'll have to tell me how you like the Snowcap. It's relatively new to the menu, and the owner's constantly wanting feedback.”

“I will, Bodhi,” Jyn said, reaching for her cup. “I must say, Cassian, now that I'm here, I understand why you come here so much.”

“Came here so much,” Kaytoo corrected. “He hardly comes here anymore.”

“I don't like the people staring at me,” Cassian mumbled.

“Well, Cassian and I will have to come here often,” Jyn said, staring down at her cup. “A nice meetup with friends. If you all will have me as a friend.”

There was silence for a few moments and then Chirrut nodded. “I would be honored to have you as a friend, Jyn Erso. You have put that smile back on Cassian's face, the one that even I can see.”

“Thank you, Chirrut,” Jyn said, smiling softly.

“I already think of you as my friend,” Baze said. “Have since the first time we met.”

“Thank you, Baze.”

“I'm not there yet,” Bodhi said seriously. “But I'll get there eventually. Now excuse me, I have to get back to work.”

“Thank you, Bodhi,” Jyn said as Bodhi walked away, and then everyone turned their attention to Kaytoo. He stared at Jyn for a moment before sighing heavily.

"You're still on probation. And I still don't like you that much. But, Chirrut's right. You've put that smile on Cassian's face, and for that, I can't help but say yes, we'll be friends someday." 

Jyn smiled widely as Cassian's hand found hers. “Thank you, Kay.”

“Well, now that we've established all of that,” Cassian said, reaching for his cup. “Can we please talk about something else? I don't want to be psychoanalyzed all night.”

“But Cassian,” Chirrut said teasingly. “That's what we're best at.”

“Shut up, Chirrut. Baze, how is the remodel of the Organas' house going?”

*****

“You're hiding something from me.”

Jyn glanced over at Cassian as she reached up to wipe the sweat from her eyes. “You're bringing this up now? We just finished having sex like two minutes ago.”

“It's on my mind, I can't help it,” Cassian said, rolling onto his back and trying to catch his breath. “You've been acting weird ever since Kes came to see you, and I know you broke something in your office after he left because I fucking heard it. Yeah, you filled me in on what he said, but you're hiding something from e. Don't even try to deny it either. I can tell.”

Jyn laid there for a few minutes before she adjusted her pillow beneath her head and sighed heavily. “I didn't break anything. I punched the wall, okay?”

“Why?”

Jyn threw an arm over her eyes and sighed again. “Cassian, I really don't want to talk about this right now. Can't it wait until morning?”

“No,” Cassian said sharply. “I wanted to talk about it before we fucked, but you stuck your tongue down my throat and didn't let up until it was over.”

“Could you sound any more enthusiastic about us making love?”

Cassian gave her a pointed look. “That's not the point I'm trying to make and you know it.”

Jyn put her arm back on the bed and tangled her fingers with Cassian's. “I punched the wall because I'm so furious with Saw that I could kill him with my bare hands.”

“What did Kes tell you?”

“He told me that they cornered Fortuna in Eadu earlier,” Jyn whispered, refusing to meet Cassian's eyes. “There was a shootout. Fortuna's in intensive care. They're not sure he's going to survive.”

“We'll get to why you didn't tell me this in a second. Why do we can about whether or not that piece of shit survives?” Cassian asked.

“Because he's the only link we've got to Saw. If he dies, there's nothing to connect Saw to any of this. That's the way Saw operates. And if the police don't get Saw, then who knows what he'll try next.” 

Cassian pulled his hand away from Jyn's and rolled onto his side, his back facing Jyn. “When were you planning on telling me this?”

“I don't know,” Jyn said honestly. “I didn't know how to say it, and I feel like every time I have something like that to say, it's just going to hurt you again, and I've hurt you enough for one lifetime. Hell, I've hurt you enough for ten lifetimes.”

“Jyn,” Cassian breathed out, not wanting to say what he was thinking but knowing that he had to. “The more time we spend together, the more convinced I become that this is just going to end in more heartbreak and tears.”

Jyn reached out and gently ran her hand down Cassian's spine. “Don't say things like that.”

“Why not? It's the truth.”

“Cas,” Jyn said softly, sliding across the bed and wrapping herself along Cassian's back. “I'm sorry I didn't tell you right away, but I honestly didn't know how to say it. But it's going to get better. It has to get better. We love each other, Cassian. At the end of the day, that should be all that matters, despite what anyone else thinks of it.”

“It should be, but it's not,” Cassian murmured. “I know that you've been doing everything you can think of since the explosion to help me, but your money isn't going to buy us happiness, Jyn. And that's what it feels like you're trying to do. And then when you want to keep this very important information about Saw from me...you're trying to make up for everything that's ended up wrong by trying to purchase and hide things you think would make it right. That's not going to happen. That's not how this is going to work.”

Jyn laid there for a few moments before she pulled herself away from Cassian, climbing off the bed. “Stay here, I'll be right back.”

Cassian frowned when he heard the bedroom door open, looking over his shoulder at the empty doorway. “Where are you going? We're in the middle of an important conversation!”

“Just stay there! And close your eyes!”

“Why?”

“Because I'm asking you to,” Jyn called out. “Humor me for a minute, okay?”

“Fine,” Cassian muttered, letting his eyes drift closed as he readjusted the pillow beneath his head. He heard Jyn come back into the room a few minutes later, and moments after that, he could tell that the bedside lamp had been turned on. He heard Jyn moving a few things around on the bedside table and sighed irritably. “Can I open my eyes yet?”

“Not yet,” Jyn said, climbing back onto the bed and curling around Cassian again. She pressed a soft kiss to his neck and then moved her head to whisper in Cassian's ear. “Okay, open your eyes.”

Cassian did, blinking rapidly as his eyes got used to the light. Once his vision adjusted, he noticed a piece of paper propped up on the bedside table, hundreds of characters printed on it in the shape of a rose. He felt a smile cross his face automatically as he reached for it, running his fingers over where Jyn had scribbled 'I love you, Cassian. Always.' across the bottom. 

“You like it?” Jyn whispered, smiling when she felt Cassian nod. “I thought it might start to make up for the ones you lost. Took me forever to get it right. I haven't done ASCII art in years.”

"Wh—" Cassian started, stopping when he felt too overwhelmed with emotion to continue. He closed his eyes and took a few deep breaths then tried to speak again. "When did you do this?" 

“I've been working on it on my laptop at night after you've fallen asleep,” Jyn said softly. “I used to do that in your dorm room with your laptop, you know. That was back when it would only take me a couple of hours to make one. I left them there so you'd know that even though I wasn't there when you woke up, I really wanted to be. But I don't think you ever realized that.”

Cassian swallowed hard, trying to keep control of his emotions. “I always thought you left as soon as I was asleep. That you'd put them on my laptop from a flash drive or something.”

"No," Jyn said. "I mean, at first I left right after you fell asleep, back in the early days when I was so confused about what I was doing with you. But once I allowed myself to admit that I was in love with you, I tried to stay, but it was so hard because a large part of me wanted to run. So I grabbed your laptop one night to write you a note because I couldn't find a scrap piece of paper easily and I didn't want to wake you up by banging around your desk, and writing you a note turned out to be a disaster. So I thought, what could I do to let Cassian know that I care, and it turned into ASCII art. I think a heart was the first one I ever left you if my memory is correct." 

“It was,” Cassian choked out, glancing over his left shoulder at Jyn. “I had no idea, Jyn. You never said anything.”

“I couldn't,” Jyn murmured, kissing Cassian's shoulder. “There was a lot of stuff that I couldn't bring myself to say. So I tried to say it in other ways.”

Cassian put the piece of paper back on the table and rolled onto his other side, wrapping himself up in Jyn's embrace. “I have all these doubts about us and what's happening and then you do and do something like this.”

Jyn held him as close as possible as Cassian buried his face in her neck, gently rubbing his back. “So I finally did something right?”

Cassian moved until their lips were pressed together, kissing Jyn until she rolled him onto his back and climbed on top of him. He broke their kiss gently, reaching up to tangle his fingers in Jyn's hair. “More ASCII art, less money.”

“Okay,” Jyn murmured, capturing Cassian's lips again. “I can do that. Call me on it if I don't.”

“I will. And don't you ever hide something from me again, especially not something about someone like Saw who is trying to hurt us. God, Jyn, do you even want to know some of the things that have been going through my head since Kes left? Because they are not pleasant. Not in the slightest.”

Jyn closed her eyes and shook her head. “I didn't even think of that. Fuck, I can't do anything right.”

“Yes, you can,” Cassian said quietly, stroking his fingers through Jyn's hair. “You did what we were doing prior to this conversation rather well.”

Jyn laughed and opened her eyes, seeing the teasing glint in Cassian's. “You think that was pretty good, huh?”

“One of your better efforts, if I do say so myself. I'd be very interested in seeing if you could top that one. I'm not sure you could.”

“Oh is that so?” Jyn asked, reaching for the bedsheets and pulling them over their heads. “You know that is a challenge that I simply cannot ignore.”


	13. Chapter 13

Cassian was at the office, staring at all the boxes full of equipment that had been brought in by the shipping company and thinking that he was in way over his head. He'd put together a small staff of people that he thought he could trust with working on the site with the help of Jyn and Luke, and they were all supposed to start work at the beginning of the next week. And that was a good thing because the website had been down for almost six weeks and his users, who were at first sympathetic about what had happened to him, were growing restless. 

Cassian couldn't blame them. He'd been restless without the site too.

Jyn was supposed to be meeting him to help unpack all the boxes and set up all the workstations, but she was nearly half an hour late and Cassian was starting to get frustrated. He'd tried calling her several times but the calls just went straight to his voicemail, and if he hadn't already seen her earlier that day, he'd be in a full-blown panic that she'd run again. 

As it was, he was only in a mild panic about it.

After another ten minutes, Cassian gave up and headed towards the first box he saw, grabbing the knife he'd brought with him and slicing it open. He started pulling stuff out of the box and looking at it questioningly until he realized they were parts of a chair, and he sighed heavily when he realized he was going to have to assemble it and he didn't have anything to assemble it with. He tossed the piece he was holding back into the box and reached for his phone to call Baze and ask if he could borrow some tools when the door to the building opened and Jyn walked in.

Cassian turned to face her, the anger he felt dying the moment he got a good look at her. Instead, he crossed the room as quickly as he could and pulled her into his arms, holding her close. "What happened?" 

Jyn stayed silent for several moments then let her head come to rest on Cassian's shoulder. "Two things that are extremely emotional happened in about a ten-minute span and I just...I don't know what to say." 

“Just tell me,” Cassian said softly, letting a hand caress her back. “Whatever it is, it can't be that bad.”

Jyn shook her head. “I'll tell you the second thing first.”

“Why don't you tell me the first thing first?”

“Because you'll understand better if I tell you the second thing first,” Jyn said, taking a deep breath. “Saw called me.”

“What?” Cassian exclaimed, tightening his hold on her. “What the hell did that son of a bitch want?”

“He said he was glad I hadn't been hurt,” Jyn murmured. “He said he was glad you weren't hurt either. I told him that meant nothing coming from him because I knew he was behind it, and all he did was sigh and say that Beezer went too far, that he was just supposed to scare you. I told him I didn't buy that for a second. Beezer does what Saw tells him to. He's not the creative type. He wouldn't have come up with bombing your house on his own. Saw just sighed and said he had to do it and it was my fault it turned out this way. _My_ fault.”

Cassian held Jyn as tightly as he could. “Fuck him. This is not your fault, Jyn.”

“I was already crying and what he said just made me cry even harder. I hung up the phone at that point. I didn't want to listen to any more of his bullshit. I don't fucking care if I ever talk to him again,” Jyn said. “But he's an absolute idiot for admitting that to me on the phone though, because the moment I saw it was Saw, I answered it through the computer. I recorded the whole thing.”

“You've got him on tape admitting he's behind it?” Cassian said, waiting until Jyn nodded before continuing. “That's great, Jyn! That will help the investigation so much.”

“Yeah, I suppose it is,” Jyn said.

They fell silent for a few minutes until Cassian prompted her to continue. “What were you already crying about? You said there's a first thing and that you were already crying.”

Jyn shuddered in his embrace. “Because I realized I'm late.”

“Yeah, I know, I've been waiting for you for like forty-five minutes.”

“No, Cassian. I'm _late._ ”

“Oh,” Cassian said once her meaning sunk in. “ _Oh._ ”

Silence descended upon them again until Jyn couldn't stand it anymore. “Say something, would you?”

“Wh—” Cassian started before pausing and swallowing hard. “What do you expect me to say?”

“I don't know,” Jyn said. “Something.”

“We...um, how?”

Jyn let out a small giggle. “Do I need to explain to you how babies are made? Because we participate in the act. A lot.”

“No, no,” Cassian said, shaking his head. “Just, we always...”

“We didn't when we christened the building,” Jyn said softly. “And that's entirely down to me. I convinced you to do it.”

“I still agreed to it,” Cassian said, taking a deep breath. “Okay. What do we do next?”

“I was going to have Hera get me one of those home tests until I decided I should go see a doctor anyway. It's been awhile.”

“And when are you going to do that?”

“The beginning of next week. You're going to have to open the office for the first time by yourself. They only had a morning appointment.”

Cassian swallowed hard again. “And if you are, what are we going to do?”

“I don't know,” Jyn murmured. “I honestly don't know. We have talked about wanting children together. I think we can both agree that it shouldn't have happened this fast.”

“We're not even in a relationship,” Cassian said. “I'm not sure I can trust you. And we might be parents.”

“At the moment, the keyword is might. We don't know if I am or not.”

“So we find out in four days?”

"We find out in four days," Jyn echoed. "Until then, I think we should act like everything is normal because it's possible that it is." 

“How can I act like everything is normal? Your father is a crazy psychopath that wants me dead and you might be having my child.”

“Well, I certainly don't want to tell anyone about this.”

“No,” Cassian said quickly. “We are not telling anyone about this. Bodhi and Kay would kill me.”

“No one is going to kill you,” Jyn said firmly. “Not Bodhi and Kay, not Saw, not anyone. You are not going anywhere. I need you too much.”

Cassian watched Jyn as she looked up at him, taking in the terror on her face. “I need you too much too.”

Jyn sighed as Cassian brought their lips together, wrapping her arms around his neck and pulling him closer. They kissed until they were breathless, Cassian brushing his lips across Jyn's forehead. “So, you didn't happen to bring tools with you, did you? Because the chairs came in pieces.”

Jyn pulled back and laughed. “Do I look like someone who owns tools? Let me call Hera. She can go buy us some.”

“I was going to call Baze and see if I could borrow his.”

“Yes, but it's probably a good idea to have some around here in case anything is in need of repair,” Jyn said, letting her eyes meet Cassian's. “We're going to get through this, Cassian. Whatever the outcome.”

Cassian nodded. “Whatever it is, I love you. Remember that.”

“I love you too,” Jyn said, reaching up to wipe a tear away before digging in her purse for her phone. “I'll call Hera. You unpack the box.”

*****

Bodhi walked around the inside of the office, his eyes wide as he looked at what The Alliance had become. “Cassian, this is fucking awesome.”

“You think?” Cassian asked, his nerves obvious. “I'm scared to death about it.”

“You have an amazing office, Cas. Seriously,” Bodhi said, walking around the glass-enclosed meeting room. “So who all did you hire besides Luke? I haven't heard.”

“Well, Luke recommended Wedge Antilles for the graphics designer position, and when I met him and saw some examples of his work, I was blown away. His first job is creating a new logo for the new Alliance.”

“A new logo? Sweet.”

“And then I hired Shara Bey and Norra Wexley to run the customer service and billing departments respectively. I actually hired both of them away from Jedha.”

Bodhi paused and looked over his shoulder. “Shara Bey? Kes Dameron's wife?”

“You know her?”

“She comes into the coffee shop on Saturday mornings with her son Poe,” Bodhi said, sitting down in one of the chairs and spinning around. “I see her when I work those extra hours. She's super friendly.”

“Yeah, she's fantastic,” Cassian agreed. “She's been working customer service at Jedha for awhile and Jyn gave her a great recommendation. Same with Norra.”

“You have any idea if she's related to Snap?” Bodhi asked.

Cassian laughed. “I do. She's Snap's mother. In fact, I now know Snap's first name.”

“Oh, tell me!” Bodhi exclaimed. “I totally want to hold that over his head when he shows up to work tonight.”

“Nope,” Cassian said, shaking his head. “I'm not telling you.”

“Oh come on!” Bodhi said. “You've got to tell me!”

“I am not telling you,” Cassian said firmly. “Now, if you want to come in and meet Norra and tell her that you work with her son and that he won't tell you his first name, I am sure that she'll be happy to tell you what it is.”

“That's how you got it?”

"Yup. Asked her if she was related to Snap Wexley and got a mini-lecture on how much she hates that nickname. She wanted to know how I knew him and I told her about the coffee shop." 

“Then I am totally doing that,” Bodhi said, nodding towards the back of the room. “So I'm guessing that's Jyn's desk next to yours.”

“Yes, Jyn is now The Alliance's COO.”

“COO?”

“Chief Operating Officer. She's in charge of the daily running of the company so I can focus on the stuff that I need to.”

“Holy fuck,” Bodhi exclaimed. “I thought you don't trust her.”

“I don't, not entirely. But she's right, I have to start trusting her at some point, and so this is the beginning of me trying to. Besides, things might be happening where I have to trust her completely, so it's probably a good thing this is happening.”

Bodhi frowned. “What things might be happening? Don't tell me you're thinking about proposing. Because I will still punch you if that's the case.”

“No, I'm not thinking of proposing,” Cassian said. “We haven't even restarted our relationship. But there might be something that forces us to. That's all I'm going to say.”

"I like you better when you're not being so cryptic," Bodhi pointed out. "Anyway, when are you bringing Kay over here to see? I know he's excited too." 

“As soon as he gets back from Hoth. And then we're opening the next day.”

Bodhi smiled at him. “This is seriously really cool, Cassian. This is what's needed to happen for The Alliance for a long time and I think you know that.”

“Yeah, I do. It was just a matter of trusting someone else with my baby.”

“And so you chose to trust Jyn.”

“And Luke and Wedge and Shara and Norra,” Cassian added. “I'm trusting all of them with it too.”

“So who is running the desk up front?” Bodhi asked.

“As of the moment, we don't have anyone for that. Like I just said, I need someone I can trust.”

“What about me?” Bodhi asked quickly. “Just hear me out, okay?”

Cassian looked at him for a moment before nodding. “Alright.”

“I seriously need to get out of the coffee shop,” Bodhi said seriously. “I love that place, I really do. But I'm barely scraping by, Cas. I need a better paying job, so I need a way out and you letting me sit at that desk and do whatever it is you need me to do would be a great thing. I'll even learn computer stuff.”

Cassian walked over to Bodhi and sat down on the edge of the desk in front of him. “You want to work for me? Or you're just saying this because you want to keep an eye on me and Jyn?”

“No, I seriously want out of the coffee shop. Draven is an absolute prick and he's only getting worse, and I can't even get a promotion there, Cassian. I just call myself the night manager. I'm not actually the night manager. I do everything the night manager is supposed to do because we don't have one, and I don't get paid for it.”

“Why haven't you said something sooner?” Cassian asked. “You know all of us would have helped you find a way out of there by now.”

“Because I was hoping that Draven would realize my value and promote me,” Bodhi said, running his hands over his face. “Look, you obviously don't want to hire me and that's fine. I was just throwing it out there.”

“No, Bodhi,” Cassian said. “I do want to hire you. You'd be perfect. I can trust you with anything that happens here, and it won't take you long to get up to speed with what we're going to need from you. It'll be pretty boring at first, but after awhile, Jyn assures me that the company will start making money and business around here will pick up.”

Bodhi looked at him in shock. “The Alliance doesn't make money?”

“Most months I've been lucky if I made rent,” Cassian said. “That's why I needed an investor so badly. That's why I'd decided I was going to ask Jyn to invest even before I talked to any of you about my idea for raising money for the site. I needed that money.”

“So she was finally good for something then.”

“She's good for a lot of things, Bodhi. You just can't see it.”

“No, no, you're right,” Bodhi said. “She put that smile on your face. She's got to be good for something. I'm sure one day I'll understand.”

“I hope so,” Cassian said, pushing away from the desk. “So, do you want to see upstairs?”

"There's an upstairs?" Bodhi asked, standing up. "Hell yes, I want to see it." 

“It's not exciting. Just the break room, the server room, and an office.”

“The break room is important, Cassian. Never underestimate the importance of a break room.”

Cassian laughed. “Alright.”

*****

“Wake up, sleepyhead.”

Cassian blinked his eyes open to see Jyn hovering over him and he gave her a soft smile. “When did you get home?”

“About five minutes ago,” Jyn said, shifting around to lie next to him on the sofa. “I was very surprised by the music that is playing.”

“You wanted me to learn about classical music, so I'm trying to learn about classical music,” Cassian mumbled as Jyn tucked herself along his side. “I suppose you can tell which one this is just by hearing it.”

“Daphnis et Chloé by Maurice Ravel,” Jyn said, causing Cassian to chuckle. “It is actually music for a ballet and at almost an hour long, it's Ravel's longest work.”

“Mm hm,” Cassian mumbled, bending down to press a kiss against Jyn's hair. “Do you know something about every piece of music on every one of those CDs? Because you have like a thousand CDs over there.”

“I have two hundred and twenty-nine CDs and yes, I know something about pretty much all of them,” Jyn said, letting her arm slide across Cassian's waist. “Classical music is a passion of mine.”

“Of course you know how many CDs you own down to the number. And it's obvious that classical music is a passion. How did that come to be?” Cassian asked. “You never have told me.”

Jyn was silent for a moment. “My mother. She loved classical music. She would always be playing it in the house when I was a child. All my memories of my mother, except the one of her death, are associated with classical music. I can remember the first time I heard Claude Debussy or Georges Bizet or Robert Schumann and everything she told me about them. After she died, I just kept learning about the composers and listening to the music as a way to feel closer to her. Drove Saw crazy. He hates classical music.”

“Why am I not surprised about that?” Cassian muttered. “I think that's a wonderful way to remember your mother, Jyn. And the music really is beautiful.”

“It is, isn't it? I love how complex some of it is and how simple other pieces are. It's such a vast world of music that so many people nowadays don't explore and that makes me sad. Most people prefer only to listen to contemporary music and therefore have Biggs Darklighter ringtones.”

“Hey!” Cassian exclaimed. “You personally picked out your Biggs Darklighter ringtone.”

Jyn laughed. "I was teasing you. I happen to like a lot of contemporary music as well. I had never listened to Biggs Darklighter until I met you, but I enjoy that music quite a lot now." 

“We'll have to teach our child about classical music,” Cassian murmured after a moment. “He or she can have Biggs Darklighter ringtones and two hundred and twenty-nine CDs of classical music.”

Jyn laughed. "I can agree to that. A musically well-balanced child." 

“Of course.”

“You know, Cassian, ever since I met you and started thinking about one day having children of my own, I've wanted to give my daughter my mother's name. Not necessarily as a first name, but as one of her given names.”

“Lyra, right?”

“Yes.”

“Lyra Andor has a nice ring to it.”

Jyn swallowed hard. “We shouldn't be doing this. We shouldn't be talking about something that very well may not be happening.”

“But yet it could be happening, so why shouldn't we be talking about it?”

“Because it's going to hurt that much more if it doesn't,” Jyn said, pushing herself up and climbing off the sofa. “Excuse me.”

Cassian watched as Jyn walked out of the room, frowning. He laid there for a moment before getting up and following her, looking in every room he passed for her. “Jyn, where did you go?”

She didn't answer but Cassian eventually found her curled up on one of the chairs on the balcony, her knees tucked under her chin. He walked over to the chair next to her and sat down in it reaching out and taking her hand in his. "Talk to me." 

“I can't.”

“Yes, you can,” Cassian said softly. “Whatever it is, it's okay.”

Jyn sniffled and reached up to wipe away a couple of stray tears. “I've become so attached to this idea of me carrying your child, Cassian. Of watching my stomach grow, of feeling the baby moving around inside me, of giving birth and becoming a mother, but not just a mother but the mother of your child. I keep telling myself to stop because as much of a chance as there is that this is going to happen, there's a chance that it isn't. And really, it would be better for us in the long run if it didn't happen now. It's too soon now. We're not ready. Hell, we're not even in a relationship. You're always telling me that. 

"I know I'm not the right kind of woman for you, Cassian. Not really. I'm not the marrying kind, I have never been. I've been pushing you away since the moment I met you in some respects, but now, now that there's this prospect of you and I being tied together forever through this child, I'm over the moon and I'm terrified at the same time. I want to be pregnant and I don't want to be pregnant at the same time. But no matter what it is, no matter what the test says in a couple of days, I'm going to feel like something slipped away. Something went wrong. I'm either going to put too much pressure on our relationship that we don't even have or I'm going to lose something that I may never get back. And it's just all swirling around in my head and I can't get it to stop. I've been on the verge of tears ever since I counted the days on the calendar that morning. And no matter what I'm going to end up crying." 

Cassian brought Jyn's hand up to his mouth and kissed it softly. “Do you think I haven't been thinking about what it would be like to have a baby with you? To see him or her lying asleep on your chest, their little fingers wrapped around one of yours? To see your eyes when I look into theirs or your smile when they give me one? I've been thinking about it all the time, Jyn. And it's fucking terrifying and exhilarating at the same time. I thought I was never going to get that after you left and it became obvious there was never going to be anyone else for me. I was going to be alone for the rest of my life. And now, I don't only have you but I have the prospect of children with you. I love you, Jyn, and I want you to be the mother of my children, always have. And whether that starts now or years from now, it's not going to change the fact that I love you. Don't ever say you're not the right kind of woman for me. You're the only woman for me.”

More tears started to fall down Jyn's cheeks and Cassian stood up, walking in front of her before bending down and picking her up. He cradled Jyn to his chest as he carried her back inside, and Jyn let her face find the nape of his neck. He carried her all the way to the bedroom and laid her down on the bed, curling up next to her. Jyn slid into his embrace easily, and they laid there for a long time in silence, taking comfort from each other. 

“Jyn?” Cassian eventually said.

“Yes?”

“I'm done lying to myself.”

Jyn pulled her head back to look Cassian in the eyes. “Lying to yourself about what?”

“You,” Cassian said, leaning forward and capturing Jyn's lips. “I can't deny what's between us anymore.”

Jyn frowned slightly. “Cassian, what are you talking about?”

“I'm talking about the fact that we are in a relationship,” Cassian said. “We've been in a relationship from the moment I let you into my apartment. And I wouldn't have it any other way.”

Jyn's face lit up and Cassian kissed her again. “You mean that?”

“Every word of it,” Cassian mumbled as Jyn darted forward to kiss him again. “But I'm not calling you my girlfriend. You're more than that now.”

“So if I'm not your girlfriend, what am I then?”

“My partner,” Cassian said. “You're my partner. In everything. If you're willing to be.”

Jyn grinned. “I can do that. I can definitely do that.”

Cassian pulled Jyn back down to the bed and rolled them over so he was on top. “Let me show you how I feel about you. Lay back and relax.”

“Okay,” Jyn said, relaxing against the mattress and closing her eyes. “I love you, Cassian.”

“I love you too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a hat tip to whoever the anonymous person wanting a pregnancy scare was. thanks for sending me the prompt, which actually really helped a whole section of the plot come together in a much better way than it was going to before the prompt!


	14. Chapter 14

Cassian woke up to an empty bed and he took a moment to stretch before climbing out of it and leaving the bedroom. The Alliance's office would be opening in a matter of hours; Jyn's appointment was in a matter of hours. It was really no surprise that neither of them was asleep. He wandered the hallways of the penthouse looking for Jyn, frowning when he didn't find her anywhere. Eventually, he saw the note on the kitchen table, and he snatched it up and read it quickly. 

Cassian looked over at the clock and saw that it was just past two a.m. and realized that Jyn had been gone for about an hour. Shaking his head, he let the note drop down to the table and headed back to the bedroom in search of clothes. Ten minutes later, he was fully dressed and in the elevator going down to the ground level, tossing his car keys around in his hands. 

He wasn't going to let Jyn run. Not even to where he had a strong suspicion she went.

It was a short drive from the penthouse to the university campus, and it took Cassian a moment to re-familiarize himself with the grounds. He walked down sidewalks he hadn't walked since the day of his graduation, and eventually, he came up upon Dantooine Hall and the big tree that was in front of it. He could just make out Jyn in the darkness and he walked over to her, sitting down on the ground and leaning up against the tree.

“Hi.”

“Hi,” Jyn whispered, hugging her knees to her chest. “I didn't think you'd come after me.”

“What? You thought I'd just let you run from the situation? No, Jyn,” Cassian said, shaking his head. “This is something we have to face together.”

“I wasn't running,” Jyn said softly.

“I know you better than that, Jyn Erso,” Cassian said after a moment. “You were running.”

“I can see why you would think that. After all, that's what I've always done. But I'm being honest, Cassian. I wasn't running.”

"If you weren't running, then what is this? You leave in the middle of the night to come to sit underneath a tree that is part of our past. What am I supposed to be thinking?" 

Jyn sighed heavily. “I needed to think, really think about things, and I needed to do that alone. I've tried sitting on the balcony the last couple of nights but I could still hear you in the bedroom. So I came here.”

“Jyn.”

“I don't know if I can do this,” Jyn interrupted. “I don't know if I have the strength to be someone's mother. I never really had a mother. I mean, yeah, there was Lyra, but she died when I was so young. And then when I first started living with Saw, there was his sister Steela, but she died not long after that. I don't know how to be a mother, Cassian. What if I fuck it all up?”

Cassian slid closer to her and wrapped an arm around Jyn's shoulders, tucking her into his side. “You think I have any idea how to be a father? All my father has done is shown me how to get drunk, verbally abuse everyone, and cheat on your wife. He certainly never showed me anything about how to be a proper father.”

Jyn laughed brokenly. “God, we're going to fuck up this kid so badly.”

“If we have a kid,” Cassian added. “We may not.”

“We will someday,” Jyn said. “Somehow, some way, we will have a child together someday.”

“I've kind of gotten used to the idea of becoming a father,” Cassian murmured. “Of being able to right the wrongs my parents did with my child. I don't ever want to become my parents, Jyn. Promise me you'll never let me become them.”

“I promise,” Jyn said, letting her head rest on Cassian's shoulder. “And you have to promise to never let me become like Saw.”

“That I can definitely promise you,” Cassian said, leaning his head back against the tree. “Whatever the results of the test are, Jyn, I'm not going anywhere. And I'm not letting you run.”

“I don't want to run,” Jyn murmured. “And I think that no matter what the results are, I'm going to be devastated.”

Cassian let his hand come down to rest on Jyn's stomach. “You're going to be devastated if you're carrying my child?”

“In some respects, yes,” Jyn said, putting her hand on Cassian's and moving it away from her. “Please don't do that. Not until we know.”

“Alright,” Cassian said, tangling his fingers together with Jyn's instead. “So what will devastate you about it?”

Jyn was quiet for a few moments. “There will be a large part of me that says it's happening too soon. We've talked about that already. But there will also be a large part of me that says it's happening too late. I'm not that young anymore, Cassian. Time in which this can biologically happen is running out. And when I think about that, I think about the decade we spent apart because I am a fucking coward, and we could already have children by now, Cassian. We could have a happy family. And we don't because of me. And you cannot tell me this baby would be born into a happy family. We are many things, Cassian. A happy couple is not one of them. There's still too much anger and distrust between us.”

“Oh Jyn,” Cassian said, bending down and brushing a kiss along the top of her head. “You can't think about things like that. There's so much in there that you just can't think about.”

“Like what?” Jyn asked. “Because you know it's all true.”

“Well, for starters, you're thirty-two-years-old, Jyn. You have plenty of time left to have children.” 

“Not as much time as you think.”

“My grandmother had my mother when she was forty-six, Jyn. It can happen.”

Jyn looked up at him. “Seriously?”

“Yes,” Cassian said. “So you can't think about time running out. You have no idea if time is running out or not. And you cannot dwell on the past. We have our rule, remember? No more talking about the past. Well, I think it should be no more thinking about the past. Jyn, a lot of things would be different if you hadn't left a decade ago, but they aren't. Things are the way they are and nothing can be done to change them.”

"I can't not think about it, Cassian. It haunts me every day." 

“Then that's something we need to work out,” Cassian said seriously. “Because we will never get anywhere with this relationship if you're just constantly trying to make up for the past.”

Jyn nodded against him and Cassian sighed. "I also don't like the part where you said we're not happy. Why do you think we're not happy? I have you back and I'm in love with you. Of course, I'm happy. Are you not happy?" 

“That's not what I meant and you know it.”

“Then what did you mean?”

“I mean you don't trust me. You are still angry with me. You haven't forgiven me. And I don't deserve your trust. I deserve your anger. And I certainly don't deserve your forgiveness. So with all of that still between us, we cannot possibly be a happy couple.”

“Alright, yes, there's still a lot that we have to work out. But we're going to do it, Jyn. I know we can do it. And if a child comes into our lives in a few months, well, we might have to speed up the process a little bit. But it's going to happen. I know it and you know it.”

“You keep saying that,” Jyn mumbled. “And yet I don't believe you because I have done nothing to deserve that.”

Cassian reached out and tipped Jyn's face towards his. “You love me. That's enough to deserve everything.”

Jyn moaned softly when Cassian brought their lips together, taking a deep breath when they pulled apart. “Nothing is as simple as I love you, you love me, you know.”

“I never said it was,” Cassian murmured, kissing her again. “But no matter how complicated they are, I know we'll find a way through them.”

“Cassian,” Jyn whispered. “I'm scared.”

Cassian reached out and wiped away a tear as it ran down Jyn's face. “I'm scared too. But whatever the outcome is, we'll deal with it. I promise.”

Jyn nodded and let her head rest on Cassian's shoulder again. “We should leave soon.”

“We can stay for awhile,” Cassian said. “It's kind of nice to be back at our tree again.”

“Yeah,” Jyn said. “It is.”

*****

The lights were on, the doors were open, all the computers had been turned on, and all Cassian had to do now was wait for his employees to show up. He looked around the room that was now filled with desks and filing cabinets and copy machines and water coolers and thought about how ridiculous it was. The Alliance was a stupid website he'd started so he didn't have to get a job. Now it had become this.

But he had to face this first day alone, and Jyn and her appointment were on his mind more than anything else was. He wanted to be there with her so badly, but they both had discussed that it was better for him to be at the office on its first day of business. Besides, Cassian told himself, there might not be anything to find out about. 

He might not be about to become a father.

The door opened behind him and Cassian turned to see Luke walking in, headphones on his ears and head bobbing away to some music. Luke smiled at him when he spotted Cassian and pulled the headphones off, walking over to him and offering his hand. 

“Congratulations on the opening, boss. This place looks great.”

Cassian shook Luke's hand and glanced around again. “Yeah, I'm still in shock that this is actually happening.”

Luke laughed. “Well, I'm still in shock every time I look at my bank account balance, so I'm with you there. I cannot wait to get started merging Tatooine in with The Alliance though. I was brainstorming up ideas over the weekend.”

Luke walked over to the workstation that had been designated as his and set his stuff down, and Cassian followed him over, questioning him about what he'd thought up over the weekend. They were deep in conversation about sidebar categories and adding personalized playlists so users could have their own music playing on their pages when the door opened again and Shara and Norra walked in together. Cassian smiled at them both and quickly found out that they needed no introduction to Luke, and soon everyone was in a discussion about The Alliance and everything that was going on with it. Wedge joined in when he arrived a few moments later, and Cassian let Jyn and her appointment and everything that he should have been thinking about settle into the back of his mind. 

He had a business to run first.

Bodhi showed up two minutes before the office was supposed to officially open, and Cassian took one look at him before laughing. “Cutting it a little close, aren't we?”

“Hey, I made it here on time,” Bodhi said, shaking his head. “It's just a lot longer with morning traffic than I had expected it to be. I'll leave home earlier tomorrow.”

“I'm just teasing you,” Cassian said, leading Bodhi into the reception area. “This is your desk.”

Bodhi sat down behind the desk and immediately smiled. “Comfortable chair. Already a plus.”

“The computer system is a basic standard operating system for now. I'm working on a specialized one for the company, but it'll be simple and easy for you to use,” Cassian said. “For now, all you really have to do is answer the phone, direct the calls accordingly, and talk to people should anyone come in. But I'm not anticipating anyone coming in.”

“This is already like ten million times better than the coffee shop,” Bodhi said, smiling at Cassian. “You have no idea how much I thank you, Cas. Seriously.”

"You'll thank me, even more, when you see your paycheck," Cassian said, heading towards the door. 

“I thought we already discussed what I was going to be making an hour?” Bodhi said, confused.

“We did,” Cassian said at the door. “I just decided to give you a raise already.”

“Cassian, you don't have to do that,” Bodhi said seriously.

“I know I don't,” Cassian replied. “But I just did.”

Cassian walked back into the main office before Bodhi could say anything else, making sure everyone was settled at their workstations before heading back towards his own. He sat down behind the desk and looked at the four monitors that were in front of him, and he took a deep breath. So far, so good. He could do this. Things were going to be okay. 

And once Jyn was able to be there by his side, it would be even better.

The thought of Jyn brought the thought of her appointment back to his mind, and he checked the time. Another hour and a half until her appointment and then even longer until he would hear from her again, because Jyn had decided that whatever the news was, Cassian should hear it in person. Cassian didn't know if he could stomach the wait, and he reached for his phone to send Jyn a message when Shara approached his desk with a question.

Cassian went with Shara to her workstation to work the problem that the question had been about out, and then Wedge pulled him over to talk about the new logo he was designing. By the time Cassian got back to his desk, his mind was focused and he immediately dove into the coding work for the office's internal software system. He'd been working on it at the penthouse when he hadn't been at the office getting things set up, but he had to go back and change a lot of the system to make it less complicated. The computer people he'd hired for the company would have no problems with it, but Bodhi...Bodhi could barely run the laptop he had at home. He certainly wasn't going to be able to run this.

But in the back of his mind was Jyn. He was never going to be able to completely stop thinking about her and her appointment. He'd pick up his phone to text her only to glance at the time and put it down. He didn't know what it was he was going to say anyway. He knew deep down that even if he had known what to say he probably wouldn't have sent the message anyway. He had no idea how Jyn would react to anything he had to say.

All he could do was sit there and wait for her to come to the office, and try not to screw up the code in the meantime.

*****

Bodhi looked up from his phone when the front door opened, and he saw a young woman with green hair walking in. “Uh, can I help you?”

“I'm looking for Cassian Andor,” she said. “I need to talk to him.”

Bodhi set his phone down and studied her for a moment. “And you would be?”

“Hera Syndulla,” she said. “I'm Jyn Erso's assistant.”

“Oh!” Bodhi exclaimed, holding out his hand to her. “Bodhi Rook. I'm one of Cassian's best friends.”

Hera shook his hand briefly. “That's wonderful. Where might I find Cassian?”

“I believe Cassian is in a meeting at the moment,” Bodhi said, standing up. “I'll go see if I can get him for you.”

“Thank you,” Hera said as Bodhi went through the door and into the main office. 

He looked around for a few moments before spotting the top of Cassian's head behind the monitors at his workstation, and he walked back there. "Hey, Cassian?" 

"Yes, you can go to lunch at any time, Bodhi," Cassian said, not looking up from his screen. 

“Thanks,” Bodhi said, “but that's not what I'm here about. There's a woman who says she's Jyn's assistant out front. Says she wants to speak to you.”

“Hera?” Cassian asked, standing up when Bodhi nodded. “You could have just called back to my desk, you know.”

“I'm still trying to figure out the phone system,” Bodhi said, walking with Cassian up to the front. “I'll try to work that out by tomorrow.”

“It's alright, Bodhi,” Cassian said as he walked into the entry. “Hera, come on back.”

Hera followed Cassian through the doorway. “I've got a message from Jyn.”

“I was expecting that was the case,” Cassian said. “Let's go upstairs to the office. More private.”

Hera nodded and followed Cassian up a flight of stairs then into a small office. Cassian shut the door behind them before leaning up against it and sighing. “I thought she was coming here herself.”

“She couldn't bring herself to come here,” Hera said, turning to look at him. “I'm supposed to tell you that she's at the penthouse and will not be leaving. She requests you meet her there this evening.”

“This evening?” Cassian said, feeling like his heart was in his throat. “I have to talk to her before that.”

“She wants you to complete a full first day of work in the new office,” Hera said, looking around. “It looks great by the way.”

“Thank you,” Cassian said automatically. “No, I have to go see her now.”

“Cassian,” Hera said calmly. “Please listen to her request. She was very upset, and if I know one thing about my boss, it's that she doesn't like anyone to see her when she is that upset.”

“She'll let me see her,” Cassian said firmly. “Is this about her appointment?”

“Not entirely,” Hera said. “She was already visibly upset when I picked her up this morning, and I think she received some news in a phone call prior to the appointment. At least that's what I got from her cryptic talking in the backseat.”

Cassian ran his hands over his face. “That makes me want to go see her even more.”

“I know I'm supposed to be trying to stop you from doing that, but I also know that I cannot actually stop you from going to her. Just let her know that I tried, at least?”

Cassian looked at Hera and saw the genuine concern in her eyes. “Don't worry, Hera. I'll be sure to tell her that you tried to talk me out of it. But you're not talking me out of it.”

“Can I at least ask you to give her a little bit of time?” Hera asked. “I know she's only requested this because she wants some time alone.”

Cassian sighed. “You're right about that. She does love to be alone when she's upset. I'll give her a few hours, then I'll close the office early and go home.”

“I suppose that's the best I'm going to get out of you so I'll take it,” Hera said, smiling at him. “You're a good man, Cassian. Way better than the asshole was. I'm glad she has you.”

“Thank you, Hera,” Cassian said, pushing away from the door and opening it. “Come on, I'll walk you back down.”

Hera nodded and walked out of the room, Cassian following. They made their way downstairs and then into the entry, where Hera said a quick goodbye and left. Bodhi took one look at Cassian and immediately was filled with concern. 

“Cassian? What's wrong?”

“I can't talk about it,” Cassian said. “But we're closing early today. In a few hours. Everyone will get paid for the full day, so don't worry about that. But I need to get home to Jyn.”

“You sure you don't want to talk about it?”

“Positive,” Cassian said, turning back towards the door. “Try putting your phone down and learning the phone system! That's why you haven't learned it yet!”


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i just want to say that the response to this story and the welcome into this section of fandom has been so wonderful and overwhelming. and so thank you all for reading and commenting and leaving kudos and to those of you who have bookmarked this as well. you've made me smile a lot on days when i wouldn't have otherwise.

Cassian found Jyn sitting at the bottom of the shower, stripped down to her lingerie and an empty bottle of whiskey by her side. There were tears streaming down her cheeks as she looked up at him, and Cassian reached out and turned the shower off before climbing in and sitting down next to her. “Tell me?”

Jyn slid down until her head was in Cassian's lap, and he reached out and ran his hand along her arm. She stayed silent for several minutes, and Cassian determined she wasn't going to talk. “Come on, Jyn. If you don't want to talk about the phone call, will you at least tell me if I'm going to be a father?”

Jyn let out a loud sob and Cassian sighed, letting his head drift back up against the shower wall. They sat there for what felt like hours before Jyn cleared her throat and finally spoke. 

“I'm not pregnant.”

Cassian felt relief flood through him and then immediately felt horrible about it. “How do you feel about that?”

“Honestly?” Jyn said, readjusting her head in his lap. “Given the phone call, I'm relieved. And I hate myself for it.”

Cassian lightly squeezed Jyn's arm before letting his hand come up to gently stroke her hair. “Don't hate yourself for it. I'm relieved too, though I am feeling horrible about it.”

“How can you want something so much and not want it at all at the same time?” Jyn asked, her voice thick with emotion. “I want a family with you, Cassian. I want it so badly I can taste it and yet now that I know it's not happening now, all I can think about is how grateful I am that it's not happening. Not yet.”

“Jyn,” Cassian started, then paused. “I think it's natural. This was unexpected. This wasn't planned. And yeah, everything that seems to happen with us isn't planned, but maybe this is just nature's way of telling us to be more careful and to start planning things.”

“You sound like Chirrut.”

Cassian chuckled. “Well, he has rubbed off on me over the years.”

Silence descended upon them, the only noise the sound of their breathing echoing within the shower walls. Cassian let his fingers tangle into Jyn's wet hair and rubbed gently at her scalp, smiling when he heard the small moan escape her. He was remembering the little things he used to do to keep Jyn in the present when she was upset over something, usually involving Saw, and he was glad that they still worked.

“Do you want to talk about the phone call yet?” Cassian heard the hitch in Jyn's breath and quickly followed up his statement. “We don't have to.”

“We need to,” Jyn murmured, shifting around so she could look Cassian in the eyes. “It was a phone call I thought I'd never receive. Ever.”

Cassian let his fingers dance across Jyn's cheek. “Who called?”

Jyn closed her eyes as a single tear slipped out, trying to keep her emotions under control. “I didn't recognize the number, but I still don't have all the different lines for the office programmed into my phone so I thought maybe it was you. And then I answered and...”

Cassian waited as more tears began to fall, and Jyn latched onto his hand and clung to it. “What happened, Jyn?”

“It was my father,” Jyn eventually whispered. 

Cassian felt anger spike through him. “Saw called you again?”

“No,” Jyn murmured. “My _father._ Galen. It was Galen.”

Cassian's eyes widened in shock as Jyn clutched his hand tighter. “Galen called you?”

Jyn sniffled, trying to get her emotions back in line before realizing she just had to go with it and be vulnerable. “It was him. I knew it the moment I heard his voice. It's the voice I've heard in my head for the last twenty-four years. I said his name and he sighed and called me by my nickname and I just started crying.”

“What did he want?” Cassian asked after a moment.

“He said he'd seen me on the news, seen the trouble that I'd been,” Jyn said. “At first he thought it couldn't be me, but then he saw my picture close up in a newspaper and he realized that it was. He searched for all the information on me he could get after that, trying to figure out how it was I was still around and he didn't know about it.”

Cassian caught that last part. “Still around?”

Jyn started sobbing and Cassian brought his other hand to her face, lightly caressing her forehead. “Saw,” she got out. “Fucking Saw.”

Cassian thought back to when Jyn had told him about her father and how she came to live with Saw and recalled how Saw would never tell her what had happened to Galen Erso. “What did he do, Jyn?”

It took Jyn several moments to calm down enough to answer. “The car accident that killed Steela, he told Galen I was in it. That I didn't survive. He told Galen I was dead, Cassian.”

Cassian forced his hand out of Jyn's grip and reached out, taking Jyn into his arms and lifting her into his embrace. Jyn buried her head in Cassian's neck and sobbed as Cassian thought about all of the murderous things he'd really like to do to Saw Gerrera.

“Why would Saw do that? Why would he make your father think you were dead?”

“Never try to understand why Saw does something,” Jyn mumbled into his skin. “You will never ever find a logical reason for it. Or even an illogical one. You'll just end up in a fucking mess.”

“What else did Galen say?” Cassian asked, pressing a kiss to Jyn's shoulder.

“He'd like to see me. He wants to get to know me. He said he knew that I probably didn't want to see him or get to know him, but that he had to at least try. Said he owed my mother that much. And when he mentioned her I started crying even more.”

“Oh Jyn,” Cassian said, tightening his embrace. “It's going to be okay. I promise you that.”

Jyn turned her head and pressed a kiss to Cassian's neck. “So now you understand why I was so emotional going into the appointment, then that made me even more emotional, and then I came home and drank that entire bottle of whiskey while I sat here.”

“Well, I'm not happy about you drinking an entire bottle of whiskey, but I understand why you thought you needed it,” Cassian said, brushing a kiss along her forehead. “Today was going to be an emotional day no matter what, but to add in the phone call from your father on top of it...yeah, I understand.”

“I love you, Cassian. And you're the only family I ever need,” Jyn said, her voice small. “But I really want to see my father again.”

“Then we should arrange for that,” Cassian said softly. “I'd love to meet him.”

“Well, you'll definitely be there when it happens because I can't do it alone,” Jyn said, shifting closer to him. “I'm freezing.”

“That's because you've been sitting in a cold shower in your underwear for god knows how long,” Cassian said, pressing another kiss to her forehead. “Come on, let's go get you in some clothes that are not soaking wet and then under the covers of the bed. I think we're just going to spend the rest of the day in bed.”

Jyn began to move out of his embrace. “You came home early, didn't you?”

“You had to know that I would,” Cassian said as Jyn stood up, reaching out to steady her when she wavered. “I wanted to close the office the minute Hera told me what was going on.”

“I wanted you to have a good first day of work.”

“And we did,” Cassian said, standing up and wrapping his arms around her. “Let's go get in bed and I'll tell you all about it.”

“Okay,” Jyn said, turning around to give Cassian a deep kiss. “I don't know what I'd do without you.”

“Well, I certainly hope that you'll never have to find out,” Cassian said, kissing her back. “I love you, Jyn. And whatever needs to happen to meet Galen or keep Saw away from you or to make sure that we never have another situation like the one we were in today, I'll do it.”

Jyn nodded and then gave Cassian a wicked smile. “You could start by keeping a condom in your wallet.”

“Jyn!” Cassian exclaimed, but he knew the wicked smile and the suggestion was a good sign. “Where do you think we'll be needing that?”

“You never know, darling. You never know.”

“Alright, that's enough. Off to bed with you. No more of your wicked ways!”

Jyn laughed all the way to the bedroom.

*****

Cassian looked away from his monitor when his phone beeped and he picked it up quickly. “Bodhi, just because you have now learned the phone system does not mean you need to use it every fifteen seconds.”

“I have an actual reason this time,” Bodhi said. “There is a woman here named Magva Yarro. She wants to talk to your girlfriend.”

Cassian glanced over at where Jyn was typing before turning his attention back to the phone. “Did she specifically request her by name?”

“Yes,” Bodhi said, lowering his voice. “She, uh, she also looks very scary.”

“Hang on a minute,” Cassian said, putting Bodhi on hold. He slid his chair across until he was right next to Jyn, reaching out to touch her on the arm. “Jyn?”

“Hey,” she said. “I'm working on the statement that we're going to put out when we relaunch the website. Do you want me to include the part about me being involved in the company now or not? Because I know you haven't decided yet.”

“I'm still thinking about it,” Cassian said. “Do you know anyone named Magva Yarro?”

Jyn froze. “Why?”

“Because according to Bodhi she's in the entry and wanting to see you.”

“Fuck,” Jyn said, immediately pushing her chair back and standing up.

Cassian followed her when she walked away, and when they got near the entry, he latched onto her elbow and made her stop. “Who is she?”

“She works for Obi-Wan,” Jyn said quickly. “She's like his courier or something.”

Cassian felt a little bit of relief flow through him as Jyn started walking again, and he followed her into the entry. 

“Magva,” Jyn said, smiling at her. “Lovely to see you again.”

“Sure it is,” Magva said, holding out an envelope. “For you.”

“Thank you,” Jyn said, taking it from her. “Is there anything else?”

“Obi-Wan says to lay low,” Magva said, heading for the door. “Oh, and nice office.”

Bodhi let out a huge sigh when Magva was gone. “She was very intimidating.”

“She delivers subpoenas for a living,” Jyn said. “She's supposed to be intimidating.”

“Well, she definitely fits her job description then,” Bodhi said. “Hey, Cas? Is there any way I can get off like forty-five minutes early today? I've got to get home and change and then get across town for a very special date.”

Cassian chuckled. “Bodhi, every date you go on you classify as a very special date.”

“Yeah, but this one is different,” Bodhi said seriously. “This girl is different.”

Cassian studied him for a moment before nodding. “Just this once. This is not going to become a habit.”

Bodhi gave him a huge smile. “Thank you. I shall name our firstborn son Cassian in your honor.”

Jyn laughed loudly. “Why do I get the feeling that you've heard that before?”

“Because I have. About a thousand times,” Cassian said, shaking his head. “Get back to work, Bodhi.”

Cassian followed Jyn back into the main office and to their workstations, sliding his chair back in front of his desk as Jyn sat down and opened up the envelope. He glanced over at her as she read through it, and he was just about to resume typing when he heard her bang her hand against her desk.

“What is it?”

“The sixteen lawsuits just became seventeen.”

“Who else?”

Jyn looked over at Cassian, and Cassian thought he'd never seen her so angry before. “Saw.”

Cassian immediately slid his chair back over next to hers. “What the fuck is Saw suing you for?”

"According to the letter from Obi-Wan, he's suing me for his percentage of Jedha. He doesn't have a fucking percentage of Jedha. Apparently, I am embezzling money from Jedha and therefore from him, and he's suing me for all of the profits he should have received plus a hundred million dollars in damages. A _hundred million_ dollars." Jyn threw the letter down onto her desk in disgust. "I could fucking kill him with my bare hands right now." 

"Well, certainly paperwork exists to prove that he does not own any percentage of Jedha." 

"Oh, there definitely is," Jyn said. "And the moment he is available to, I'm going to meet with Obi-Wan, get him the paperwork, and have him file it in court and get this fucking nonsense thrown out. This is so motherfucking ridiculous and exactly something he would do. I bet he's been planning this for years and then I fucked up majorly and it gave him his opportunity." 

“Do you need to go see Obi-Wan right now?” Cassian asked.

Jyn shook her head and reached for her phone. “No, I can wait for an appointment, probably tomorrow. I'm not sure I have Obi-Wan's number in this new phone yet.”

Cassian frowned at her. “When did you get a new phone?”

“Yesterday morning on my way here,” Jyn said, scrolling through her contacts. “My other one stopped working because I had it in the shower with me in case you called. I was drunk and not thinking. Fuck, no, I don't have it.”

“What's the name of the law firm? I'll get Bodhi to find the number.”

“Kenobi and Skywalker,” Jyn said, handing over the envelope that the letter had come in. “That's the address.”

“Skywalker? Any relation to Luke?”

“I think it's his dad,” Jyn said, leaning around her monitor to see Luke. “Hey Luke, is your dad Anakin Skywalker?”

“Sure is,” Luke said, not looking away from the code in front of him. “Why?”

“Just trying to figure out if he's the guy at Kenobi and Skywalker or not,” Jyn said. 

“That's him.”

“I bet he wanted you to be a lawyer, hm?”

“Oh god,” Luke said, spinning around in his chair. “The lectures I still get about how I should go to law school are epic. 'It would be what your mother would have wanted.' Fuck off. You have no idea what my mother would have wanted. Drives me insane.”

“Anakin's a good lawyer though,” Jyn said. “I've worked with him before.”

"Yeah, he's super good at what he does. I've been in courtrooms before when he's done the opening or closing statements and he's downright scary sometimes. Why are you talking about him? You guys need a lawyer or something?" 

“We're talking about having a law firm on retainer,” Jyn lied. “Kenobi and Skywalker came up as an option.”

“Well, you can't go wrong with either my dad or Obi-Wan. They're both really, really good.”

"Thanks, Luke," Jyn said, smiling at him. 

“No problem, Jyn,” Luke said, spinning back around to his code.

Jyn sat back up and looked over at Cassian. “You know, having the firm on retainer isn't such a bad idea.”

“Why would I need a law firm on retainer?” Cassian asked.

"In case anyone tries to do to you what Saw is doing to me," Jyn said seriously. "Plus there are all sorts of things that lawyers are good for that you never think of needing them for. Trust me, it'll be good. I'll set that up while I'm there." 

“And how much is that going to cost me?”

"That's nothing to worry about," Jyn said. "It's just a relationship. It means when you need something, they are there for you. You don't have to do the whole first-time client thing with a new lawyer. I know what I'm talking about. Leave it to me." 

Cassian sighed. “Okay. I'll get Bodhi to look up the phone number.”

Jyn reached out before Cassian slid his chair away, cupping her hand around the back of his neck and pulling him into a kiss. “Thank you, Cassian.”

“For what?”

“Giving me strength,” Jyn murmured. “I don't know if I would have been able to survive all of this without you.”

“I don't know if you would be going through all of this without me,” Cassian said, shaking his head. “But you give me strength too, so I suppose it goes both ways.”

“That's a good thing in a relationship,” Jyn said, smiling at him.

“Yes,” Cassian said, smiling back. “It is. I'll get you this number and then I've got to finish this script before the day is over or I'm going to be working on it at the penthouse tonight.”

"Well, I do hope you finish it because I have plans," Jyn said, giving Cassian a look. "And I think you'll really hate to miss out on them." 

Cassian swallowed hard and quickly moved his chair back to his desk, reaching for the phone and dialing Bodhi's extension. As soon as Bodhi picked up, he started talking. “Bodhi, I need you to get the phone number for Kenobi and Skywalker and then dial Jyn and give it to her. And no more interruptions for me for the rest of the day. If someone calls, tell them I'll call them back tomorrow. I have to finish this script by the time we close.”

*****

“Where's Bodhi?”

"Bodhi could not make it, Kay," Chirrut said as they sat down at the table. "He said he had a very special date and that he sends his regards." 

Cassian looked around the table and laughed. “And he's the one who continues to give me shit for one time missing one of our Saturday dinners? I hope he realizes the tables will now be turned.”

“Especially since he's missing this one,” Baze said, smiling at the person sitting across the table from him. “This is Jyn's first Saturday dinner.”

“Somehow, I don't think he'll mind that he's missing that,” Jyn said, smiling back at Baze. “But thank you, all of you, for including me.”

“You are part of the family now, Jyn,” Chirrut said. “It would feel wrong not to include you.”

Kaytoo rolled his eyes. “I wouldn't go that far.”

“Holding onto your anger for too long will harden your soul, Kaytoo,” Chirrut said. “You need to let go and embrace the reality that we are in.”

“Oh, I'm embracing the reality, alright. The reality where she stole away Cassian's livelihood and made a gazillion dollars off of it.”

Cassian reached for Jyn's hand as her head dropped, and he glared at Kaytoo. “Kay, Chirrut is right. You need to fucking deal with this. I forgave her and she's not going anywhere.”

Kaytoo sighed. “I'm trying. It's just every time I see her, I think about it.”

“Shouldn't I be the one feeling that way?” Cassian asked. “I still do not understand what it is you and Bodhi got so damn angry about. You have no right to be.”

“They are just trying to protect you, Cassian,” Baze said. “Even I can see that.”

“There's protecting me and then there's downright not accepting my life choices. And that's what Kay is doing. It's getting to a point where I don't want to be around you, Kay. Not if I have to consistently hear about this.”

“I'm just trying to make you realize who she is,” Kaytoo said.

“I know who she is better than anyone at this table!” Cassian exclaimed. “There are days when I'm convinced I know her better than she does! You don't know her at all, Kay. And that's because you won't even give her a chance. I'm serious, you keep this up, then you're not going to be around us. There is no reason that I should subject either of us to you when you're like that.”

“Cassian makes very good points,” Chirrut interjected. “There is no possible way that you can know who she is, Kay, when you do not even attempt to get to know her.”

“I have read every article, watched every interview,” Kaytoo started, and Cassian threw up his hands. 

“You have got to be fucking kidding me.”

“There's a pattern to her lies and you clearly cannot see that!”

“Kay is right,” Jyn said softly, making them all turn to look at her. “There was a pattern to my lies back then, and I spouted them off for every interview and magazine cover and to the asshole and people at work and the boys and everyone. Even to the people I considered family. But then my major fuck up happened, and then Orson fucking Krennic happened, and then rehab and tons of therapists happened, and then I realized why I had been telling all of those lies for so long.

"I told myself lies from the very first moment I ever met Cassian. I tried to deny everything I felt, everything I said. And I finally thought I had compartmentalized it away and that I would never have to think about it again, when the reality was that I was deliberately sabotaging the life I had built for myself so that I would have to rip open the hatch of that cave and let all of my feelings for Cassian come flooding out. And for every bit of love, there are two bits of guilt over what it is I did to him. No matter how hard I try, I don't think that will ever go away. I'm never going to be able to look at him and not think of how I screwed him over. Kay, I punish myself over that every minute of every day. I don't need you to punish me too." 

With that, Jyn picked up her fork and cut into the casserole that Baze had made while everyone stared at her. After a moment, Baze picked up his fork and began to eat and Chirrut the same. Cassian wrapped an arm around the back of her chair and leaned over, brushing a kiss along her temple. Jyn turned and looked at him with guilt in her eyes and Cassian decided he could kill Kaytoo right then and there.

“Well,” Kaytoo started and Cassian whipped his head around.

“Don't you even,” Cassian said, anger coating his words. “Don't you say a fucking thing.”

“Even though she just said I'm right?”

“You do not get to decide how I live my life,” Cassian said firmly. “I do and I say Jyn is a major part of it. And if you don't like that, then get the fuck out of my life.”

Kaytoo stared at Cassian for a moment before sighing and pushing his chair back. “You really have lost your mind, you know that? You've gone batshit crazy. Baze, Chirrut, thank you for the invitation but I think I'll find somewhere else to have dinner tonight.”

“Kay, you don't have to leave,” Chirrut said, but Kaytoo walked out of the apartment, slamming the door to the stairs behind him. 

Once he was gone, Jyn sucked in a large breath and Cassian pulled her into an embrace. “I'm so sorry. I really am.”

“It's not your fault, Cassian,” Jyn murmured. “I just thought it would be better by now.”

“Yeah, well, I thought Kay understood he was my friend not my father,” Cassian said bitterly, letting Jyn go and turning to his plate. “Where he thinks he gets the right to talk about you like that, I do not know.”

“He thinks he needs to protect you,” Chirrut said.

“From the woman I love?”

“From the woman who screwed you over,” Chirrut replied. “He is having a hard time looking at Jyn as anything but that.”

“That's obvious, Chirrut,” Baze said, shaking his head. “What is not understandable is why he continues to question Cassian's life choices.”

“Because that's the only thing he knows how to do,” Chirrut said. “Kaytoo has been questioning Cassian's life choices since the moment they met. How many women has Kay tried to set Cassian up with? How many times have we heard about how Cassian was a monk and it was ridiculous? How many times did we talk about Cassian's past relationship and how we must get him to get over it? It was Kay's obsession when it came to Cassian. 

“Now Cassian is a changed man. He has Jyn back into his life and he is happier and in love and all around in a much better place than he was before. And Kay has no idea how to process it, especially since he has the knowledge that he does about Jedha and the circumstances surrounding it.”

“Well, can someone start helping him process it?” Cassian grumbled. “Before he destroys our friendship preferably.”

“I will do my best,” Chirrut said. “But Kay is a stubborn man. You know this.”

“Well, I'll be happy to beat it into his head for you, Cassian,” Baze said, a smile on his face. “I just bought a new sledgehammer.”

Cassian chuckled. “I don't think it needs to go that far, Baze, but thank you.”

“Thank you both,” Jyn said softly. “It means a lot to me that you will try to help me not destroy Cassian's friendship with Kay.”

“It is not you that is destroying it,” Cassian said firmly.

“But it is,” Jyn said. “You wouldn't be fighting if it wasn't for me. It's all about me.”

“No, it's about Kay's obsession with trying to run my life,” Cassian said, reaching out to clasp his hand over Jyn's. “Chirrut's right. Kay has always tried to change the way I live my life. I don't know why I'm surprised that he's still doing it now.”

“Perhaps Bodhi will be of assistance,” Chirrut said. “Provided, of course, that he's not on another of these very special dates.”

“I wonder when he'll tell us something about the girl,” Baze said curiously. “Usually he's very keen to spread the gossip.”

“There is something different about this one, I think,” Chirrut said. “He will tell us about her in time.”

“I'll try to get something out of him at work,” Cassian said, and Chirrut smiled. 

“Ah, work. That's a much better topic to discuss. How did the first week go?”


	16. Chapter 16

Cassian picked up the phone and snapped at Bodhi. “This better be good. I told you no interruptions.”

“A Kes Dameron is here,” Bodhi said. “He said he needs to talk to you and Jyn about the investigation into what happened to your house.”

Cassian sighed and quickly saved his progress on the code he was working on. “I'll be right there.”

He hung up the phone and slid his chair over to where Jyn was. “Jyn, Kes is here.”

“Oh, Shara said he was going to have lunch with her today,” Jyn said, glancing at the clock. “Though it is a little early for lunch.”

“He told Bodhi he needs to talk to us about the investigation.”

Jyn stopped typing and turned to look at him. “Go get him. I'll meet you in the office upstairs. I need to tell Shara why he's here so early.”

Cassian nodded and slid his chair back to his desk, standing up and walking towards the entry. Kes looked up when he walked into it, and Cassian felt his stomach drop at the look on his face. “Kes. Come on back. Bodhi? Absolutely no interruptions.”

“Got it.”

Kes followed Cassian into the main office and up the stairs to the second floor. Jyn came into the office a few seconds after they did, and she walked over to Cassian and reached for his hand before turning to Kes. 

“Kes, what is it?”

“Beezer Fortuna died this morning,” Kes said, and Cassian felt like he was going to collapse. 

Their link to Saw. Their only link to Saw. 

And he was gone.

“Did they ever get a chance to speak to him?” Jyn asked, squeezing Cassian's hand.

“Yes,” Kes nodded. “They spoke with him two days ago. We were not informed until this morning.”

Cassian felt relief flood through him. “Did he talk about Saw?”

“I have no idea,” Kes said. “They aren't telling us what he told them.” 

Jyn growled in frustration. “How are we supposed to feel like things are moving forward if they won't even tell us what's going on? How are we supposed to feel safe?”

“I wish I could answer that,” Kes said. “Kenobi may be able to shed more light on the situation because he is the one the police are speaking with.”

“Alright. I have an appointment with him this afternoon anyway,” Jyn murmured. “I'll talk to him then. Have they located Saw yet?”

"No, but they are very interested in finding him not only for the evidence you provided in the recorded phone call but also the evidence that Galen has been providing about the circumstances of how you came to be in Saw's care," Kes said. "They're doing everything they can, Jyn." 

Cassian went to speak when the phone in the office started to beep, and he let go of Jyn's hand and stalked over to it. “Bodhi, what about no interruptions did you not understand?”

“Saw Gerrera is here to see Jyn,” Bodhi said, trying to keep his voice calm.

“Fuck,” Cassian said, making Jyn turned to look at him.

“What is it?”

“Saw's here,” Cassian said, looking into her eyes. “What do we do?”

“Keep him here for as long as you can,” Kes said, reaching for his phone. “I'll call the police.”

Jyn took a deep breath and nodded. “Okay, I can do that.”

“Jyn,” Cassian said softly, but Jyn only smiled.

“He won't hurt me,” Jyn said. “I'm sure of it.”

“Bodhi?” Cassian said into the phone. “Tell him Jyn will be up to get him in a few minutes.”

“Will do.”

Cassian hung up the phone and walked back to her, pulling Jyn into his arms. “What should I do?”

“Go back to your desk and act like you're working,” Jyn said. “I'll keep him close enough that you can hear but far enough away that you don't feel like he's on top of you.”

“What if something happens?” Cassian mumbled.

“Then we'll deal with it,” Jyn said, kissing Cassian softly. “Trust me.”

Cassian took a deep breath and then nodded. “Okay.”

Jyn walked away from Cassian and headed for the door, passing where Kes was talking rapidly into his phone. Cassian followed a moment later, going to his desk and staring at the code in front of him. There was absolutely no way that he was going to be able to work on anything, probably for the rest of the day. 

How had Saw found them? There had been no advertising of The Alliance's new office. 

“Hey Cassian?” came Norra's voice, and Cassian looked up to see her peering at him over the top of his monitors. “I have a question about the permanent accounts that you were talking about.”

“Okay, Norra,” Cassian said, standing up and walking with her over to her desk, his eyes wandering over to where Jyn was walking with Saw. 

He could feel Saw's eyes on him as he worked through the problem that Norra had found, and though he appreciated the distraction the question had posed, he also wanted nothing more than to be sitting at his desk and eavesdropping on what Jyn and Saw were saying. He could tell by the inflection in Jyn's voice that she was ready to kill Saw then and there but was doing her best to remain calm, and Cassian determined that this was not the first time that she'd had to use that tone of voice with the man who had raised her.

And, just when Cassian decided that Jyn had done enough to keep Saw there long enough for the police to show up, loud noises reverberated through the room and Cassian felt nothing but pain. He dropped to the ground next to Norra's desk, barely making out Jyn screaming his name.

Cassian had never felt pain like this in his life, which must mean that something was seriously wrong. He couldn't seem to open his eyes, and every attempt at movement radiated the pain throughout his entire body. Somewhere to his right he could hear Norra or was it Shara or maybe it was Luke or Wedge, he wasn't really sure. He tried to call out to someone, but he found he couldn't get his mouth to make more than groans of pain.

What had happened? He had no idea what had just occurred, he just knew something was very, very wrong. Black closed in on him, and though he tried to fight it, in the end, he succumbed to it.

*****

Cassian saw bright white and he immediately snapped his eyes shut again. He listened to the sounds around him, the beeping of machines and the echoes of voices from what he thought was probably another room. He tried to move but found that he couldn't, and then pain radiated through his body, reminding him that something was very, very wrong. He tried to speak but found he couldn't.

He steeled himself against the brightness and opened his eyes again, blinking several times to get used to it. He glanced around as best he could without moving, determined he was in a hospital room and that he was alone. He could hear voices right outside the door and there was the familiar lilt of Baze's voice chief among them, but he didn't hear Jyn. 

Where was Jyn?

The door opened a moment later and Baze walked into the room, his eyes brightening when he saw that he was awake. “Cassian! Oh, Cassian, thank God.”

Baze sat down by his bedside and grasped his hand gently. Cassian tried to speak, tried to ask why he was there instead of Jyn, but he just shook his head. “Don't try to speak. You've got a breathing tube down your throat.”

Well, that explained why he couldn't speak. He tried to use his eyes to ask questions, but Baze just shook his head. “You need to rest, Cassian. That's all that's important at the moment. Chirrut or I won't be far away. Just go back to sleep.”

Cassian gave him one more confused glance before he let his eyes slip closed again. Sleep did sound pretty good.

The next time he opened his eyes, Chirrut was sitting by the bed instead of Baze. It took him a few moments to notice that Cassian was awake, but then Chirrut was leaning closer to the bed and giving him a shaky smile. “Hey there. You scared the hell out of all of us, you know that?”

No, he didn't, but when he tried to speak, he realized he still had that tube down his throat. So he barely lifted a hand off the bed and touched Chirrut's, and he took it as a signal to talk.

“You were shot,” Chirrut started. 

Shot. That explained the loud noise and then the sudden, excruciating pain. He barely nodded.

"You were at the office," Chirrut said. "Someone came in and started shooting, and they got you and the Skywalker kid. He'll be fine, don't worry. He wasn't injured as badly as you were, just a shot to the shoulder. You, on the other hand, you're pretty seriously injured. You were unconscious for three days before you opened your eyes yesterday." 

Yesterday? That had been yesterday?

Wait. Jyn. What about Jyn?

Cassian patted his hand Chirrut's hand again, and Chirrut nodded. “I assume you want to know about Jyn. Well, she wasn't hurt at all. She's been in the waiting room every since you were admitted.”

Cassian patted his hand against Chirrut's once more, making him sigh. "The paperwork you filled out ages ago only allows me and Baze to get medical updates and to see you. You have never amended it to include Jyn. Don't worry, we've been filling her in on how you are, but she can't come back here, not until you give your consent." 

Cassian slammed his hand against Chirrut's, ignoring the pain that it sent through him. Chirrut stood up after a moment, then bent down so Cassian could see his face. “I'll go tell the nurses that you want to see her. They'll probably need to hear it from you though.”

Cassian watched as Chirrut walked out of the room, taking several deep breaths as what Chirrut had said sank in. Someone had come into the office and started shooting. They got him and Luke, but Luke wasn't as injured as he was and would definitely be okay. Jyn was fine, and he assumed that Shara and Norra were also fine since Chirrut hadn't said anything about them. He wondered about Bodhi, because the shooter obviously had to get past him, and Cassian knew Bodhi wouldn't have let someone into the main office without a fight. 

The door opened a few minutes later and Jyn came into view, and Cassian felt relief flood through him. She was still wearing the same clothes she'd been wearing the last time he'd seen her, her mascara smudged beneath her eyes from crying and her hair extremely disheveled. Cassian had a million things he wanted to say to her but he couldn't because of the tube down his throat that he was coming to resent. 

Jyn walked around to the chair Chirrut had been sitting in and moved it closer to the bed, reaching for Cassian's hand and grasping it gently. “Cassian. I cannot tell you how good it is to see you.”

Cassian squeezed her hand in response and Jyn's eyes filled with tears. "I thought I was going to lose you. There was so much blood and you weren't conscious and I was screaming and the ambulance was taking so long. The police were doing everything they could but I was terrified Cassian. And then you were out for days and Baze kept telling me that the doctors said your prognosis was good but I was so worried. So so worried." 

Cassian squeezed her hand again as the tears began to fall, and Jyn let her face drop down against his hand as she sobbed. Cassian wanted nothing more than to pull her into his arms and hold her as close as he could, to give her the comfort that she obviously so desperately needed. Instead, he squeezed her hand as tightly as he could manage to stand, and she eventually looked up at him once more.

“I'm going to make sure Saw pays for this. I promise you.”

Saw. That's right. Jyn had been talking to Saw when it happened. 

Of course, Saw was behind it. 

Cassian squeezed her hand again to get her to continue. 

“The shooter was one of Saw's Partisans. Tivik. I don't know much about him, but I recognized him. He ran off before the police showed up, but they picked him up in Kafrene a few hours later. Saw disappeared as soon as Tivik showed up. No one has found him yet.”

Cassian was filled with rage and suddenly all sorts of beeping started happening, nurses rushing into his room. Jyn let go of his hand as the nurses checked vitals and injected medicine and before Cassian knew it, he was asleep.

When he blinked his eyes open again, Jyn was sitting in the chair next to his bed, sound asleep with her hand clutching his. Cassian watched her for awhile, thinking about everything that had happened to his life since the day she walked back into it and questioning whether it was worth it.

Whether she was worth it.

It took him hardly any time to decide that she was. 

Jyn Erso made his life better just by her being in it. A smile from her made everything better, even when he was at his lowest. And yes, a lot of things that he would never have wanted to happen to his life had happened, but if those things were the price of loving her, then it was a price worth paying. 

Even if it meant being in that hospital bed recovering from a gunshot wound.

Jyn stirred after a while and Cassian lightly squeezed her hand as her eyes opened, making her give him a sleepy smile. He guessed that she'd been sleeping in chairs in the waiting room since he'd been admitted, and he was looking forward to going back to the penthouse and stretching out in that king-size bed with her, holding her close and drifting off to sleep without wires attached to his chest and tubes down his throat. 

“Hey,” Jyn said, bending down and kissing Cassian's hand. “Have you been watching me sleep for long?”

Cassian squeezed her hand in response and she smiled again. “You should be sleeping, Cassian. You need your rest. That's the only way you're going to heal. There will be plenty of time for us to talk once they take that tube out. I'm not going anywhere. I promise.”

Cassian stared at her for a moment before slightly nodding and letting his eyes close again. Jyn was right, he needed to rest and she wasn't going anywhere.

He trusted her when she said that.

*****

“Careful,” Jyn said as Cassian made his way into the penthouse on his crutches. “I don't want you to fall.”

“Well, I don't want to fall either,” Cassian said, making sure not to put any pressure on his injured leg. “God, it feels good to be somewhere other than that hospital.”

“You were only there for two weeks, Cassian.”

"Well, that was two weeks too long," Cassian muttered. "Come to lie down with me." 

“Your friends are coming over later,” Jyn pointed out as Cassian started down the long hallway to the bedroom.

“I said lie down, Jyn, not fuck,” Cassian called out, making Jyn laugh.

“I suppose we won't be doing that for awhile,” Jyn said as she followed him. “You're not really in any shape to participate.”

“We'll figure something out,” Cassian said, pausing at the closed door. “Would you get the door for me?”

Jyn hurried towards him and opened the door, letting Cassian enter the room first. She closed the door behind them and took Cassian's crutches from him as he sat down on the bed, leaning them up against the wall. “There. They'll be within reach.”

“Thank you,” Cassian said as he swung his legs onto the bed and carefully laid down. “Come on.”

Jyn kicked off her heels and crawled onto the bed, lying down next to Cassian but being careful not to touch him. Most of Cassian's wounds were on the left side of his body, and that's the side that was up against Jyn. “I'm so glad you're home.”

“I'm glad I'm home,” Cassian said, reaching up to adjust his pillow. “Jyn, can we talk about Saw for a minute? You haven't wanted to discuss him at all ever since they took that tube out of my throat.”

“Saw is a touchy subject.”

“No shit. He's tried to kill me twice.” Cassian looked over at her. “Was there really nothing about him that made you think he'd go this far?”

“Saw's ruthless for sure, but if he's gone about things by murdering people who get in the way of what he wants, then no, I never knew about it and never suspected it,” Jyn murmured, propping her head up on her elbow. “But he's lied to me from the very beginning, so I suppose I shouldn't be that surprised about it. I clearly don't know him at all. Galen was very worried, by the way. He's still looking forward to meeting with us.”

“We should do that soon,” Cassian said. “I think it would be good for you.”

“I think it would be good for us,” Jyn countered. “Because I'm not meeting Galen without you.”

“I know that,” Cassian said, reaching for Jyn's hand. “And I will be there. But don't think I didn't notice how you're trying to change the subject.”

Jyn sighed heavily. “I've had to completely reevaluate my life in the past six weeks. Everything that I thought I knew, everything that Saw ever told me about Galen, everything that Saw ever told me about me even. It's all been a lie, Cassian. I've been lied to my entire life by a man that I thought I could trust. Even when I hated Saw, I knew that he would be there for me if I needed him. I trusted in that. I trusted in that and boy, have I ever been burned.”

“I used to not understand,” Cassian said quietly. “You'd talk about Saw and how scary he could be, but he was just a businessman in Onderon and I didn't get it. Then I started to think that maybe he was abusive, but you shot that down the moment I mentioned it, remember?”

“I do remember that, yes,” Jyn said. “I'm starting to think I was wrong to have.”

“You think he abused you.”

"Not physically," Jyn said. "I stand by my assertion that Saw would never hurt me. But the way he raised me, the things he's said to me, the epic fights that we've had that I've had to be the one to go groveling back to him after. I think it could definitely classify as emotional abuse." 

Cassian squeezed Jyn's hand lightly. “I wish I could make all of this go away. Every bit of it, all the pain and the anger and the frustration. I wish that I could take it away. But I can't. I can only lie here next to you and tell you that I'll still be here no matter what.”

"I know," Jyn murmured. "And I believe that you will be there. I trust in that. You're the one I trust in now, Cassian. Hell, you've been the one I trust in ever since I started sitting underneath our tree. I was just too scared to admit it. And I will understand if it takes the rest of our lives for you to trust me in that way again because I burned you as badly as Saw has burned me. But I'm not scared anymore, and I will be here until the very end, whenever that is." 

“It's not going to take me the rest of our lives to trust you completely again, Jyn. But it is going to take awhile.”

“And I understand that.”

“Where do you think Saw is?” Cassian asked after a moment. “He can't be that far.”

“I think he's hiding in plain sight,” Jyn said seriously. “And I'm going to figure out where. There's members of his team, his Partisans as he calls them, that will talk for the right price. And I've got all the money in the world for that.”

“I don't want you to get involved in something dangerous,” Cassian said quickly. “Please don't.”

“I'm not going to,” Jyn said. “I know exactly who to approach. Maia will know what's going on, and I can buy her information and cooperation.”

“And what if she tells Saw?”

Jyn chuckled. “Don't worry. She won't. Maia's the closest thing I have to a friend in Saw's inner circle. She's told me stuff about Saw before, shady business dealings and all that, stuff that Saw would never admit to.”

“I don't think I'm going to feel safe again until Saw is behind bars,” Cassian said. “I was getting there after the explosion. I thought I had my place I could go to in the office where he didn't know where I was. I still want to know how he found out.”

“Magva,” Jyn said immediately. “Obi-Wan's courier. I'll bet you anything it was her. She's always had a soft spot for Saw. Does stuff for him on the side.”

“And she was at the office,” Cassian said. “Saw us both.”

“Exactly,” Jyn replied. “She knew Bodhi would be easy to get by and the door into the main office would be easy to open.”

“How'd Bodhi's concussion?”

“I think he's fine now,” Jyn said. “But you can ask him yourself when they get here. They'll be here in a few hours.”

“Is Kay coming?”

“I do not know the answer to that.”

Cassian sighed and closed his eyes. “I should probably get some sleep before they get here.”

“You should be getting lots of rest,” Jyn said, reaching out to trail her fingers along Cassian's cheek. “I'm going to go into my office and make some phone calls.”

“You're going to go call Maia.”

“I'm going to go call Maia.”

“Tell me what she says when I wake up?”

“Of course.”

“I love you, Jyn,” Cassian said softly.

“I love you too,” Jyn said, bending down to kiss him. “Now get some sleep.”


	17. Chapter 17

“Cadera.”

Cassian blinked several times as his eyes adjusted to the light. “What?”

Jyn carefully settled down along his side. “That's where Saw is. Cadera.”

Cassian glanced over at her. “Cadera is at least a hundred miles from here.”

“The perfect place to hide out then,” Jyn said, letting her head rest on Cassian's pillow. “Maia talked easy. She said she's disgusted by what Saw is doing to you, doing to us. He's not the man she used to know.”

Cassian let his eyes close again, taking a couple of deep breaths. “So what do we do now?”

"I called the police, talked to Detective Calrissian. I told him that I had been thinking over and over and over about where Saw could be and that Cadera had come to mind. I didn't know this until now, but Saw owns a hotel there called The Catacombs. Yeah, I know, it's a weird name for a hotel, but it's Saw. Calrissian said he was getting in touch with the Caderan police immediately. Saw isn't going to see them coming." 

Cassian took another deep breath before opening his eyes and looking at Jyn, taking in the soft smile on her face. “You think they're going to get him?”

“I think they're either going to get him or he'll go out in a hail of bullets,” Jyn murmured. “And right now, I honestly don't care which way it goes.”

“I don't want the police to kill him,” Cassian said. “That's not punishment enough.”

“I understand what you're saying, but at least if he was dead I wouldn't have to worry about him trying to hurt you anymore,” Jyn replied. 

“He can't hurt me if he's behind bars.”

“I'm not sure I believe that.”

Cassian gave her a strange look. “What are you talking about?”

“I never knew Saw was capable of this, that he had people around him that were capable of this,” Jyn said after a moment. “Who knows what he would still be capable of behind bars? All it would take is for him to tell them what to do.”

“Jyn, I think you might be overthinking things.”

“And I think the fact that this is happening is proof that I didn't think enough when it came to Saw,” Jyn said, sighing heavily. “He kidnapped me from my own father. He's done nothing but defraud and screw people over when it comes to business. And now, now that I'm finally happy, he's doing everything he can to take you away from me. Not just trying to break us up, no, he's trying to kill you, Cassian. I don't know him at all. I never have. And I have no idea what he's capable of.”

“They're going to get him.”

“They better,” Jyn said, taking a deep breath. “I know you're going to hate this, but I think we need security. Especially you.”

“I don't want a bodyguard, Jyn.”

“I don't want you to have one either, but until I know that you're safe, I don't think we have much of a choice,” Jyn said, her voice thick with emotion. “I almost lost you, Cassian. I could have lost you when the house exploded and I almost lost you now. I can't lose you.”

Cassian reached out and grasped Jyn's hand. “You're not going to lose me.”

“You can't say that,” Jyn said. “You can't promise me that.”

"I didn't," Cassian mumbled, bringing Jyn's hand up to kiss. "I think I just need to not leave the penthouse for a while, except to go see the doctor." 

"I think you're definitely not leaving the penthouse for a while except to see the doctor," Jyn said firmly. "You're going to have to trust me with the office." 

“The office,” Cassian said, sighing. “I haven't even thought about the office.”

“I already hired a cleaning crew. I wanted that blood cleaned up before anyone goes back in there,” Jyn said. “And we are going to have to replace a lot of the equipment, plus the glass walls of the meeting area. Those shattered pretty easily.”

“God, I'm going to owe you so much money,” Cassian murmured. “I'm never going to be able to pay you back.”

“It's not a problem,” Jyn said quickly. “That is not something you need to be worrying about. Not at all.”

“I'm still paying you back, Jyn.”

“We'll have a discussion about it later.”

“No, there will be no discussion because I'm paying you back.”

“Dammit, Cassian, can't you let me just take care of things?” Jyn exclaimed. “You almost died because of me! I should be doing a hell of a lot more than just replacing some equipment and repairing some glass walls!”

Cassian watched as Jyn rolled onto her back and he squeezed her hand gently. “Are we ever going to get this money issue settled? Or is this going to be something that eats us up from the inside until there is nothing left?”

“We are,” Jyn said firmly. “I know we are. It's just difficult for me when I can make your life so much easier and you won't let me do it.”

"Well it's difficult for me when you want to take away my ability to support myself," Cassian said, sighing. "I am so grateful for you investing in The Alliance and helping me take it to the level it really has needed to be at for some time. But just because you invested that money doesn't mean I don't plan on returning that investment to you someday." 

“Can we agree on this then? We will discuss how you are to pay me back for my investment into the site when I want to pull my investment from it.”

“You're never going to pull your investment from it then.”

“No, that's not true. Once I know that the site is profitable, which I promise you it will be within two months of it being reopened, and you have built up a reserve of cash that you can draw upon for when the site needs it, I will pull my investment. I was always planning on pulling my investment then. I know you want it to be your own company, Cassian. I know you never really wanted me to invest in the first place.”

Cassian looked over at Jyn and shook his head. “I don't believe you for a second, but I don't want to argue about this anymore, so fine, I'll agree to that.”

Jyn let out a small laugh. “We'll work it out later. Your friends will be here soon.”

“Our friends,” Cassian corrected. “They're our friends.”

Jyn smiled at that. “Yeah, I suppose they are now, aren't they? Not Kay, though. I don't think he'd like being called my friend very much.”

“Kay can fuck off,” Cassian said, taking a deep breath. “Alright, I should go get settled on the sofa. Hang out in case I need help sitting up?”

“I'm not going anywhere, Cassian.”

“Good.”

*****

“Kay is extremely worried about you,” Bodhi said. “He's sorry he couldn't come.”

"Couldn't come or wouldn't come?" Bodhi didn't answer immediately and that told Cassian the answer. "I got shot multiple times and he won't even come to see me? Tell him I don't give a fuck if I ever see him again." 

“Cassian, you don't mean that,” Chirrut said, making Cassian give a short, painful laugh.

"I don't care how much he doesn't like Jyn," he started. "Kay is one of my best friends and I almost fucking died and he can't even come to see me? Fuck him." 

“He plans on calling you tomorrow,” Bodhi said. “I'll tell him that that's not a very good idea.”

"Tell him that if he has something to say to me he can come to say it to my face." 

Baze cleared his throat and drew everyone's attention to him. “Where is Jyn, Cassian? I'm surprised she's letting you out of her sight.”

"She's in her office. She got a phone call right when you guys showed up. If it wasn't for the fact that the elevator opens right into the penthouse, you guys would have been standing out there for a while. She'll join us when it's done." 

Chirrut reached out and touched Cassian gently on the arm. “I feel good about the fact that you are in such a protected place, Cassian. Baze tells me the security downstairs is quite extraordinary.”

“I've always found it overboard,” Cassian said. “Not so much anymore. Jyn's even talking about a bodyguard. I don't want a fucking bodyguard.”

“But it may not be the worst idea in the world,” Baze said. “Someone who could help keep you safe.”

Cassian looked around at the three of them and came to a realization. “I really scared you guys, didn't I?”

“I thought you were dead,” Bodhi said, his voice almost hoarse from the emotion. “All I saw was you on the ground covered in blood and Jyn was screaming and you weren't moving and...I thought you were dead, Cassian.”

“And you very nearly were,” Baze added. “I'm not sure you have quite grasped yet how close to death you were. I have not prayed in many years, Cassian, but I prayed a lot in those early days.”

“It wasn't that bad,” Cassian said.

“Cassian, you were in surgery for nineteen hours,” Chirrut pointed out. “Those were probably the longest nineteen hours of my life. You like to joke that I'm more of a father to you than your father has been, but you are the closest thing I will ever have to a son. I was terrified.”

Cassian swallowed hard. “I'm sorry. I'm sorry for everything that's happened the last few months. It's been a roller coaster since Jyn showed up at my door, not only for me but for all of you too. I never meant to make any of you have to go through any of this.”

“It's not your fault, Cassian,” Chirrut said. “None of this is your fault.”

“It is though,” Cassian said. “If I'd slammed the door in her face, then none of this would have happened.”

"No, it wouldn't have," Chirrut replied. "But you also know what would have happened to Jyn should you have done that." 

Cassian felt his eyes fill with tears. “I don't know what would be worse, going through all of this or dealing with that.”

“Would you care to enlighten us as to what you're talking about?” Bodhi asked, looking over at Cassian. “Because I don't understand what you're talking about.”

“They're talking about the fact that I was going to kill myself.” Everyone looked up to see Jyn walking into the room. “If Cassian had slammed the door in my face I was going to kill myself.”

Bodhi's eyes widened and Baze gave Cassian an understanding look as Jyn settled down on Cassian's other side. 

“I didn't mean to not include anybody,” Cassian said. “I just didn't want to tell everyone. I had to talk about it with someone, and...”

“And that someone for you is always Chirrut,” Baze finished. “The bits of your conversations that I have heard make more sense now.”

“Wow,” Bodhi murmured. “I mean, wow. And I gave you so much shit, Jyn.”

“And I deserved it,” Jyn said seriously. “Don't think for a moment that you shouldn't have yelled at me the way you did because I deserved every second of it. I still deserve it. All of this is my fault.”

“No,” Cassian stressed. “It isn't.”

“It wouldn't be happening if I hadn't gone to you that morning.”

“I would still be a miserable fuck doing nothing but coding work and going to the coffee shop if you hadn't,” Cassian said. “You brought me back to life, Jyn, and I will never regret any of this so don't you dare regret it either.”

“I don't,” Jyn said, leaning over and pressing a kiss to Cassian's temple. “I don't regret it. I just feel responsible.”

“Saw's responsible, not you,” Cassian said, leaning his head back against the cushions and letting his eyes close. “Do you guys want to get some food? I'm hungry for something that isn't disgusting hospital food.”

“Whatever you want, Cassian,” Jyn said. “We'll get whatever you want.”

“Corellian,” Cassian mumbled a few minutes later, and Jyn excused herself to go call in the order. 

“Guys, can I ask you a question?” Cassian asked once she was gone. “Do you really like her or are you just liking her for me?”

“I genuinely like her,” Chirrut said. “I was angry with her for what she did, but the way she handled the anger directed at her was impressive, and she has been nothing but kind to me. You know how people usually react to me once they discover that I'm blind, you know how stupid questions make me feel. She's done none of that. She is a wonderful complement to you and I understand more than ever what it is you saw in her when you first met. You two fit, Cassian, and it's great to see.”

“Thank you, Chirrut.”

“I like her too,” Baze said. “She's fantastic. It's nice to finally have a little sister in the group.”

“Thanks, Baze.”

"As for me," Bodhi started, "you know it took awhile, but now that I'm working with you guys, and now that I've spent days sitting in a hospital waiting room with her, I can say beyond a shadow of a doubt that I am glad to have Jyn in my life, not only for what she has done to make you happy but because of what kind of person she is. I like her for her, Cassian, and for you." 

Cassian smiled. “Thanks, Bodhi.”

"For what it's worth, I think Kay likes her and that's why he's still mad because he can see how great she is and she still screwed you over," Baze said. "Not that I think he'll be willing to admit that." 

“I think Baze is right,” Chirrut added. “I feel certain he will not be so combative for long.”

“I do not want to talk about Kaytoo anymore,” Cassian said seriously. “And I really don't care what he thinks.”

“Except for the fact that you do,” Bodhi said.

“I told you what I think of Kay at the beginning of this conversation,” Cassian said. “And that is the end of it.”

Jyn came back into the room then, and she settled back down next to Cassian as Chirrut began to talk about the newest additions to the antique shop, Baze jumping in to correct details that Chirrut either missed or left out. The food arrived about an hour later, and Jyn directed everyone into the dining room while she went and found plates and silverware. 

They were halfway through dinner when the phone rang, and Jyn gave Cassian a look before excusing herself and going to answer it. Cassian sat there while Jyn walked to her office, hearing her greeting to Detective Calrissian echoing down the hall. He put his fork down and ran his hands through his hair, and the appetite that he had suddenly disappeared. 

Jyn was likely hearing the results of the attempt by the Caderan police to arrest Saw, and Cassian didn't think he could do anything until he heard what had happened. 

It took a few minutes before Bodhi noticed that Cassian wasn't eating anymore. “Cas? You okay?”

“Fine,” Cassian said with a voice that clearly said he was anything but.

“What's wrong?” Bodhi asked, and Cassian realized everyone's attention was on him now.

“We got a potential location on Saw earlier,” Cassian said, just loud enough for them to be able to hear. “The police were going to carry out a raid. That's the detective who called, and Jyn's probably finding out what happened right now. Excuse me.”

Cassian reached for his crutches and slowly got up, making his way from the dining room and down the hall towards Jyn's office. When he reached the open door, he found Jyn sitting behind her desk, face in hands and crying. “Jyn?”

Jyn pulled her hands away from her face and quickly pulled herself together, wiping at her eyes. “Cassian. I'm sorry. I'll come back to dinner now.”

“Jyn, tell me,” Cassian said, making his way into the office.

“Are you sure you don't want to wait until your friends leave?”

“Our friends,” Cassian corrected. “And no, I want to know now. Tell me.”

Jyn took a deep breath. “The Caderan police conducted a raid on The Catacombs.”

“And?”

“And he was there,” she breathed out. “There was a firefight, but they got him. They got him. Press conference in an hour.”

Cassian sank down into the chair across from her desk and felt his eyes well up with tears. “They got him.”

“Cassian?” Jyn said, standing up and walking around her desk. “Are you okay?”

“I've been trying not to think about all of this,” he said, the tears starting to fall. “The explosion, the shooting, the fear, the pain. But now they've got him and I just...”

Jyn knelt down next to his chair and put her hand on Cassian's arm, reaching out to caress the side of his face. “It's okay, darling. It's all going to be okay.”

“What is so awful about me that I had to die?” Cassian got out. “Why am I so bad that I couldn't keep living?”

“No, no, no,” Jyn said, shaking her head. “There's nothing awful about you. There's nothing bad about you. Saw is a deranged individual. There's nothing wrong with you.”

Cassian sniffled and reached up to wipe away tears. “Why did this happen, Jyn?”

“I don't know,” Jyn said honestly. “But maybe now that they've got him we'll find out.”

Cassian nodded and took a deep breath. “God, I hate this.”

“I hate it too, darling,” Jyn said. “But it's over now.”

“No,” Cassian said. “I have a feeling it's just beginning. Come on, let's go tell everyone before it hits the news.”

“You sure you're okay to do that?”

Cassian struggled to his feet, shaking his head. “I don't think I'm okay period. But we have to do this and so I will.”

Jyn reached out and cupped Cassian's face once he was standing, kissing him softly. “I love you, Cassian.”

“I love you too, Jyn. Come on. You can do the talking because you got the phone call.”

*****

“Cassian?” Jyn whispered, shifting around until she noticed the bed next to her was empty. “Cassian?”

She threw back the bedsheets and reached for the light on the bedside table, blinking rapidly to get her eyes to adjust. Once she could see, she determined that Cassian wasn't in the bedroom and climbed out of bed, heading for the door. “Cassian?”

She wandered the halls of the penthouse until she heard the soft music, and she quickly made her way to the sitting room. She reached for a lamp as soon as she got there, and once the room was bathed in light, she took in the sight in front of her with a smile. Cassian was stretched out on the sofa asleep, a laptop resting on his chest. A half done ASCII art of what looked to be a lily was on the screen, and it made Jyn's smile widen. Lilies were her favorite. 

She gently moved the laptop off of his chest and put it on the coffee table, then sat down next to the sofa and reached out, brushing hair out of Cassian's eyes. His chest was bare and bandage free, the scars of his wounds were visible all along his side, delicate pinks and angry reds around the stitches that still held them together. She would never be able to look at him again without seeing those scars, without being reminded of how she almost lost him, and she would never forgive herself for what had happened. 

The music stopped and then began again, and Jyn finally recognized it. “Come, Sweet Death by Bach, Cassian? Seriously?” 

She reached for the remote and turned it off, and when she turned back to look at Cassian, his eyes were open and watching her. “What are you listening to that depressing music for?”

“Seemed fitting,” Cassian murmured, yawning. “What time is it?”

Jyn glanced over at the clock on the wall. “About three-fifteen. Why aren't you in bed? You need your rest.”

“I can't sleep,” Cassian said, allowing himself a wry smile. “Or, well, I couldn't.”

“I would have thought your meds would knock you out,” Jyn murmured, brushing the hair out of his eyes again. “They certainly did in the hospital.”

“I wasn't thinking about what happened then,” Cassian said. “I am now. Jyn, I don't know how to handle all of this.”

“It's been a lot, I know. But we can get through this.”

“I know we'll get through it,” Cassian said, taking a deep breath. “But I think I might need some help to do it.”

Jyn studied his face for a moment. “How can I help? I'll do anything.”

“Then you'll understand that I need to talk to someone that isn't you,” Cassian said softly. “I really think a therapist is in order.”

Jyn nodded. “We'll get you the best in the business.”

“I actually have someone in mind,” Cassian said. “Someone I can afford.”

“Money is no object, Cassian.”

“It is to me, Jyn, and I'll be much more comfortable with who I am talking about than some person that you have Hera pick out of a list of potential therapists.”

Jyn sighed. “It wouldn't have been like that, but okay. I know what therapy is like. You being comfortable is the main thing.”

“Thank you,” Cassian murmured, brushing his fingers along the side of Jyn's face. “I love you.”

“I love you too,” Jyn said as Cassian yawned. “I think you need to come back to bed.”

“No, I want to stay here,” Cassian said. “I was enjoying listening to the music and working on the laptop.”

“I saw that,” Jyn said, smiling. “A lily, huh?”

“Well, you love them.”

“That I do,” Jyn said, standing up. “If we're going to be staying here, can I at least put on some happier music?”

“Sure,” Cassian said. “But not Beethoven.”

“I wasn't going to pick Beethoven. I was going to pick Debussy.”

“Not Clair de Lune.”

“I was going for the Two Arabesques. Just close your eyes and listen. You will like it.”

Cassian laughed softly. “You say that about everything you play for me.”

“And I'm always right,” Jyn said, looking through the CDs for the right one. 

“True,” Cassian murmured. “Too true.”


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i just want to say that rogue one has obviously kicked my hypergraphia (basically it's a behavioral condition characterized by an intense need to write) into overdrive because i realized today that i've written around 100k words since the day i saw it, and while i can at times get incredibly frustrated by my hypergraphia (and i was this morning) i really am enjoying writing all of these cassian/jyn (and others) stories for you all, and i just wanted to say that your positive response to everything i've written has made the last few weeks really, really fun. so, thanks everyone. i love ya.

Bodhi looked up when he heard a knocking on the glass doors in front of him and his eyes widened when he saw Cassian there, leaning against the door on his crutches. “Cassian?”

“Hey Bodhi,” Cassian said. “Mind helping with the door?”

Bodhi jumped out of his seat and walked over to the door, holding it open so Cassian could enter the office. “Jyn didn't say you were coming by.”

“Wasn't planning on it, but after talking to Doctor Jarrus yesterday, I decided to,” Cassian said, coming to a stop near Bodhi's desk. “He was of the opinion that I needed to face it and I decided he was right.”

“Well, that's a good thing, right?” Bodhi asked, walking over to him.

“Let's hope so,” Cassian said, smiling at him. “Things going alright around here?”

“Yeah,” Bodhi said. “All the new equipment showed up about a week ago and Luke and Wedge got to work on setting it up. Well, Wedge set it up physically, Luke did most of the computer work since his arm's still in a sling to protect his shoulder.”

“And Shara and Norra?”

“Oh, they've been putting together desks and chairs and stuff,” Bodhi said. “Didn't mean to leave them out.” 

“Good,” Cassian said, taking a deep breath. “I guess I better go in there then.”

“Cas, you know you don't have to do this yet, right? I mean, you haven't even started seeing the therapist.”

“I know,” Cassian said seriously. “But I can't just sit around the penthouse anymore. It's driving me insane not being able to work on the site.”

“Alright, man,” Bodhi said, walking over to the door that led into the main office. “If you say so.”

Cassian started towards the door once Bodhi opened it. “Thanks, Bodhi.”

“You're welcome, Cassian.”

Cassian made his way through the door and into the main office, and he paused once Bodhi shut the door behind him to look around. The glass walls for the meeting room had yet to be replaced, but the workstations looked like they hadn't been touched, which meant that the right equipment had been ordered. His eyes drifted over to Norra's desk and swallowed hard, his mind going back to that day. He didn't remember too much about it, it had happened so fast, and for that he was grateful. Still, there was something about seeing that spot, about remembering what happened that was making him shaky and queasy. 

“Cassian!”

Cassian tore his eyes away from that spot and looked over at where Luke was walking towards him. He took in the sling and immediately felt responsible. “Luke. I'm so sorry about your shoulder.”

“Hey, do not worry about that,” Luke said. “Like, seriously. It's not your fault.”

“It kind of is,” Cassian said, shaking his head. “How's it healing?”

“Good,” Luke said. “Doctor says it'll heal up just fine. What about you? How are you doing?”

“I'm doing well. Doctor Jarrus was happy today, so that's a good thing,” Cassian said, leaning on his crutches. “Walk with me? I need to sit down.”

“Oh! Absolutely,” Luke said, stepping out of the way so Cassian could make his way forward. “Wedge, Shara, and Norra are up in the break room. And if you're looking for Jyn, she went with her assistant over to Jedha for awhile. An emergency board meeting or something like that. I don't know.”

“Okay, thanks,” Cassian said, making his way to his desk and slowly sitting down in his chair. “Ah, that's better.”

“We were really worried about you,” Luke said, leaning up against the desk. “We thought you were dead.”

“I've heard that from a couple of people,” Cassian murmured, reaching towards his mouse and shaking it to bring his computer online. “Have you been able to get any work done since the new equipment came in?”

“Not much,” Luke said, barely lifting up the arm that was in the sling. “It's hard to type code with one hand. But I have been thinking about a lot of different features that I want to talk to you about that I think could be really cool to implement.”

Cassian clicked through a few screens to see the most updated version of the site's code and then looked over at Luke. “Start talking then.”

“Let me grab my notes,” Luke said, jogging over to his desk as Cassian scanned the code. “I think you're really going to like some of this stuff.”

Luke started rattling off ideas and Cassian thought about each one, deciding whether or not they would be good for the site. They talked about the possible new features for a while, Wedge, Shara, and Norra joining in when they came back down from the break room. Everyone was excited about the new features, but they all made it clear that they were more excited about the fact that Cassian was there to talk about them. 

Jyn came walking into the office about an hour later, and she was confused when she noticed everyone gathered around Cassian's desk. She walked towards them and was about to say something when she heard Cassian speak, and she quickened her pace. When she came around the corner of her desk, she found Cassian sitting in his chair, smiling up at the four employees and looking in a better mood than he'd been in since he'd woken up in the hospital. “Cassian.”

Cassian spun his chair around and looked at her, his smile widening. “Hello, Jyn.”

“You didn't tell me you were coming in today,” Jyn said, sliding her chair over next to him and sitting down. “How are you?”

“I'm better than I have been,” Cassian said honestly. “Doctor Jarrus was right. I needed to come here.”

Jyn reached out and put her hand gently on Cassian's arm. “Good. I'm glad it's going well.”

“Well, I think this is a cue for us to go back to work,” Wedge said, looking over at Cassian. “It really is good to see you back, boss.”

Shara and Norra echoed Wedge's sentiments and followed him back to their desks, but Luke stayed. “I'll get to work on the new features as soon as I can.”

“There's no rush, Luke,” Cassian said. “You don't have to get all that done before the site relaunches. We can always add those in future updates.”

“Alright, I'll work on it,” Luke said, walking away. 

Jyn reached out and brushed the hair from Cassian's eyes. "You should be at the penthouse." 

“I can't stay there anymore, Jyn. I'm going insane. I have to do more with my day than just lie on the sofa and listen to music.”

“I understand, but we could have discussed it,” Jyn said. “I don't even know how you got here.”

“I took a taxi,” Cassian said, sighing. “Yes, I probably should have talked to you about it, but I was just sitting there today and I made a decision to get out of there and I did it.”

“It's alright,” Jyn said, leaning in and kissing him softly. “How long are you planning on staying?”

“As long as I can stand it,” Cassian said. “And then I'll take a taxi home.”

Jyn shook her head. “No, I'll have Hera take you home. I wanted to talk to you about Hera anyway.”

“What about her?”

“I want to bring her over here.”

“Her office is at Jedha?”

“Yes,” Jyn said. “That's where she is during the day when I am not needing her for something.”

“It makes absolutely no sense for her office to be at Jedha anymore.”

“That's what I was thinking.”

“Then absolutely, bring her over here. I don't know where we're putting her desk, but I know you've probably got that all figured out.”

Jyn laughed. “Cassian, there's room here for at least thirty employees. There's plenty of room for Hera to have a desk.”

“If you say so,” Cassian said, smiling. “Jyn?”

“Yes?”

“I love you.”

Jyn smiled. “I love you too.”

*****

“Mr. Gerrera is being held without bail,” Anakin Skywalker said, looking across his desk at Jyn and Cassian. “I've been informed that he's requesting to speak with you.”

“I have absolutely nothing to say to him,” Jyn said bitterly.

“I wasn't speaking to you,” Anakin said. “I was speaking to Mr. Andor.”

Cassian frowned as Jyn's head whipped around to stare at him. “Me? Saw wants to talk to me?”

“Apparently he's been rather insistent to the public defender they've assigned him,” Anakin said. “As one of your lawyers, I have to inform you that I think it would be a very bad idea to go face to face with him. We do not know what it is he's still capable of.”

“I don't think I want to know what he has to say anyway,” Cassian said as his hands started to shake. 

Jyn noticed and reached out to take his hand in hers, caressing the top of it gently with her thumb. “Do you know if Obi-Wan has looked into the matter of Saw being my legal guardian?”

“I do,” Anakin said, reaching for a folder on his desk and opening it. “Paperwork was filed three days after Miss Steela Gerrera was killed in the car accident you were in to make Mr. Gerrera your legal guardian. There is a signature on the paperwork from your father, Galen Erso, but we have compared that signature to the one that Mr. Erso gave when he signed the affidavit concerning the situation of your separation from him, and it is not Mr. Erso's signature on the paperwork Mr. Gerrera filed. It has clearly been forged.”

Jyn took a couple of calming breaths. "That is all the more reason for me to never be in a room with Saw again because I want to kill him." 

“Jyn,” Cassian said softly, but Jyn just shook her head.

“I could reach out and snap his neck right now and have no guilt, remorse, or regret,” Jyn said seriously. “The difference between me and Saw is that I will never actually do it.”

“Miss Erso,” Anakin said, drawing their attention back to him. “Have you met with your father yet?”

“No,” Jyn said, shaking her head. “After the shooting, Cassian became a priority.”

“I only ask because Mr. Erso has requested Obi-Wan to accompany him when he goes to see Mr. Gerrera in jail,” Anakin said. “I did not know if you were aware of this or wanted to accompany him on the trip.”

Jyn's eyes widened. “He wants to go talk to Saw?”

“Yes,” Anakin said. “He spoke about it with Obi-Wan at some length and they decided that it was in his best interests to speak to him.”

“I'll bring it up the next time I talk to him,” Jyn said, sighing. “I can't believe he wants to do that.”

“He wants to confront the man who took his daughter away,” Cassian said. “If I were him, and he wasn't trying to kill me, I'd do the same.”

“Really?”

“Yes,” Cassian said. “If he weren't trying to kill me now, I'd want to confront him over what he did to you.”

Jyn squeezed Cassian's hand. “Thank you.”

"Nothing to thank me for," Cassian said. "Just the truth." 

Jyn turned back to Anakin. “Is there anything else, Mr. Skywalker?”

“No, Miss Erso, that is all I have to report today,” Anakin said, standing up. “Thank you for coming in.”

Jyn stood up and shook Anakin's hand before reaching for Cassian's crutches. “Thank you for meeting us.”

Cassian slowly stood and took the crutches from Jyn. “Thank you, Mr. Skywalker. I'm sorry again about your son being caught in the middle of this.”

“It's alright, Mr. Andor,” Anakin said. “Luke will be fine and he's finally gotten himself a decent job, even though I would prefer him to be in law school.”

“Well, he's very good at what he's doing for me,” Cassian said. “The relaunched version of The Alliance is going to have his touch all over it.”

“I'm glad to hear that,” Anakin said, walking around the meeting table. “He tells me all about it but I must admit that I don't pay much attention, much as I assume he doesn't pay that much attention to me when I talk about my work. Ah, the joys of parenting. Have a nice day.”

Cassian and Jyn both laughed as Anakin walked out of the room, and Jyn held the door as Cassian made his way out as well. They headed towards the elevator and got in, and as it was going down, Jyn looked over at Cassian and sighed. 

“I cannot believe Saw wants to talk to you.”

“It's probably a trap to try to get me alone so he can finish me off.”

“I would not be surprised by that,” Jyn said, falling silent for a few moments. “I never realized how crazy he is. Like, literally certifiably insane. I thought he was just a shady businessman who wouldn't like my life choices. I never thought it would come to this.”

“Sometimes we think we know people when we really don't,” Cassian said softly. “I used to feel that way about you.”

Jyn let out a small laugh. “No one knows the real me but you.”

“I understand that now, but during those years when we were apart, I used to think that everything you'd ever told me was a lie.”

“I deserve that,” Jyn said as the elevator slowed. “God, sometimes I still wonder how it is you can even look at me.”

“Jyn,” Cassian said as the doors opened. “I love you.”

“I know,” Jyn said, walking out and waiting for Cassian to follow her. “But I don't deserve it. I don't deserve to be loved.”

Cassian followed Jyn all the way to the car, and once they were both inside, he reached out and grabbed her wrist. “Hey, look at me.”

Jyn stuck the key in the ignition and then turned to look at Cassian. “What?”

“You have been through hell in your life,” Cassian said seriously. “Your mother dying, your separation from your father, the weird way Saw raised you, everything you've found out since. Don't ever say you don't deserve to be loved. You deserve all the love in the world.”

Jyn blinked as tears began to form. “How do you always know the right thing to say to me?”

Cassian laughed. “I don't.”

“Well, you're awfully good at it,” Jyn said, reaching up to wipe at her eyes. “Alright, where are we going from here?”

“Over to Chirrut and Baze's place,” Cassian said. “I promised them we'd come by today.”

“Then that is where we will go.”

*****

“How are you doing?”

Cassian stared across the table at Kaytoo. “I'm surprised you care.”

“Cas, I'm trying,” Kaytoo said, making Cassian laugh bitterly.

“I was shot a _month_ ago and this is the first time you've even tried to find out how I am,” Cassian spit out. “I don't give a fuck about your trying.”

“Cassian,” Chirrut said softly. “Allow Kay to say what he wants to.”

“Why should I?”

“Because I am asking you to.”

Cassian sighed and reached for his side, gently rubbing against a sore spot. “Fine. I'll listen.”

“I'm sorry,” Kaytoo started. “I've been a complete and total asshole. I should have been at the hospital from the moment I heard about what happened, and I should have been around to find out how you're doing. I've just been so fucking angry at her and all I could think about was that she was the reason that all of this happened and...I fucked up, okay. I fucked up majorly and I'm sorry.”

Cassian stared at Kaytoo for a long time before sighing heavily. “It's going to take a lot more than an I'm sorry to get back on my good side, I hope you know that.”

“I do,” Kaytoo said. “But I'm going to do whatever it takes to do that. I've missed you, Cas. I've missed you and I've been worried sick about you. And I have tried to find out how you are. I've been getting updates.”

"That is not trying to find out how I am," Cassian said seriously. "And if you're going to do whatever it takes, then that means accepting Jyn. If you can't do that, then I'm serious, Kay. I'm done." 

Kaytoo took a deep breath. “I know. That's why I've been talking to Jyn again.”

Cassian glanced over his shoulder to where Jyn was with Baze and Bodhi in the kitchen. “You've been talking to Jyn.”

"Yes," Kaytoo said. "She's the one who's been giving me updates. She's also told me a lot more about what's been going on than I knew before. Cassian, I had no idea what she's been through, what Saw put her through. I just thought she was this bitch who screwed you over and fucking destroyed you. I didn't understand. And now I do." 

Cassian looked over at Jyn again. “She told you all of it?”

“I don't know about all of it, but I know a lot,” Kaytoo said. “I'm not sure if I should say what I know in front of Chirrut.”

“He knows most of it,” Cassian said. “I doubt Jyn has told you something she hasn't told him.”

“Okay,” Kaytoo started. “She told me about her childhood, about her mother dying and how she ended up with Saw. She told me about how Saw essentially kidnapped her from her father and she didn't know until several weeks ago. I understand now how she was raised, the way she was meant to think about things. I never knew how conflicted she was over you the first time, or what she was thinking when she decided to leave you and take Jedha with her. And I had no idea that she was going to kill herself if you slammed the door in her face. I didn't realize that it went that deep for her.”

“Alright, so you know more about her now,” Cassian murmured. “What are you going to do about it?”

“I'm still mad, I won't lie,” Kaytoo said. “I still think she's the reason that all of these horrible things have happened to you. But she agrees with me on that and that just...it makes me sad more than anything else, knowing what I know now.”

“That still doesn't tell me what you're going to do about it.”

“I'm not ready to call her my friend. I don't know when I will be and I won't put a timetable on that. But I am going to give her a chance because she deserves one. She's deserved one this whole time. I was just too much of a dick to realize it.”

“Cassian,” came Jyn's voice, and Cassian turned to see her walking towards him with a glass. “It's time for you to take your pain meds.”

Cassian smiled at her as she set the glass down in front of him and then reached for her purse, pulling the bottle from it. “I'm so glad you watch that because I'd be taking them every hour if it wasn't for you.”

“And that's why I don't let you have the pills,” Jyn said, opening up the bottle and getting two of the pills out. “We learned that lesson on your first day home.”

“You took too many pain meds?” Kaytoo asked, alarmed.

“It was an interesting day,” Jyn said, putting the pills in Cassian's palm. “He was very loopy and I didn't understand why until he reached for the pills again. I took them away and haven't given them back since.”

“She even left only enough to last while she was at work before I started going back to the office,” Cassian said, tossing the pills into his mouth and washing them down with the water Jyn had brought. “Thank you. I was really hoping it was time for them.”

Jyn put the pills back in her purse and reached for Cassian, running a hand across the top of his head before bending down and kissing him. “I'm worried about how much pain you're still in.”

“Doctor Jarrus said it will be a long time before the pain subsides,” Cassian reminded her. “My wounds are deep. It's going to take time for them to heal.”

“I know,” Jyn said. “I just wish you weren't in so much pain.”

“You and me both.” 

“I'm sorry,” Jyn whispered before walking away, making Cassian sigh.

“It's not your fault!” he called out.

“Kind of is!” Jyn called back.

Cassian turned his attention back to the table and sighed. “She had so much guilt already when she came back into my life. All that Saw has done is add to that guilt and I hate him for that than I do for him trying to kill me.”

“I believe that it is something that you two can work through in time,” Chirrut said. “Just as I believe you and Kaytoo will work through this in time.”

“Well, at least Chirrut has faith in me,” Kaytoo said, running his hands over his face. “I really am sorry, Cassian. I don't know how else to express it.”

“Chirrut's right,” Cassian said, reaching to rub his side again. “We'll work it out in time. But you have to be serious about Jyn. You go off on her like you did before and I swear to God I will have no problems cutting you out of my life for good.”

“I won't, I promise,” Kaytoo said, frowning when Cassian winced. “Should you go lay down or something?”

Cassian glanced over to the kitchen. "Hey, Baze?" 

“What?”

“How long until dinner?”

“Um, at least another forty-five minutes, probably longer.”

“Thanks.” Cassian turned back to Kaytoo. “Yeah, I should probably go lie down. Hand me my crutches?”

Kaytoo got up and walked around the table, taking the crutches from where they rested against the wall and handing them to Cassian once he was standing. “Do you need any help?”

“Come here,” Cassian said, reaching for him as best he could. “Shoulders.”

Kaytoo understood what he meant and wrapped his arms around Cassian's shoulders. “I missed you, Cas.”

“I missed you too, Kay,” Cassian said, smiling when Kaytoo released him. “I'll be on the sofa. Wake me up when it's dinner.”


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the delay in updates. also, if the third part of this chapter sucks, i'm sorry. it feels forced to me and i tried to fix it and i think i made it worse so i apologize in advance.

Cassian twisted his fingers together as he sat in the waiting room, looking around in an attempt to find something other than the reason why he was there to think about. The room was a typical office waiting room, a bunch of chairs in formations around some tables covered with magazines. A copy of the Imperial Magazine with Orson Krennic's cover story about Jyn was on top of the table in front of him, and Cassian wanted to pick it up and shred it, but he resisted.

That probably wasn't a very good first impression to leave.

He had absolutely no idea why he was so nervous about this appointment. Yes, it was therapy, and yes, the idea of therapy was scary, but it was also necessary and he had picked someone that he knew he could trust with the things he needed to say. It didn't matter that he wasn't some high-priced, award-winning psychologist like Jyn had chosen to go to; it mattered that Cassian could be comfortable with him. 

The door opened behind him and Cassian took a deep breath as he heard the client before he says goodbye. 

“Cassian?”

Cassian slowly got up and arranged his crutches, making his way into the office and carefully sitting down in a chair. He looked around the office the same way he had looked around the waiting room, and eventually, he had no choice but to look across the room at the man he'd come all the way to Alderaan to see. 

Bail Organa.

“Cassian, it's good to see you,” Bail said, smiling at him. “I hope you got the flowers that Breha and I sent.”

Cassian didn't remember any specific flowers, but his hospital room had been full of them so he just nodded. “They were beautiful.”

“How are you doing?” Bail asked, and Cassian felt a little of the nervousness fade away. This he could talk about. 

“Well, Doctor Jarrus says everything is going okay for the most part, but he's concerned about the fact that I still can't put pressure on my leg without being in excruciating pain. He said he might have to go back in there and see why it's not healing.”

“Another surgery then?” Bail asked and Cassian nodded. “I certainly hope you have good health insurance.”

Cassian shook his head. “I have no health insurance.”

Bail suddenly got a concerned look on his face. “No health insurance? How are you going to be able to pay for all of these doctor and hospital bills?”

“Jyn tells me not to worry about it,” Cassian said, sighing heavily. “Jyn tells me that about a lot of things that require money. It's a big issue, but I've been so concerned with actually getting better that I've just sort of let her worry about the bills. We'll figure it out at some point. Well, we'll argue about it at some point is what I really mean to say, and I have a feeling she isn't going to let me win that one. She feels responsible for all of this.”

“Well that sounds like a good place to start,” Bail said, and Cassian took a deep breath. “We will only go as deep as you want to, Cassian. I am here to push you, but not to torture you.”

Cassian let out a small laugh. “Well, that's a good thing at least.”

“Why don't you start by telling me about Jyn?” Bail prompted, so Cassian started talking.

Before he knew it, Bail was saying that their hour was up. Cassian blinked a few times and looked up at the clock, surprised by how much better that had gone than he had been expecting. “Wow.”

“I know, once you get going it doesn't really feel like an hour, does it?” Bail said, standing up. “We'll pick up on this again next week.”

Cassian got himself up and made his way out of the office, turning to look at Bail once he was outside the door. “Bail? Thank you for doing this.”

“There's no need to thank me, Cassian. I'm always here when anyone needs me.”

Cassian smiled at him before turning around, and before he could wonder about how he was going to get out the door, he saw Hera leaning up against it. “Hera. I thought you were meeting me downstairs.”

“And I knew you would have a hard time getting down there,” Hera said, holding open the door and motioning for Cassian to go through it. “Come on. Jyn's in the car.”

Cassian nodded and made his way out of the office, and then he and Hera took the elevator down the ground floor. The car was pulled up in front of the doors and Hera quickly moved to open the door to the backseat, Cassian maneuvering his way inside. He closed his eyes and took several deep breaths once he was in the car, trying to dampen down the pain that was radiating through his leg and up his whole body, and he felt Jyn reach over and take his hand. 

“It's okay,” she whispered. “It's going to be okay.”

Cassian nodded and eventually he opened his eyes, turning his head to see Jyn sitting there next to him, concern on her face. “It's okay,” he echoed. “I'm fine.”

“Except for the fact that you're not,” Jyn said, shaking her head. “I really think we should try to move up your appointment with Doctor Jarrus.”

“Jyn, it's fine the way it is,” Cassian said. “Besides, I want that appointment to be after we relaunch The Alliance. I want the site working again before I have to go back under the knife.”

“Cassian, that doesn't mean the appointment itself can't take place before the relaunch.”

“I don't want to change the appointment,” Cassian snapped, immediately feeling bad about it when Jyn flinched. “I'm sorry.”

“It's alright,” Jyn said.

“No, it's not,” Cassian murmured. “I'm doing that too often and I'm sorry.”

“It's just because you're still in so much pain,” Jyn said softly. “You need an outlet for it.”

“Well, that outlet for it should not be you,” Cassian said firmly. “I'm reminding myself far too much of my father recently.”

“They called again.”

“I don't care.”

“One phone call could change that.”

“I'm not calling them,” Cassian said. “All I will end up doing is yelling at them, and I am done with that. I don't want them in my life anymore and that's that. In fact, I want to change my number. I don't want them to know how to get a hold of me anymore.”

“Are you sure you want them cut out of your life for good?” Jyn asked.

“It's something that I should have made about fifteen years ago,” Cassian said, leaning his head back against the seat. “I know you don't understand.”

“It's not that I don't understand, Cassian,” Jyn started. “It's that I don't want you to regret this decision.”

“I'm not going to,” Cassian said. “Can we talk about something else?”

Jyn sighed next to him. “We can talk about anything you like.”

“You went to the closing right? You own the house?”

“I went to the closing with Chirrut and Baze,” Jyn said. “And yes, we now own the house.”

“No, there's no we. I don't own anything.”

“Cassian.”

“My name is not on the paperwork, Jyn. You own it.”

Jyn sighed again. “Fine, if that's the way you want to look at it, I own the house. Well, the lot. There's almost nothing left on it.”

“So what do you do next?”

Jyn reached out and turned Cassian's face towards her. “I meant what I said about that being the house where I want to spend the rest of my life with you, Cassian. So yes, it might be my name on the paperwork, but that's going to be our house. So it's what _we_ do next, got it?”

Cassian searched Jyn's eyes for any sign that she was lying and let himself breath a sigh of relief when he found none. “Alright. What do we do next then?”

"Well, the first thing I'm doing is having someone scrape the lot clean. The police gave Chirrut and Baze clearance to do whatever they wanted with it because it was no longer a crime scene but they obviously didn't have the money to do anything like that with it." 

“Tell me they at least got some insurance money for that.”

“It wasn't my place to ask them that, Cassian.”

“I'll talk to Chirrut about it.”

“The second thing we need to do is hire an architect.”

“An architect?”

Jyn let out a small laugh. “Someone has to design the new house, Cassian. I certainly don't know how to do that.”

“So we just let an architect design the house we're supposed to spend the rest of our lives in?”

“We would obviously tell the architect what we want out of the house, and then they would come up with a design,” Jyn clarified. “And we would obviously be able to make changes to what they came up with.”

Cassian smiled. “I suppose you have someone in mind for this?”

“Not really, no,” Jyn said, shaking her head. “I was going to have Hera come up with a list of architects with good reputations in the area that would be willing to design something residential. A lot of architects work only in commercial properties.”

Cassian nodded. “Have her put Leia Organa on the list. I don't know if she'd do it, and if she would, I'm not saying we have to use her, because I know that she's not that long out of school and probably doesn't meet all of your criteria for reputation and stuff like that, but I know Leia and she'd be someone I would trust.”

“Then she goes top of the list,” Jyn said, smiling at him.

Cassian laid his head back again and closed his eyes. “Wake me up when we get home? I'm exhausted.”

“Of course, darling.”

*****

“Alright, everyone, gather around,” Cassian called out. “You included Bodhi!”

Bodhi came in from the entry while Luke, Wedge, Shara, and Norra made their way over to his desk. Jyn slid her chair over to be next to Cassian and smiled at him when she noticed the nervousness on his face.

“It's all going to be fine, Cassian.”

“I certainly hope so,” Cassian said, looking up to make sure everyone was there. “Alright, guys. You have put in a tremendous amount of work since we opened the doors to this place a couple of months ago, and I can honestly say that The Alliance would not be at this point right now without each and every one of you. In just a few moments, I'm going to bring the site back online, and that is an achievement for all of us to share together. Seriously, I don't know where I'd be with this if it weren't for you all and I am eternally grateful to you.”

“Don't sell yourself short, boss,” Luke said. “You've worked harder on this site than anyone else.”

“Over the years, yes. In the past two months, no. But thank you, Luke.” Cassian looked at everyone and then over at Jyn. “Ready?”

“Ready when you are.”

Cassian turned towards the computer and scanned his eyes through the code one last time before typing in the final command and pressing enter. He watched as the progress bar went from zero to one hundred, confirmed the update had gone through, then clicked through to his web browser and typed in the site address for The Alliance. He took a deep breath before pressing enter again, and then the site appeared onscreen before him, and Cassian let his head fall back in relief. “And we're up.”

Everyone let out a cheer as Jyn reached for Cassian and gave him a soft kiss. “Congratulations,” she murmured against his lips.

“Thank you,” Cassian murmured back as they separated. “I couldn't have done this without you.”

Jyn gave him a huge smile as she pulled back and she waved everyone back to work as Cassian ran his hands over his face. 

It was back. His baby was back.

Cassian stared at it on the screen for a long time, his eyes scanning the words that Jyn had written for its reopening post. She'd put as much truth in there as she could without it becoming too depressing or sounding like a police report or doctor's note, and Cassian felt his appreciation for her ability to put what he'd been through into words grow with every reading. But on his fifth reading, he finally realized something, and it bothered him. 

He'd never have been able to write that post, but she'd made it look like he had.

Jyn was back working at her desk when he tore his eyes away from the site, so he slid over to her and put a hand on her arm. “You made the post on the site sound like it's coming from me. It's just from the staff account. You didn't sign it from your personal one.”

“The only personal account I have on The Alliance is voleur, and I didn't think you wanted me to use that account anymore,” Jyn said, not looking over at him. “Besides, I thought the point of that post was to make it so that people thought you'd written it.”

“Jyn,” Cassian started, pulling at her arm until she looked over at him. “If you're going to be part of this company, you have to have a public presence on the site. I want my users to know that they can trust you.”

“But you don't trust me so why should they?” Jyn said automatically and Cassian recoiled. “Shit. Sorry. I didn't mean that.”

“No, you did,” Cassian said, letting his hand drop. “You meant every word of it.”

Jyn took a deep breath and turned to face him. “I didn't mean it to come out like that. I don't know if you trust me or not. You haven't said that you don't in awhile, but you haven't said that you do either. I know this wasn't what was supposed to happen when we finally restarted our relationship. I know that it went south the moment that gun went off. But I don't know, I guess I just thought that maybe by now...never mind.”

Cassian watched her as she turned back to her keyboard, and he reached out to stop her. “Jyn. I don't trust you, not like I did back then. I'll admit that.”

Jyn nodded and tried to turn back to the keyboard, but Cassian stopped her again. “Cassian, it's okay. Really. I don't need an explanation. I'll keep working at it.”

“I've had to trust you with everything over the last six weeks, Jyn. You've had to help me do things that I never thought I would ever need help with, and I've trusted you to do that. I don't trust you like I did back then, Jyn. I trust you in a different way. I trust you with my life.”

Jyn stared at him for a moment before blinking a few times. “Really?”

“I wouldn't trust anyone else with the stuff I've trusted you with over the last six weeks,” Cassian said seriously. “No one.”

Cassian reached for her when he saw the tears start to form in her eyes, and Jyn buried her face in the nape of his neck. They stayed like that for a long time until Jyn felt like she'd regained her composure and pulled back, wiping at her eyes. “You really mean that?”

“Every word.” Jyn gave him a soft smile and Cassian leaned forward to capture her lips with his own. “I love you, Jyn, and I trust you.” 

“I think that's the best thing I've ever hear you say to me,” Jyn whispered.

“I should have been saying it a lot,” Cassian said. “I should have told you weeks ago.”

“It's okay. You're saying it now.”

Cassian smiled at her. “So we're good?”

“We're good.”

“Then can I get back to what I really came over here to talk about?”

“The post on the site,” Jyn said, turning back to her keyboard. “I really don't want to sign it from voleur.”

“So make yourself a new account,” Cassian said. “I'll have Norra make it a permanent account, and then when you make posts on the staff account, you can sign it from there.”

“Are you sure you want to go down that path?” Jyn asked. “Because once people know I'm working here...”

“They're going to figure it out if they haven't already,” Cassian said. “We've been photographed coming in and out of here ever since the shooting.”

“Good point.” Jyn looked over at him. “You seriously want me to do this?”

“It feels right,” Cassian said. “So make yourself an account and then go fix that post.”

“Yes, sir,” Jyn said, making Cassian laugh as he slid his chair back to his desk. “What should I make my screen name?”

“Whatever you want,” Cassian said, smiling at her. “So long as it isn't taken.”

“I'll have to think about it for a bit. I can't just come up with a screen name out of thin air. It took me three months to think of voleur.”

“Three months?”

"I didn't want you to think it was me," Jyn said. "I had to make sure you wouldn't, and so I decided that I would hide in plain sight if you will." 

“You could just use your name, you know,” Cassian said. “Be the Jyn to my Cassian.”

“Is there a Jyn already?”

Cassian turned to his keyboard and brought up the user database, doing a quick search. “Nope.”

“Then I will gladly be the Jyn to your Cassian,” Jyn said, standing up. “I'll go talk to Norra about it. You want to post on Twitter? No one's done that yet.”

“Absolutely,” Cassian said as Jyn walked away.

His baby was back.

*****

Cassian watched as Jyn carefully set the table for six people, trying to make sure that every fork and spoon was in the right place. “Jyn, I don't think they're going to care if their silverware is not perfectly parallel.”

“Oh hush you,” Jyn said, waving dismissively at him. “If you had it your way, this dinner would be take out Corellian on the sofa.”

“It's just Bodhi and his girlfriend and Hera and her boyfriend,” Cassian said, leaning up against the wall to take the pressure off of his leg. “It's not like it's dinner for an Emperor.”

“This is the first time we are meeting Bodhi's girlfriend and Hera's boyfriend and therefore it is important,” Jyn stressed. “Besides, you were the one who said we should have them over.”

“Yeah, but not for some fancy dinner,” Cassian said. “And certainly not at the same time.”

“Well, it just worked out that way,” Jyn said, stepping back from the table to see if everything was just right. “And Bodhi and Hera were totally fine with it, so that's the way it is. And we're not having a fancy dinner.”

“Jyn, there is a chef in the kitchen preparing dinner.”

“Well, it's not like I was going to cook it,” Jyn said, reaching out to correct a misplaced knife. “I would burn this building down. And you're in no position to be cooking anything.”

“You would not burn the building down. You help Baze and Bodhi cook every Saturday,” Cassian pointed out. “I'm just trying to say that you're taking this a little too seriously.”

“Cassian,” Jyn said, looking up at him. “The first time you meet someone important to one of your friends is a big deal. Plus, we are welcoming them into our home. I want to make a good impression.”

“The penthouse makes a pretty good impression without origami-folded cloth napkins and real porcelain china,” Cassian said. “Plus I am so uncomfortable in these clothes.”

Jyn walked around the table. “Why are you uncomfortable in those clothes? Those are what you picked out to wear.”

“The pants are rubbing up against my wounds and it's making my leg hurt worse than usual,” Cassian said, “and this shirt is itchy. All my clothes feel different since I was injured. You know that.”

“Well, go put on some clothes that you'll be comfortable in then,” Jyn said, walking up to him. “Or does such a thing not exist anymore?”

“It doesn't really exist anymore,” Cassian said, frowning when Jyn tugged at the shirt he was wearing. “There's a reason why I hardly ever wear a shirt when we're here alone.”

“Cassian, if we need to find you some softer clothes, why haven't you said something?”

“Because you're already paying for too much,” Cassian said, shaking his head when Jyn's eyes narrowed. “No, Jyn, you cannot tell me that I'm wrong. You're paying my medical bills. That's so, so, so much that I know I'll never be able to pay you back for for years. I don't need to be adding more on top of that.”

“That is such utter nonsense,” Jyn said, sighing. “We'll save that conversation for another time and we'll just go to the closet and find you something more comfortable to wear.”

Jyn walked out of the dining room so Cassian followed her on his crutches, and they were just about to the bedroom when the intercom went off. 

“Miss Erso? Your guests have arrived.”

“Well, so much for that idea,” Cassian said.

Jyn walked over to the intercom on the wall and pressed the right button. “Send them up please.” 

Cassian turned himself around in the hallway and followed Jyn back through the halls to the entry. Jyn turned to him once they were there to adjust the collar of his shirt and Cassian just rolled his eyes. “Jyn, not everything has to be perfect.”

“Yes, it does. We are entertaining people in our home, Cassian.”

Before Cassian could say anything, the doors of the elevator opened to reveal Bodhi and Hera and...no one else. “Weren't you two supposed to be bringing dates?”

“Cassian!” Jyn exclaimed as they walked off the elevator. “Bodhi, Hera, please excuse him.”

“No, he's fine,” Hera said, turning to look at Bodhi. “We did bring our dates.”

Cassian watched as the elevator closed behind them. “Then where are they?”

Bodhi reached up and scratched at the back of his neck. “Um, we are them.”

Cassian stared at them confused as Jyn's face lit up in a smile. “Hera! Why didn't you tell me?”

“I wasn't sure what you'd think of it,” Hera said, reaching out to take Bodhi's hand, making it click for Cassian.

“Bodhi! Come on, man, you should have said something!”

“I didn't know what you would say,” Bodhi said, smiling at Hera. “Especially after she started working at the office.”

“Well, I think it's wonderful,” Jyn said, holding out an arm in invitation. “Please, come on in.”

Hera let go of Bodhi's hand and walked side by side with Jyn further into the penthouse while Bodhi fell into step next to Cassian. “This is okay, right?”

“Hera is the girl that's been putting that smile on your face?” Cassian asked, waiting for Bodhi to nod before responding. “Of course this is okay, Bodhi. Why the fuck would it not be?”

“I don't know,” Bodhi said. “This whole thing with Hera is so great but it makes me so nervous at the same time.”

“Ah, I know that feeling well,” Cassian said, following Jyn and Hera into the sitting room. “It's how I felt when I first met Jyn.”

Bodhi froze when Cassian said that, starting to walk again only when Cassian stopped and looked behind him. “I'm just going to pretend you didn't say that.”

“A little early to be thinking about that?”

“Yeah, you could say that,” Bodhi said, sitting down on the sofa next to Hera. “Well, this is already going better than I expected it to.”

“What, you thought I'd be mad?” Cassian asked as he slowly lowered himself into a chair.

“I gave you so much shit over Jyn that I really didn't know,” Bodhi said seriously, taking Hera's hand in his. “But now that that's out of the way, I think tonight will be nice.”

“Yeah,” Hera said, looking over at Bodhi. “I think it will.”

“This is so great, really.” Jyn gave them both a huge smile before walking towards the kitchen. “I'll be right back with drinks. Dinner will be ready in about half an hour.”

Cassian waited until Jyn was out of the room before he said. “She hired a chef.”

Hera laughed. “Thank God. I wasn't particularly looking forward to eating Jyn's cooking again.”

“She's not that bad,” Cassian laughed.


	20. Chapter 20

“You know, for a man that went ten years without sex, you'd think I'd be coping better about the fact that it's been two months since I've been able to have any,” Cassian said as he settled into bed. “God, it's driving me insane.”

Jyn laughed next to him. “It's not easy for me either.”

“And now I have to have this surgery and it's just going to push the timetable for us being able to have sex back again,” Cassian sighed. “God, I wish there was some way we could manage it now.”

Jyn looked over at him. “I have an idea about that.”

“Oh really?” Cassian said, looking over at her. “Why haven't you brought this up before?”

“Because I don't want to hurt you,” Jyn said, sliding over closer to him. 

“Jyn, breathing hurts me.”

Jyn frowned. “Breathing hurts you?”

“That was an exaggeration,” Cassian said, shaking his head. “It doesn't hurt to breathe anymore.”

Jyn reached out and brushed hair out of Cassian's eyes. “I'm worried about your leg. Because doing this would require being quite close to that wound.”

"You cannot possibly hurt me any more than I already am," Cassian said. "I can withstand some pain." 

“Sex should not be about pain.”

“No, but I don't see how this will be possible without some, so I can withstand some pain.”

Jyn shook her head. “No, I won't do this if you're going to be in pain.”

Cassian reached out and caught Jyn's wrist, bringing it up to his lips to kiss. “Jyn, you need this as badly as I do. I think we should at least try. If I think I can't do it, I'll stop you.”

Jyn stared at him for a moment. “Promise?”

“I promise,” Cassian said seriously.

Jyn stared at him for another moment before nodding. “Then lay back and close your eyes and let me do all the work.”

Cassian did as he was asked and, despite the pain, he never stopped Jyn. Later, when he felt like he was part of the world again, he opened his eyes to find Jyn curled up along his good side, head resting on his shoulder and arm carefully slung across his waist. He took a couple of deep breaths and turned to brush a kiss along the top of her head, smiling when she curled in closer to him. 

“You're a goddess, you know that?”

Jyn laughed. “A goddess, huh?”

“A beautiful, talented, incredibly sexy, intelligent, wonderful goddess,” Cassian said, his voice totally blissed out. “I don't see anything wrong with that description.”

“I think that's just the sex talking.”

“No, it's really not,” Cassian said, chuckling. “Though I can see why you'd say that. Fuck, I needed that.”

“We both did,” Jyn murmured. “This was a nice, lazy Saturday afternoon.”

"Yes, it was," Cassian said. "We've got to be sure we make it to Chirrut and Baze's on time." 

"We will don't worry." Jyn waited a moment before speaking again. "So how badly did I hurt you?" 

“Jyn,” Cassian sighed. “You didn't hurt me. It's not about you hurting me.”

“But you were in pain.”

“I'm always in pain.”

“Cassian, I'm being serious here.”

“So am I,” Cassian said firmly. “Yes, there was some pain, but no, it was not because you hurt me. It's because I'm still fucking healing because Saw had someone fucking shoot me. None of that is your fault.”

"Yes, it is," Jyn whispered. "It's all my fault." 

“It's not,” Cassian said. “It's not your fault. I'll tell you that every day until the end of time if I have to.”

“I don't want you lying to me.”

“I'm not,” Cassian stressed. “There are all sorts of things that we still need to work through, Jyn, but we're never going to get anywhere if you keep thinking you're responsible for all of this. It's Saw. It's always been Saw.”

“Saw's not the reason I left ten years ago.”

“Saw's a big part of the reason you left ten years ago,” Cassian said. “You cannot deny that.”

"Even if he was, it's still my fault that I left, and it's still my fault that all of this is happening because if I had stayed back then, this wouldn't be happening now." 

“No, it would have happened back then,” Cassian pointed out, turning to brush another kiss along the top of her head. “Jyn, you've got to stop beating yourself up about this. Saw is a psychopath. That is not your fault. Absolutely none of this is your fault. I've been telling you that, your father has been telling you that, I'm sure your psychologist has been telling you that. It's time you start believing it.”

“I'm trying. But it's hard for me to think about. If I'd never gone to your apartment that day, none of this would have happened to you.”

“But we wouldn't be happy either.”

“No, we wouldn't,” Jyn sighed, reaching up to run a hand through her hair. “I'm trying, Cassian. It's not going well, but I'm trying.”

“That's all I can ask for,” Cassian said, watching her as she shifted around until she was looking down at him. “I just really look forward to the day when we don't need to have these conversations.”

“I know you do,” Jyn said, reaching out to tuck a lock of hair behind his ear. “Are you ever going to cut your hair? You haven't cut it since I came back.”

“I was going to, but then Kay started going on about how the photographers would take pictures of me through the window like they did with that model a few weeks ago, the one who cut off all her long hair into a pixie cut, and I really didn't want pictures like that taken of me.”

Jyn leaned forward to kiss Cassian softly. “You could have said something about it earlier, you know. Now I'm not sure there is time to get my hairstylist over here before we have to leave for dinner. She's rather busy on the weekends.”

Cassian let his head rest back on the pillow and laughed. “You have a hairstylist that comes to you rather than you going to them. I should have known.”

“It was something Hera set me up with because I wouldn't take a couple hours off work to go get my hair done,” Jyn said, unable to keep from laughing. “That was back when I liked it shorter and lighter than it is now.”

“I must admit to seeing photos of you every once and awhile and wondering why you were blonde again,” Cassian said, reaching up and running his fingers through Jyn's hair. “I prefer you this way. Reminds me so much of how you looked when we first met. Just a little darker.”

“Ah yes, back in the days before my hair ever saw bleach. I'd forgotten that I didn't really start that until after I'd met you. And that you complained every time I did it.” Jyn smiled, reaching up to grasp Cassian's wrist lightly. “So, shall I call Rodma and see if she can come over? Not that I think you need a haircut. I quite like you with long hair.”

Cassian started laughing. “If you don't think I need a haircut, then why are we having this conversation?”

“To change the subject, of course,” Jyn said, bending down to kiss him. “I will call Rodma and get her over here if that's what you want. She'll probably declare that my hair needs some attention as well.”

Cassian looked up at her for a moment, then pulled Jyn into another kiss. “If you like the long hair, then I will keep the long hair. I actually don't mind it. I thought I would.”

“It makes you look incredibly sexy,” Jyn said, smiling down at him. “I don't think I ever want you to cut it short again.”

“Then I won't,” Cassian murmured, glancing over at the clock. “We should probably get in the shower or we're going to be late.”

Jyn looked over at the clock and sighed. "I agree. I never want to be late for dinner at Chirrut and Baze's again." 

“You didn't enjoy Chirrut asking how our sex was?” Cassian laughed as Jyn climbed off the bed. “Because I'm sure he did.”

“I was mortified and you know it,” Jyn said, shaking her head. “Come on now. We're definitely not going to be late.”

*****

“I am styling Tynnra Pamlo's Imperial Magazine cover shoot!” Kaytoo announced the moment he got in the door. “An Imperial Magazine _cover shoot_! Me!”

Chirrut and Cassian cheered as Kaytoo made his way further into the apartment. He dropped his stuff onto one of the chairs in the sitting room and walked over the table, sitting down next to Chirrut and grinning at Cassian. "Hey, guys." 

“Congratulations, Kay,” Chirrut said. “I wish I was able to see it.”

“I'll be sure to describe it to you like always,” Kaytoo said. “Where is everyone else?”

“Baze decided to wait to go grocery shopping until Bodhi and Jyn were here to do it with him,” Cassian explained. “I have never heard of a worse excuse for a reason to get me and you alone to talk in my life.”

Kaytoo laughed. “Is that true, Chirrut?”

Chirrut smiled. “Of course. But never tell Baze I said that. It was his idea.”

“What do we need to talk about so urgently that we need to be alone for it?” Kaytoo asked, looking over at Cassian. “I thought things have been going well.”

“They have been,” Cassian said. “But we need to talk about Jyn.”

“I'm around Jyn every Saturday,” Kaytoo said, frowning. “What do we need to talk about?”

Cassian leaned back in his chair. “I heard about the phone calls.”

Kaytoo sighed heavily, running his hands through his hair. “I told you it was going to take me some time.”

“And I told you to stop yelling at her,” Cassian said, shaking his head. “Kay, I told you that you have to accept Jyn or I'm done. You're not doing that.”

Kaytoo sat there for a few moments. “I had to.”

“No, you didn't,” Cassian snapped. “I don't know why you think you have the place to yell at her about anything.”

“She was going to leave!” Kaytoo exclaimed. “I know it!”

“You don't know shit!” Cassian said, slamming his hands down on the table. “She's not going anywhere, Kay!”

“That's not the way she was talking!”

“You have no idea how she talks because you won't talk to her!” Cassian countered. “Yeah, she expresses her guilt about what's happened like no other, and she talks about how none of this would have happened if she'd never come to my door that morning, but none of that means she is going to leave. None of it!”

“Cassian, I'm just trying to protect you.”

“I don't need you to fucking protect me, Kay! I am capable of protecting myself!”

“Sure you are! That's exactly why you were shot multiple times!”

“Oh, so that's my fault now?”

“No, it's hers!”

“No, it's not! It's that lousy motherfucker Saw Gerrera's!”

Kaytoo just rolled his eyes. “You have lost your mind, Cassian.”

“No, I haven't,” Cassian said, shaking his head. “I am thinking more clearly now in the aftermath of this than I have in a long time. I appreciate life and everything in it more now than ever before. And that is why I'm so upset that you're not even _trying_ , Kay. You are one of my best friends. I want it to stay that way. But if you can't get over this bullshit, it's not going to.”

“Kaytoo,” Chirrut interjected, “I happen to believe that Cassian is correct. None of this is his fault or Jyn's. Neither of them asked to be caught up in the world of Saw Gerrera.”

“Of course she's part of his world. She's his fucking daughter.”

“He fucking kidnapped her,” Cassian hissed. “And you know it.”

Kaytoo ran his hands over his face. “I just need to know why all of this is happening, alright? And right now, the only reason I have for why all of this is happening is her.”

“You need to know? You weren't the one who was shot,” Cassian muttered bitterly.

“I love you, Cas. You know that,” Kaytoo said. “I don't want anything to happen to you and it absolutely kills me that all of this has.”

“That's great, Kay, it is. But that doesn't mean that you have the right to attack the woman that I love.”

Kaytoo sat back in his chair and stared at Cassian. “You love her. Even after all of this.”

“I love her more than anything,” Cassian said seriously. “She is absolutely everything to me.”

“This from the man who wouldn't admit he was in a relationship not that long ago,” Chirrut said, making Cassian laugh.

“I want to do this right, Chirrut,” Cassian said. “I don't want to fuck this up and destroy myself for good. And yeah, we've been put through things that regular couples wouldn't be, but hell, Jyn and I have never been a regular couple. And we're getting through it as best we can, and so far, it's going well.”

“And I'm happy for you,” Chirrut said. “But I think that perhaps Kaytoo does not understand the way that I do.”

“He obviously doesn't understand at all,” Cassian said, glaring at Kaytoo. “I know what you called her, Kay. She told me.”

Kaytoo sucked in a quick breath. “It just came out in conversation.”

“You generally just call women whores in conversation?”

“Kay!” Chirrut exclaimed. “You did not!”

“Oh yes, he did,” Cassian said. “I could hit you right now. Just pummel you until I knock you unconscious and not feel bad about it.”

“I was planning on apologizing today,” Kaytoo said quickly. “I wanted to do it in person.”

“You damn well better believe you are going to apologize,” Cassian said. “You're going to apologize and you're going to stop being such a dick. You either want to be my friend or you don't, Kay.”

“I do! And I told you it's going to take me time with Jyn!”

“Time until she's your friend? Fine. Time until you can be civil to her? No. You don't get to act like an ass anymore.”

Kaytoo sighed and ran his hands over his face. “I'm trying.”

“Do or do not, there is no try,” Chirrut said, making Kaytoo look over at him. “One of my old professors used to say that to me.”

“Well, I agree with that professor,” Cassian said, looking straight at Kaytoo. “You either do it or you don't.”

“I just don't want her to hurt you anymore,” Kaytoo said. “She's hurt you so much, Cassian.”

“Jyn's not hurting me,” Cassian responded. “You are.”

Kaytoo swallowed hard. “Really?”

“Yes.”

Kaytoo let his head hang down. “Okay.”

"Okay, what?" 

“Okay, I'm a fucking douchbag,” Kaytoo said, shaking his head. “I'll get my head out of my ass and start treating Jyn civilly, and I will get the fuck over things that I apparently know nothing about.”

“Thank you,” Cassian said, taking a deep breath. “Now don't just fucking say it, actually do it.”

“I will, I promise,” Kaytoo said, looking up at him. “I'm sorry, Cassian.”

“I'm not accepting your apology until you prove to me that you're serious,” Cassian said, looking behind him when the door opened. “And you can start now.”

Jyn walked in the door with bags in her hands, smiling as soon as she saw Cassian sitting there. “Hello.”

“Welcome back,” Cassian said. “Get what you needed?”

“And about ten million other things,” Bodhi said as he walked in behind her. “Chirrut, I hope you have a good day in the shop tomorrow.”

“It's alright,” Chirrut said, shaking his head. “I just hope Baze is cooking something good for dinner.”

“Don't worry, Chirrut,” Baze said as he walked in. “I'm cooking your favorite tonight.”

Chirrut grinned. “Then sitting here listening to the argument was worth it.”

Jyn set the bags down on the counter and walked over to Cassian, bending down to kiss him. “It didn't go well.”

“It's entirely up to Kay if it went well,” Cassian said, staring across the table at him. “Kay, you have something you'd like to say to Jyn, don't you?”

“You can't let me do this in private?” Kaytoo asked.

“No,” Cassian said, steel in his voice. “Do it now.”

Jyn's eyes flicked back and forth between the two of them. “Whatever it is, it can wait.”

“No, it can't,” Cassian said. “It's now or never, Kay.”

Kaytoo nodded. “Jyn, I am very sorry for what I said to you on the phone the other day.”

“Be specific.”

“Cassian,” Jyn said, but Cassian just shook his head.

“You called her that name, you apologize for saying that name.”

Kaytoo took a deep breath. “Jyn, I am sorry for calling you a whore on the phone the other day.”

Bodhi and Baze gasped in the background, but Cassian turned his eyes to Jyn. “Is that good enough for you?”

Jyn sighed and put her hand on Cassian's shoulder. “Of course it is. Kay, your apology is accepted. Perhaps we can be more friendly from now on.”

“Yes,” Kaytoo said. “We will be.”

“You better be,” Cassian growled.

Jyn bent down and gave Cassian another kiss. “Let it go, Cassian. I'm going to go help with dinner.”

Cassian nodded and Jyn walked away. He reached for his glass and took a long sip of water, then took a deep breath and looked up at Kaytoo. “So, Tynnra Pamlo. You've been getting steady work from her or is this cover shoot another surprise?”

*****

Cassian blinked his eyes open and heard the beeps of monitors around him, remembering after a second that he was out of surgery. He reached up and ran a hand over his face, catching his fingers on the tube that was pumping oxygen into his nose. He fumbled around with it, trying to get it put back into his nose correctly, and then a hand came down on his. He looked up to see Jyn smiling down at him, and he let her place the tube before pulling back.

“Cassian. How are you feeling?”

It wasn't until Jyn said that that Cassian registered the pain. “Hurts,” he got out before coughing, and Jyn reached for the table to get him a cup of water.

“Here,” she said, helping him take a drink. “Do I need to get a nurse?”

Cassian shook his head no as she took the cup and he sucked in a deep breath. “It's not that bad.”

“Doctor Jarrus came in and talked to me,” Jyn said, sitting down. “Thank you again for getting that paperwork changed.”

“You got it changed, I just approved it,” Cassian pointed out.

“Still,” Jyn said. “Anyway, Kanan came in and said that he'd found infection deep in the wound near your hip. That is what he believes was causing all of the pain.”

“Did he take care of it?”

“No, Cassian, he left it,” Jyn said sarcastically, rolling her eyes. “What do you think?”

Cassian chuckled. “I just got out of surgery. I'm loopy.”

“It's alright, darling,” Jyn said, reaching for his hand. “You're going to be better now.”

“I certainly hope so,” Cassian said, turning his head to the side. “I'm glad you're here.”

“Where else would I be?”

“My parents,” Cassian started, pausing for a few moments. “I had to have my appendix out when I was eight. My parents were split up at the time, and they caused such a stir at the hospital that they got kicked out. I woke up alone in my room after the surgery, no one there. No one knew where my parents were. I was just...alone. My mother finally came back the next afternoon but only for like half an hour and then she was gone again. I spent pretty much the whole time I was here by myself. I was eight.”

“Oh Cassian,” Jyn said, bending down to press a kiss to the back of his hand. “I'm here. I'm not going anywhere. I'll always be here.”

“I love you, Jyn,” Cassian said softly. “And I think that when we get the house rebuilt, we should live in it together.”

“That was the plan.”

“No, I mean _together._ As in you giving up the penthouse and moving permanently into the house kind of together.”

Jyn gave him a big smile. “I think we can discuss that later when you're not so loopy.”

“I'm being serious.”

“I'm not saying you're not being serious. I'm saying it's a conversation for another time,” Jyn said.

“Well, we need to start talking about the house. We're meeting with Leia next week.”

“And you want to do it right now?” Jyn shook her head. “Cassian, you just got out of surgery. We can talk about it when you get home.”

“And when will that be?” 

“Kanan said you can probably go home in a day or two,” Jyn said. “You'll have to ask him yourself when he comes in again.”

Cassian sighed. “Fine.”

“Hey,” Jyn said, squeezing his hand. “I will gladly lie in bed with you with a notepad and a pen and dream up ideas for our house all day long when you get home. But I'd like to do it at home. Okay?”

“Okay,” Cassian said, nodding. “Did you call everyone?”

“I didn't need to,” Jyn said. “Chirrut and Baze were in the waiting room with me, and Baze said he'd take care of it. I did get texts from both Bodhi and Kay telling me that they were glad to hear you were out of surgery and that everything went well.”

“Did Chirrut and Baze go home?”

“Yes,” Jyn said, glancing up at the clock. “About an hour ago.”

“Good, I didn't want them staying all night again,” Cassian murmured. “Are you staying all night?”

“I'm staying until you get to go home,” Jyn said, smiling at him. “I won't do anything to make them kick me out. I promise.”

Cassian smiled at her. “Thank you. I love you.”

“I love you too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> cassian's long hair inspired entirely by pictures of diego luna i was staring at on google images earlier today. damn that man is sexy.
> 
> also if the rumors going around (which diego didn't deny when asked by mtv news on the golden globes red carpet, only said he couldn't answer the question) that cassian is going to be in the young han solo movie are true, i might die a happy person. god, i need more cassian in my life.


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the delay in updates. i have been writing, i've just not had a lot of time for it and therefore it's been slower. it might be this way for the next couple of weeks, but i will probably get an update to you every two to three days if not sooner.

Cassian staggered towards the car, leaning heavily on his cane. Jyn was right by his side as the cameras flashed, and all Cassian wanted was to get in the car. Hera appeared before him and Cassian looked up to see the car door opening, breathing a sigh of relief. He carefully got into the car and moved over so there was room for Jyn to get in, laying his head back against the seat and taking a deep breath.

Jyn took his hand in hers and Cassian looked over at her, sure that his weariness was evident in his eyes. “That was intense.”

“It was a big day,” Jyn said as Hera began to drive. “But the first hearing always was going to be.”

“The look on his face when he saw me...” Cassian trailed off. “I never knew one man could hate me that much.”

“He actually yelled out that I belong to him not you.” Jyn leaned over and put her head on Cassian's shoulder. “I fucking hate him more than he could possibly hate you.”

“You're not trying to have him killed.”

"Because I'm not a psychopath," Jyn said. "The way he shook his head when the kidnapping charges were read out like that's not what he did. He fucking told my father I was dead. He told my father I was dead and then he kept me for himself." 

“Do you think you'll ever get an answer why?”

“No, I don't,” Jyn sighed. “And that's the most frustrating part of all.”

“Maybe he'll give Galen one when Galen goes to see him. When is that happening?”

“It's happening tomorrow,” Jyn said. “And then Saturday evening is when we're having dinner with Galen at Profundity.”

“So maybe Galen will be able to give you an answer.”

“I'm not sure that's what I'll want to talk about with him,” Jyn said. “Then again, I don't know what else we will talk about.”

“I think that you'll find something to talk about that isn't all bad,” Cassian said softly. “I mean, I'm sure there's stuff about us that you can think of that isn't horrible.”

Jyn turned her head and smiled at him. “There's lots about us that isn't horrible. The only horrible stuff about us is the stuff that Saw has caused because he's psychotic and me through my stupidity.”

Cassian shook his head. “Jyn, you haven't done anything stupid or horrible.”

“I stole your idea and disappeared for a decade. If that's not stupid or horrible, I don't know what is.”

“You're talking about the past again. We have a rule about that.”

“Fuck your rule, Cassian,” Jyn muttered. “The past has to be talked about at some point.”

“No, it really doesn't.”

“Maybe not for you,” Jyn said. “But it does for me.”

Cassian turned his head to brush a kiss along Jyn's forehead. “Then we'll talk about it at some point when it becomes relevant. But right now is not the time.”

“We will never agree on when it's relevant but I will agree that it's not now,” Jyn said, taking a deep breath. “I have really awful thoughts sometimes about why Saw kidnapped me. I'm not sure I want any of them confirmed.”

“Like what?”

“Like that there was something sexual about it. Not that he ever did anything in any sexual manner towards me whatsoever. Saw's the most asexual person I've ever met. But with the way that he tried to teach my sexuality out of me, tried to make me like him, sometimes I've just found myself wondering if he needed to have someone like him so he saw an opportunity in me, thought that I was young enough that he could shape. I don't really know if I want the answer to that question.”

“That's a...that's a very disturbing thought,” Cassian said seriously. “But given what we know about Saw now, I could see it being true.”

“See, so could I, which is why I thought of it,” Jyn said. “I've talked about it with my psychologist, and we've gone through a bunch of other scenarios too, and I've just decided that there's a lot of them that I don't want the answers to. And yet I want the truth but I don't at the same time. It's a mess inside my head at the moment.”

“It's not a pretty picture inside my head at the moment either,” Cassian said. “But Bail said we're starting to make some progress. I have a feeling I'm going to end up having to tell him the truth though, and I really don't want to do that.”

“Tell him the truth about what? You should be telling him the truth about everything, Cassian. That's how this works.”

Cassian sighed. “I mean about you and my idea. I don't want to tell him that if I don't have to.”

“Cassian,” Jyn said, sitting up and looking at him. You need to tell him. You're never going to work through everything that you need to when it comes to me if you don't.”

“I don't need to work through anything when it comes to you,” Cassian said, but Jyn just shook her head.

“That's absurd and you know it.”

Cassian reached up and ran his hands over his face. “Jyn, there's nothing to work through. I forgave you. I have you back. That's all I care about.”

“Then you're lying to yourself,” Jyn said, sitting back against the seat. “I told my psychologist the truth.”

“You did?”

“Of course I did. The only way this is going to work is if I'm truthful. I can't lie to my therapist.”

Cassian sighed heavily. “I'll think about it, okay?”

“Alright,” Jyn said, looking at her phone. “Do you really still want to go to work or do you want to go home?”

“I want to go to work,” Cassian said. “I want to get this off of my mind.”

“Well, you're going to be recounting the whole thing for Bodhi and Luke and probably everyone else.”

“Then I will work after that,” Cassian said, looking at her. “Let me work, Jyn. Please.”

“Alright,” Jyn said. “I have some emails to get to anyway. We have a potential investor that I'm courting.”

“What do we need another investor for?”

“Cassian, you heard Luke the other day. We need someone else to help with the coding, and there's been so much feedback on the ten templates that Wedge created for the personalized pages that there's demand for more and he can't do that alone, and Shara is not going to be enough for customer service soon and while we're at it we should get Norra some help in billing.”

Cassian blinked a few times. “We just relaunched the website a month ago.”

“And it's already got almost a million new users,” Jyn said. “That's on top of all the accounts that you were able to salvage from before the explosion. We're looking at a user database of almost two million users and growing at a rate that will quickly be untenable for the servers, so we'll need more. More investment means growth can continue.”

Cassian swallowed hard. “I don't want my company to be anyone's but mine.”

“Don't worry,” Jyn said. “I won't put you in a position where anyone can take your company away from you. I promise. I'm talking about one investor at the moment.”

“Okay,” Cassian said after a moment. “I'll trust you on this.”

Jyn smiled at him. “You're not making a mistake.”

“I'll try to remember that.”

*****

Jyn walked back into the room, smoothing down the skirt of her dress. “What about this one?”

Cassian looked up from where he was working on the bed. “It looks great.”

Jyn sighed. “You're not being helpful.”

“Jyn, you've tried on like twenty dresses and every single one of them has looked brilliant on you,” Cassian said. “Whichever one you pick will be just fine.”

“It can't be fine,” Jyn said, putting her hands on her hips. “I have to look perfect.”

“And you will no matter which dress you decide to wear,” Cassian reassured. “Your father isn't going to care about what dress you're wearing, Jyn. He's going to care about you.”

Jyn walked over to the bed and collapsed down onto her back, running her hands over her face. “I'm so nervous, Cassian.”

“I can tell,” Cassian said, shifting around until he was closer to her. “Jyn, it's going to be alright. Everything is going to go well.”

“Of course it is,” Jyn said sarcastically. “This is the first time I've seen my father since I was eight years old, and I've decided that it should happen in the middle of the classiest restaurant in town.”

Cassian leaned over and pressed a kiss to Jyn's shoulder. “We have a private room all to ourselves.”

“What?” Jyn asked, turning to look at him. “I didn't make that reservation.”

“No, I did,” Cassian said. “Well, I had Hera make it. I knew that you and Galen coming face to face in the middle of the restaurant was a bad idea, not just because of the emotions that it would stir up, but because of all the cameras that everyone else in the restaurant would have. I thought a private room would be better.”

Jyn sighed with relief. “I didn't even think about that. See, this is what I need you here for.”

“To make restaurant reservations?”

“No,” Jyn said, slapping lightly at his shoulder. “To think of things when I don't and to calm me down when I get flustered. I really don't know I'd do without you.”

“Well, you're never going to have to find out, so...” Cassian trailed off as Jyn smiled at him. “I promise you Saturday night is going to go alright.”

“I used to dream of this, you know?” Jyn said. “That Galen would come back someday and we'd be a family again. I stopped thinking about it around the time I turned thirteen, told myself to accept the fact that he was gone and not coming back. Saw never would tell me what happened to him, but I just...there was always a part of me that hoped.”

Cassian reached out and wiped away a tear that escaped down Jyn's cheek. “You don't have to hope anymore, baby. He's back.”

“It still feels like a dream,” Jyn whispered. “I've been talking to him off and on for the past several weeks and it still doesn't feel real. But I'm going to see him with my own two eyes on Saturday and I just can't believe it sometimes.” 

Cassian shifted around some more and then leaned in to kiss her. “Well, it's real. I can promise you that. I'm just as nervous about meeting Galen as you are.”

“What are you nervous for? You have nothing to be nervous about.”

“I'm meeting your father, Jyn,” Cassian said seriously. “That's sort of a big deal in relationships.”

Jyn smiled at him. “You've got nothing to worry about, darling. He'll love you.”

“And he'll love you too,” Cassian said. “I'm sure he's probably never stopped.”

Jyn sucked in a deep breath. “He's said it to me. On the phone. I told him I couldn't handle him saying it yet, so he's agreed to stop.”

“See?” Cassian said. “You have nothing to worry about.”

“I've done extraordinarily horrible things over the past few years, Cassian. I'm not looking forward to explaining myself to my father.”

“I highly doubt he's going to lecture you about the past decade, Jyn,” Cassian said, laughing. “I'm pretty sure he's not going to care.” 

“Oh, he's going to care,” Jyn said, shaking her head. “You don't know Galen Erso.”

“And neither do you,” Cassian pointed out. “He could be completely different to how you remember him.”

Jyn sighed heavily. “You're probably right. I don't even know what he's been doing all these years. Something about research in Eadu.”

“Well, if he's been living in Eadu, that explains why he hadn't heard about you,” Cassian said. “I was wondering how that was possible.”

Jyn chuckled. “I knew it was possible the moment he said research. Galen loses himself in research. I'm surprised he remembers to eat and sleep.”

“What does he research anyway?”

“Energy,” Jyn said. “That's all I remember. Something to do with energy. I'm sure he'll be glad to talk about it. It's always been something that he's loved to talk about.”

Cassian smiled. “I highly doubt I'll understand it.”

“You're a genius, Cassian. You can understand anything.”

“About computers. And I'm not a genius.”

Jyn reached out and caressed the side of Cassian's face. “You really think I'll be able to get through this?”

“I know you will,” Cassian said. “I have no doubt.”

Jyn leaned in and kissed him softly. “I'm going to go try on another dress.”

Cassian groaned as Jyn climbed off of the bed. “Jyn, you look great!”

“I can't look great, I have to look perfect!”

Cassian let his eyes drift closed. “You know, if you want someone whose opinion might actually help you, you should call Kay. He does this for a living.”

Jyn paused at the edge of the closet and turned back around. “Kay? See, Cassian, I told you. You're a genius.”

Cassian opened his eyes. “Seriously?”

“You're right, this is what he does. He can totally help me out,” Jyn said, walking over to the bedside table and grabbing her phone. 

Cassian watched as she scrolled through the contacts and then brought the phone up to her ear, tapping her foot against the floor. “Let's just hope he's being nice today.”

“Oh don't worry, I'm going to pay him,” Jyn said, brightening when the phone picked up. “Kay! No, no, Cassian's fine.”

“Of course he would think this is about me,” Cassian muttered as Jyn continued to talk.

“...dinner with my father on Saturday night and I have nothing to wear,” Jyn said. “This has to be perfect, Kay. I need your help. Please?”

Cassian watched her carefully, and when she smiled brilliantly, he let out a sigh of relief. 

"Kay, you are a lifesaver. I'll see you tomorrow at eleven then. Thank you so much. I really appreciate it." Jyn hung up the phone and tossed it onto the table, grinning. "Kay and I are going shopping tomorrow." 

“Shopping? Jyn, you have an entire, gigantic, walk-in closet full of dresses to choose from.”

"And none of them is the right one," Jyn said seriously. "Trust me on this one, Cassian. Now, what are you going to wear?" 

“Whatever you tell me to,” Cassian said, making Jyn roll her eyes. “What? I am not screwing this up by not wearing a Jyn-approved outfit.”

“Do you think that you own anything appropriate that you'll be able to wear?” Jyn asked, sitting down on the edge of the bed. “Or do I need to get some appropriate yet soft clothes for you while I'm shopping with Kay tomorrow?”

Cassian sighed. “I have no idea. Probably new clothes. Most everything I own still is uncomfortable.”

“Then I'll get you some new clothes,” Jyn said, reaching out to run her fingers through Cassian's hair. “What are you working on?”

“The personalized playlists thing, though I'm still not sure how I'm going to do this with the copyright issues that are certain to come up.”

“We just need to license the music,” Jyn said. “That's yet another reason why another investor would be a good idea. More cash flow for things like that.”

“You actually think that record companies are going to let a stupid website like The Alliance license music from them?” Cassian laughed. “Jyn, come on.”

Jyn sighed. “You need to get perspective on the popularity and success of your website.”

“There is no success of my website.”

“Which is why you're on track to make money this month.”

“No way in hell is this website making money.”

Jyn reached for her phone, clicked through a few screens, pulled up the latest email from Norra, and handed it to Cassian to read. “Here.”

Cassian's eyes scanned the text and when he got to the part Jyn was referring to, his eyes widened. “There is no way my site has made that much money this month.”

“Well, it has, so you better believe it,” Jyn said, taking the phone back. “I told you that you would be making money in no time with a combination of your computer genius and my business brain.”

Cassian shook his head in disbelief. “I never imagined it would be making that much.”

“What can I say? People recognize how incredibly smart The Alliance is, paid accounts are at just the right price point, and the enticement of personalized pages is really something a lot of people can't turn down. Between you and Luke and the stuff you're dreaming up, the additions that are going to be for paid accounts only, and the new graphics that Wedge and his team, once we get it in place, are going to make, I suspect paid accounts will only continue to climb.”

Cassian let his head fall back against the mattress. “Now I am thinking about how I don't know what I'd do without you.”

“Well, you'll never have to find out, so don't worry about it,” Jyn said, bending down to kiss him. “I'm going to go take this dress off, and then I'm going to bed.”

“Bed? It's barely dusk.”

Jyn gave him a wicked grin. “Did I say anything about sleeping?”

Cassian laughed. “I'll put away my work then.”

*****

Cassian picked up his phone without taking his eyes away from the screen. “How can I help you, Bodhi?”

“Leia Organa is here to see you,” Bodhi said. 

“I'll be right there,” Cassian replied, hanging up the phone and saving his work. “Jyn?”

“What?” she called out, typing away.

“Leia's here.”

“Oh, she's early,” Jyn said, glancing at the clock. “Good, I like people that are early to meetings.”

“I'm going to go get her,” Cassian said, standing up. “You want to meet us in the office upstairs?”

Jyn stopped and looked over at him. "You're not supposed to be going upstairs and you know it." 

Cassian sighed. “I don't want to have this meeting in the middle of everyone.”

“Cassian, there are walls around the meeting area again,” Jyn said, standing up as well. “And everyone else is working and will not be paying attention to our meeting. Besides, it's just about Leia's initial designs about the house. It's not like it's top secret or anything.”

“I suppose you're right,” Cassian said, grabbing his cane and starting to walk. “God I can't wait till I'm done with this stupid thing. It's worse than the crutches were.”

"No, it's not." 

“It makes me look like I'm one hundred and ninety-five.”

“It makes you look like you're getting over being injured,” Jyn said, falling into step beside him. “And it's helping you heal and that's all that matters. There is no one in this town that doesn't know what happened to you, and if there is, they aren't anyone that matters to our lives anyway.”

Cassian sighed. “Good point.”

“I'm excited,” Jyn said, grinning. “We're going to see our house for the first time, Cassian. Our house.”

“I don't really know what it's going to look like other than the house,” Cassian said. “You gave her a photo of the house that was there and you said you wanted it to look similar to that.”

“Yes, but she's building us a much bigger house than the one that was there.”

“She is?”

“I knew you weren't paying attention in that meeting,” Jyn said, shaking her head.

“Sorry, I was still strung out on pain pills,” Cassian said as they approached the entry. “I was lucky I was awake for that meeting.”

“I know,” Jyn said, smoothing down her skirt. “And it's alright.”

Cassian opened up the door and Leia turned towards them. “Hi Leia, come on back.”

Leia walked through the door and Cassian shut it behind her, following her and Jyn as they walked to the meeting area in the center of the room. Jyn held the door open for Leia and then Cassian, closing it behind her and then walking over to the side of the table that Cassian was sitting down on. 

“Leia, it's so good to see you.”

“It's good to see you too,” Leia said, putting her portfolio on the table and smiling at them. “Cassian, how are you?”

“I'm doing better since the second surgery,” Cassian said, smiling as he settled into his chair. “I can almost walk on my own now, so that's a lot better than before.”

"I'm so glad to hear that," Leia said. "Everyone in my family has been worried about you, Han and I included." 

“And how is Han?” Jyn asked, bringing a smile to Leia's face.

“Han is Han. I never realized I could be so happy and frustrated at the same time in my life. But I wouldn't have it any other way.” Jyn and Cassian both smiled as Leia reached for her portfolio. “I'm not here to talk about Han, however. I'm here to talk about your house. I have to say, it's a real honor being chosen to design this for you. This is by far my biggest commission to date, and I really appreciate your trust in me.”

“Well, I really loved what you did with the Theed building in Naboo,” Jyn said. “And then Baze showed me what you drew up for the remodel of your parents' house and I just knew that you were the right person for the job.”

Cassian nodded. “I always knew you could do it. But I've seen plenty of your designs over the years.”

Jyn turned to Cassian. “You have?”

“I used to get him to tell me what he thought of them,” Leia said, laughing. “I think I redesigned his apartment building about a hundred times.”

“And every time it was better than the building that it actually was,” Cassian said. “So, what do you have for us?”

Leia opened up her portfolio and they spent the next hour going over various different designs for both the interior and exterior, with Leia taking notes of things that they liked and disliked and Jyn and Cassian debating various features. When they were finished, Leia packed everything away, reaching out to shake both of their hands. 

“I will get the new designs to you soon,” she said as she stood up. “I'll call to set up another meeting.”

“They look great so far, Leia,” Jyn said, standing up as well. “I can't wait to see them with the changes.”

“I agree,” Cassian said, pushing himself up out of his chair. “And go talk to Luke while you're here. I know you want to.”

“I didn't want to disrupt him,” Leia said, ducking her head down slightly.

“It's fine,” Cassian said. “I'm sure he's got something to tell you about anyway.”

Leia smiled at him as she walked towards the door, leaving the meeting area and heading over to Luke's desk. Jyn turned to Cassian and pulled him close, giving him a soft kiss. 

“That was our house, darling. Well, not exactly our house, but it's what is going to become our house.”

“Seeing the drawings, for the first time, it feels real, Jyn. We're going to have a house. You and me. Our house in the city, with a front porch with a swing to curl up on together when we're seventy. It's real.”

“It's real,” Jyn agreed. “It's happening.”

Cassian smiled at her. “I wouldn't want it any other way. I wouldn't want my life to be any other way than it is right now. Everything that has happened has happened for some sort of a reason, and even though I will never understand what those reasons are, I cannot deny that these things have made us closer. And I like where we are right now, Jyn. I like it a lot. So I'm happy.”

Jyn leaned forward and kissed him again. “I'm happy too. I'm not happy about why those things have happened, but you're right. They've brought us closer.”

Cassian glanced to his left and saw Norra looking at them, and he pulled back from Jyn. “Let's get back to our desks. These walls are glass after all. Norra's watching.”

Jyn chuckled and nodded. “They're used to us kissing, Cassian. They're happy for us.”

“Happy for us or not, they're not used to us kissing in the middle of the meeting room. Let's go.”


	22. Chapter 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> MY SINCEREST APOLOGIES FOR HOW LONG THIS UPDATE HAS TAKEN. i have been seriously ill for many months, we're only just figuring out what is wrong with me, and while i'm not doing much better, i have reached a point where if i don't start writing again i'm going to lose my mind. i have two stories that are currently ongoing in the star wars fandom, this one and [neutron star collision (love is forever)](http://archiveofourown.org/works/6812902), a kylo/rey au, and my plan is to slowly (and i do mean slowly) finish these two stories over the coming months leading up to the release of the last jedi.
> 
> i will completely understand if i have lost all of my readers on this because i haven't updated in what, four months, but if there are those of you who have stuck around, or maybe you have found this for the first time and are just coming upon this chapter, i appreciate all of the love and support that this has gotten so, so much. i spent all week rereading this story to get back into the mindset, and i reread all of the comments that were left as well, and i seriously cannot put into words how much all of that means to me, especially at this moment in my life. i can only hope to finish this story out in the same manner as i started it, and that anyone who comes upon it likes it.
> 
> with all of that now said, onto the chapter.

“Kay is a life saver,” Jyn said as she walked into the penthouse, several bags in her hands. “I honestly don't know how I would have done this without him.”

“Please tell me he didn't do anything inappropriate,” Cassian said, watching as Jyn headed down the hall before following her. “Because I might have to kill him if he did.”

“Cassian, he was a perfect gentleman,” Jyn said, walking into the bedroom and putting all the bags onto the bed. “He even apologized again for his past behavior.”

“Good,” Cassian said, sitting down on the bed and peering into one of the bags. “So, what did you get? Because this looks like more than just a dress.”

“Well, it is,” Jyn said, reaching for the long dress bag first. “This is the dress. It's absolutely gorgeous and perfect for meeting Galen again after all these years.”

Jyn unzipped the bag and pulled the dress from within it, holding it up to her. It was a shade of deep purple, with a square neckline and a hem that fell just above her knee, Cassian smiled as Jyn spun around to look in the full-length mirror, watching as she spun around. 

“I think the dress looks great, baby.”

“Of course it does,” Jyn said. “I knew the moment I tried it on. I was skeptical, but Kay had picked it out and told me to at least try it, and he was right. I understand why he does this for a living now.”

“Yeah, Kay's the guy to go to if you need anything fashion related,” Cassian said, looking back at the bags. “Alright, that's the dress. What's the rest of this?”

"Well, there's the accessories to the dress, of course," Jyn said, hanging the dress on a hook near the mirror and walking back to the bags. "Shoes, jewelry, a clutch to carry. There are a few other things for me, and then there's stuff for you. I told Kay about the problem you have with clothes being to rough against your wounds, and he went to work like he was on a mission. Cassian, I've never felt clothes as soft as the ones he found for you." 

Jyn reached into a bag and pulled out a shirt, holding it out to Cassian. He took it and ran his fingers over the cloth, amazed. “Wow, this is super soft.”

“I know, right? Anyway, when he came back with all these clothes, I couldn't not buy them. You need them so you're not wearing the same three things over and over.”

“I do not do that.”

“Yes, you do,” Jyn said, giving him a look. “You know it too.”

Cassian shook his head and gave up on the potential argument. “So how much stuff did you get me?” He sat there as Jyn started unloading the bags, the pile in his lap growing and growing until he had to move it onto the bed before it toppled out of his grasp. “For fuck's sake, Jyn, how am I going to pay you back for this?”

“You don't have to.”

“Jyn.”

Jyn sighed. “I'm serious, Cassian. You do not have to pay me back for the clothes.”

"Jyn, there are hundreds of dollars of clothes sitting here." 

“I am aware of that.”

“So don't tell me I don't have to pay you back. One shirt, sure. But this is a ton of stuff, Jyn. I need to pay you back for it.”

Jyn sighed and moved a couple empty bags out of the way, sitting down next to Cassian. “Alright, we need to seriously address this issue before it consumes us.”

“You have to understand where I'm coming from here,” Cassian said.

"I do and I don't," Jyn said, sighing. "Look, we're in this relationship, and you want us to be equals. Don't even try to deny it. And I think we are equals in every way but two. One, I think you're more trustworthy than you consider me to be, and two, there's the money. But until The Alliance starts raking in the money at the rate I think it will eventually do, you're not going to have the kind of money I do. And I don't know if you're ever going to have as much money as I do. And so I don't think we can be equals this way, Cassian. And I think you need to accept that and accept the fact that I like to buy you gifts every once and awhile, and the clothes today are a gift." 

Cassian sighed and ran his hands over his face. “I think everyone longs to be equals in their relationship,” he started. “And I think it's important to be. My parents weren't equals. My father had the business, he had all the money. All my mother had was a pretty face and a personality he sometimes liked. When they were split up, my mother lived off alimony and child support payments he made. I've seen how money divides a couple before. That's why I think it's important that we're equals.”

“But you have to see that that's not possible,” Jyn said. “There's no way we can be equals. Not any time soon, and maybe not ever, because even when The Alliance has made that much money, Jedha will have made even more.”

Cassian sat in silence for a few moments before he took a sharp intake of breath. “You're right. We're never going to be equals. Not this way. But that doesn't mean that I'm okay with you just spending a ton of money on me. I don't want you buying my affections.”

“I'm not buying your affections,” Jyn said. “You need these clothes.”

“I'm not talking about the clothes.”

Jyn sighed. “I thought that the car would be easier than you taking a taxi everywhere.”

“While I agree with that, a simple used car would suffice for that. You were talking about buying me a brand new Mustafar.”

“A used car could break down at any moment and cause you to have a large repair bill that might be more than you paid for the car,” Jyn pointed out. “With a brand new Mustafar, you wouldn't have to worry about that.”

“A brand new Mustafar could break down at any moment too, you know.”

“Yes, but you'd have the warranty. A used car wouldn't have that.”

“The warranty?” Cassian asked, looking over at her. “What warranty?”

“Mustafars come with a lifetime warranty,” Jyn said. “That's why I only buy Mustafars when I buy cars. I don't have to worry about shit like repair bills because it's all covered.”

Cassian chuckled. “You driving about in a fucking sports car when we were at university makes a hell of a lot more sense now.”

Jyn let out a small laugh. “It was Saw's recommendation. One of the few he made that I'm not ashamed of now.”

Cassian reached out and laced his fingers together with hers. "Alright, here's the deal. Agree with it or not, but if not, we're going to keep having arguments." 

“Okay, let's hear it.”

“I'll let you buy the clothes,” Cassian started. “But they are grandfathered into this deal. Anything that costs more than a hundred dollars, you have to talk to me about first.”

“Cassian, that will hardly buy you a shirt.”

“I'm serious, Jyn. Take it or leave it, but if you leave it, we're going to keep arguing.”

“We're going to keep arguing anyway because you're not going to want me to buy anything that costs more than a hundred dollars,” Jyn said, sighing heavily. “This is not going to work. It's just not.”

Cassian sat there as silence descended upon them, letting it last for several moments before speaking again. “I don't know what else to do, Jyn.”

“We'll figure it out,” Jyn said, letting her head come to rest on Cassian's shoulder. “We're going to make this work.”

“Yeah,” Cassian murmured. “We will.”

*****

“Miss Erso, Mister Andor, right this way. Mister Erso has already arrived.”

Jyn swallowed hard at that, and Cassian took her hand, squeezing it gently. “It's okay, Jyn. I'm right here.”

Jyn nodded and started to follow the hostess, weaving her way through the tables towards one of the private rooms. The hostess waited for them to enter the room, but Cassian told her they would handle it from there and she walked off. Jyn turned to Cassian and smoothed down her skirt, looking up at him with nervous eyes.

“How do I look?”

“You look stunning,” Cassian said, putting his arms around her. “You can do this, Jyn. I know you can. Remember, he's your father. He's wanting to meet you more than anything.”

Jyn nodded and Cassian let go of her, reaching for the doorknob. “Ready?”

“As I can be,” Jyn said shakily.

Cassian opened the door and put his hand on the small of Jyn's back, ushering her into the room. He made sure the door shut behind them before turning to face the room, and he saw a tall man with graying hair stand up from behind the table. He felt Jyn begin to shake next to him, and he gently rubbed her back. “Come on, Jyn. Let's go meet Galen.”

Jyn took a little coaxing to get moving, but once she did, she walked straight over to Galen and threw her arms around him, burying her head in his shoulder. Galen wrapped his arms around her and let a large smile cross his face.

“Oh, Stardust, how I've missed you.”

At the sound of her childhood nickname, Jyn started to cry. Galen felt the tears against his neck and tightened his hold on his daughter. “It's alright, Stardust. Let it all out. The emotions shouldn't be pent up within you.”

Cassian walked closer to them and that was when he noticed the tears streaming down Galen's face. He felt privileged to be witnessing this reunion of father and daughter, but his heart ached for how Jyn must have been feeling at that moment. He wanted nothing more than to wrap her up in his arms and let her know that everything would be alright, but he knew she was safe in Galen's embrace.

Jyn pulled back after a long while and just looked at Galen. His hair might have been graying and there might be a few more lines on his face, but it was still him, still her Papa, and she felt the tears begin to stream down her cheeks again. How had she gone so long without him? Why had she been deprived of her father for most of her life?

And that train of thought led her straight to Saw Gerrera, and she stopped being happy and started to get angry.

“Motherfucking Saw,” was the first words she ended up uttering. “How dare he take this away from me?”

Cassian was by her side in an instant, letting his arm drift around her waist. “There will be plenty of time to curse Saw. How about now we just enjoy Galen's company?”

Jyn looked over at Cassian and saw the sincerity in his eyes before nodding. “You're right. We should talk to Galen.”

Galen smiled at them both. “How about we start with an introduction to this young man?”

Jyn let a smile spread across her face, and she introduced Cassian to Galen as she reached up to wipe away the tracks of her tears. She got the compact out of her clutch and took a look at herself. Not ideal, her eyes being red and puffy, but better than it would have been if she'd been wearing mascara. She felt extremely glad she'd made the decision not to wear it.

They all sat down at the table and a waitress came in to get their drink orders. Conversation flowed easily, Galen talking about his research in terms that neither Jyn or Cassian particularly got but they understood his passion for it, and Jyn told the story of building Jedha from the ground up, Galen beaming with pride as he heard about the business decisions his daughter had made that made her millions. 

And then Jyn told Galen that Jedha wasn't her idea but Cassian's, and Cassian sat back in his chair and threw up his hands. “What the fuck, Jyn?”

“I don't want to keep any secrets from my father.”

“You could have at least told me you were planning on telling him instead of blindsiding me with it!”

“I'm sorry, but I didn't make that decision until I was in the middle of telling the story of Jedha,” Jyn said. “What did you want me to do, interrupt myself to tell you that?”

“Yes!” Cassian exclaimed. “I deserved some warning!”

“Kids,” Galen said, and they both turned towards him. “Maybe you should just tell me what this is all about and perhaps I can help you with your obvious tension regarding it.”

Jyn looked over at Cassian, and Cassian made an aimless motion with his hand. "You started this, you can tell it." 

So Jyn recounted the history of the start of their relationship for Galen, stopping every time the waitress came into the room so she didn't hear. At the end of her story, Galen sat back in his seat and let his eyes flick between the two of them.

“So you've never resolved this situation, obviously,” Galen said, and Cassian shook his head.

“No, I forgave her for it, but she keeps insisting that Jedha is my company and the money should be mine. I keep trying to tell her that if I had been running the business, there's no guarantee it would have been as successful, so the money is hers because she's the one who earned it.”

“And I keep telling him that if we truly are to be partners in everything like the plan is, then the money and Jedha will be his just as much as they are mine, and I already see it that way. But he's stubborn and won't let me even buy him a pack of gum without arguing over it.”

“That is not true. I'll let you buy me small things like that, but you want to buy me the latest Mustafar sports car. Also, she's invested so much into my website that technically she probably owns more of it than I do at this point.”

“I'm just an investor. You hold all the stock in the company. That makes you the owner.”

“It doesn't change the fact that you've got more money riding on the success of The Alliance than I do.”

“Kids,” Galen said, interrupting them. “I think you need a joint venture. Something that you can both be equals in. What that joint venture would be, I don't know, because this computer stuff is lost on me, but I think the two of you could come up with something really great together, work it into a business that you operate together, and then you will have something successful that you made together. No, it may not solve the money disparity that you have, but it will give you something to be equals at.”

Cassian and Jyn looked over at each other, pondering the idea. Cassian could tell the moment that Jyn thought of the same thing he did, seeing the light in her eyes change. "That idea we've been kicking around. The one that doesn't quite fit The Alliance because it's more software based than web-based." 

“But doesn't fit Jedha either because it's your idea,” Jyn said, nodding. “It could work. We've talked about how there's a market for it. I mean, we'd have to run some analytics before we'd jump in, but between the two of us, we could get the coding done within the next six months.”

“It is something that no one seems to be putting out there as an option,” Cassian said. “I agree about the analytics, but there definitely is a market for it. And I bet we could get the coding done faster than that if I put Luke on the Alliance coding project and hire some more people for that department.”

“Which is something you've been needing to do anyway,” Jyn said. “We could run the company out of the same building as The Alliance. There's plenty of room in there for more employees, and there's room to expand the building if it gets too cramped. That was one of the things we talked about when you bought the building.”

They were interrupted by the sound of Galen chuckling. “See, there is an opportunity in front of you. You just didn't realize it.”

Jyn smiled at him as Cassian let out a small laugh. “Galen, you're a very smart man, you know that?”

“I have been told that,” Galen said, smiling. “But it means a lot coming from my daughter.”

Jyn felt herself getting choked up again. "This shouldn't be so emotional. This should be a regular thing, us having dinner with you because you're in my life. I could kill Saw. I really could." 

“Do not feel that way,” Galen said, reaching his hand across the table to clasp Jyn's lightly. “We must accept our situation for what it is, for it cannot be changed. All we can do from here on out is rebuild the relationship that was taken from us. And tonight has been a great step forward. Not only have I gotten to see you again, Stardust, but I have gotten to meet the man that you love. And Cassian, it has been a pleasure.”

Cassian smiled. “It's been wonderful to meet you as well, Galen. I've heard so many things about you since that first phone call you placed to Jyn.”

"And I hope they were all good," Galen laughed, setting his napkin down on the table. "I don't want this evening to end but I'm afraid it has to. I need to drive back to Eadu early tomorrow morning. We're very close to a breakthrough in the research and I need to get back to it." 

Jyn nodded and slid her chair backward, standing up as Galen did and walking around the table, letting him wrap her up in a big hug. "Well, now that you're back in my life, I'm not ever letting you slip away again. Next time, we'll come to Eadu." 

“That would be lovely,” Galen said, bending down to press a kiss to the top of Jyn's head. “I love you, Stardust. I never stopped.”

“I never stopped loving you either, Papa,” Jyn said, pulling back and wiping away a few tears. “Walk me out?”

Galen looked over at Cassian, who nodded. “Absolutely.”

Jyn linked her arm through Galen's and smiled back at Cassian. “Then let's go.”


	23. Chapter 23

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey it's an update! massive apologies once again about the time it's been between chapters, but now that i've finished my other star wars fic, all my attention is on this one. i am going to try to get at least one chapter out a week, hopefully two, but that can change depending upon how i feel, because i'm still really, really ill. so we'll see, but this is my focus and i am determined to get this one finished up before nanowrimo in november. anyway, on to the chapter!

Jyn murmured thanks to Hera as she brought her the mail, sighing when she saw the glossy magazine on top of the stack. She picked it up and studied the photograph on the cover, deciding that it was a fairly decent photograph of herself. She let her eyes drift to the text that covered the bottom of the magazine and shook her head at how sensationalistic Krennic has made her sound.

 **JYN ERSO EXCLUSIVE**  
Explanations of her behavior in her own words!  
A public apology to the man she betrayed!  
And a Jedha bombshell that no one saw coming!

She glanced up from the magazine as Cassian walked back to his workstation, taking a moment to let her eyes drift over him and be amazed yet again that he belonged to her. She had no idea how, after everything she'd done in her life, she'd managed to be so lucky. 

And she'd ruined it again.

“Is that the mail?” Cassian asked, reaching for his keyboard.

“Yeah, I was just sorting it.”

“Since when do we get magazines at the office?” Cassian asked, glancing over at her. “I thought you got your magazines at home.”

Jyn glanced down at the magazine again. “We do. This one is different.”

“Different how?”

“It's different because it's Imperial,” Jyn murmured.

Cassian raised an eyebrow at that. “Why do you have a copy of Imperial magazine? We hate Imperial magazine.”

“I gave them an interview,” Jyn said, her voice hoarse. She could tell that Cassian was staring at her, awaiting an explanation because, yet again, she hadn't told him about something, but she wanted a few more minutes of happiness before she lost it for good.

“Jyn.”

“Cassian.”

“You have never once said something to me about you doing an interview, and especially not with fucking Imperial magazine.”

Jyn looked up at him. “No, I didn't.”

“Why not?”

“Because I knew you'd try to stop me,” Jyn said honestly, pushing her chair back and gathering up the stack of mail. “But I had to do this, darling. I had to clear my conscience.”

Cassian watched as Jyn walked towards him, dropping the magazine on his desk. “I'll be in the office upstairs, so you know where to find me when you want to kick me out.”

Cassian gave her a strange look as Jyn kept walking, then turned back to his desk and reached for the magazine. His eyes immediately went to the text at the bottom of the pate, and he took a deep breath as he flipped it open. 

“You're not this stupid,” he murmured to himself. “Tell me you're not this stupid.”

He quickly found the page the interview began on and started reading. He was interrupted three times by Luke, Norra, and Wedge before he managed to finish the article, and then he read it again, and then again, and then again. The world around him began to fade away as he absorbed what was written in black on those pages of white.

The stuff about the guy and Jyn's behavior towards the end was nothing new. They'd had several conversations about what had happened during the course of Jyn's relationship with him, and he knew that the apology Jyn had made was genuine, despite knowing that the guy would probably never accept it. 

The stuff about him wasn't really new either. It felt extremely weird to be reading about their university years and the things that had happened since, but he supposed it all would have become public knowledge eventually, seeing as the press was still fascinated by the two of them. 

It was the so-called Jedha bombshell that had him wanting to rip the magazine in two before stalking into the office and doing something stupid. Instead, he dropped the magazine back to his desk and gripped the arms of the chair he was sitting in, trying desperately to gather control of his anger. 

The one thing he thought they'd both agreed should never become public knowledge. The one thing he never wanted anyone to know about them. The one thing he was still upset that Jyn had confessed to his friends without asking him if it was alright.

The one thing that Jyn needed to say to clear her conscience, once and for all.

Cassian reached for the phone, told Bodhi that under no circumstances whatsoever he and Jyn were to be interrupted and then walked up the stairs to the office, not bothering to knock before walking inside. The chair behind the desk was facing the opposite way of the desk, and before Cassian could get a word out, he heard Jyn let out a loud sob. Cassian felt a sharp pain flash through his chest as he realized what Jyn had meant about kicking her out. 

Jyn thought she'd finally done enough for him to push her away for good.

Cassian walked around the desk and carefully got on his knees in front of the chair, reaching for Jyn's hands. “Don't cry, Jyn,” he soothed. “It's okay. Everything is going to be okay.”

Jyn slid out of the chair and into Cassian's arms, and Cassian held her as close as possible. They stayed that way for several minutes, Jyn crying into Cassian's neck until she gathered herself and pulled away. 

“I had to,” Jyn whispered.

Cassian leaned forward and captured Jyn's lips in a gentle kiss, resting their foreheads together as they broke apart. “I won't lie to you,” he whispered back. “I wish you hadn't done it.”

“I'm sorry,” Jyn said brokenly. “I know I've ruined everything and that you want me to leave, but I had to do it. I couldn't keep it inside anymore. The secret was killing me.”

Cassian kissed her again, trying to convey how much he loved her through a soft press of his lips. “I don't want you to leave, Jyn.”

“You don't?”

“No,” Cassian said, shaking his head. “I'm not going to push you away because you said something to a magazine that I wish you hadn't. I've waited too motherfucking long to have you back, to have this back, than to just throw it all away because of that.”

Jyn blinked as Cassian reached up and wiped away her tears. “You're serious.”

“Of course I am,” Cassian said softly. “Would I have preferred for you to keep your mouth shut and never tell anyone about our biggest secret? Yes. Am I thrilled that millions of people are going to read about how you stole something so big from me? No. But I understand why you felt like you had to do it, even if I think you should have told me about it first.”

“You would have tried to stop me.”

“Yes, I would have,” Cassian said plainly. “And I probably would have called you a bunch of names and maybe even went and stayed with Chirrut and Baze for a few nights when you told me you were going to do it anyway. But I would have come back. I'll always come back, Jyn. You're my better half. You always have been and you always will be. Besides, when it came to Jedha, I forgave you years ago.”

Jyn laid her head on Cassian's chest and blinked as her eyes filled up with tears again. "I don't think I'm ever going to understand how it is that you can forgive me for things that you should never have forgiven me for. Because I don't deserve your forgiveness, Cassian. I never have." 

"Forgiveness is a tricky thing," Cassian said. "And I'm a complete hypocrite about it because I'd never ever forgive my parents for everything they've done, but I have forgiven you for something that in many ways could be considered worse than anything they've done." 

“That makes no sense.”

"I know. It's just about how I feel, really. I think of them and feel anger. I think of you and feel love. Real, genuine love, Jyn. Love that I never thought I'd ever been capable of feeling or experiencing. I can't lose that just because I'm too stubborn to forgive you." 

“I still don't deserve it.”

“Maybe you don't. You might not deserve his forgiveness either. But unlike him, who will probably never forgive you, I have. So it doesn't matter if you deserve it or not. You have it.” Cassian bent down and pressed a kiss to the top of Jyn's head. “Do you feel better now that you've told Orson Krennic who is going to share it with the world?”

“Yes,” Jyn said. “It's like the last bit of extra weight from the past is gone, and now I can focus on the comfortable, familiar weight of us, of what you mean to me. The stuff that I should have been focusing on this entire time.”

“Then it was worth it,” Cassian murmured. “How long until the magazine comes out?”

“Tomorrow.”

Cassian sighed. “We've got some phone calls to make then.”

“Phone calls?”

“Would you prefer for our friends to find out this is in Imperial by hearing about it on the news?” Cassian asked as Jyn stood up, accepting her help to get up off the floor. “I don't, so we have some phone calls to make.”

“Can we just leave for a few weeks and come back when it has died down?”

“And go where?”

Jyn paused and looked over at Cassian. "I don't know. Somewhere where no one has heard of either of us. Akiva, Kashyyyk, Jakku." 

“Akiva?” Cassian asked. “I've always wanted to go to Akiva.”

“If I had Hera make all the arrangements, would you go?”

“Now?”

“Yeah.”

Cassian thought about it for a moment, then smiled. “So long as I can bring my laptop. I've got the code for our new venture halfway written.”

“You bring your laptop and work on that, and I'll bring mine and make you ASCII art of palm trees.” 

Cassian laughed but nodded. “Deal.”

*****

“Saw is requesting yet again to see Mr. Andor,” Obi-Wan said. “I know I've been advising against this, but I'm starting to think this is something that needs to happen.”

“You have got to be kidding me,” Jyn exclaimed. “There is no way I'm letting Cassian be alone in a room with Saw. Absolutely not.”

“I'm not suggesting that you be in a room alone with him,” Obi-Wan said, looking over at Cassian. “There are safeguards that will be in place. You would be speaking through a telephone. Saw would be on the other side of a shatterproof plastic barrier and a desk. But he is insistent that he needs to speak to you.”

“This is ridiculous,” Jyn started again, but Cassian just shook his head.

“I'll do it.”

Jyn's head whipped around to look at him. “What?”

“I said I'll do it.”

“Cassian, the last time you were in the same room as Saw, you were shot,” Jyn said, her voice trembling. “I can't have that happening again.”

“And it won't,” Cassian said. “Who's going to shoot me, Jyn? The prison guards? If what Obi-Wan says about the setup is true, then he can't hurt me there. He can't even touch me.”

“But Cassian...”

“Jyn, nothing is ever going to get accomplished in this case unless I go talk to him,” Cassian said. “He's refusing to cooperate with anything, and this is getting dragged out further and further because of it. I want nothing more than for this to be done and over with and if talking to Saw will make that happen faster, then I'll go talk to him.”

Jyn reached out and took Cassian's hand in hers. “Fine. But I get to be there with you.”

“No.”

“Cassian.”

“Jyn, this has to be between me and him.”

“I agree with him, Jyn,” Obi-Wan interjected. “I don't believe Saw would say what he wants to say if you were there with him.”

Jyn let her gaze flick between the two of them for a few moments before sighing. “Alright. But I'm going to be right outside that room.”

“That's totally fine,” Obi-Wan said, closing the folder in front of him. “Shall we?”

“Shall we what?” Jyn asked.

“Go to the prison,” Obi-Wan said.

“You want to do this today?” Jyn exclaimed, tightening her grip on Cassian's hand. “No. Absolutely not.”

“Let's go,” Cassian said, pushing himself out of his chair. “I want to get this over with.”

“Don't you want some time to prepare for this?” Jyn asked as she stood. “You're going to face Saw.”

“And it'll be like ripping a bandage off,” Cassian said. “Fast and less painful because I wasn't dwelling on it. So let's go do this.”

“That's the spirit,” Obi-Wan said, smiling at them. “I'll drive if that's alright.”

Jyn could do nothing but merely nod.

They left the office and got into Obi-Wan's car, and Cassian carried on a conversation with him while Jyn tucked herself into Cassian's side and let her head rest on his chest, listening to his heartbeat. When they arrived at the prison and were admitted, Jyn clung onto Cassian's hand until they reached the door of the room. 

“I don't want you to do this,” Jyn said quietly.

“I know,” Cassian said. “But I have to.”

Cassian leaned in and kissed her softly before nodding at the guards and walking through the opened door. A guard led him down to a station and he sat down in the chair as the guard walked away. He took several deep breaths as he rubbed his clammy hands together, trying hard to suppress the fear that was coursing through him.

It had been one thing to be brave for Jyn. It was another thing entirely to be brave for himself.

After a moment, movement in front of him made him look up, and he saw Saw sit down across from him through the plastic barrier. He was dressed in an orange jumpsuit and had his hands locked in handcuffs. Saw stared directly at him as the guard undid the handcuffs, and once they were undone, Saw reached for the phone on his side. 

Cassian took another couple of deep breaths before reaching for the phone on his, bringing it to his ear. He wasn't going to be the one who talked first, so he waited for Saw to speak, and he didn't have to wait long.

“Cassian Andor.”

“Saw Gerrera.”

“How is Jyn? Are you taking care of her?”

“She's fine,” Cassian said. “What do you want to speak to me about?”

“Getting right down to it, huh?” Saw sighed heavily and ran a hand through his unruly hair. “Jynnie stole your idea.”

Cassian stared at him for a moment. “You read the interview with Krennic.”

“Of course I did. My Jynnie was on the cover,” Saw said. “She stole your idea, turned it into a multi-million dollar company that truthfully should be doing billions, and yet you still let her back into your life. Why?”

“Because I love her,” Cassian said, and he felt his love for her course through his veins, giving him strength. “I love her more than anything in the world.”

“See, I don't understand that,” Saw said, shaking his head. “I don't understand love. I don't understand sex. I don't understand these things. But what I do understand is anger. And you should be angry, and yet, you let her be in your life.”

“Oh, I was angry,” Cassian said. “Still am in some ways. But I don't want to spend the rest of my life angry. And so I chose to forgive her a long, long time ago. She doesn't think she deserves that forgiveness, but I keep telling her she gets it anyway.”

“I don't understand how you could forgive her,” Saw said, sighing. “But I suppose I'm not a person who is very forgiving. Jyn knows all about that.”

“Jyn knows all about a lot of things now,” Cassian said seriously. “Why? Why did you do those things to her?”

"To her? I didn't do anything to her! I did things for her!" Saw exclaimed. "Galen is a good scientist but he would have been a horrible father. Always stuck in his research, head in numbers and figures instead of focusing on his daughter. And with Lyra gone, Jyn would have been all alone all the time. I kept her with me so she'd have a father, not an absent scientist." 

“You told Galen she was dead,” Cassian said firmly. “You refused to tell her what happened to Galen.”

"Of course I did! Why would I tell Galen that I was keeping her away from him? He would have fought me on it because at the end of the day he loved his little Stardust. And I didn't tell her what happened to Galen because she was a child and it wasn't relevant as she grew into an adult." 

Cassian took a deep breath before he felt his anger take control of him. “And what about everything else?”

Saw let his head drop back until it couldn't go back anymore. He stayed that way for a few moments before bringing it upright again. "I did what I felt I had to do. I didn't understand." 

“That doesn't answer my question.”

“I wanted her love back, alright? She loved you and she didn't love me and I thought that with you gone she might start loving me again.”

Cassian stared at him, blinking a few times. “I thought you said you don't understand love.”

“Romantic love, no. Familial love, yes. She is my daughter. She is my daughter and she didn't love me like her father. And all I wanted was to have my daughter love me like that.”

“Jyn is not your daughter,” Cassian said after a moment. “And she's never going to be.”

“I raised her like she was my own,” Saw said. “Jynnie's the closest thing to family that I've got left. And I understand that my attacks on you have destroyed any chance I've got of getting that back, but I did what I felt I had to do.”

“So your idea of getting Jyn to love you was to kill me?” Cassian said, his voice breaking. “Was the thought of Jyn loving someone else that terrible?”

“Like I said, I didn't understand,” Saw said, reaching up to rub one of his eyes. “Look, there is obviously a connection between the two of you that I don't think I will ever understand. But if you love my Jynnie so much that you can forgive her for something as huge as this Jedha thing is, then maybe you're like Lux.”

“I'm sorry, who?”

“Lux Bonteri,” Saw said. “My sister Steela's great love. I never understood much about it, but she would have done anything for him.”

“Jyn said Steela was like you,” Cassian said. “No romantic feelings, no attraction.”

“Steela acted that way after Lux,” Saw said. “She refused to love anyone else. She'd rather feel the pain of his loss every day than move on. It was a blessing she died when she did. Gave her the chance to be with him sooner.”

“Lux died?”

“He was killed by Iden Versio,” Saw said, giving Cassian a sad smile. “I don't suppose you know the name.”

“Can't say that I do.”

“Iden was one of my best employees,” Saw said. “She was sent to get some money that Lux had borrowed from me. She misinterpreted what she was supposed to do if Lux said he didn't have it. Steela never forgave me for that. I suppose that's why I don't understand why you forgave Jyn.”

Cassian blinked at that. “Does Jyn know any of this?”

“No,” Saw said. “I thought it better not to tell her. Iden wasn't around by the time that Jyn came into our lives anyway. I took care of her after her mistake.”

Cassian let his eyes close for a moment. “Why couldn't you just be an upstanding businessman? Why did you have to go down this route?”

“When you grow up on the streets of Onderon, it's hard to know any different,” Saw said. “I saw an opportunity to take over and improve our lives and I took it. And I don't regret any of it. Except for Lux. I regret Lux.”

A guard walked up behind Saw and said something Cassian couldn't hear and Saw nodded. "Well, sounds like my time is up. Tell Jyn I said hello." 

And with that, Saw hung up the phone, stood up, allowed himself to be handcuffed again, and then was led away.

Cassian sat there for a moment before hanging up the phone. He ran his hands over his face and swallowed hard before standing up. The guard that was hovering off to the side noticed him and nodded, leading him back out of the room. Jyn stood up from the chair she'd been sitting in and immediately wrapped Cassian up into her arms.

“Oh God, what happened? You look like you've seen a ghost.”

“I'll tell you at home,” Cassian murmured. “I just want to go home.”

Jyn nodded. “Okay. I'll make that happen.”

“Thank you.”


	24. Chapter 24

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy New Year! I am still not exactly well enough to be working on this - you will find that this is a very short chapter - but I wanted to write something to celebrate this story's one year anniversary. I wanted it to be posted on the actual date but I missed that by a bit. Anyway, I am beginning to feel better, but this is a very slow process, and my Star Wars muses have yet to be rejuvenated by The Last Jedi, which I won't be able to see until it comes out on digital or blu-ray because I currently cannot walk after foot surgery. But I'm really excited and hopeful that I will be able to continue this story to its conclusion soon. I love you guys.

"It's done," Cassian said, leaning back in his chair and running his hands through his hair. "The coding for our new venture is finished."

Jyn looked over and smiled. "Seriously?"

"Seriously," Cassian said, smiling back at her. "You know what that means."

"Time to christen it," Jyn said, sighing. "The hardest part."

"I don't think it's hard at all," Cassian said. "I know exactly what to name it."

"And what is that?"

Cassian smiled at her. "Stardust."

Jyn's smile widened into a grin. "I like that."

"I thought you might," Cassian murmured, looking up when Luke peeked over the top of his workstation.

"Do we get to find out what the secret project is now, boss?" Luke asked, a smile on his face. "I'd kind of like to know what I'm going to be working on."

Cassian looked over at Jyn and she shrugged. "We've got the two best coders in the country working here in you and Luke. We should use Luke's talents on both ventures. We should use everyone's talents on both ventures."

Cassian thought about it for a moment before nodding. "You're right. We should. So what are we talking about then? New parent company, joint ownership?"

"New parent company, your ownership," Jyn said. "I'll be the main investor, and when the time is right, we'll move to a joint ownership scenario and bring Jedha under the fold as well."

Cassian sighed heavily. "Jedha is yours."

"But it should be yours."

Luke coughed and brought their attention back to him. "Before this gets awkward, can someone start telling me what I'm going to be working on?"

Cassian turned back to Luke and smiled. "It's a mobile app. It'll connect The Alliance and some of the end-user software Jedha has put out, but it's basically an instant messaging service, but instead of only with one person, you can put what you're saying out there to multiple people, even the entire world."

"That sounds awesome!" Luke exclaimed. "Can I be one of your betas? I want to start playing around with this now."

Cassian looked over at Jyn, and she just nodded. "Go grab your phone, Luke," she said. "You'll be our first beta tester."

"Awesome! Be right back!"

Cassian turned to Jyn as Luke walked away, shaking his head. "So what are we naming this new company now, hm? Since you once again have planned everything out without me."

"I have an idea about that actually," Jyn said. "Jeron Enterprises. And I did not plan everything out without you. It's an idea."

Cassian felt his heart soften the minute he heard his middle name, but that didn't stop him from driving home his point. "Yes, it's an idea, but it's a fully formed to the point of you having named the company idea. It's not a 'hey, Cassian, I've got this idea but I'm not a hundred percent sure of it, can we talk it out' idea. You've figured everything out already." 

"No, it's an idea that I have the barebones of, and when I mentioned it to you, you came up with almost the same scenario in less than ten seconds. You know how much would have to go into forming a company like that, and you know that I couldn't possibly have done that without you. I still don't know the inner workings of The Alliance the way that you do. There's no way I could have paperwork drawn up and money figured out, et cetera."

Cassian sighed. "You're right, I know you're right, but next time, talk to me about it first in private, okay? I'm sick of all of these awkward moments in front of everyone."

Jyn nodded. "Okay, I will, I promise. But since the idea is out there, what do you think?"

"I think a new company with joint ownership is a better way to go. We need to acknowledge that you're the majority owner of The Alliance in some way anyway."

"I am no more the majority owner of The Alliance than you are of Jedha in its current state."

"Jyn."

"Cassian."

"I don't have enough money to repay you for your investment in The Alliance. I can only do it in stock in the company."

"And I'm telling you that you don't need to do that. It's only been a matter of months. We have a plan in place that spans years."

"Alright, here's my phone," came Luke's voice, and he came bouncing around the side of the workstation. "This is going to be so cool, guys. So cool."

"We'll talk about this later," Cassian murmured, turning to face Luke. "Alright, Luke, give me the phone."


	25. Chapter 25

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I spent hours handwriting this chapter today, and then I felt good enough tonight to type it up, and I was so disappointed that it was so short because it felt like it should be much longer given how long I spent on it. Oh well. So, short chapter, but a chapter, which is progress, right? Yay. I am starting to have more days when I'm feeling better than when I'm not, so hopefully the next chapter will follow soon, and not in three months. But I make no promises.
> 
> Also, you guys are the absolute best. Thanks for sticking with me on this incredibly long journey.

“Ready?” Jyn asked, her chair swiveled around to look at Cassian.

Cassian took a couple of deep breaths before nodding. “I think so,” he murmured. “Luke? The Stardust app is in the store?”

“Went live about five minutes ago,” Luke called out. “We're ready.”

Cassian took another deep breath before nodding. “Then we're ready to go live. Proceed.”

Jyn grinned at him and turned to her computer, clicking through a few screens before looking back to Cassian. “The post is live on The Alliance. Shara?”

A few moments passed and then Shara called out. “The press release has been emailed out to all the major news outlets. I think we're fully live, boss.”

“We'll figure that out if people actually start buying it,” Cassian said. “Norra, you're monitoring?”

Norra started to speak but her attention was drawn to the inbox she'd set up specifically for Stardust. “Well, people are buying it,” she said. “We're at one hundred and seventy-eight sold already. Wait, make that two hundred and sixty. Hold on, four hundred at eighty. Seven hundred and ninety. Twelve hundred and thirty-six. Eighteen hundred and no, three thousand, I mean five thousand, no, ten thousand. Okay, this is going way too fast for me to keep up with. I'll try to get you an actual number as soon as this calms down.”

Jyn slid her chair over to where Cassian was sitting with a dumbfounded expression and took his hand. “See, I told you this was going to be fine.”

“I know, and I knew you were right, but I always am skeptical of my business ventures due to how The Alliance was doing before you got involved,” Cassian said. “But you always were the one with the business brain out of the two of us.”

“I may have the business brain, but none of this would be happening without you,” Jyn said. “You're the reason for all of this. Your ideas, your coding, your work, your genius. And I'm including Jedha in that.”

“Jedha has nothing to do with any of this,” Cassian said firmly. “And I don't want to talk about Jedha.”

“Jedha is a part of this though,” Jyn replied. “Jedha started all of this all those years ago.”

Cassian turned to look at her and sighed. “Not this again.”

“Cassian, it's the truth and you know it,” Jyn said. “Jedha and everything it has become is yours.”

“The Jedha that is mine is a bunch of unfinished code on an old laptop,” Cassian said, tangling his fingers with Jyn's. “The Jedha that exists is what you have made of it.”

Jyn stared at Cassian for a moment before leaning in and kissing him. “Maybe we can compromise?”

“Compromise how?”

“Jedha is ours,” Jyn said. “Part mine, part yours.”

Cassian sighed heavily. “Jyn.”

“Come on, darling,” Jyn pleaded. “It's the only solution to this situation.”

Cassian let his eyes close as Jyn leaned her forehead against his. “You don't understand.”

“Then make me.”

“Um, guys?”

They broke apart at the sound of Norra's voice, turning towards her.

“Yes, Norra?” Cassian asked.

“I figured it was time for a status update,” Norra said, looking down at the piece of paper in her hand.

“Already?” Jyn asked. “It's only been ten minutes.”

“Yeah, well, we passed a million downloads, so I thought that was worth reporting.”

Cassian's eyes went wide. “A million downloads? In ten minutes?”

“The Alliance has almost ten million users now,” Norra said. “It's not that surprising that that many would buy Stardust. The speed is surprising, but not the number.”

“Thank you, Norra,” Jyn said, and Norra nodded and walked away. “Darling, if we've sold a million units already...”

“And the app is five dollars apiece after we pay the app store fees...”

“That's five million dollars in ten minutes,” Jyn finished.

“Holy shit,” Cassian said, bringing his hands up to cover his face. “Jyn.”

"That's our first-month goal in ten minutes," Jyn said, laughing. "Well, Jeron Industries is officially profitable." 

“Jyn.”

“What?” she said, still laughing. “I'm serious.”

Cassian's response was interrupted by Bodhi's voice coming over the speakerphone. “Um, you've gotten like twenty phone calls asking for interviews, Cassian. Hera and I are doing our best up here, but a television crew just showed up outside and is walking towards the door and I can't get off the phone to talk to them so can someone please come help? Great, thanks!”

Jyn chuckled as Bodhi hung up, pulling Cassian's hands off his face before standing up. “I'll deal with the media. You try to keep calm. And I'm not forgetting our Jedha conversation either. We'll continue that later.”

Cassian watched her walked towards the front of the building, sighing as he realized this Jedha argument was one Jyn wasn't going to let him win.

*****

“I don't know what to do,” Cassian said, looking across the table at Chirrut. “I don't know how to solve this problem.”

“I believe I have told you many times what to do to solve this problem,” Chirrut said. “She will understand.”

“I'm not sure about that.”

“Goodness, Cassian, haven't you realized by now that this won't drive her away? I know that it was a fear, but honestly, son, this really is nothing compared to what she did to you.”

“What she did to me is the problem. She thinks she needs to give Jedha back to me.”

“And you think you don't deserve it, I know, I know, I know.”

“It's not that I don't deserve it. It's that I didn't earn it. I didn't create what made Jedha all that money. I may have created the skeleton of the code but Jyn did all the rest. Jyn did every single thing that made Jedha what it is, and I let go of any idea that Jedha was mine a long time ago. I see no need to have it suddenly handed back to me.”

“Ah, so that's the problem,” came Jyn's voice, and Cassian looked behind him to see her standing there with Baze, shopping bags in hand. “Darling, why didn't you just say so?”

“Because I didn't think you'd understand,” Cassian said, his eyes following her as Jyn walked with Baze into the kitchen and put the bags down. “You're always so insistent about Jedha.”

“And I still am, even more so now,” Jyn said, walking back into the room. “It's more important than ever that you have Jedha back.”

“Why? Why can you not just accept that it's yours?”

“Because I want to give you back what I took from you!” Jyn exclaimed. “And it was so much more than just Jedha! I took away your livelihood, I took your confidence, I took your heart and soul, I took everything! Everything! And so I want to give everything back to you and I'm trying to do it the best way I know how. But Jedha is a sticking point to me. It's yours, Cassian. It should be yours.”

Cassian sighed heavily as Chirrut put a hand up. “Jyn, please come sit down. There really is a very simple way to solve this.”

Cassian looked over at Chirrut as Jyn pulled out the chair next to him. “And what's that?”

“You need to combine your assets. All of them. Jedha, The Alliance, Stardust, your bank accounts, the penthouse, the lot that's going to become a house, everything.”

“Chirrut,” Cassian started, but Chirrut shook his head.

"You two are only ever going to be happy when you're equals, and you're only ever going to be equals when you combine everything and the easiest way of doing that is really very simple." 

“Marriage,” Jyn said.

“Yes,” Chirrut said. “I know there would be a ton of paperwork involved to combine all of your assets into one large trust, but it still is the simplest option.”

“Chirrut,” Cassian said, sighing heavily. “You know my feelings on this subject.”

“Then combine your assets without marriage. I'd be happy to advise on how to proceed.”

“Your law license expired years ago.”

“He renewed it last month,” Baze called out from the kitchen. “We needed some stuff done for the shop and we didn't trust anyone else to do it.”

“You didn't tell me that,” Cassian said.

“I didn't think it was necessary,” Chirrut responded.

“Chirrut, I appreciate you offering such a great solution to our current situation, but I know Cassian doesn't want to do that so...”

Cassian turned to Jyn. “You think I don't want to do what?”

“Share your entire life with me,” Jyn said, standing up. “And that's fine. I deserve it. Baze, you want some help?”

“Of course, little sister!”

“Jyn!” Cassian called out, but she just walked into the kitchen and started talking to Baze, ignoring him. 

Cassian turned to Chirrut and hissed. “Thanks a lot, Chirrut.”

“Oh no, son, this is not my fault. This is entirely your fault.”

“How is this my fault?”

“You're still unsure about her,” Chirrut said. “After everything, you still think she's going to leave and so you're not fully committing to Jyn. But I don't know what more she needs to do to prove to you that she's not going anywhere. I mean, she wants to give you a multi-million dollar corporation. And I know how much Jedha is worth because she told me.”

“She wants to give it to me because she feels guilty.”

“Of course she feels guilty. But she also loves you and wants to share everything with you. And you are refusing to let her.”

“You're making me feel terrible.”

“Good, you should.”

“Chirrut,” Cassian started, but Chirrut shook his head.

“Let yourself feel, Cassian. Let yourself love freely. It is the only way you will find peace.”

Cassian looked into the kitchen and watched Jyn for a moment before sighing. “So, what was up with the shop that you needed a lawyer for?”

Chirrut clicked his tongue disapprovingly. “Do not just ignore my advice. I don't want the Cassian from the coffee shop back.”

“Neither do I,” Cassian murmured. “Neither do I.”

*****

“Someone bailed Saw out.”

Cassian looked up from his laptop to see Jyn standing in the doorway of their bedroom, her dress half on, her makeup unfinished. “What?!”

“Obi-Wan just called me. Someone bailed Saw out.”

“Who?'

“We don't know,” Jyn said, walking into the room and climbing onto the bed next to him, settling along Cassian's side. “Obi-Wan's trying to find out.”

Cassian set the laptop aside and drew Jyn closer. “What does this mean?”

“It means something is going on that we don't know about,” Jyn said, burying her face in Cassian's neck. “We're not going anywhere until he's back in jail.”

“I agree,” Cassian said. “Can we have someone monitor the office? We might not be there but Saw still knows where it is.”

“Already thought of it,” Jyn mumbled into his skin. “Obi-Wan said he'll have police on their way there now.”

“We need to tell everyone.”

“In a minute,” Jyn said. “First kiss me.”

Cassian turned his head as Jyn lifted hers, and then their lips met. The simple kiss soon turned passionate, Jyn abandoning her spot at Cassian's side to crawl into his lap. They kissed and kissed until they reluctantly broke apart, gasping for air. Jyn moved in for more, but Cassian stopped her.

“We have to notify everyone headed to work,” Cassian said. “And we probably should call our friends too.”

“You're right, I know you're right,” Jyn said. “I'm just scared I'm going to lose you.”

“I'm not going anywhere,” Cassian murmured. “Except across the room to get my phone.”

Jyn nodded and moved off him, letting Cassian get up and walk across the room. Her eyes followed his every step until he was sitting back down beside her. She curled up along his side and listened as Cassian went through his contacts list and called everyone. When Cassian was done, he tossed the phone onto the bed and turned to Jyn. 

“Everyone is terrified for us,” he said, letting a hand tangle in Jyn's hair. “Shara said Kes has the day off so he's going to come into work with her.”

“That makes me feel a little better,” Jyn said, leaning into Cassian's touch. “I wish we could just close the office today but with Stardust just hitting the market...”

“There's no way we can,” Cassian finished. “They all understand the risks of going to work today, and they all said they would anyway.”

“We need to hire more people.”

“We can talk about that some other time,” Cassian said. “I won't be able to concentrate now.”

“I wonder who it could be,” Jyn said. “I never knew of any of Saw's friends that would have had that much money they could just put together for bail. That's why he was in jail for so long.”

“So you don't have any guesses?”

“None,” Jyn said. “Unless it's...”

“Unless it's who?”

Jyn just shook her head. “No one. He's a myth.”

“A myth.”

“You hear about him growing up in Onderon. This mysterious Count Dooku. No one has ever seen him, no one has ever spoken to him. He's just a myth.”

“Jyn, what about him made you think of him?”

“Saw just used to talk about him all the time,” Jyn said. “But he always told me that Dooku doesn't exist.”

“And what have we learned about what Saw has said to you?”

“Not to believe a word of it,” Jyn said. “I know, I know, but Dooku is a myth to everyone in Onderon, not just Saw.”

“That doesn't mean anything to me.”

Jyn reached for her phone when it started to ring, quickly answering it. “Obi-Wan. Please have good news.”

Cassian let his eyes close, halfheartedly listening to Jyn's half of the conversation. He snapped his eyes open when she screamed, finding her sitting there with tears streaming down her face, the phone dropped down to the bed. When she didn't respond to Cassian calling her name, he picked up the phone and asked Obi-Wan what was going on.

By the time he hung up the phone, he wanted to cry too. Instead, he just reached out and pulled Jyn into his arms, giving her a safe space for her tears to fall.

Galen Erso had gone missing, and there was probably only one person responsible for that.

Who was Cassian kidding? There was only one person responsible for it.

Saw Gerrera.


	26. Chapter 26

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello awesome nerds! I'm back with something resembling a chapter. i'm coming at this now with the perspective of one who has been literally sick since january 2017 in one way or another, and every time i seem to be getting better, something knocks me back down (this time it's mononucleosis at the age of 35. it's not just a teenager's kissing disease, folks.) and i struggle to get anything done. if you like it, please let me know via kudos or comment. i know that a lot of people ask you to do that for their stories, but for me those things really mean a lot right now, so if you could just take the time to let me know that you read it and liked it in some way, i would appreciate it.

After three days of hiding out in the penthouse, Cassian woke up and decided he was done. He let Jyn sleep as he got up, but he went about his normal daily routine – shower, breakfast, getting dressed for work. He was almost done getting dressed when Jyn woke, and she gave him a confused look.

“Darling, what are you doing?”

“I'm done,” Cassian said firmly, pulling a sweater over his head. “I refuse to let Saw ruin my life anymore.”

“What?”

“He is essentially holding us hostage, Jyn,” Cassian said, turning to look at her. “Just the thought of him is keeping us from living our lives. And I'm done. I'm over it. I cannot hide away anymore. If he's going to kill me, then he can goddamn come and kill me.”

“Cassian!” Jyn exclaimed, climbing out of bed and rushing over to him. “You don't mean that!”

“I can't live like this!” Cassian yelled. “I need to work! Working has been my life for a decade! It's been the only thing I had! And I cannot work from here, not anymore. I need to interact with Luke and the other coders and I need to approve graphics that Wedge and the team have come up with and I'm supposed to be interviewing people to help Shara and Norra, and I can't do any of that if I'm not at the office. So I'm going to the office, and nothing you say is going to stop me!”

Jyn reached up and tangled her hands in Cassian's long hair. “Hey, calm down, okay? Let's just talk for a minute, alright?”

Cassian took a deep breath and nodded. “Alright, talk.”

“I know this is hard,” Jyn said calmly. “I know that this is difficult. But I want you to be safe, Cassian. And you're not safe outside these walls.”

“I cannot stay here for another minute,” Cassian said, pleading with her. “I have to live, Jyn. If all of this has shown me one thing, it's that I have to live.”

Jyn leaned forward and kissed Cassian softly. “I understand that. I do. I'm just terrified of losing you.”

“And I'm terrified of dying. But I can't live in fear,” Cassian murmured softly. “I refuse to live in fear anymore. It's destroying me, Jyn. I've been destroyed before. I don't want to be destroyed again.”

Jyn stared at him for a moment before nodding. “Okay. Alright. We'll go to work today.”

Cassian swallowed hard. “Really?”

“Yes,” Jyn said. “But you're not going anywhere without me by your side.”

Cassian gave her a soft smile. “I think I can agree to that.”

“I love you, Cassian,” Jyn said, her eyes glowing. “I truly do.”

“I love you too, Jyn,” Cassian said, leaning forward and capturing her lips in a deep kiss. 

When they broke apart, Jyn started walking towards the shower. “I'll hurry so we can get to the office quickly.”

"Thank you," Cassian said as she disappeared into the en-suite. "I'll just finish getting dressed and then wait for you."

**********

“Four-thirty in the afternoon, Leia. I've got it,” Cassian said for what felt like the ten millionth time during their short conversation. “I will be there, I promise.”

Jyn glanced up as Cassian started pacing again, smiling sympathetically when Cassian gave her a pleading look. “Tell her you have to go,” she said softly.

“Leia, I have to go,” Cassian said, trying to quickly think of a reason. “Jyn and I have a conference call with...”

“A potential investor.”

“A potential investor,” Cassian said, breathing a sigh of relief moments later when he heard Leia accept the excuse. “Yes, Leia. Four-thirty tomorrow afternoon. I'll see you then.”

Jyn laughed as Cassian fell back onto the bed and tossed his phone to the side. “It's her wedding, darling. She wants everything to be perfect.”

"I know," Cassian said, tilting his head to look at Jyn. "But I don't need to be told eight thousand times that I need to be at the church by four-thirty tomorrow afternoon. I don't even know why I have to be there at four-thirty. The wedding isn't until seven-thirty. Whatever, she only goes into these detail-obsessed moods when Han has said something or done something to upset her, and I'm just hoping we get through the wedding without their dramatic bullshit erupting in the middle of it." 

Jyn set her laptop to the side and leaned forward, kissing Cassian softly. "She wants you there early because you are the one in charge of making sure everything is set up properly, and if something isn't right, there will be time to correct it before the guests start arriving. So show up by three-thirty tomorrow to help calm her down, and listen to her bitch about Han for a while. That usually helps diffuse the situation." 

Cassian sighed and ran his hands over his face. “This is either going to be a fairytale or a disaster.”

“Cassian.”

“Can we talk about something else?”

“We can talk about anything you like,” Jyn said, picking up the laptop and resuming her typing.

Cassian laid there for a minute before moving further onto the bed and settling next to Jyn. “What are you working on?”

“An email to a potential investor in Coruscant,” Jyn said. “If we can get this investor on board, we'll have a lot of cash reserves to expand Jeron Industries, hire a lot more employees, and develop both The Alliance and Stardust more.”

“Sounds good to me,” Cassian said, letting his eyes close. “I'm terrified by what you just said, but you're probably right about all of it.”

“Why are you so afraid of growing the company?” Jyn asked after a moment. “I don't understand it.”

Cassian laid there for a few minutes before sighing heavily. “Sometimes in the middle of the night, I convince myself this is all a dream and I'm about to wake up at that pathetic desk of mine in my old apartment, sofa shoved in between the servers, barely able to make rent every month if not enough people buy or renew paid accounts. And so there's still a part of me that hears investors and cash reserves and expansion and thinks how is this going to work when it all comes crashing back down and it's back to being me in an apartment with a shitty desk and a sofa shoved in between servers. And that is the truth.”

Jyn set her laptop to the side and shifted around until she was hovering over Cassian. “Open your eyes and look at me.”

Cassian opened his eyes to see Jyn above him, and the look in her eyes was one that he hadn't seen since that first week she'd been back in his life. It was a mixture of pain and guilt, and it wasn't that Jyn hadn't given him looks like that since, it was that it hadn't been to this depth. What Cassian had just said had obviously cut Jyn all the way down into her soul, and there was a part of Cassian that was still glad about that, that still felt like she deserved that. 

And Jyn's look and that part of Cassian were all the reminders he needed for why it was he wasn't ready to combine their lives together. It wasn't that he didn't want to share his life with Jyn – he did – it was that there was still this voice, however small it may be, in the back of his head telling him that she was going to leave again.

“I'm sorry,” Jyn said, and Cassian shook his head. 

“No, I don't want to hear 'I'm sorry.' We're beyond that,” Cassian said, reaching up to tangle a hand into her hair. "It's just...I want to trust you completely, Jyn. I want to believe every word that comes out of your mouth and I want to know deep in my soul that you'll be here in twenty years, fifty years, seventy years. And I just...don't. Not yet. There's still a part of me that thinks you're going to leave. And that part is getting smaller, it is. But it's still there. And I don't know when it'll be gone. But I'm past the point of needing an apology from you. I'm just not completely at the point of absolute trust yet." 

Jyn swallowed hard and let her forehead rest against Cassian's. “What can I say to help alleviate your fears?”

“I don't think you can say anything,” Cassian said. “As absolutely insane as it sounds, I honestly think that sometimes we just talk ourselves in circles and it just makes things worse. But when you're here, day after day, and you're doing things like taking care of me after I was shot or making me ASCII art in the evenings, and you're just being the partner that I always wanted you to be? That's when we make the most progress. So I guess I'm saying just keep doing what you're doing. Things are getting better, Jyn. I just don't know when they'll be completely healed.”

“Do you think they ever will be?” Jyn asked, her voice small. 

Cassian felt the weight of every word she'd just said, let it sink into his skin, then answered the question with complete honesty. “I don't know.”

Jyn nodded and pulled away, sitting back on the bed and picking up her laptop. She started typing and they existed in an uncomfortable silence for a long time before Cassian rolled over and looked at her.

“Things don't have to be completely healed to be okay,” he said, drawing Jyn's attention back to him. “I'm not trying to say things aren't okay, because they are. Things are great. My life is ten duodecillion times better than it was before you came back into it. Even with all of the bullshit drama we've had to deal with because of Saw. I wouldn't change it for anything. I wouldn't change you for anything. It's just me, Jyn. The problem's with me.”

“There's no problem with you,” Jyn said shakily. “The problem has always been me.”

"No, Jyn," Cassian said, shifting around until he was moving the laptop out of her lap and pulling her into his arms. "There is nothing wrong with you. And there's nothing wrong with me either. Not really. This isn't coming out the way I want it to. Basically, I just wanted you to understand why it is that I'm not asking you to marry me. I know that we're going to be asked eight billion times tomorrow at the wedding if it's our turn next, and I want you to understand why the answer is no." 

“I understand,” Jyn said, drawing Cassian into a kiss. “You're not ready. And that's fine. I'm not in any hurry. I'd rather have you stand in front of me and say you trust me completely than I would a diamond on my finger anyway. That would mean so much more.”

“And I know that someday I will get there,” Cassian said, kissing her again. “But it might be that I put that diamond on your finger first. I have no control of this timeline.”

“It's okay,” Jyn said, smiling shakily. “I understand. I do. This is just a hard subject for us.”

“I know it is,” Cassian said, pulling Jyn down to the bed. “I hate weddings.”

“Do you?” Jyn asked. “Why?”

“I've witnessed my parents' weddings several times,” Cassian said. “It's sort of soured me to the idea.”

“So you're a go down to the magistrate's office at city hall kind of guy, huh?”

“Most definitely,” Cassian said, turning to look at her. “But if you want a wedding, then we will have a wedding, Jyn.”

“I never had that wedding dream when I was a kid,” Jyn said. “I think city hall will be just fine for us.”

“Imperial Magazine will hate that they missed out on an exclusive photo opportunity,” Cassian laughed. 

“Oh yes,” Jyn said, giggling. “They'll probably have a photographer outside city hall anyway.”

“Too true,” Cassian said, smiling. “We're okay, right?”

“We're fine,” Jyn said, pushing Cassian onto his back and climbing on top of him. “If you'd like, I'll show you just how fine we are.”

Cassian let his body relax against the mattress as Jyn reached down and pulled her shirt over her head. “I like this idea very much.”


	27. Chapter 27

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey, what do you know, it's a chapter! sorry yet again for how long this has taken, but I was in broken computer hell for about six weeks and then I got really sick again (it's a recurring theme with me, isn't it?) but now I'm back to feeling better and hopefully I can get this story finished soon. There's not that much left to go, folks. I hope you enjoy it!
> 
> Also, it's totally coincidental that this part with the appearance of Detective Calrissian comes on the heels of them announcing that Billy Dee Williams is back as Lando in Episode IX. I love this coincidence though because I love me some Lando.

Cassian was hard at work on coding a new feature for The Alliance when the phone beeped and Bodhi's voice came through. 

“Hey Cassian, Detective Calrissian is here to talk to you and Jyn.”

Cassian paused at that. “He's here?”

“Yep. Looking at him right now.”

“I'll be up in a moment.”

Cassian took a deep breath and stood up, looking over at the meeting room where Jyn was in deep discussion with the new design team they'd hired to help Wedge out. He walked over to the meeting room and knocked on the glass wall, getting Jyn's attention. He watched as she excused herself for a moment before coming out of the room.

“I'm in the middle of a meeting, Cassian.”

"Detective Calrissian is here to talk to us," Cassian said as calmly as he could. "Like, standing in the entry waiting for us to come to get him." 

Jyn's eyes widened and she reached out and squeezed Cassian's hand. “I'll end the meeting. You go get him and I'll meet you in the office upstairs.”

Cassian nodded as she ducked back into the room and started walking towards the front. He only realized his hands were shaking when he reached for the doorknob and he paused, taking a couple of deep breaths before opening the door. 

He forced a smile onto his face when Detective Calrissian came into view. “Detective, come on back.”

Detective Calrissian walked through the door and gave him a nod. “Where is Miss Erso?”

“She's going to meet us upstairs in the office,” Cassian said. “Stairs are this way.”

Cassian pointed in the direction of the stairs and Detective Calrissian started walking in that direction, Cassian close behind. When they got up to the office, Jyn was standing inside, a worried expression on her face. 

“Detective Calrissian, it's good to see you,” Jyn said, reaching out and shaking his hand. “What brings you by?”

“I have some very important updates on the investigations,” Detective Calrissian said. “And I felt it was better to inform you of them in person instead of over the phone.”

Cassian reached out and grabbed Jyn's hand, swallowing hard. “Alright. I think we're ready to hear them.”

Jyn squeezed Cassian's hand. “It can't be anything too awful, right?”

Detective Calrissian let out a small laugh. “Oh no, Miss Erso. Actually, I think you'll find them to be quite good.”

“Good?” Cassian said, looking over at Jyn. “We haven't had good news in a long time.”

“Then it's time for some,” Detective Calrissian said. “We located Galen Erso earlier this morning.”

Jyn nearly collapsed with relief, Cassian's arm quickly coming around her waist to keep her standing. “Is he alright?”

“He's a little shaky but otherwise he's uninjured,” Detective Calrissian said. “Interrogations with the suspects we found with him were also fruitful.”

“Which means what exactly?” Cassian asked.

“It means that at approximately nine-twenty this morning, Saw Gerrera was apprehended in Onderon.”

Cassian felt such relief flow through him that he nearly collapsed as well. “You got him?”

“We got him,” Detective Calrissian said. “Along with a man who we've been after for a very, very long time.”

“Count Dooku,” Jyn murmured.

"Precisely," Detective Calrissian said. "That man has been slipping through all of our traps for the better part of thirty years. But with the help of Onderon police and the cooperation of the suspects we found with Mister Erso, we were able to locate them both and apprehend them without too much of a firefight. We caught them by surprise." 

Jyn let out a huge sob and Cassian immediately pulled her into his arms. Jyn buried her head in Cassian's neck and let the tears come while Cassian reached out with a free hand to shake Detective Calrissian's. 

“Thank you so much for coming and delivering the news, Detective.”

"I figured it wasn't something to pass along in a phone call. I think we'll also be able to bring in the rest of these so-called Partisans too. Our interrogations of the suspects we found with Mister Erso have been very enlightening," Detective Calrissian said. "If you'd like to come down to the station, I can arrange a reunion with Mister Erso." 

“I think that sounds like a wonderful idea,” Cassian said. “We'll head down there once our emotions are a little more in check.”

"I completely understand," Detective Calrissian said. "I'm glad that you two have had each other through this process. What Miss Erso has been through has been horrifying and then what you have been through, Mister Andor is just inexplicable from a rational point of view. But I learned a long time ago that there's no such thing as rational thinking when it comes to psychopaths. Unfortunately, you two got tied up with one." 

Jyn pulled back and gave Detective Calrissian a shaky smile. “Thank you, Detective, for everything you've done. My appreciation for your work on this goes beyond words.”

“It's my job, Miss Erso. And I take my job very seriously,” Detective Calrissian said, glancing at his watch. “Ask for me when you show up at the station and I'll get that meeting with Mister Erso set up. But for now, I've got to get back to work.”

Cassian reached out and shook his hand again. “Thank you, Detective.”

“See you two soon,” Detective Calrissian said, walking out of the room. 

Cassian turned to Jyn and took a deep breath. “They found him.”

“They found them both,” Jyn said. “All three of them. And now they're maybe going to get all of the Partisans, which means that they'll all be off the street.”

“I'll be honest,” Cassian said. “I wasn't sure I'd ever see this day.”

“I wasn't either,” Jyn murmured, her eyes filling with tears again. “Now we just have to make sure that they're all put away for life and we might actually get to have one again.”

Cassian pulled Jyn back into his arms and kissed her softly. “I'm looking forward to getting back to real life. These past few months have felt like I was living inside a horrible video game or something.”

Jyn chuckled. “I would have said mob movie, but a horrible video game is a good description too.”

Cassian tilted his head slightly to the left. “No, you're right. Mob movie is better.”

Jyn just shook her head and kissed Cassian again. “Can we go see Galen now?”

“We have meetings all day,” Cassian said before smiling at her. “But this is way more important than some meetings we can reschedule.”

Jyn smiled back at him. “I'll get Hera on rescheduling everything. Do you want to drive?”

Cassian let out a small laugh. “You're just trying to get me to drive your Mustafar so I get addicted to them and let you buy me one.”

“Maybe,” Jyn said coyly. “Is it working?”

Cassian sighed and started walking towards the door. “Maybe.”

Jyn just laughed and followed him out of the room. “So can I order you one then?”

Cassian paused at the top of the stairs. “So long as we work out a payment plan.”

“It's a gift, Cassian.”

“It's a four hundred thousand dollar car,” Cassian said.

“And it's still a gift,” Jyn said. “You've been through so much, darling. Let me treat you to this, at least.”

Cassian started walking down the stairs before pausing halfway down. “Okay.”

Jyn's eyes widened. “Really?”

“Really,” Cassian said. “I'm going to regret this in about six hours so I'd get to work on ordering it before I change my mind.”

Jyn walked down to where Cassian was standing and gave him a kiss. “You're not going to regret this. And you're totally driving to the station so you can get more used to the car.”

“Fine,” Cassian said, walking down the rest of the stairs. “I'll drive. And you win this round.”

“It's not about winning, darling. It's about giving you what you deserve, and that is the world, especially after what you have been through.”

“You've been through it too.”

“I know,” Jyn said. “That's why I'm buying myself a new Mustafar too.”

Cassian just laughed. “Of course you are.”

*****

The door opened and Galen Erso came into view. Jyn immediately let go of Cassian's hand and rushed over to him, throwing her arms around him in a tight embrace. Galen wrapped his arms around her as well, pressing a kiss to the top of her head. 

“Hello, Stardust.”

“Hello, Papa,” Jyn got out before she started crying again. 

“Oh, Stardust, there's no reason to cry. Everything is okay now.”

“He almost took you away from me again,” Jyn barely got out. “I can't go through that again.”

“You won't have to, sweetheart,” Galen said, pressing another kiss to the top of her head. “I'm fine.”

Cassian closed the door behind him and Galen looked up at the sound. “Cassian. It's wonderful to see you again.”

“It's great to see you, Galen,” Cassian said, walking over to them. “We were so relieved to find out that you were unharmed.”

“A little scared but that's it,” Galen said. “It's not pleasant being tied up for a week, but the people I was with seemed to genuinely want to help me once they explained the situation to me.”

Jyn pulled back at that. “What situation?”

Galen sighed heavily. “Saw called me after he was bailed out and said that he wanted to apologize in person for what he had done in taking you away from me. I suppose I should have known that it was a bad idea but I was really interested in what he had to say so I agreed to meet him. Well, I never saw him, but these two that were with me said they were under orders to kill me but the two of them wavered. So I started talking to them about you, Stardust, and everything that you and Cassian have been through. And I think I managed to turn them against Saw. They certainly never did anything to me and I understand they are being quite cooperative with the police now.”

Jyn threw her arms around Galen again. “Well, I'm glad that you were able to do that,” she said around the fresh tears that were falling. “Because I don't know what I would have done if they'd gone through with it.”

“That's something we don't even have to think about, Stardust, so let's just not do that, okay?” Galen smiled at Cassian as Jyn let out another sob. “Instead, I'd like to sit and talk to you about this new business venture of yours. I understand from speaking to Detective Calrissian and the others here that it's become very popular.”

Cassian was surprised at that. “Really?”

“According to Detective Calrissian, it's become a great tool for them. They got the tip of where I was from someone's post on Stardust.”

Cassian was blown away by the idea that something they'd created was being used as a tool by the police. “Wow, I certainly wasn't expecting to hear that.”

“I think you underestimate your abilities,” Galen said. “Given everything Jyn has told me, and things that you yourself have said, it just sounds like you won't give yourself credit for how successful your business ventures have become.”

“She's the one with the business brain, not me,” Cassian said, motioning towards Jyn. “She's the reason it's going so well.”

“Perhaps she has the business brain out of the two of you, but her business brain would mean nothing if you hadn't come up with things that are useful to society. You can't market things that don't make sense.”

Jyn pulled back, sniffling. “I try to tell him that all the time, but he never listens.”

“Well maybe he'll listen to his father-in-law then,” Galen said, motioning towards the chairs. “Shall we sit down and talk? I really do want to hear more about this app you've created. I'm curious if it will be useful to me and my research.”

Jyn looked over at Cassian, who just nodded. “If that's what you want to do, Galen, then that's what we'll do.”

Jyn turned to Galen and smiled. “It'll be nice to talk to someone who is genuinely interested in it. Saw always tuned out when I started talking computer stuff to him.”

“I will always be interested in everything you do,” Galen said, sitting down in one of the chairs. “I may not understand all the computer jargon you use, but then again, I don't think you understand much about my research when I talk to you about it. I think that's a fair trade.”

Cassian laughed as he sat down. “A fair trade indeed.”


	28. Chapter 28

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> just an fyi - I went back and deleted my "chapter" about a hiatus because this story is almost over and it makes no sense to leave it in there, so if you'd thought you'd already read chapter 27, go back and read it because it's really a new chapter of the story. plus reading that chapter will make this one make a bit more sense. 
> 
> also, we've only got one more chapter to go, folks. and that chapter is coming tomorrow.

It took four and a half months after Saw was apprehended and locked up without the possibility of bail before Cassian woke up in the morning and didn't feel scared. He laid there in bed and thought about the absolute peace that had overtaken him and a smile spread across his face.

His newfound peace continued the day after that, and the day after that, and the day after that. He stopped counting the days when it reached a month, and then one month became two and then three.

And that's when Jyn woke up in the morning and looked over at Cassian and gave him the most brilliant smile he thought he'd ever seen from her. 

“I'm not scared,” Jyn murmured before leaning in for a kiss. “I'm not scared, Cassian.”

Jyn's eyes were filled with such content that Cassian realized that this was what real life must feel like. It felt like waking up without fear coursing through him and with a woman next to him in bed that was going to stay there for the rest of her life. And it was at that moment when Cassian realized that all of his fear was gone. Not just the fear about Saw, but the fear about Jyn too.

“I'm not scared either,” Cassian murmured back. “About anything.”

Jyn gave him a quizzical look and Cassian just smiled at her. “You're not going to leave me.”

“I've told you that since the very beginning,” Jyn said, confused. “Of course I'm not going to leave you.”

“And for once I fully believe that,” Cassian said. “I'm not afraid of you leaving anymore, Jyn. You're not going to leave me.”

It took a moment for that to sink in, but then Jyn was sliding across the bed and kissing Cassian deeply. “Took you long enough.”

“Well, I was a little preoccupied with other things,” Cassian said, wrapping his arms around Jyn's waist and pulling her on top of him. “But now that I'm not, I realize that all of the fear is gone, Jyn. You're here and you're going to be here and I'm not afraid that you're going to leave. And it's so freeing to be able to feel this way. I've been trapped by fear since the moment you walked back into my life, and the peace that I feel now is so, so welcomed.”

“You could have just believed me,” Jyn murmured, settling her head on Cassian's shoulder. “But I also completely understand why you didn't.”

“No, you're right. I could have just believed you. I could have believed you when you were by my side after the explosion, and I could have believed you when you were by my side after the shooting, and I really could have believed you when they started building the house. I didn't then but now I do.”

“And really, that's all that's important,” Jyn said, pressing a kiss to Cassian's chest. “I love you, Cassian. I always have and I always will.”

“I love you too,” Cassian murmured softly. “I always have and I always will.”

They laid there in silence for a few minutes before Cassian spoke again. “So, what shall we do with our newfound peace of mind?”

Jyn laughed. “Honestly? I have absolutely no idea.”

Cassian laughed as well. “I have no idea either.”

“We're supposed to go over to Chirrut and Baze's for lunch,” Jyn said. “Maybe we'll figure it out by then.”

“Somehow I doubt that,” Cassian said, “because I'm at an absolute loss when it comes to ideas right now.”

“Ideas about this. Not ideas for Jeron.”

Cassian laughed again. “No, I'm not out of ideas for Jeron. In fact, I thought up a possible name for our newest venture.”

“And what is that?”

“Rogue,” Cassian said simply. “And since this is the first addition, I thought we could call it Rogue One.”

Jyn smiled. “I like that. It fits the aesthetic nicely. I think this is really going to be a very successful venture.”

“I'm glad you do,” Cassian said. “I'm still worried about the music licensing.”

“The music licensing is easy,” Jyn said. “We already have an existing relationship with all of the major labels due to the personalized playlists option on The Alliance. And our relationships with the smaller labels is growing by the day. They've all jumped at the possibility of being involved in this new venture already.”

“If you say so.”

“I do say so,” Jyn said, shifting around so she was looking down at Cassian. “And I mean it. We've got a whole department working on it. It'll be fine.”

Cassian just nodded. “I'm still not used to all of this.”

“I know you're not,” Jyn said. “But everything is okay, Cassian. Jeron is extremely successful, The Alliance is growing bigger by the day, and you're now a very rich man. In fact, I wanted to talk to you about that.”

Cassian chuckled. “About me being a very rich man?”

“No, silly,” Jyn said, smiling at him. “I want to pull my investment. I think it's time. I'll still be involved on a day to day basis just like I am now, and if you want we can negotiate a salary for me. But I see no reason to do that.”

Cassian stared up at her for a moment before sighing heavily. “Jyn.”

“What? I promised you that once The Alliance was successful I'd pull my investment. And it's been successful for awhile now, and I just think it's time.”

“I appreciate what you're doing,” Cassian said. “But no.”

Jyn gave him a confused look. “What do you mean, no?”

“I have a better idea,” Cassian said. 

“And what is this better idea?”

“We have danced around the subject of completely combining our lives for a very, very long time. I don't want to dance around it anymore. And so I don't see any reason for you to pull your investment in The Alliance when I'm planning on making you a co-owner of it.”

Jyn stared down at him before swallowing hard. “You're ready to combine our lives?”

“Yes.”

“You realize that part of that means Jedha, right?”

Cassian paused for a moment then gave Jyn the most truthful gaze he could muster. “Yes. The beginnings of The Alliance was my idea, and the rest has been a success with your input and advice and honestly wouldn't be that way without you. Jeron wouldn't be what it is without you and me. And that's also the truth when it comes to Jedha. It's part you, it's part me. There still stuff I coded in my dorm room that's in every piece of software you sell. And I told you a long time ago that I was going to ask you to go in on the business with me. So despite the fact I have protested about this for months, I feel like now is a good time to say okay, it's time. Let's combine everything.”

Jyn looked at him for a moment before laughing. “Have you finally lost your mind?”

“It probably sounds that way,” Cassian said, smiling. “But no, Jyn. I've just finally gotten to a place where I trust you completely.”

Jyn's breath caught in her throat and she felt tears coming to her eyes. “What did you just say?”

“I said I trust you, Jyn Erso. I trust you more than I trust anyone in this world. And I have complete faith that you are never going to break that trust,” Cassian said, reaching up to tangle his hands in her hair. “I love you and I trust you.”

“I think that's the best thing you've ever said to me,” Jyn mumbled as she pressed her lips to Cassian's. “It means so much to me, darling. You have no idea.”

“No, I think I do,” Cassian said as they broke apart. “And it's something I should have said to you months ago, but I just wasn't ready.”

They both were startled when Cassian's phone started ringing, the latest Biggs Darklighter song blaring out from the small device. 

“That's probably Bodhi,” Cassian said. “Do you think he really did it?”

Jyn's phone started ringing a moment later, classical music filling the air. “That's probably Hera. I certainly hope he did. I know she'd say yes.”

Cassian reached for his phone as Jyn reached for hers, and they settled against each other as they answered them and listened as an excited Bodhi and an over the moon Hera started talking rapidly about their engagement. After a few minutes, Cassian took the phone away from his ear and bent down to kiss Jyn. 

“You know everyone is going to ask if we're next.”

“Probably.”

“Maybe they're right.”

Before Jyn could respond, Cassian brought the phone back to his ear and started asking Bodhi about how he popped the question. Jyn stared at him for a few moments before breaking out into a huge grin and settled back along his side, listening to Hera go on and on about her ring.

Cassian loved her. This she already knew.

But Cassian trusted her.

Jyn had loved Cassian Andor for a very long time, but she'd never loved him more than she did at that moment. Hearing that she had his trust was the best thing in the world, and despite the fact that Cassian was hinting at marriage and talking about combining their lives, Jyn was happy with this moment in time. If it never got better than this, she would be happy. 

But she had a feeling it was going to get better than this.

*****

Cassian walked out of the courthouse and didn't care one bit about the cameras that were snapping away. Orson Krennic himself could stand in front of Cassian at that exact moment telling him he had some exclusive about him or Jyn cheating on the other and he wouldn't care. The only thing in the world that mattered to him at that moment was the words the lead juror had said minutes earlier.

_We the jury find the defendant guilty._

Saw was going to spend the rest of his life in prison, most likely in solitary confinement like he had been held in since his arrest, and he would never be able to do anything to hurt them again.

He pulled Jyn closer to him as Hera pulled the car up to the curb and smiled as they walked down the steps. Reporters called out their names and the cameras' flashes blinded him, but Cassian still didn't care. 

Hera opened the door to the car and Cassian helped Jyn get in first. Once he was in the car and the door was shut, he took a deep breath and realized his hands were shaking. 

It was over. It was finally, completely, over.

Jyn reached out and took Cassian's hand in hers, squeezing it gently as Hera started to drive away. “Obi-Wan will take care of talking to the press.”

“I don't care.”

“They'll probably still be hounding us for interviews though. We should probably consider giving one just to get them off our backs.”

“That's a good idea.”

Jyn looked over at Cassian and shook her head. “Do you even realized what you just agreed to?”

“No,” Cassian said. “It's over, Jyn. I don't care about anything else but that at the moment.”

Jyn slid closer to him and put her head on Cassian's shoulder. “I know. I'm trying to focus on other things though.”

“Why?”

“Because if I don't I'm going to cry and I really don't want to do that until we're back in the house and it's just the two of us.”

Cassian bent down and pressed a kiss to Jyn's hair. “I understand, darling. I really do. I think I might do the same.”

“You know what we should do afterward though? We should sit on our porch swing.”

“I thought that was for when we were seventy.”

Jyn playfully elbowed Cassian in the ribs. “I said I still wanted to be sitting in it when we're seventy. That didn't mean we don't sit in it until then.”

“I know, I know. I'm joking,” Cassian said. “And I think that's a great idea. I might want to work more later though.”

“Cassian, we have the rest of our lives to unpack those boxes. For now, for today, let's just take the time to enjoy the fact that this nightmare that has been our lives for the past year is over.”

“Okay,” Cassian murmured. “I can do that.”

“Good,” Jyn said, sighing. “I thought there might be part of me that hurt today. The part of me that always loved him despite the fact that I hated him too. But I don't. He's getting what he deserves.”

“I think that part of you died a long time ago,” Cassian said, squeezing her hand.

“I think it did too,” Jyn said. “Makes room for other things.”

“Like what?”

“Like our puppy,” Jyn said, making Cassian laugh.

“What does Jar-Jar have to do with this?”

“He's a symbol,” Jyn said. “A brand new life to symbolize our brand new life. A life without having to worry about who might hurt us at every turn.”

Cassian smiled. “I like the sound of that.”

“Besides, he's completely adorable and is probably waiting impatiently for us to get home.”

“I wonder what he's destroyed this time.”

“Probably those empty boxes.”

“I hope that's all,” Cassian murmured. “I'm not going to be happy if he chews up any more of your ASCII art.”

“It was just one.”

“Doesn't matter. I keep them all.”

“Hey guys,” Hera called out from the front seat. “Do you want to swing by the office and see everyone or just head home?”

“Just head home,” Jyn said. “We'll see everyone tomorrow.”

“Alright, I'll text Bodhi and let him know you're not coming by. He'll be dying to come over tonight and hear how everything went down though.”

“Tell him he can do that at our Saturday dinner this week,” Cassian said. “Jyn and I need to be by ourselves tonight.”

“Got it,” Hera said, turning the radio back up.

Jyn listened to the song for a few seconds before turning towards Cassian with a smile. “I've got an idea.”

“What now?”

“No, I think you're going to like this one.”

“Alright, what is it?”

“I think we should go to a Biggs Darklighter concert. Just like we were going to do all those years ago when we were in university but never did.”

Cassian laughed. “We can afford much better seats now.”

“I can probably snag us some backstage passes too, make it so you finally get to meet the band.”

“We should go to the theater in Naboo too. I know you've been wanting to see that play about the Massassi Temple.”

“I'd like that,” Jyn said. “I'd like that a lot.”

“You know what, Jyn? I think that this is a great idea.”

“Really?”

“Yeah,” Cassian said. “We can have fun now. It's over.”

Jyn settled back along his side and smiled. “Yeah, it's over. Alright, I'll arrange for it.”


	29. Chapter 29

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this has been such a journey, you guys. between me and all my hiatuses and you guys and your comments, this story has meant more to me than I think anyone will ever realize. thank you so much for appreciating something that I decided to share with the world, because sharing stuff with the world is not easy for me. I mean everything I say from the bottom of my heart, and it's truly all of you that are the reason this story has been completed, because if I thought no one was reading, no one was invested, I probably would have just pulled it off here and never finished it. I love each and every one of you who has commented, left a kudos, or just read along silently. I will remember this story and all of your comments for a very long time. I hope you enjoy this one last little bit I had left to tell.
> 
> love always,  
> Adelia

**five years later..........**

“The day is finally here.”

Cassian stood in front of the full-length mirror, smoothing down the lapels of his tuxedo jacket and straightening his tie. “That it is. You nervous?”

“More than nervous,” Bodhi said. “I think I might faint.”

Cassian stepped away from the mirror and walked over to Bodhi, pulling his hands away from his tie and doing it up himself. “You're not going to faint.”

“How can you say that so certainly?” Bodhi asked, worry evident in his eyes. “I am terrified that something is going to go wrong. We've had so little time to prepare.”

“Nothing is going to go wrong,” Cassian soothed. “And you shouldn't be this nervous anyway. It's not your wedding. Now take a deep breath and relax.”

Bodhi put his shaking hands on Cassian's arms, forcing himself to take a deep breath and then another. “I'm not sure that I was this nervous at my wedding,” he tried to joke, taking another deep breath when Cassian laughed. “I just want everything to be perfect.”

“Everything is going to be perfect,” Cassian said, finishing up Bodhi's tie and pulling him into a hug. “We have been here all day to make sure everything is perfect. Now calm down or I'm going to have to go get Jyn.”

“You can't!” Bodhi declared, pulling back and shaking his head. “You can't go in there!”

“Bodhi,” Cassian said, shaking his head. “Such a traditionalist. Why can't I go in there? What's stopping me from going in there?”

“Oh fuck off,” Bodhi said, reaching for the table next to them and picking up one of the lilies. “These go on our lapels.”

“I know that,” Cassian said, reaching for one only to have Bodhi slap at his hands. “What?”

Bodhi clicked his tongue disapprovingly as he reached for a pin and then brought his hands up to Cassian's lapel. “I'll do it. You'll get it all crooked like you did at my wedding.”

“Fine,” Cassian said, glancing over his shoulder when he heard the door open, smiling as Jyn came into view. “You look amazing.”

“What are you doing in here?!” Bodhi exclaimed. “You're supposed to be with Mara and Leia!”

“I am here,” Jyn said, walking towards them, “because you two are not doing your job of keeping Luke in here. He came knocking at the door wanting to talk to Mara. So Mara kicked us out after she promised that she wouldn't let Luke inside, and then Ben said he wanted to practice walking down the aisle, so Leia took Ben to do that and I came in here.”

Cassian turned his gaze back to Bodhi as Jyn wrapped her arms around his waist, and he couldn't help but smile in response to the grin on his friend's face. “Ben looks adorable, I'm sure.”

“Of course he does. Leia said they spent a small fortune on that tux and those shoes,” Jyn stated. “She wanted to get him something different but Ben picked those out and would not negotiate.”

Cassian bit back a laugh. “Negotiate? He's three, Jyn. He doesn't even know what negotiations are.”

“Well, for not knowing what they are, he certain participates in them often. And he's already as stubborn as his father,” Jyn said, smiling. “He's looking and acting more like Han every day.”

Bodhi tapped on Cassian's chest as he finished with the pin and looked at his watch. “I'm going to go check on my family and then haul Luke back in here. The wedding starts in half an hour, he can see Mara all he wants then.”

Jyn laughed softly as Bodhi made his way out of the room, pressing a kiss to Cassian's neck. “He's wound up.”

“He's been wound up since the moment Luke and Mara announced they were getting married,” Cassian said, spinning around in Jyn's embrace. “And when he heard the date, he practically screamed. 'A month! How can you plan a wedding in a month?' It was quite hysterical. I'm sorry you missed it.”

“So am I,” Jyn murmured, pressing their lips together. 

Cassian sighed into the kiss, bringing his arms up to wrap around Jyn's shoulders and pull her closer. The kiss was gentle and lazy, familiar and loving and everything Cassian had missed. "I'm so glad you're home," he whispered once they broke apart. "I missed you so much." 

“Me too,” Jyn said, kissing Cassian again. “Next time I go to Mimban to negotiate with investors, you're definitely coming with me. You'd love some of the places I visited. Plus, they all want to meet you after I stressed that you're the real creator in this venture.”

“Then next time schedule the trip for a time in which I can go,” Cassian said softly. “I had too many meetings scheduled for while you were gone, and they were important ones about rolling out Phase Five of Stardust.”

“I know and I will, I promise. It's just that this was the only time I could get Dryden Vos to meet with me, and w—”

“We need his investment if we're going to expand into the Mimbanian market,” Cassian finished. “I still can't believe we're even discussing that prospect, let alone actually doing it. It's still just my stupid website that I started to occupy my time and because I was too lazy to get a real job.”

“No, it's your unbelievable brilliance and skills combined with my business brain which has created one of the best known and most used social networks in the world,” Jyn said. “You're not running The Alliance off a couple of servers in an apartment anymore, Cas.”

“I know, I know,” Cassian said, smiling. “I just never thought it would be a success, you know? Hell, I never even thought Jedha would be a success.”

“And yet that's what they are.”

“Because of you.”

“No, because of you.”

Cassian sighed and shook his head. “Compromise? They are successful because of both of us?”

“Deal,” Jyn said, letting go of Cassian and walking in front of the mirror. “Thank God we decided not to do this when we got married.”

“Shh,” Cassian hissed, looking back towards the door. “I thought we were keeping that a secret.”

Jyn grinned. “We are. They are going to bombard us with questions about when we're finally going to make things official, and they're never going to know that we already have.”

“Someone is going to figure it out someday,” Cassian said, walking up behind Jyn and taking in their reflections. “We may have kept it private by getting married in Eadu with just Galen as a witness, but the moment we tell everyone our other news, everyone is going to know.”

Jyn met Cassian's eyes in the mirror. “We still don't know if it's true or not.”

“Jyn, you took twenty home tests. Twenty,” Cassian said softly. “Besides, I'm nearing forty. I want to be able to play with our kids, not be some old man who can't pick them up when they want to be held because of a bad back or not be able to get down on the floor with them to play blocks because of rickety knees. Everyone knows that. And seeing Leia and Han with Ben and how it's strengthened the bond between them, I'm really looking forward to that kind of bond with you.”

Jyn turned around and kissed Cassian, tangling her fingers in his hair. “You think we're ready for this?”

“I think we've been ready for years,” Cassian replied, staring deep into Jyn's eyes. “We've got the house with the backyard and the swing set, we've got rings that we never wear but still signify something extremely important, we've got an extremely successful company that practically runs itself, and we've got each other. What more do we need?”

Jyn brought their lips together, sighing happily when Cassian quickly deepened the kiss. She let her fingers slide out of Cassian's hair and curve around the back of his neck, gently tracing patterns into his skin. They broke apart when the door swung open, both turning to look as Leia walked into the room, Ben bouncing happily in her arms.

“Cassian! Jyn!” Ben exclaimed, reaching towards them as Leia approached where they were standing. “Hi!”

“Hi sweetheart,” Jyn said, holding out her arms and taking him from Leia. “You look great. Like a mini model.”

Ben laughed and wrapped his little arms around Jyn's neck. “That's what Kay said!”

“Where is your lily, sweetheart?” Jyn asked, glancing over at Leia. “Mara will have a fit if he isn't wearing it. I already listened to her go on and on about it with Shara.”

"Argh, of course, she did. She doesn't care that he keeps pulling it off," Leia said, walking towards the door. "Han has it, I think. Keep him for a minute while I go get it?" 

“Like you have to ask that,” Cassian called out, smiling at the sight of Ben in Jyn's arms. “Are you ready to walk down the aisle, Ben?”

“Uh huh,” he said, nodding his head. “I just pracaticed! I all ready!”

Cassian pressed a kiss to his cheek as the door opened again, Han walking into the room. “Leia just left to look for you. She thought you had his lily.”

“We passed each other in the hall,” Han said, holding up the flower. “She went to go haul Luke away from the door to Mara's room. Was she this bad before our wedding?”

“Yes,” Cassian and Jyn said at the same time, both laughing.

Han reached out and took Ben from Jyn's arms. “I'm glad that I didn't have to deal with that,” he said, tucking some of Ben's hair behind his ear. “Let's go find Mama and put your flower back on.”

“Okay,” Ben said, waving at Cassian and Jyn. “Bye!”

“Bye,” they both said, waving back as they walked out of the room. 

Jyn turned back to Cassian the moment the door closed, reaching for his hands and squeezing gently. “My doctor's appointment is tomorrow.”

“And they will just confirm what we already know,” Cassian said as he pulled Jyn into his arms. “And then we will announce it the way we planned.”

“No one will be expecting that staff post on The Alliance tomorrow, I can guarantee you that,” Jyn said, putting her head on his shoulder. “I can't wait to start this new chapter of our lives together with you, Papa.”

Cassian grinned. “Me either, Mama.”

**End.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh, and I have another rebelcaptain idea. so that is probably coming soon.


End file.
